“I'm not normal,” I said. “Not even by Seer standards.” As I briefly brought Toni up to date on the incident with my grandma, we both helped Patrick get resituated on the couch, where he'd be more comfortable. He sagged gratefully against the cushion, clinging to my fingers as I took my place beside him. Toni remained standing, arms folded across his chest as he listened deliberately to my every word.
“So you can read minds? Geez, no one tells me anything any more,” he whined.
“It's not really mind reading—that's just what I thought in the beginning.”
Patrick had eyes only for me. “What did Terence tell you?” he asked thinly, roughness still lingering in his voice.
I squeezed his hand. Even now, he was intent on being my Guardian—he wanted to protect me, even while he was dying. I closed my eyes, trying to organize my chaotic thoughts. “I See things differently than most Seers. I see Demons and Guardians, and I see emotions. But I See more than one emotion at a time. Normal Seers See only one emotion at any given time, the most prominent, whereas I can See everything a person is feeling—everything, even the subconscious stuff.”
Toni nodded slowly. “Okay. That's not so weird. It doesn't explain your little jaunt into mind reading over the weekend, or—” He caught sight of my opening mouth and quickly amended. “Excuse me, what you thought was mind reading. It also doesn't explain what you were doing in Patrick's head two hundred years ago.”
“But it does.” My eyes met Patrick's intense stare without my consent, but then I couldn't pull away. “I can use emotions to travel through time. Terence said that emotions are gateways to memories, and if I can See the memory, I can travel to that memory. I can literally go back in time. I didn't just See what my Grandma was think-ing—I was actually living inside her memory.”
Patrick's face was unreadable.
Toni was undeniably awed. “Wow.” He whistled lowly. “You can… wow… Kate, I think you're my new best friend—no offence Patrick. Have you tried it yet?” Envy was burning in every eager word. “Oh my gosh, Kate, the possibilities!”
“It's unnatural,” I argued. “Not cool.”
“How can you even say that?”
“There are limits,” I told him.
The eager light that had been lifting his face faltered just a little. “Like?”
“Well, for one thing, I can't alter anything in my own lifetime. Any year I've lived in is completely off-limits.”
“Ew. That stinks.”
Patrick spoke at last, his voice heavy. “Traveling… is it dangerous for you?”
I shrugged. “I don't know all the risks. Terence said that the Guardians were experimenting with the ability, but things were kept pretty quiet. And then there were some casualties, and the Guardian Council shut things down.”
“Casualties?”
I tightened my hold on his tense hand. “Apparently if I try to change anything in a year I've lived, I'll die. Traveling in time before my lifetime is safe, according to Terence. When you get back, you're a little tired—sometimes you pass out, or feel nauseated. The further back you go, the better.”
“A little tired,” Toni muttered. “Kate, do you realize what you could do with this? Heck, you could still positively change your own future. Go back and get your ancestors to invest in some choice stock, and when you come back to this time, you'll be rich!”
I shook my head. “I can't pick and choose where to go. Remember, other people's emotions are the doorways. I can only go where they would take me.”
Patrick's fingers tightened around mine, thoughts racing. “I take you back to 1797. Why?”
“I don't know. I thought that maybe I go back to save you some-how—convince you not to join the rebellion or something. But then—”
“I would have remembered that, right?” he muttered.
“Remembered it? You wouldn't even be here,” Toni pointed out. “You wouldn't have died when you did, and you never would have become a Guardian to save your brother. Poof, we'd never have known you existed.”
“You wouldn't have drawn the picture either,” I told him. “At least, I don't think so…”
“The time loop wouldn't make sense,” Toni agreed with me. “You were there, but you never met him. He might have seen you—must have seen you—but you didn't even say ‘hi’… “
“But why would I do that? Why go back if not to interfere?” I asked, frustrated that this was an endless circle with no answers.
Patrick shook his head slowly. “I don't know. But one thing is clear—you do go back. And you do it soon.”
