by Jim Sano
David drove down to Snug Harbor in Duxbury, aptly named for its cozy feel and picturesque view of the small town harbor where there were still a number of boats moored. David knew Amy used to love to sit at the harbor as a little girl and hoped she felt the same way today, listening as the waves lapped against the boats and the rigging slapped against the masts from the wind that rocked the boats.
David broke the silence. “I’m sorry I didn’t make it to the beginning of your match, but from what I saw, you played very impressively.” Amy’s eyes focused on the boats in the harbor. David remembered how much she loved to talk as a child, finding joy in everything. Back then, she had admired him. He had hoped the setting would open her up to talk but decided he had to broach the topic himself. “Your mom seems a little concerned about some boy that might be interested in you.”
Amy sighed deeply. “He’s not just interested in me; we are dating.”
“Dating? How old is he?”
“Since when did you worry about an age difference between people dating?”
David didn’t appreciate the tone but tried to stay focused. “It is a little different when you are only sixteen, Amy.”
“I don’t think three years is that different, and a lot less than some women I’ve seen you with.”
“Is he in your high school?”
“He is Justin, and he’s a freshman.”
“In college?”
She rolled her eyes. “In ninth grade at nineteen?”
“Listen, there’s no way you’re going out with someone who’s in college at sixteen. I don’t know him, but two things come to mind. One: why won’t someone his own age go out with him? And two: nineteen-year-old boys usually only have one thing in mind.”
“He’s not dating someone his own age because he loves me. And what do you think he has in mind that’s so bad?”
David looked out at the harbor as the Harbormaster was coming in on a hard-bottomed inflatable boat, trying to think of how to respond in a way that was effective since he was well aware of the fact he was losing his audience. “Amy, I think you know what I’m talking about.”
Amy nonchalantly said, “You mean sex?”
“I’m glad you feel that comfortable. Even if you think the world of this young man, there’s no way you should be dating him at your age, and you are definitely not going to have sex.”
Amy was quiet for a minute. “Why not?”
“Why not what?”
“Why not have sex? Isn’t is a natural part of a relationship?”
David started to feel uncomfortable, and he knew Amy was testing him as far as she could go. “There are a lot of reasons why you should wait until you find the right man and get married.”
Amy laughed. “You sound like the nuns at school. ‘Sex is a beautiful and intimate gift and meant for only the person you are going to marry for life,’ or ‘It’s a mortal sin to even think of sex unless you are married and are going to have children’ or something like that.”
“I’m sure you know how uncomfortable I am right now with this conversation, but the bottom line is that you’re not going to have sex with anyone at your age!”
“I don’t understand. Is there something wrong with it?”
“No, but you are too young.”
“So, if I were a little older, then it’s a little more okay?”
David hesitated. Amy was setting traps in his logic. “No. You will still be too young, and a young woman should have some sense of dignity and self-worth.”
“I don’t know why you have to wait if there’s nothing wrong with it. And I don’t think it’s only wrong for girls and not for boys.”
She was getting too quick for David.
“You have sex with women you date, don’t you? You don’t seem worried about their dignity or honor. They’re usually younger than you and not committed to you for life, but you obviously think it’s okay. Why would it suddenly be so bad for me? I need to know why I should have to wait.”
David hadn’t thought about it from this perspective before and started thinking about all the things that Tom had said to him and Luke that night in the North End. Suddenly, it started to make more sense when he thought about someone he cared about and not from just his own vantage point. “I know you probably don’t believe this, but I do love you and want the best for you. Dating a college boy, even if you think you ‘love’ him, isn’t going to be the best thing for you, trust me. You are asking really good questions, though.”
Amy's eyes widened.
David continued. “I think you are a one-of-a-kind girl. Strike that, you are a young woman who’s not only incredibly beautiful, intelligent, gifted, very deep and caring but also someone who deserves everything that God has planned for you.”
Amy teared up.
“There’s nothing wrong with sex. It is beautiful and intimate and incredibly powerful in making you feel close to someone you care about deeply, but it’s more than just that.” David was as surprised as Amy must’ve been as he spoke. “Sex is one way to give yourself fully and completely to another person in a life-giving act of love, a love so great you may have to give it a name nine months later and care for her or him for many years. It would be a lie to give some of yourself and to make that bond something that’s not life-giving and not committed, and I don’t mean for six months or a year but forever. You deserve that kind of love and that kind of respect from someone who cherishes you and wants the best for you in a way he is willing to sacrifice and wait for because you are worth it–and you are worth it. Amy, trust me, you are more than worth it. This boy may think he loves you, but he doesn’t really know what love is yet and certainly isn’t really thinking about what’s best for you for more than the moment. If he were the right guy for life, he’d be willing to wait for you, when it’s right to date you respectfully, when you are ready for a relationship. At your age, this may not seem like it makes sense, but you have to trust your mom and try to trust an old man who is just finding out what it means to care about people enough, to tell the truth.”
