by Linda Ford
“Can I look at it?” He held his hand toward the bit of cloth, no doubt wondering why it had triggered such a response.
Her arms held it tighter. “It’s my favorite shirtwaist. Mama made it for me.” Moaning, she leaned over her knees and braced herself against the storm of emotions rushing toward her. “I can picture Mama standing in the kitchen, smiling as she talked to me while she stirred a pot. She loved me.” Her rocking grew frantic.
Jesse rubbed her back, keeping silent, as if knowing she had gone deep into her thoughts, trying to capture more of what her mother looked like, what her name was, where she lived…anything.
She sat up and leaned against Jesse’s shoulder needing his strength and support.
Would he accept her if her past was sullied? She knew he wouldn’t, but right now she needed the comfort he gave so willingly.
“Can I look at it now? I might find a clue about you or—” He didn’t finish. Didn’t need to. His main concern was to find the brutes who had destroyed her favorite garment.
She forced her arms to release the shirtwaist to him and watched as he unfolded it. The holes in the fabric were cut, not torn. Deliberate. Blood and dirt soiled it in several areas.
She shuddered. “Is it meant as a warning?”
“It’s the only explanation for how it was delivered.” His voice was deep and she shivered. He was angry. His eyes were hard, his mouth a tight line.
“It’s my fault.”
His expression softened. “I don’t see how.”
“If I hadn’t—I should have—” She couldn’t explain the feeling that she’d done something terribly wrong that had put her in this position.
“It’s not your fault.” He looked deep into her eyes. “What do you remember of your mother?”
“Nothing more than what I said.” She closed her eyes tight and tried to find more memories of the woman. “She loved me.” Her eyes flew open. “I said loved. Does that mean she’s passed away?” Agony gripped her and she groaned. “Who am I?”
Jesse held her and spoke comforting words. Eventually she heard what he said.
“Any day now we will hear from the sheriff in Alliance.”
“And then what?” She hadn’t meant to say the words aloud.
“Then we can learn who you are and find your family.”
She bit back the fear that she wasn’t going to like who she was and that her family no longer existed. He’d surely heard enough of her irrational fears. “Could that man I saw have recognized me?” She wanted him to say no. How was it possible? She’d been unconscious, presumably dead. Or had he recognized her from another part of her life? Or heard talk around town about her and realized she might constitute a threat. How could he know or believe she wouldn’t be able to identify him?
“Someone has a need to warn you. I can’t think of any other reason than they fear you can recognize them as the murdering thieves.”
“I’m afraid,” she whispered. “What about Mikey? Is he in danger?”
“They’ll know he’s too young to be a witness.”
The uncertainty in Jesse’s voice did nothing to comfort her.
“I need to bring him back.” She would never feel he was safe unless he was in her care. But he’d been in her care when this happened. “Perhaps he isn’t safe with me.”
“You are both safe.”
“I wish I could believe you.”
He caught her restless hands. “I promise I will do everything in my power to keep you from harm. And when I can’t provide you with protection, God will.”
The words settled into her soul and she inhaled the first satisfying breath she’d taken since she saw the shirtwaist at her feet.
“I had planned a quiet afternoon with just the two of us.” His laugh was rueful.
“I’m sorry to ruin your plans.”
“Who says you have?” He pulled her to her feet. “The backyard is sheltered. We can enjoy the sunshine out there without fear.” Despite his words, he strapped on his gun belt as they went outside.
She couldn’t make herself go farther than the chairs against the house and perched on the seat of one. Every noise sent a shiver through her body.
Jesse couldn’t help but notice and held her hand. He talked of many things. She heard his voice but his words did not register.
She had been threatened.
She couldn’t remember who she was.
Mikey might be at risk because of her.
Trusting God was a lot harder than the words implied.
It seemed forever until Gram came through the back gate with Mikey at her side.
Emily bolted from her chair and hugged the boy to her.
He patted her cheek and giggled at how she kissed him over and over.
Jesse joined them, his gaze searching their surroundings.
Afraid of being out in the open, she carried Micky indoors, calling over her shoulder, “I’ll get supper started.”
“What’s going on?” Gram asked.
The door closed behind Emily. She wouldn’t hear Jesse’s answer but she didn’t need to.
She half listened to Mikey’s chatter as she made supper. Gram and Jesse came inside. Gram set the table. Jesse wandered from kitchen to living room, pausing to look out each window. She noticed he kept his gun belt on, though he normally removed it in the house.
Later that evening, she brought her Bible downstairs and sat on the couch. Jesse had gone out to make his rounds. Gram and Mikey had both gone to bed. She was alone with a bird in his covered cage. Muffin had refused to stay with her and followed Gram up the stairs.
She must find strength and courage to face the future and whatever it held and she read Psalm after Psalm. The seventy-seventh held her attention. Over and over she read the words, I remember. Would she ever remember?
The door opened. Her heart slammed into her ribs then settled back to where it belonged as she saw through a haze of tears that it was Jesse.
She hadn’t even realized she was crying.