There was a deep pause, and that's when I saw the drop of red slowly slide out from Patrick's nose. My whole body seemed to freeze as the liquid bead slid lower, coming toward his lip… A second drop—falling faster than the first—dripped from his other nostril and splattered down on his shirt.
Patrick realized he was bleeding a second before Toni did, and then I wasn't the center of attention anymore.
Patrick ran a single finger under his nose, and it came away with a streak of blood. He stared at the glistening color, no emotion on his face.
No one was breathing, and no one had to say anything. We all knew what this meant.
Patrick was nearing the end. This was the last sure marker before death would stiffen his body, and then he would never breathe again.
Patrick's nose didn't bleed for long. Just enough to show us that the end was coming, and then it stopped—his body trying to erase the damage before it could become permanent. But we all knew it would be back.
Patrick was exhausted, so Toni and I helped him into his room. Once he was laid out on his bed, I leaned over and kissed him faintly; his response was disturbingly weak.
“I love you,” he murmured with underlying fervor, revealing the depth of emotion his feeble kiss hadn't managed to convey.
My fingertips stroked his hair, his forehead, and his eyes fell closed instinctively. “I love you,” I whispered. I heard Toni exit the room behind me and I lowered myself onto the edge of the bed.
Patrick's eyes quivered open, his smile frail. “I look that bad, huh?”
“Do you mind if I stay?” I asked, my words virtually faded, my fingers still moving attentively over his face. “Just until you fall asleep?”
His eyes closed once more, his body relaxing as his lungs emptied slowly. I got the impression that he was debating between what he wanted, and what he thought was best for me. “No,” he breathed at last. “I don't mind. Actually… I'd like that. Very much.”
He had one hand resting on his chest and I slipped my free hand beneath his loose fingers. “Then I'll be right here.”
“Thank you, Kate.” He hesitated, and then his eyes peeled back again. “I know this is impossibly hard for you, but I'm grateful for your being here.”
“Patrick, just rest. You need it.”
But he wouldn't be so easily swayed. “There's something I want to do first. I'm… I'm going fast.” I glanced away, unable to watch his open face. “We both know it,” he whispered carefully. “And… soon I'm not even going to be able to stay visible. But before that happens…” My eyes returned to him, and he smiled dimly. “Close your eyes.”
“What?”
His smile widened slightly. “Just trust me. Close your eyes.”
I gave him a strange look, but I obediently pushed my eyes closed. I didn't know what I was waiting for—I didn't know what he could possibly think of doing.
After a short minute of silence he whispered very softly. “You can open your eyes now.”
I did, slowly. And I gasped at what I saw.
Patrick was still lying on the bed—he hadn't moved an inch. But he was different. Or rather, his aura was different. It was no longer hidden from me. The familiar silver outline was there, but then there were colors… so many strong colors.
A dull cloud of brown pain and distant traces of gray. They were so muted in this moment that I wondered if he even registered the depressio
n, or if it was just on a subconscious level. There was red too—more than I thought there would be. He was angry—angry at the Demons, at his own self-destructing body, at the entire situation. But I knew that these weren't the emotions he wanted me to linger on. They weren't the ones he wanted me to see.
It was the blue of contentment—far deeper than I'd expected to see in a dying man—and the yellow. So much yellow…
It was as if he could read my thoughts. His voice was nearly silent. “I wanted you to See what you made possible, Kate. Before you, I doubted my choice to become a Guardian. I feared that I'd lost my only chance for happiness the day I lost my family. But then I found you. You changed everything. I just… I wanted to show you this while I still had control. I wanted it to be my choice.”
There were tears in my eyes, but for the first time in a long time they were not tears of sadness. I squeezed his fingers delicately. “Patrick, I… Thank you.” I took a last look at the yellow clouds, then I leaned down and kissed him warmly. From the corner of my eye I could see the yellow in his aura expand, and I knew that I'd never loved him more than I did right now.
