by Linda Ford
Emily drank in the words. She would trust God. He would bring her to herself.
Preacher Hugh announced the closing hymn—Amazing Grace.
Never before had Emily felt the truth of the words so strongly.
I once was lost but now I’m found. Was blind but now I see.
She was lost and blind, but she would trust God no matter what.
After church Jesse went to the livery station to rent a buggy and they were soon on their way to the Marshall Five Ranch. Emily looked about eagerly. There was something about a ranch that pulled at her thoughts. She both feared and anticipated the visit bringing back her memory.
“There it is.” Jesse pointed toward an impressive set of buildings—a two-story log-and-timber house with two smaller houses behind. One had the appearance of being newly built or even still under construction. There were also a good-sized barn and several other buildings.
“It’s bigger than I expected.”
“I told you. The Marshalls are big.”
She laughed at the way he said it, as if he resented it, but she heard the affection in his voice and knew he didn’t.
They reached the biggest of the houses. Children raced about everywhere. Grandfather sat on the verandah, his eyes bright and eager. His son and grandsons flanked him.
Emily spoke out of the corner of her mouth. “I feel like I’m being stared at.”
Then Dawson rushed forward to welcome them. He reached for Mikey. “You want to go play with the other children?”
As soon as Mikey’s feet hit the ground, he ran to join the others.
“I can’t believe it,” Emily said. “I expected him to be shy. Didn’t you?” she asked Jesse.
“He certainly isn’t shy around children.” Jesse looked thoughtful, as if that bit of knowledge meant something.
She let Dawson assist her down. He escorted her to the house and opened the door. “Ladies, Miss Emily is here.” He left her standing in the cloakroom.
Annie hurried to her. “Come on in. We’re about ready to eat.”
The big, homey kitchen buzzed with activity. The women carried the food through to the dining room and the men and children trooped in. It was a crowded table, a noisy bunch and a bountiful meal.
Emily sat next to Jesse and, beneath the conversations around them, murmured, “I’m quite certain I have never been in such an exuberant crowd before.”
He leaned close. “I warned you the Marshalls do everything in a big way.”
Annie watched them, grinning as if she knew a secret, and then she turned to her grandfather who sat on her left. “I’ve been praying a woman would come into Jesse’s life.”
Jesse groaned.
All eyes turned toward them.
She continued gleefully. “So glad to see my prayers being answered.”
Emily opened her mouth to protest but nothing came out. She closed it, swallowed hard, then tried again, this time with success. “If you want to pray for Jesse, you might ask that he be kept safe as he hunts those who robbed the stagecoach.”
Several of the Marshalls looked guilty.
She continued, “And while you’re at it, you could pray I’ll recover my memory. Seems to me that should be a little more important to any would-be matchmakers than seeing an unidentified woman at Jesse’s side.”
Hugh chuckled. “Well said.”
The three Marshall wives clapped.
Grandfather roared with laughter. “She might not be a Marshall, but she sure does know how to stand up for herself.”
Emily’s face burned. “Forgive me my rudeness. You invite me to share your table and then I act all high and mighty. I am so sorry.”
Annie shook her head. “It is I who should apologize. I am so used to teasing Jesse I didn’t stop to consider how it affected you. You are absolutely right.” She turned to her husband. “Hugh, I think there has been a prayer request. Shouldn’t you deal with that?”
He grinned at his wife. “Let us pray.”
Emily looked about at the bowed heads.
Jesse smiled at her, then bent his head as Hugh prayed.
Emily closed her eyes and let the blessing of Hugh’s words soothe her to the depths of her soul.
The rest of the day flew by as she was enfolded into the family circle.
She listened as the women visited. They toured the yards, checking on the garden and searching for wild flowers on the hills.
Emily straightened with a bluebell in her hand and regarded the men leaning on the corral fence studying some horses.
Jesse looked her direction and their gazes caught over the distance. Their look went on and on, until someone spoke to Jesse and he turned away.
She stayed riveted to the spot. She felt as if he had surrounded her with protection, and for the present, she welcomed—indeed, needed—his strength.
A shiver snaked up her spine. He would soon enough remove both if she turned out to be—
She couldn’t think about what or who she might truly be. All she had was the present.
*
Jesse’s hopes and prayers that the trip to the ranch would bring back Emily’s memory were dashed. He knew it even before she said it. All afternoon he had watched for signs of it, knew he would be able to tell. Her face gave away her feelings. All he saw was disappointment and frustration.
On the way home, her voice broke as she said, “The preacher said God will lead all His sheep home. I want to find myself and my home. But I can’t remember.”
Mikey had fallen asleep on her lap so he was unaware of her tears.
Jesse pulled the buggy to a halt and drew Emily to his chest. “Emily, I promise I will not stop searching until I find out who you are. But even if I never learn the facts about your past, you will always have a home right here in Bella Creek.” He’d been about to say she’d have a home with him, but he didn’t have the right.
She tipped her head to study his face.
He pulled his handkerchief from his back pocket and wiped her tear-stained face.
“Jesse, how old are you?”
