by Jim Sano
“I thought with you guys there were no options, no choices?”
“There are options. There is also a place that can help you with things along the way. They are comfortable people and very good at helping where you need help.” Marie followed Tom into the rectory and noticed Luke sitting at the kitchen table cutting an apple into slices and eating them one by one. Marie’s eyes caught Luke’s for a second and Tom said, “Luke, this is Marie. Marie, this is my smarter and more handsome brother, Luke.”
Luke stood up and reached out his hand to Marie and chatted as Tom grabbed a card from his office. Tom came back out. “Marie, I would give them a call. They are close by and very easy to talk to. On the back of the card is my number, and I’d be more than happy to have a talk anytime if that would help. You will be okay, even with your parents.” Marie thanked Tom, leaving with a look of emotional exhaustion as she closed the door.
Tom was thinking of what Marie was facing in the years ahead. The easy fix wasn’t really so easy nor one of the options in Tom’s mind. The card he had given Marie was for an Order that donated half of the convent to communal living and support services for young, pregnant women searching for help and direction.
He turned his attention to his brother. “Luke, you need something more than that for dinner. Let me cook you up some chicken cutlets and rice while you tell me how your day went.”
“You really believe this stuff, don’t you?”
“Believe what stuff?”
“You really believe that your Church and Jesus are the same things and that we can be happy if we just trust and follow.”
“I guess that is one way to summarize it. Why do you ask?”
“I don’t know. I guess I don’t want to end up being a lazy lake.”
Tom always knew there was more to his brother than he often let on, and Luke always found a way to surprise him.
Chapter 22
David had plenty of ways to keep himself busy, but none satisfied this odd stirring within him this morning. He ran several miles in the morning along the Charles River. The warm weather brought people onto the banks of the Charles to sit on the grass and watch the crew teams row. Many bikers and runners were also out to enjoy a late taste of summer.
When he returned to his apartment, it felt empty and uncomfortably quiet. For the first time in many years, he felt alone and even lonely.
He remembered sitting in the dark of his room when he was eight, traumatized and incredibly alone after the sudden loss of his brother and father from his life. It had taken him a while to process the fact that they would never be back. He had to adapt somehow to cope with the overwhelming feelings of loss and the anxiety about life in front of him. Over time, he adapted his mindset and energies to protect himself from those feelings—the same feelings that were again beginning to seep in through the costly walls of his personal fortress. He had learned well to operate outside of those walls, but no one was allowed inside. Kathleen had come the closest. Jillian was heading in that direction, and now Tom was knocking on those large thick fortress doors, and to his surprise, David saw himself beginning to open the sealed doors a crack to answer.
It was too inviting a day to be inside, and while Trooper looked as if he couldn’t care less, David thought it would be good to take him for a long walk and maybe even play in the park.
Once outside, the sun felt good to both of them as Trooper walked alongside rather than in front of him. He found himself walking past the street of Tom’s parish and stopped with Trooper. “What do you think, boy? Trooper didn’t hesitate and sprang down the street before David could convince him to head in the other direction. As St. Anthony’s Church came into view, he saw Tom come out with two folding chairs and a sandwich board, setting them up on the sidewalk in front of the church. David made out the words on the board that read: Got questions, comments or issues?
Tom sat waiting for a passerby to stop and talk. David wasn’t surprised that Tom would do something out-of-the-box like this to provide people with an opportunity to ask questions in a way that was convenient and comfortable for them.
David held back with Trooper to see if anyone would stop. Soon a young student with a backpack, wearing a beard, stopped to read the sign and then chatted with Tom. Tom motioned him to sit. For a while, they talked and gestured back and forth. Several other people stopped and asked questions and then moved along.
Just when David was ready to start walking again, he noticed a man approaching Tom, and instead of shaking his hand, the man spit in Tom’s face and made an angry gesture before moving on. Tom stood up and pulled a white handkerchief out of his back pocket to wipe off his face. David waited for him to yell something back at the man, but he never did. He felt both sad for Tom and angry at the man, but also wondered what it was about – the abuse scandal or a personal experience that he was taking out on Tom? David thought he had plenty of gripes with the Church, but Tom was now a real person to him, maybe even a friend. Not wanting to embarrass Tom, despite Trooper’s pull to walk towards the church, David turned around and walked down another street to return home.
He kept thinking about the incident and decided to give Tom a call at the rectory.
Tom answered the phone on the second ring. “St. Anthony’s. This is Father Tom. How can I help you?”
“Hey, Tom. It’s David.”
“Hey, I’m glad you called. I hope you are enjoying our ‘summer’ weather!”
David thought he was more upset with what happened than Tom seemed to be himself. “I am. How about yourself?”
“Great. So, what’s up?”
David wasn’t sure exactly why he called. “I was wondering if you might be free for dinner tonight. Just something casual.”
“That sounds good. Normally, I’d be celebrating Mass tonight, but we have a visiting priest helping out and he’ll be on duty. I was planning on seeing my brother. You met Luke the other day. Would it be okay if he joined us?”
“Absolutely. Hopefully, I’m not encroaching on your time with him.”