“I love you so much,” I breathed against his lips.
“And I will always love you, Kate. No matter where I am. I want you to remember that.”
“I will. I promise.”
His tired eyes closed, and his smile relaxed as he finally gave in to his exhaustion. But his aura stayed visible to me, and I watched it while he slept. Watched as it changed. It was easy to see when he slipped into unconsciousness, because the brown pain grew and expanded, slowly driving the other colors back. He wasn't awake to keep them away; I watched as he was almost overwhelmed by the colors of suffering and death.
When it became too painful to watch anymore, I looked up to his desk. The silver camera was sitting on the edge, and with my free hand I reached for it. I balanced it on my palm and my thumb pressed the few necessary buttons to access the memory card. I glanced at every picture he'd managed to take so far. There were more than I expected, but far too few. He couldn't cease to exist—not when so much was left for him to see. It couldn't be his destiny to die.
I skipped rapidly to the first pictures he'd taken, the day of his mock birthday party. Our camera war was surprisingly painful… seeing those snatches of his face, that half-grin that still managed to take my breath away and cause my heart to pound… I skimmed past the pictures of me quickly, and then suddenly I was looking at the picture Toni had stolen in a surprise flash. The one with Patrick's lips on the top of my head, my eyes closed peacefully, our arms around each other…
Something inside me snapped. Quietly but conclusively.
I wasn't going to let this happen. No matter what anyone else thought. Even Patrick. I wasn't going to be left behind. Not when I could stop this from happening. I may not have a lot of power over my past, but I could still change my future.
I turned the camera off and replaced it on the desk. I looked hastily to his face, saw the slight cringe twist his lips, and stood. I slipped my hand out from under his, moving quietly out of the room.
I told Toni good-bye, asking him to call me when Patrick woke up—no matter the time. I didn't bother trying to discuss my plans with him, because I knew he wasn't going to approve of them.
I waited to pull out my phone until I was sitting in my hot car. I scrolled through my contacts, finding the number I'd saved just so I'd know to avoid it. I took a deep breath before I hit send, and I waited impatiently while it rang flatly in my ear.
Someone answered, sounding far too happy.
My voice was more controlled than I thought it would be. “Selena. We need to talk.”
The plan was simple. So easy. I wondered what had taken me so long to get to this point, because now that I was here things seemed so uncomplicated.
As soon as I was done talking to Selena, I started the car and pulled away from the warehouse. But I didn't head for home. Instead I made my way to a small pawnshop, knowing that Clyde was the only one I could trust with this information.
I got there just before closing time. I pushed open the glass door and stepped onto the faded orange carpet. I moved right to the counter, where the Demon was just looking up after hearing the bell clang. He'd been writing in a logbook of some kind, and he seemed preoccupied. Still, when he saw me he smiled and removed the cigarette from his mouth. “Welcome to Clyde's Pawnshop. What can I interest you in?”
I stopped at the counter, placing my hands on the glass. “Clyde, it's me—Kate Bennett.”
He hurried to crush the cigarette out into the nearby ashtray and then gave me a wider smile. “Of course—I knew you looked familiar. Your grandfather outside?”
“No. I came alone.”
“Huh. No offense, miss, but this is a pretty edgy part of town. Probably shouldn't come around here alone.”
“I need your help.”
He seemed to notice for the first time that my tone was even and businesslike. He straightened behind the counter, closing the book he'd been scribbling in. His eyes came to me, and he matched my serious expression. “Right. What can I do for ya?”
“You mentioned that rumor—the one about Guardians getting sick and dying.”
He seemed to relax a little. “Yeah. Yeah, I did. But it's just a rumor. You can't take them seriously—”
“It's real. One of my Guardians is sick.”
His eyes widened in momentary surprise, and then he blew out his breath. “Blimey. It was true. This changes everything. The balance between the Guardians and Demons… They've evened the playing field. This war just got serious.”