“Twenty-five. Why?”
“You are such a good man. I can’t help wondering why you aren’t married. Surely there have been others besides Agnes. A woman who saw your goodness.”
He shifted so she remained in his arms but wasn’t looking at him. “Not everyone thinks that.” She barely knew him. Her judgment would change as time went on and she understood the truth about his background.
She edged back to study him. “Someone has hurt you. Someone other than your mother. Perhaps Agnes hurt you more than you said.”
He didn’t answer but knew she saw the truth in his eyes.
“I’m sorry. But don’t let it be the controlling factor in your life. You deserve every bit of happiness.”
“I’m happy being a sheriff and maintaining law and order. I get satisfaction out of seeing justice prevail.”
She left his arms. Her hands bunched at Mikey’s sides.
He waited, wondering why she’d had such a strong reaction to his words.
She released a gentle sigh. “I don’t know how I know this, but things are not always just and fair.”
They regarded each other and he saw something in her eyes. “Something unfair has happened to you.”
Pain filled her eyes, then was drowned by tears. “I don’t know.”
Their attention was diverted by the approach of three riders. He didn’t recognize them. Roughly dressed, their horses dusty, he knew before they drew near that these men posed danger.
“Keep your head down and don’t look at them.” He reached back for his gun belt, took out the pistol and stuck it in the back of his trousers—not visible to invite a reaction but handy should he need it.
Emily pressed closer and her arms tightened around Mikey. “I pray he will stay asleep.”
“Amen.” He didn’t bother urging the horse to move. He’d let the strangers ride past first.
The men spoke to each other b
ut Jesse couldn’t hear them. They spread out, and Jesse tensed as he saw they meant to circle the buggy.
One rode to the right, one to the left and the third stopped in front making it impossible to race away.
“What do we have here?” The man beside Jesse leered at Emily.
“You have the sheriff.” Jesse tipped open his vest to reveal his star.
“Hey, ain’t it more fun to kill a lawman than anybody?” the front man yelled.
“I would suggest you ride along.” Jesse pulled his pistol to his lap, letting them know he meant to defend his passengers.
The man to his right wore a hat so dirty he could have scraped crud off with a knife. He reached out a grubby hand and touched Emily’s knee.
Emily shivered and pushed hard to Jesse’s side.
Jesse’s vision momentarily blurred red. He would shoot the man if he did anything to harm her or Mikey. Though he couldn’t likely hope to stop all three. No, he had to calm down and think smart.
“Where are you fellows from? Where are you going? Just so’s I know who to contact should you suddenly meet your demise.”
“D’mise? What’s that?” the guy on the left asked.
“I think he’s threatening us. Ain’t he?” The front rider asked the man on the right.
“Huh. How’s he going to shoot all three of us?”
Jesse cocked his gun and eyed them one after the other. “Who wants to be the one I get?”
The man on his left lunged for Jesse’s gun. Jesse drew it back, keeping it trained on the man’s forehead. “What do you want me to put on your tomb? Or you satisfied with an X?”
The other two laughed nervously.
“You let him shoot you, Lammie, and I’ll shoot him.”
Jesse didn’t flinch. “I’m pretty sure I can get two of you before you get your guns out.”
The big man at the front reached for his sidearm.
Jesse shot just right of his ear.
At the sound, Mikey wakened with a cry. Emily held him tight and murmured for him to be still.
The man jerked. “You almost hit me.”
“If I meant to hit you I would have.” Jesse jerked his pistol toward the man beside Emily. “I’d suggest you ride away while we’re all still alive.”
“I got better things to do than fight a sheriff.” The man at Emily’s right kicked his horse into action and rode away.
Jesse hoped he continued riding that direction.
The other two cursed and followed their partner.
Jesse leaned over to peer behind the buggy and make sure they didn’t circle back.
After he was fairly certain they weren’t returning, he put his gun away and opened his arms to Emily and Mikey who both cried quietly. “It’s okay. We’re safe. They won’t bother us again.” Please, Father God, give them something else to occupy their nasty minds.
Emily clutched his vest. “I thought they were going to kill you.”
Me, too. But he would die protecting Emily and Mikey, if necessary. “They thought better of it.”
She sniffed back her tears and sat up to look into his face. “You were prepared to die to protect us.”
He nodded.
“But why? For all you know, I’m a wicked person.”
He grinned at the idea. “I might as well say that for all you know, I’m an elephant.”
Her eyes widened and she burst out laughing. It quickly changed to tears and she buried her face against his chest and cried.
He rubbed her back and made what he hoped were soothing noises.
She’d put Mikey down at her feet and he patted her knees. “Mem, mem, mem.” He sounded concerned as Emily continued to cry.
She sucked in a breath and held it, though shudders ran through her body. Air eased past her teeth.
“I’m okay now.”
Jesse still had his arms around her and felt her quivering. “I don’t think you are. They’re gone. There’s no more danger.”
“I c-can’t seem to s-stop shivering,” she stammered.
He held her tight and continued to rub her back. After a bit, he grew concerned. “What’s wrong?”