“Not at all. The more the merrier. I’m meeting him down at the corner of Hanover and Richmond at six o’clock if that works for you. It should be a perfect night for the North End, don’t you think?”
David could almost hear his heart beating in his chest. He felt frozen for a second, picturing the streets he tried to avoid, even when prospective customers pushed for some Italian food. Nevertheless, he gave in. “Sure. I’ll see you there.”
Hours later, David felt like a young boy walking the neighborhood streets that made such an impression on him in the sixteen short months he had lived in the North End. He was early and walked up and down streets he had almost forgotten. The North End was always bustling with people out for dinner at one of its many restaurants or just out for a stroll. David had forgotten the distinctive faces and corner conversations between residents, young and old, and it felt like more of a protected neighborhood than other parts of Boston.
As David turned down Prince Street, he saw St. Leonard’s Italian Church with its gardens still in bloom. One street down was Richmond, and David spotted Tom with his black shirt and collar talking and laughing with a group of young people. The students moved along and said goodbye as Tom glanced up, caught a glimpse of David, and beamed. David gave a nod of recognition before working his way through the crowded sidewalk to where Tom was standing.
David was surprised Tom was showing no signs of being upset about his afternoon experience.
While they were talking, someone came up behind Tom and pulled on the back of his collar—Luke. “Hey, Tommy, the streets are buzzing tonight.” He turned to David. “It’s David, right? Did I remember correctly? What are three Irish guys doing in the North End?”
Tom shrugged. “Since it’s so nice out, we could walk a bit and see if any place grabs us.”
“Dinner is on me tonight,” David said, “so take advantage of it!”
They walked up and down the old, narrow streets
and enjoyed both the ambiance and the eclectic group of people they were sharing it with on a beautiful, warm summer-like night. People were in a good mood as the threesome moved from busy streets to some quieter sections where residents were sitting outside conversing, playing cards, or selling homemade lasagna and pastries.
Luke paused at the aroma. “I would love to live here. It smells like it would be great.”
David resisted the impulse to reveal that he had lived there at one time and just agreed with Luke.
They ended up back on Hanover Street and Luke pointed to the Florentine Café across the street with its open windows and lively looking atmosphere at the bar. “I vote for grabbing a table by the window there and watching the world go by.” He put his name in for a table, and they waited outside the open cafe entrance where they could see an Italian soccer match on the bar screen with a group that had congregated to cheer their team on.
While they were watching, the sidewalk up ahead seemed to part like the Red Sea as a woman made her way between the mesmerized onlookers. She wore a cream-colored dress with blue lace fringe that hugged her sculpted figure and accentuated her very feminine waist, hips, and full breasts. Each stride of her high-heeled shapely legs moved with sensual confidence, and as she passed the Florentine Café, she gazed into the eyes of David and then Luke in a way that said she agreed with them—she was worth the attention. Continuing down the sidewalk, it was clear that this woman had owned that moment in the North End as every man and most women had stopped to watch her. David was waving his hand like a fan in front of Luke’s face, which was a bit flushed at the moment, then turned to Tom. “I can’t believe you weren’t averting your eyes with that collar on.”
“It’s perfectly okay for any man to admire beauty, even a priest. The question is if you treated her with dignity and respect in your thoughts or if you simply used her as an object for your own pleasure. Which would a real man do?”
David smirked. “Come on, Tom. I can’t believe you didn’t feel tempted a small bit.”
“Sure. I’m human and I am a male, but I’ve also worked at seeing more than the outside of any person I meet, even if she did have really beautiful legs.”
The young woman at the desk had overheard the conversation and smirked as she told them their table was ready. The inside of the café was an intimate size with an attractive wooden bar and large, open windows that made diners feel as if they were sitting in an outdoor café. They sat at a small table by a window and watched the myriad of people walking by, some across the street coming out of Mike’s Pastry with their pastries and cups of cappuccino, and others going into the Peace Garden at St. Leonard’s Church. David ordered a bottle of Brunello di Montalcino for Tom and himself while Luke settled for Italian soda.
Tom raised his glass. “Perfect spot, Luke, on a summerlike evening, and thanks to David for inviting us.”
“My pleasure. I’m glad you had the night off. Now, Luke, have you cooled off from the look that woman gave you?”
“David.” Tom said, “I was hoping you might be more help here than that.”
“Help with what? It is natural for a young man to appreciate an attractive woman.”
Luke frowned. “I think he’s worried I’ll do something stupid in my youth that I’ll regret.”
“Tom, are you worried about Luke liking girls?”
“No.” he replied. “Actually, I hope he finds a girl he can really like and have a great relationship with.”
“But I’m not supposed to do anything dangerous with her,” Luke said. “The Church has an oppressive and unnatural view on sex. It’s bad and only for making lots of babies.”
David shrugged. “I’m not sure how I can help. I think he kind of has it right.”
“Luke can and should make his own decisions, but I would like him to have the right information to make those decisions. I want him to be a man that understands what true love and responsibility are, a man that treats women with the dignity they deserve, and someone who actually gets what the full reality of sex is. More importantly, I want him and his future spouse to have the fullness of what a truly loving friendship and marriage have to offer. If he trusts and follows the guidance God gives us, he will be in good shape. If he tries to figure it out from scratch, based on the culture he is surrounded by, then he has the responsibility to know what he is doing and how it impacts more than just himself.”