David fixed his gaze on Amy, expecting to see an angry face, but she had tears rolling down her cheeks. He stretched his right hand out and put it around her shoulders. She turned her face and buried it between David’s arm and his chest as her tears began to soak his blue jacket. David held Amy as she cried and pressed into his body with an embrace that seemed so common only six years ago. After several moments, David heard a faint rumble from Amy’s stomach and they both laughed a bit as David started the car. “I think I have a cure for that.”
David drove a short distance to Farfar’s Ice Cream, a place that Amy loved to stop when they took a family drive to Duxbury. The name meant “father’s father” in Dutch and the ice cream was rich, creamy, and tasty. Amy always got the Oreo Cookie, and David got his usual Mint Chocolate Chip. They sat outside on the wooden benches where the sun was coming down warmly on their bodies as they enjoyed each lick. David knew the pain he had caused Amy over these years hadn’t been suddenly fixed, but today was a start. After dessert, they stopped at the Milepost Tavern for lunch and both had fish and chips in a basket to complete their “summer” fall outing.
Kathleen was at the opened front door as the car pulled into the driveway. Amy gave David a kiss on the cheek as she went upstairs to her room. Kathleen had more than a surprised expression on her face as David turned toward her.
Kathleen's eyes narrowed. “Don’t tell me you bought her a car?”
“No. We just spent time together. Is James around?”
“He’s still at his friend’s house, but I can tell him you were asking. Maybe you can call him tonight?”
“That is a good idea. And how are you doing, Kathleen?”
She seemed surprised at his question. “Me? I’m doing okay. If I can stop worrying about you three, I’ll be doing just fine. How about you?”
“I’ve been having some weird things going on, but I’m doing okay now.”
“Weir
d things?”
“It would take too long to explain. Let Amy tell you how she’s feeling.”
As he walked to his car, Kathleen said, “Take care, David. Remember to call James so he isn’t waiting up all night.”
David held his hand to his ear like a phone, then waved goodbye as he got into his car and drove back to his apartment.
He settled down on his sofa and tried to write down the five messages that had been left to see who might be playing this odd joke on him. He wrote them down in order and said them aloud to Trooper, “Truth, God, Jesus, Church, and trust.” He thought the first three items, truth, God, and Jesus, were logical statements rather than questions for him, but the last two were definitely still a challenge. Trust had been lost so long ago and only Kathleen and Tom came to mind as people he might be able to trust somewhat, and maybe Izzie with less personal things. With his father, all feelings of trust seemed to have been shattered, and since he had supposedly been a devout Catholic, David had long ago developed a bad attitude towards the Church. If someone was playing games with him, then it was someone who knew him more intimately than he was comfortable with. David had contacted a private investigator and was waiting for some intelligence from him to help resolve the mystery.
Midafternoon Tuesday, Izzie brought in a registered same-day Priority Mail envelope with a postmark from Richmond, Virginia. She hovered by the door, her curiosity plain on her face. He stared at her till she backed out of the room and closed the door.
Tapping the envelope against his open palm as he decided what to do next, he stood up and peered out the large windows in his office and across the Fens, paced around the room, then returned to the window. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answers inside the thin cardboard envelope, but it seemed silly not to open it after all the money he spent.
After a good ten-minute delay, his heart racing and beating loudly against his chest, he decided to open the envelope. He physically felt a sense of dizziness and panic when he tore the perforated pull tab, and his breathing got shallower and more rapid as he pulled out the sheets of paper. He stared out the window a moment more before fixing his eyes on the top sheet. Then his heart stopped beating for a second.
Dear Mr. Kelly,
Our investigation has confirmed that:
Mr. Giovanni J. Fidele (age 40), of Boston, Massachusetts, was convicted of the murder of his son, Mr. James Fidele, and a State Trooper of the State of Virginia named Sgt. Bernard Kincheloe, by the Commonwealth of Virginia on March 15, 1972.
Mr. Giovanni J. Fidele was scheduled for execution on June 29, 1972, by electrocution.
On June 29, 1972, Giovanni J. Fidele’s sentence was commuted to life in prison without parole due to the Supreme Court decision that effectively abolished the death penalty in the United States.
Mr. Giovanni J. Fidele (age 71), is currently alive and serving a life sentence in the Virginia State Penitentiary in Richmond, Virginia. This was confirmed by the prison secretary.
Please let us know if there are any further questions concerning the above findings or additional investigation that you would like our office to attend to.
Best regards,
Paul J. Fastbinder
Fastbinder & Harlow Law
Suddenly, everything that had been under control seemed now in disarray, and everything David thought he knew was now in question. David’s mother had told them that their dad was gone. They had all read the article in shock and didn’t go out of the house on the day of the execution, June 29, 1972, or the next several days. For David, it seemed now as if the incomprehensible was happening all over again for the Fidele family. David’s father may have been dead to his mother, but he’d been alive all these years without any communication. There were no letters, no calls, and no neighbors to say otherwise. Of course, David’s mom, Ann, had moved them quietly out of the North End to the North Shore city of Lynn, Massachusetts, just a few weeks after the actual robbery and Jimmy’s death. They were in new schools and Ann had legally changed their names to Kelly. The family never talked with their relatives or old friends again. This new start would make them new people, with the past erased from their memories and their connections gone forever. No one could find them because no one knew where they had gone. David had fallen back into his chair and held onto the empty envelope with one hand and the letter in the other. “My father has been alive this entire time.”
