REBUILDING FOREVER

by Natalie J. Damschroder

  Seth sank deeper into his pillows and tucked his hand under his waistband. "Are we doing this?"

  "We most certainly are." He could hear the slide of sheets and imagined her lying on the red satin she'd had on the bed the last time he'd been in Harrisburg. "Are you ready?"

  He circled his cock with his hand and sighed. "Yeah, babe. But you're not."

  "No. I need your mouth on me."

  He closed his eyes and imagined her there. "On your neck."

  "Yes."

  "On your chest."

  "Bite me, Seth."

  "Your nipples are hard. I'm sucking on them." Her moan filled his head and he stroked himself harder. "It's been too long, Cass. This won't play out."

  "Then you'd better touch me, Seth. Put your fingers in me."

  "God." He thought it, and his fingers became slick with his own juice. He pretended it was hers and a jolt of need went through him. For a few minutes there were only breathy moans and grunts. Then Cassie gasped.

  "I want to be inside you," he groaned. "So bad."

  "Now, Seth. I want you in me. Hard." She cried out and he could see her, body bowed, shuddering.

  "Come for me, love."

  "I am! Seth!"

  He panted, focused on her breathy cries, squeezed himself like she would be squeezing him in the throes of her orgasm, and a moment later he exploded. He clenched the phone so tightly his fingers cramped.

  Seconds later he felt cold and empty, aching with missing her.

  But at least he wasn't fantasizing about fucking Julian anymore.

  * * * *

  "Your phone bill is going to be outrageous this month, love." Seth tucked the phone between his ear and bare shoulder and shoved the coffee bin into the maker. Though the sun was high in the sky, he'd just gotten up a few minutes ago, after a thankfully dreamless sleep. The phone had flashed "Cassie" again a few minutes later.

  "I didn't like the way we left things last night."

  Seth frowned. "We didn't leave them any place. Did we?"

  "I'm worried about you."

  The coffee machine gurgled and the strong scent started to fill the air. "I'm fine. Much better in the light of day."

  He could hear her hesitation. That wasn't like her. "Spit it out, Cass."

  "You sounded lonely."

  Something spasmed in his chest. "I am. I haven't seen you in three bloody weeks, and it's bound to be three more."

  "Maybe you should make a quick trip over here."

  "Can't." He pulled a mug out of the cupboard and blew into it. "No time. We've got to finish writing the last song, and the new drummer really needs more practice. He's good, but doesn't pick up the material real fast."

  "Who's writing the song?"

  "Um." He was, but it was a surprise for Cassie. "Jules."

  "He doesn't need you for that then. And if he truly needs his inspiration," she teased, "he can come, too. I'm sure Georgie will want to see him."

  "The drummer, though."

  "The other guys can sing. He doesn't need you for practice."

  "I need the practice. I'm getting old, love. Takes more effort to keep these tones dulcet."

  "So basically, you don't want to see me."

  "Shit." He turned to lean on the counter and rubbed his eyes. "That's not it at all."

  "Then why are you working so hard to convince me you can't come?"

  He thought for a second, trying to get a handle on it. Before he got anywhere, there was a quick knock on the kitchen door and Julian walked in.

  Brilliant.

  "Coffee." Julian wrinkled his nose and grabbed the kettle off the stove, shoving it under the tap to fill. "You're Americanizing, mate."

  "Is that Julian?" Cassie's voice was higher than a moment ago. Seth wondered if she was trying not to laugh.

  "Yeah, he just came in."

  "Cassie, right?" Julian leaned close to the phone and made kissing noises. "'Allo, luv!"

  Seth shoved him away. "You're not her favorite person right now." He turned away, feeling weird after his dream last night and knowing Jules would see it.

  "I don't know, Cass, I guess it's just the effort to get there for only a couple of days. I'm exhausted."

  "Not too exhausted to go to a night club and hold up a couple of dangling women." Her tone was cold again. "Look, it doesn't matter. You seem strung out and I wanted to help. That's all. Once this budget is done I should be able to free up a couple of days to come to London. Assuming you want me."