He closed the door and hurried to her in long strides, shedding his gun belt as he came. He sat beside her and pulled her into his arms. “How long have you been sitting here crying?”
“I don’t know.” Her sad voice was muffled against his shirt. “I’ve been reading my Bible.”
“I see that.” He took the open Bible off her lap.
She tapped the Psalm she’d been reading. “Has God forgotten me?”
He studied the verses a moment. “The Psalm closes with a reminder that God leads his people like a flock. He does the same for you.”
She leaned into his embrace, willing to believe his explanation.
“It reminds me of a hymn.” He began to sing. “All the way my Savior leads me; What have I to ask beside? Can I doubt His tender mercy, Who through life has been my Guide?” He sang several verses, his voice reverberating beneath her ear. Trust replaced worry. A smile replaced her frown.
He stopped singing and tipped her chin up so he could look into her eyes. “Feeling better?”
“Yes, thanks to you.”
“Good.”
They looked into each other’s eyes. His were dark and steady. As if promising her now and forever. As if inviting her into his heart.
If only it could be so. She ached with longing to belong right here next to him.
He lowered his head. She saw his intent and lifted her face to meet his kiss. The kiss was brief and light. A tender caress that ended far too soon.
She sighed softly, hoping he didn’t hear her disappointment.
He pulled her to her feet. “Run along to bed now and sleep well.”
She paused at the stairs. He put his gun belt and hat back on. “Are you going out again?”
“I’m going to check and make sure everything is locked up.” He waited at the door. “I’ll stay here until I hear you enter your room.”
For a moment, she considered staying in the living room until he returned, but on second thought, realiz
ed he wouldn’t rest until he’d done this, and he wouldn’t do it until she was safely in her room. “Good night.” She climbed the stairs and paused to check on Mikey. Gram had let the dog sleep on Mikey’s bed, which gave Emily a degree of peace about his safety.
She did not sleep until she heard Jesse tiptoe into his room. By then she had reached a decision and rose the next morning determined to inform Jesse of it.
She waited until they had finished breakfast and Mikey had gone to play with Muffin. “Jesse, I’ve decided to try and draw out whoever left my shirtwaist here yesterday.”
“What does that mean?” There was no mistaking the warning note in his voice.
She ignored it. “I’m not hiding in the house or even in the yard. I’m going to go about town freely and openly. If someone is watching for me, I’m inviting them to come out in the open.” Over the weeks since she’d lost her memory, she had gone from shaking with fear to forcing herself to meet strangers who became friends. She wasn’t about to revert to the former.
He banged his fists on the table. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard in a long time. I forbid it.”
Her eyebrows went upward. “What if I refuse to let you stop me? Are you going to lock me in jail?”
“Don’t tempt me.”
Gram cleared her throat. “I think Mikey and I will have a look at the flowers before church while you two iron this out.”
Neither Jesse nor Emily looked her direction as she took the boy and dog outside.
“It’s too dangerous,” Jesse growled as the door shut behind them.
“What do I have to lose? I don’t know who I am and no one has shown any concern about my disappearance.” It had been more than three weeks since she’d lost her memory. Plenty of time for family or friends to make inquiries about her absence.
“I don’t know why no one from your past has come to find you, but what about people in your present who care for you?”
“Jesse, the last normal thing I have left in my life is the freedom to come and go as I please. I can’t give that up. Don’t ask me to.”
“Would it make a difference if I did?”
She felt the tension in his words. “I don’t want to make you angry, but think about it. I’ll let you know where I am at all times. You can keep an eye on me or ask Clarence or someone else to.”
“I don’t like it.”
“I will not be a prisoner.”
They did silent battle with their eyes. She guessed her expression was as stubborn and unrelenting as his.
*
Jesse did not like her suggestion one bit. How could he keep her safe? Locking her in jail, or at least in the house, seemed like a reasonable option. No reason it should sting to have her refuse to change her mind because he asked it. His mother had taught him the futility of having a request granted simply because of an attachment between the two people. He could not deny his fondness for Emily. Was sure she held similar feelings for him. But it wasn’t enough for her to heed his concern.
“Please, Jesse. I feel trapped enough as it is with my memory missing.”
Had she purposely widened her eyes and looked appealing? How was he to refuse? And what was the point? She had no obligation to obey him. It would be wiser to be involved.
“Will you promise to only go out and about when there is someone to keep an eye on you?” The someone would be him. He would not trust anyone else with the task.
“I promise. I have no desire to get into trouble.”
“Very well.”
Gram cracked open the door. “Is it safe to come in? We need to get ready for church.”
Jesse gave what he hoped sounded like a happy chuckle. “It’s safe.”
The women hustled about, cleaning the kitchen and preparing for church. While they worked, Jesse slipped out and circled the block, looking for anything suspicious. The worst thing he saw was a kitten meowing frantically in a tree and a little girl crying on the ground.
“Can you save my kitty?”
He reached up, scooped the kitten from the branch and handed it to the grateful child. If only he could as easily deal with Emily’s problems.