Luke narrowed his eyes. “But why is the Church so against something as natural to people as sex? It’s just a physical expression of love, something that makes people feel closer and happier. Everything seems like a big ‘No’ just when people are ready to live life fully.”
“Would it surprise you if I said the Church doesn’t believe what you think it does? Would you want to know?”
Luke said, “Sure, but it would take a lot of convincing. David, what do you think?”
David sipped his wine. “I think I’m supposed to be quiet on this.”
“Absolutely not,” Tom said. “All opinions are out on the table for discussion.”
David waited a moment while the waiter approached and placed warm bread, seasoned dipping oil, and antipasto on the table. “Well, sorry to side with Luke, but I think consenting adults should be able to have a mature relationship without guilt, and as long as no one is hurt, sex is part of it. We are built for sex and pleasure, and it’s a natural, healthy desire for both men and women. I’m not sure why it would be otherwise.”
“I agree with a number of things that you said, David, but I would add a few things if you don’t mind. First, the Church’s view is far from the antiquated or puritanical view of sex that you may be assuming. Actually, very far from it. The Church doesn’t see sex as dirty, bad, shameful or even sinful. It sees sex as a beautiful expression of love that is a sincere and mutual gift of self in an act that is both intimately bonding and life-giving. It is a gift a committed couple gives to each other and part of a miracle when you come to think of it.”
David said, “That sounds nice but how does that relate to the Church saying no sex or fun until you are married?”
Luke added, “It sounds like a naïve and unnatural constraint.”
“Okay. You believe sex outside of marriage shouldn’t be a problem because it’s natural and a good thing for both you and the woman you are dating. Do I have that correct?”
Luke nodded.
“Then let’s talk about what is natural. What is the natural meaning and purpose of our attractions and our desire for sex?”
David glanced out the window at several attractive women passing by, thinking about how hard it was not to take it in and about how much pleasure it brought most men. “I haven’t really thought about it a lot; it just seems instinctive. Why do we need to analyze it if it’s natural and if it’s good?”
Tom was enjoying a piece of the artisan bread he had dipped in olive oil. “Sometimes, when we understand the meaning and purpose of things, it can make all the difference in the world. Yes, we have natural instincts. I think the two main ones are: first to survive as an individual, so we do what it takes to make sure we have food and shelter and can defend ourselves; and secondly, to survive as a species, so we have a strong desire to have children and take care of them. Oh yeah, and third, we have a strong desire for the Red Sox to win a World Series someday, but I think we should stick with first two as our basic and overriding instincts.”
Luke and David smiled at each other, nodding in general agreement. Tom continued, “So, the second instinct drives us to mate.”
“I think pleasure and the desire to be connected to someone drives us to have a relationship, and sex is a natural part of that,” said Luke.
Tom swallowed a bite of the bread. “I don’t disagree with that, but you talked about what is natural. When you see a woman, like that woman we saw this evening, that you find beautiful and attractive, why do you find her so irresistibly attractive?”
David laughed. “Which girl? I must have mi
ssed her.”
Tom joined his laughter. “Let me help you: long beautiful hair, big eyes, pink cheeks, red lips, a dress that let you see that she had a thin waist, attractive hips and long legs, high heels and, what else was it?—oh yes, an ample pair of—um, you know.”
David smirked. “Earrings?”
“Sure. Men’s brain centers are the sexual command center, and when they see an attractive woman, the neurotransmitter dopamine lights up areas deep in the brain triggering pleasure motivation like a drug. Your heart beats quicker, and the brain releases a chemical that speeds up the flow of information to the brain to quickly assess the woman’s physical features that we are all drawn to so instinctively. But why do we find these things so attractive?”
David and Luke exchanged glances, agreeing that neither had really thought much about why certain features made a woman attractive, they just knew what they were. Tom urged them onward. “Think of some examples. Larger breasts are a sign of higher levels of the estrogen hormone and fertility as is the perfect hip-waist ratio that a man’s brain is capable of calculating with high accuracy in a fraction of a second. Breasts are larger, lips and cheeks are fuller and redder with the increased flow of blood closer to ovulation. Symmetrically shaped faces are a sign of healthy genes and long, full hair, smooth skin, and height are the signs of a healthy woman. The dark limbal ring around the eyes is a sign of youth and fertility.”
David said, “Stop. Stop. What are you saying, Tom?”
Tom answered, “Every feature a man finds to be physically attractive in a woman is tied directly to her fertility or the health of her genes and immune system, all aimed at increasing the chances of creating a healthy child. When a man sees the perfect mate, most of his thinking brain is turned off, and he is in instinct mode. And guess what? She instinctively knows just what buttons to push to compete for his attention. Why do you think women become so driven to be physically attractive? She wears a padded bra, red lipstick, and blush for her cheeks, liner around her eyes, spends hours on her hair and skin, and wears high heels to look taller and clothes to emphasize these specific features. What we find beautiful and attractive has a reason and a purpose.”