She sat up and stared straight ahead. “I thought it was the same three men who robbed the stagecoach and—” She glanced toward Mikey and didn’t finish.
He knew she would have said killed two men. Men such as that wouldn’t hesitate to kill again. He thanked God for protecting all of them, then jumped from the buggy and examined the tracks. None of their mounts had had the odd-shaped horseshoe, although that could mean the horse had been swapped out for another. He had not noticed any silver-tipped boots and he certainly would have. For a moment, he stared up and down the road, but he saw nothing to cause him concern and climbed back to the seat.
“Emily, did you see something familiar about them?”
She didn’t answer for a moment then gave a sigh. “Only that there were three of them and they looked mean and nasty.”
“You’re sure there wasn’t something about them?”
She considered. “No. It just scared me.” She gripped his hand. Gave him a probing look. “Jesse, promise me you will never do that again.”
He cupped her shoulder. “Do what?”
“Face down three men.”
“Emily, I can’t promise you that. It’s my job.”
“To die protecting others?”
He nodded.
“So you can prove you’re a good man?”
Her words cut him. He slowly removed his hands from her shoulders. “I vowed to honor the law and protect my fellow man, and I intend to live up to my vow.” He heard the hard tone of his voice but couldn’t help it. Seems she wasn’t all that different from the other young ladies he’d tried to court who either hated his profession or, even more strongly, hated his background. What had made him think she might be? Only his misguided dreams. He deserved the wakeup call. Not that he was courting her or had even considered it.
After all, who courts a woman who doesn’t know who she is?
“We need to get home.” He flicked the reins and they rode the rest of the way in silence. He pulled up in front of the house and jumped down to lift first Mikey and then Emily to the ground.
Mikey looked from one adult to the other then stuck his thumb in his mouth.
Smart little kid to recognize the tension between Jesse and Emily.
“Jesse?”
He waited but she had nothing more to say. “Tell Gram I’m taking the buggy back and then making my rounds. I might be late for supper.”
Gram would demand to know what was so important that he missed Sunday supper. He almost hoped for some kind of ruckus to provide him with an excuse to avoid returning home until after dark.
Emily fled into the house.
Was she crying?
He considered following but her assessment of him stung. He didn’t protect the citizens of Bella Creek and uphold the law for his own glory and satisfaction. To make himself feel good.
Then why do you do it? The question refused to be silenced.
He did not thank Emily for building a cauldron of uncertainty in his brain.
Chapter Nine
Emily knew from the surprise on Gram’s face when she relayed Jesse’s message that it was not normal behavior on his part. She regretted throwing doubt on his reasons for being a sheriff. Her only excuse was that to think of him facing such a risk left her mouth desert dry and her bones weak.
Especially on her behalf.
She didn’t deserve it. He’d rescued her once, but she had no desire to see him shot to protect her…a woman with no past and no future.
She went through all the right motions of helping serve supper, cleaning up and then preparing Mikey for the night.
When she told the boy it was time for bed, he went to the outer door, leaned his head on it and cried. Muffin whined at his feet, but he ignored the dog.
“Honey, what’s the matter?” Emily knelt beside him and tried to pull hi
m into her arms.
He pushed her away and patted the door.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what you mean.”
Gram watched. “He wants to know where Jesse is. So do I. Did something happen?”
Emily studied the floor for a moment but she must own up to her actions. “We had a little spat.”
“You and Jesse? About what, if you don’t mind me asking.”
She explained about the three ruffians on the trail and how he had persuaded them to ride on. “I don’t want him to risk his life for me.”
“Exactly what did you say?”
“I accused him of trying to prove he was a good man.” She hung her head. “I know it was wrong. He is a good man and doesn’t need to prove it to anyone.”
“Come sit.” Gram patted the couch beside her and waited until Emily settled. She took one of Emily’s hands. “You may be more right than you know. You struck close to a wound.”
“I didn’t mean to. I’m very sorry for my hasty words.”
“You’ll have to tell him that.”
“I will.” She rolled Gram’s words round in her head. “He told me about his mother and the house of ill repute. Is that what you mean?”
“That’s part of it. He was badly hurt when people learned of her circumstances. They judged him for the way she’d lived her life. It’s made him almost rigid in the way he lives and what he expects of others. To him, life is simply black and white.”
“‘A man is only as good as his word.’ That’s what he said to me.”
“Yes. He does not forgive easily.”
She shivered. “That doesn’t sound promising for my intended apology.”
“You do what you need to do and let him work out his way of dealing with it.”
“You’re saying he might not forgive me? That will make it awkward for me to stay here.” She forced a smile to her wooden lips. “Though I hope by tomorrow I will know who I am and can get on with my life.” Surely the doctor could help her recall who she was.
“For your sake, I hope you regain your memory. As to Jesse forgiving you, all I can say is he’s dealt with hurtful things in the past and moved on to become the man he is. A strong, noble man with high ideals.”
Emily wanted to know what hurtful things, but it didn’t feel right to learn his secrets from a source other than him.