Back at the house, the trio was ready to leave. He was more than half tempted to wear his sidearm to church, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Instead, he clattered up the stairs and found the older model derringer Sheriff Good had given him and stuffed it into his pocket. It was virtually useless except at close range, but he did not intend to take Emily out in public without some protection.
Gram had already gone when he returned to the living room. His nerves twitched as he stepped out into the open and he drew Emily’s arm through his. He would not let her get one step away from him until they were safely inside the church. He insisted Mikey stay close to them.
He hurried them across the churchyard and inside.
“I wanted to speak to Annie,” she protested.
“Here she comes now.”
Emily furrowed her brow at him. “I’m not a prisoner under escort, either.”
He smiled.
Annie overheard her comment. “You’re a prisoner?”
“I would be if Jesse had his way.”
Several other Marshalls gathered round them as Jesse and Emily vied with each other to explain what was going on.
Annie gasped when she heard about the torn and dirty shirtwaist and again when Emily said she meant to wander about the streets. “Emily, are you sure it’s safe to leave the house?” Annie’s sisters-in-law murmured agreement.
“It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who thinks your plan is foolish.” Jesse crossed his arms, feeling triumphant.
Emily ignored him and turned to the women. “Tell me which one of you would be happy as a prisoner in your own home.”
The women shook their heads and confessed they wouldn’t.
“There you go,” Emily said with conviction. “So don’t expect me to be.” She found Mikey, who played with Evan, took his hand, marched to a pew and sat down.
Jesse followed and let out a long, frustrated sigh. Why must she be so stubborn?
She leaned close. “Aren’t you always reminding me to trust God? Perhaps it’s time for you to practice what you preach.”
“Harrumph.”
She laughed softly. “You sound very much like Grandfather Marshall.”
He considered her comment. Perhaps if he appealed to Grandfather Marshall, the older man would persuade her to be more reasonable.
Their conversation ended as Hugh stood behind the pulpit. “We’ll open with the hymn, ‘All the Way the Savior Leads Me.’”
Emily nudged Jesse’s side as if to say it was time to do as he said she should do and trust God. But it was easier said than done. By the time the service ended he was more resigned that accepting, more accepting than trusting.
He patted his pocket as they stepped out into the sunlight and stuck close to her. So close that she stepped on his toes every time she turned.
“Jesse, I appreciate your concern, but perhaps a little room to breathe, if you don’t mind.” She spoke kindly but he didn’t misunderstand her meaning that she thought him overprotective. Reluctantly, he put two feet of distance between them.
It was Sunday and he had plans for the afternoon. Plans that would serve both their purposes. If he could get her to agree.
They refused an invitation to go the Marshall Five Ranch, though he could not say her reasons. Surprisingly, Gram agreed to ride to the ranch with Kate and Conner. No one missed the fact that Grandfather Marshall rode in the same wagon but having her away suited Jesse fine.
Jesse stared after them. Had Gram put her life on hold because of him? He hoped not.
Annie and Hugh were preparing to go home. “Can Mikey come with us to play with Evan?” Annie asked.
“That would be fine,” Emily said.
Jesse knew by the relieved look in her face that she wanted Mikey out of the way so she could march up and down the street begging for
someone to jump out of the bushes and grab her.
Well, he might have something to say about that.
“That leaves us on our own,” she said, and took his arm as they headed toward home. “There’s enough bread and cheese for sandwiches. Is that okay with you?”
“Sandwiches are fine, but why not put them in a basket? I’ve got something to show you. We can eat there.”
She took a few more steps before she stopped and faced him. “Why do I get the idea you have in mind to keep me out of sight?”
“I had planned this a couple of days ago.” And if it suited him even more now, he wasn’t about to complain.
“You’re sure?”
“Do you doubt me?”
She smiled. “You’ve never given me reason to do so.”
He grinned. “I never will.”
Her smile flattened and her eyes got that faraway look in them that he knew signaled she’d remembered something. He kept very still, holding his breath, waiting to see if her memory would come flooding back. And if it would leave him and her time in Bella Creek forgotten.
She blinked and her gaze came back to him, blue and focused. “I thought I remembered something but nope. Nothing.”
They continued homeward where he got the basket and gathered together cookies while she made sandwiches. He put a dipper in with the food and covered it all with a cloth.
“Where are we going?” She had asked several different ways but he always gave the same answer.
“You’ll see when we get there.”
“You’re a tease,” she said after her fifth attempt to get him to reveal their destination. She tickled him in the ribs.
Little did she know how ticklish he was. He laughed and pushed her away. Her eyes narrowed and he silently groaned. Now she knew and was determined to use her knowledge to torment him. She chased him and tickled him again before he caught her hands and stopped her.
“No tickling.” His voice and words were firm.
“Who says?” She wriggled her fingers but he wouldn’t free her.
“I do.”
“Are you saying you don’t like it?”
He never had, but to have her touch him and make him laugh wasn’t so bad. “My mother used to tickle me unmercifully until I was sick.”