Chapter 34
David was having a hard time focusing at work with the flood of questions racing through his mind. How could his father still be alive? Why would his mother let them believe he was dead all these years? Even in her last days, she gave them no hint of the truth. David knew he had to leave work to sort this out and told Izzie to cancel his remaining calls for the afternoon as he left with only his coat—no briefcase or a word about where he was going.
He walked briskly home to a surprised but happy Trooper. After deciding that a long run may help to flush out all the anxiety he was now feeling, he changed into his running gear. Before heading out, he tried to reach Tom at the rectory, but there was no answer and he left no message. He was suddenly very much alone in a private tornado of emotions. He headed out the door and ran as he did when he was a boy, trying to push the confusion out of his mind with physical exertion. He ran along the Charles, not even noticing the faces of the myriads of people he passed, then across Beacon and through the Common, down Haymarket and through the busy streets of the North End. He ran along the waterfront and then back through town until he found himself outside of St. Anthony’s front steps. David was physically and mentally exhausted as he hunched over the stone railing breathing deeply and dripping with sweat.
David felt torn: part of him wanted to step into the church and sit to compose himself, and part of him felt as if it were the last place he wanted to be. While he was catching his breath and cooling down, he walked up the empty driveway to the garden behind the rectory. There was a bench next to the trimmed hedge overlooking the garden and a fountain where he sat to calm himself down.
David was startled by Tom’s voice.
“David, it’s you,” Tom said. “I didn’t realize you were a garden person. I’ve got to say, it looks much better since Angelo has been tending it.”
David stood up like a young boy who was caught doing something he shouldn’t be doing. “Oh. Hi, Tom. I was just out for a run and stopped here to catch my breath. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Of course not. The grounds are for everyone, and I’m always glad to see you. Is everything all right?” Tom sat down on the bench with David.
David rubbed the side of his face as he thought about what he wanted to share. He started to say everything was fine, but the words wouldn’t come out.
“Sometimes I come to just sit here and listen. It is a nice escape in the middle of the hectic city but can end up being the opposite.”
David nodded. “You mean busyness is the escape, and the quiet is where you are forced to see things more honestly?”
Tom smiled. “Something like that.”
They sat quietly for a while. David knew Tom was biding his time, waiting for him to start the conversation.
David hunched over and stared down at the green grass and the stepping stones that led up to the bench until he drummed up the courage to say it aloud. “I got a letter in the mail today. For some reason, I became overwhelmed with trying to process what it was actually saying. I hired a firm in Virginia to confirm what I already believed to be true about my father, but they came back with information that didn’t seem possible. I still don’t believe it, really.” Three deep breaths. His fingernails bit into the palms of his hands. His heart throbbed in his chest. “The letter said my father’s sentence had been commuted at the last minute, and he has been alive this entire time in a Virginia prison.” He waited for half a beat, expecting Tom to react, but he didn’t; he was waiting, listening. David glared at the heavens. “I’m thinking, ‘How is that even possible?’ My mothe
r never let on and my father never communicated anything to us over all this time. Not once!”
Tom remained silent a moment, then whispered, “Wow. That is incredible news.” He let the words sit for a moment. “What was your first instinctive reaction when you read this?”
“Are you kidding? Reaction? I was frozen. Part of me wanted to see him and part of me was incredibly angry again. I don’t think I can or want to go through all the hurt and anger I worked through years ago. It’s being drudged up again, and for what?”
“David, you were faced with something that no young boy should have to experience. Your father should’ve been your rock. Coping with that type of pain and anxiety as a child may have buried the confusion and pain but not really let it go. Now, this unexpected news is putting this right in front of you again to deal with as an adult.”
David sharply responded, “Deal with it? Why should I deal with this again? For years, I held on to thinking he was going to come back and tell everyone they had it all wrong, but he never even bothered to contact me, and as far I knew, he was dead. He was no longer part of who I was. My mother worked on me to move from denial to anger and to use that feeling to drive myself in everything I did—to be successful and make myself the person I wanted to be. She moved me past the escape and depression into action and results. I don’t know why she wasn’t honest with us. She may have just been angry at what he did to Jimmy, or how he lied and what a hypocrite he was. Maybe to her, he was dead as a husband and a father? I don’t know, but the idea of contacting him now seems to be bringing up anger from deep inside of me. I hate the feeling, and I don’t like the thought of going back to how I felt every night when I lay in my bed as a boy.” Tom put his hand on David’s back and sat there in silence for a few minutes before David stood up abruptly. “Thanks for listening, but I don’t think I really want to talk about this anymore. I need time to figure out what I’m going to do.”