  Seth's back burned with awareness of Julian standing two feet behind him. He could fucking smell him, and while he wasn't reacting physically, thank God, it was still a threat to his friendship and to his fragile relationship with Cassie. Right then, he wanted nothing more than to have her in his arms.

  "I'm coming over," he decided. "You're right, it won't hurt anything for me to be gone for a few days. I'll let you know my itinerary."

  "What the hell was that?" Julian asked when Seth had finished his call. He had slumped into one of the chairs at the kitchen table, his tea steaming in front of him.

  Seth poured a cup of coffee and sat across from the man who'd been his best mate for nigh on thirty years. He couldn't remember ever being this uncomfortable with him before.

  "I need to see Cassie," was all he said. He sipped the too-hot coffee and tried not to let Julian see that he wasn't looking at him.

  "What about 'Rebuilding Forever'?"

  "What about it?"

  "It's not done. We need to record it in the next fortnight if we're going to make our launch date. And you know that new guy needs a lot of rehearsal time."

  "I know. I can work on it on the plane."

  Julian shrugged and stretched. "Whatever. It's your song. Hey, maybe I'll join you." His eyes glittered. "Haven't seen Sweet Georgie Brown in a while."

  "She saw you," Seth latched on to the change in topic. "Last night. Nightlife of the Stars."

  Instead of looking caught, Julian looked pleased. "Did she, now?"

  Seth raised his eyebrows. "You wanted her to?"

  "Well, it's not like I called them to the club or anything. But it was a fortuitous encounter."

  "I don't believe it." Seth shook his head. "You're trying to make her jealous?"

  "Did it work?"

  "I don't know. We were too busy arguing about my activities."

  "You shouldn't have let that girl put her tongue in your ear."

  "Thanks a lot." He shoved to his feet and carried his coffee toward the bedroom. "I think you should stay here. Someone needs to guide the idiots. The new guy needs to rehearse Brad's new song before we get to 'Rebuilding Forever,' anyway. I'll tell Georgie you're pining as much as ever."

  He laughed as Julian's curses followed him into the other room.

  * * * *

  After a week of late nights at the office, the budget was finally done and sent up to the board for approval. Cassie left the office early Friday afternoon feeling like she'd been packed into her binding businesswear for a century. She took a few seconds in the empty parking garage to strip off the horrid pantyhose and take off her bra, threading it through her sleeves and sighing in pleasure at the relief. She untucked her satin blouse, but stopped short at unzipping her skirt. Home was ten minutes away. She could make it.

  She dialed the house at the first red light she hit, wondering if Seth had made it yet, but there was no answer. She should have checked to see if his flight into DC had been on time, or if traffic would impede his drive up from the city, but her day had been crammed enough as it was, trying to get everything done so she could leave early and spend as much time with him as she could.

  Damn, she missed him.

  Probably no one would believe it. It wasn't like she did a lot of moping and sighing. Her life was full, with the foundation and her pet subsidiary, Ten Steps to the Moon, which was getting ready for another career day for the urban teenagers in the area. And she'd reconnected with old friends, mainly Georgie, who she saw a few time
s a week in their slow periods and a few times a month when they were both busy. She didn't see Marci, Faith, or Arliss much, as they all lived far away now, but they kept up an Internet relationship and planned an annual get-together, this year at her re-wedding to Seth in two months.

  Considering that she hadn't even seen him for twelve years before they'd re-formed the band, you'd think she could handle a few weeks' separation. But it got harder every day. Not that she'd let him know, she thought, pulling into her driveway. It wasn't easy trying to juggle everything. She knew it was more difficult for Seth, who had four bandmates and a manager trying to take a piece of him, in addition to her. But she didn't think they could continue like this much longer.

  The smell alerted her first. When she walked in the kitchen door it hit her, the spicy, musky scent of dragon's blood candles. A fat candle on the counter still smoked. Seth must have been waiting in here until she pulled in. He never left candles burning unattended anymore. Not since one night about a year after they were married, when he'd been stoned and she drunk and they'd fallen asleep in the bedroom with one burning. They'd woken, barely, to a fire on top of the dresser.