While he rambled, I reached into my pocket and pulled out a fifty-dollar bill. The sight of the cash closed his mouth immediately. “I need your help to save my Guardian,” I said, placing the money between us.
“Now, wait just a minute. I heard the rumor by word of mouth. I don't know anything else. I can't help you—”
“I know,” I interrupted. “I'm not asking you to help me find a cure—I've already done that. I need you to deliver a message to my grandfather when he comes here looking for me.”
“What?” He continued to eye the wrinkled bill, though.
“You're the only one I can trust with this. If I told anyone else, they'd try to stop me.”
“Why? What are you planning on doing?”
“I'm going to the Demon Lord.”
He blinked. Then his mouth opened, but no sound came out. His lips crushed back together, and he gave me a disapproving look.
I wasn't moved by the worried display. I was too decided on my course to have second thoughts. Not yet, anyway. “There isn't any other way. He has the cure, and I'm going to get it from him.”
“You can't just… I mean, really. Your grandfather is going to kill you. Oy! He's going to kill me for not talking you out of this madness!”
“Please calm down. Your job is going to be simple. I don't intend to just sacrifice myself to the Demons. I need you to let my friends know where I've gone so they can follow.”
“Which is?”
“Las Vegas. There's a casino—”
“The Illusion Hotel and Casino, yeah. I know it.”
“You do?”
He grunted. “Don't sound so surprised. I've managed to stay alive as long as I have by keeping tabs on all the Demon Lord's hot spots. Whenever he's out west, he's either in Hollywood or at the Illusion. Sometimes he visits San Diego. He likes Sea World.”
I shook my head. “Look, that's not important. I just need you to help let them know where I've gone.”
He still looked uncomfortable with my idea, but he was going to cooperate. That's why I'd decided to come to him in the first place. I handed him the bill without a word, and he easily slipped it into his apron pocket. “When exactly were you planning on leaving?” he asked.
“Tomorrow. I'll get a good head start, because they won't be looking for me until after school.”
His eyes tightened. “You're real
ly going there all by yourself? Do you realize how stupid that is?”
I nodded. “Yeah. But I won't be alone…”
After I'd dropped the twins off at the elementary school, I told Lee of my plans to skip my classes for the day. She understood that I needed to spend time with Patrick, so she didn't argue. She offered to get a ride home with Rodney again, but I assured her I'd be back to pick her up—even though I felt terrible for the lie. “I'll need to get away for a few minutes,” I told her. “It gets hard, watching him…”
She understood.
“Besides,” I added easily. “I want to take you somewhere after, if that's all right. There's this really cool pawnshop my grandpa took me to…”
She nodded, down for whatever I wanted. I knew that when I didn't show up after school, the planted message would reach my grandfather. He would go to Clyde, and then everyone would know what I'd done.
So far, everything was going according to plan. I dropped Lee off and then headed to the warehouse. While I drove, I couldn't help but wonder if I'd made a mistake in not telling my family better good-byes. I hadn't wanted to draw attention to myself, and I certainly didn't want to admit on any level that I might not ever see them again. But I couldn't stop thinking of how Josie had looked after her soccer tournament, and I wondered if I was about to do something that would crush my sisters all over again.
I got to the warehouse and shut off my car before grabbing up my backpack. I hoped that Toni wouldn't find it odd that I brought it along with me, and I really hoped he wouldn't notice that it was filled with anything but school supplies.
I climbed up to the second floor quickly. I knocked lightly once on the door before I opened it and stepped into Toni and Patrick's living space.
Toni looked up from the laptop that was balanced on his knees. He shifted on the couch, trying to sit up straighter. “Oh hey—aren't you supposed to be in school or something?”
“Aren't you?” I shot back easily, knowing full well that this “college student” had never stepped onto a campus in his life.
He rolled his eyes, but I was already moving onto my next question. “How is he?”
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