  Ah, memories.

  "Seth?" she called, but only silence answered back. She kicked off the pumps that stuck to her bare feet and dropped her shoulder bag on a chair. The kitchen was empty and untouched, so she went through the swinging door into the living room.

  "You're going to ruin my reputation," she muttered, but smiled anyway. Flowers filled the little room. Lilies and snapdragons and roses in pale pinks and creams and purples, not colors most people would associate with her. Not colors she associated with herself. But Seth did.

  Unless that was all the store had.

  Such a cynic. She told herself to just enjoy Seth being romantic and shut up with the snark.

  When she got to the bottom of the stairs she could hear music playing from her bedroom. Julian's ballad, "Her Eyes." She laughed, remembered Seth's dream from the other night, and laughed harder. Did he need to think of Julian to get in the mood with her? Or was he just bringing him in to join them, so to speak?

  She unbuttoned her shirt as she climbed the steps, letting anticipation build for both of them. She could race up them and fly into his arms, but then they couldn't savor the excitement of being together again.

  As she reached the landing she could see that her bedroom was dark, the shades drawn, but the faint light in there flickered, and the spicy scent was once again strong.

  Cassie left one button closed on her blouse. The material glided over her breasts as she walked into the bedroom, stimulating her nipples until they poked at the fabric.

  "Now, that's the kind of greeting I was hoping for."

  Cassie burst out laughing. "Julian, get out of my bed."

  He swung his long body off the pile of pillows and grinned. "You were expecting someone else?"

  "I wasn't expecting you. Seth said you weren't coming." She hugged him when he crossed the room to her. "Why aren't you at Georgie's?"

  "I'm on my way. She had some library thing today, won't be home for another half an hour. Unlike here, I don't have free reign in her house." He leered down her shirt. "I wonder if I'll get this good a greeting from her?"

  "What the fuck, Jules?"

  Cassie turned. Seth stood in the doorway, a small bag in his hand and a scowl on his face.

  "You told me to look out for her."

  "I told you to tell her I was at the store. What--you lit the candles?" He tugged Cassie away from Julian, feeling a strong sense of déjà vu. Cassie's shirt gaped. He dropped the bag and wrapped one hand around her shirt to hold it together. Cassie's eyes locked onto his, and he felt the familiar sizzle.

  "Julian."

  "Yeah."

  "Sod off."

  "Sure, mate. Just one thing." Ignoring Seth's fist around Cassie's shirt, Julian hauled her into his arms and kissed her. Seth swore he saw tongue, and if he hadn't been so determined Jules wouldn't make it to bare flesh, he'd have let go of his wife--fiancée--and slugged him.

  Cassie, damn her, was laughing when Julian released her, just like she'd been laughing on the tarmac at the airport a year ago.

  Seth barely heard the door close behind Julian. He caught Cassie's wrists and hauled her against him, pinning her arms behind her back.

  "If I were a lesser man, I'd be suspicious of you being here half naked with him."

  Cassie stared up at him, fire in her eyes. "If you were a lesser man, Julian wouldn't have been here."

  He took a second to process that, then smiled. "Good answer." Then he dropped his mouth to hers, determined to eradicate the taste of Julian from her mouth.

  She opened for him, sucking his tongue immediately between her lips, then devouring his mouth. Her body surged up against him, rubbing against his hard cock, and he knew this wasn't going to be the slow rediscovery he'd imagined.

  "God, Cassie," he breathed against her mouth. "I love you."

  She was too busy kissing him to answer. He released her hands and backed her against the wall, filling his palms with her breasts. She bit the side of his neck and pulled at his shirt and the waistband of his jeans. Her hand rubbed him and he thought he was going to go off right then. He caught her wrist again and held it over her head, holding her against the wall with his body.

  "Fuck me," Cassie panted. She spread her legs as wide as her skirt would let her and thrust her hips forward. He ground against her and she cried out, arching. He fumbled with his fly, then dragged her skirt up to her hips and ripped off her underwear. He had to let go of her wrist again to lift her into position, but she was wide open and wet, slick and ready. He plunged into her, intending to pause and savor being there, being wrapped so fucking tightly in her, like he hadn't been there for-fucking-ever, but he couldn't not move. Cassie's head thudded against the wall once, twice, but she didn't seem to notice. He watched her face while he drove in and out. She was completely focused on what was happening to her, and the sight took him over the edge.

  "God, Cassie, I can't..." He thrust harder, deeper, holding her hips so tightly he knew he was bruising her. She screamed and shuddered, her fingernails digging into his shoulders, and he flew. He felt like his entire body spasmed with each surge, the pleasure so intense he, too, might have screamed if his vocal cords hadn't frozen.

  This time, when he came down, he felt complete.

  * * * *

  Cassie drowsed in Seth's arms for a while, but she didn't sleep long. That was a waste of their time together. She asked about the new album and the drummer who'd replaced Troy. He'd liked touring, but not recording. It made her sad, that the group as it had been was no more, but after sixteen years, it was surprising they were as intact as they were.

  She let Seth's hair slide through her fingers. "It's gotten long." It used to meet his collar; now it fell to his shoulders.

  "You want to cut it?"

  She'd always cut it Back Then, as she was starting to think of their first marriage.

  "No, I like it."

  "Pete hates it."

  Cassie laughed and ran it between her fingers again. "Then I love it."

  Seth chuckled. His callused fingers traced across her shoulders, up to her nape, then back down her spine to the small of her back. She liked that he couldn't stop touching her.

  "You've gained some weight." He wrapped his hands around her biceps, then gently cupped her breast before stroking her cheek. "Your angles are softening."

  "Quitting smoking tends to do that."

  "You quit before we reconciled." His brows pulled together. "You're not pregnant, are you?"

  "Hell, no."

  He smiled. "That's the Cassie I know."

  Something cold started to seep through her muscles, dragging her arm down to the bed. She recognized it readily enough. Fear had been a fairly regular, if not constant, companion.

  "What are you saying, Seth?"

  He shrugged a shoulder. "Nothing, really. You're different."


  The trickle of cold hardened into ice. She rolled away slightly. "Different, how?"

  The wrinkled brow had turned puzzled. "Nothing major, you're just...softer, or something. Not as cranky."

  Anger surged, burning away the fear, and she would have welcomed it if she hadn't matured over the last few years. If she hadn't fully embraced this reconciliation and determined she would make it work. So she bit back the retort about crankiness and made herself take a deep breath.

  "I'm happy, Seth, okay?" Maybe she'd decided she'd work hard, which meant honesty and openness, but she didn't have to look him in the eye when she was doing it. "Happiness can make people eat better."

  "Ah, love." He rolled forward and kissed the top of her forehead. "I never thought I would hear you say those words to me. Or that I would be the reason you said them." He rolled back. "I am the reason, aren't I?"

  She chuckled. "Yes, Seth, you're the reason. Except for--"

  "I know." He sighed and pulled her closer. "We'll figure something out about that. Maybe we need to hire a publicist or manager who can take all your calls. I'm sure Beth hates it."

  "Beth loves it. She gets to unleash her inner monster. I'm the one who can't stand it." The calls had only lasted that one night, but Cassie knew that wasn't the end of it. Any time Seth was in public he ran the risk of getting photographed doing something questionable, and their reconciliation had been a top news topic during the tour. People expected them to fail, and sought her statement whenever there was a hint of possibility that they would.

  "Cass, what did you mean, when you said if I was a lesser man, Julian wouldn't have been here?"

  She was getting sleepy again, but her stomach rumbled, too. "Ummm." She kissed his chest and twisted her hips to get more comfortable. "I thought you understood what I meant."

  "I figured you were saying Julian could take the mickey out of me without me killing him."

  "No." She blinked to try to wake her brain, which didn't want to communicate with her mouth. "I meant that if you were a lesser man, Julian wouldn't bother being friends with you, and if he wasn't friends with you, he wouldn't be here to take the mickey out."