by Jyoti Singh
She arrived early at Tanya’s as usual to help her prepare for the evening. Tanya had taken extra care and made all of Niki’s favourites – her special lemon chicken, lentil soup like the one their grandmother used to make and garlic mint dip with succulent kebabs… She had even baked a cake, pineapple upside down. Niki had a very special association with that cake. For as long as she could remember, her mother had baked that cake for Niki whenever she had felt down. Tanya was now creating a new memory—one of celebration.
‘It’s not every day that my little sister has a milestone birthday and I want to make it special,’ she said to Niki as she hugged her.
‘This is a lot of work, T, and I really appreciate it.’ Niki’s pang of nostalgia and a sudden longing for her parents must have shown in her voice.
Tanya picked up on it and said, ‘They would be proud of who you’ve become.’ Niki’s eyes misted. She loved her sister and felt guilty about keeping so many secrets from her—secrets she had shared so boldly with Sid. She wondered why she felt this reserve with Tanya, even though it wasn’t new. Ever since their parents had died, Niki had shut herself off emotionally. It was Sid who had opened up parts of her that she had kept stubbornly closed because of the guilt and shame associated with them. As a direct consequence, he was now privy to knowledge that Tanya should have known first.
Niki looked at her sister as she flitted around the kitchen and her heart filled with affection. ‘I love you, sis,’ she said.
‘And I you…’ Tanya replied distractedly. Then she suddenly put her hands on her face. ‘I forgot to tell you that there will be two more people at dinner.’
‘The Shahs again?’ Niki asked.
‘No, no, no… This was my great idea… I will give you only one hint—you will be quite surprised when you see them.’ Tanya smiled mischievously.
Niki rattled off names and Tanya kept saying no until she finally said in frustration, ‘You will know when you see them, okay? Now get out of my kitchen and go get changed…’
Niki followed Tanya’s orders and made herself scarce. She had taken the trouble of buying herself a new dress—emerald-green chiffon that hugged the top half of her body like a glove and then flared into waves from an empire waist, ending asymmetrically at her ankles. The narrow halter neck straps exposed her lovely rounded shoulders, showcased her neck and the tantalising slope of her breasts. ‘You look like a goddess,’ the salesgirl had said. Niki didn’t believe her till now. She felt like a Grecian deity and she had the sandals to match, like gold filigree encasing her feet. She wore her mother’s favourite emerald drops in her ears and lingered in front of the mirror perfecting her make-up.
Tanya’s voice rose from below. ‘How long are you going to take? Our guests are already here.’ She heard a mix of voices and her pulse leapt at the thought of Sid being there.
‘Be down in a minute,’ she replied as she spritzed perfume liberally and checked herself in the mirror once more. Thirty years old. Boy! She looked good, even if she said so herself. Smiling, she walked down the stairs to a collective gasp. Her smile faded as she saw who the guests were.
‘You look stunning,’ Gauri said graciously before anybody else could speak.
Tanya was smiling with pride. ‘You’ve met my little sister, Niki. Niki, Gauri and Jay.’
Niki was now in the foyer with Gauri, Jay, Tushar and Tanya. She shook hands with Jay and smiled at Gauri. She towered over her and suddenly felt big and gawky, her goddess complex fading into insignificance at the sight of Gauri’s diminutive frame encased in a figure-hugging black and white shift. Niki’s mind was racing. Was Sid in on this? Where was he? She needed to see how he reacted to Gauri. Previous experience told her that the evening was set for disaster. This was definitely not how she had envisaged celebrating her birthday. What was Tanya thinking?
‘Let’s go into the sitting room.’ Tanya corralled everybody. Just as people settled into their chosen seats, the bell rang. ‘I’ll get it,’ said Tanya and disappeared.
The sitting room was silent while the sound of laughter came from the foyer. Then Sid appeared at the entrance of the room behind Tanya. Niki’s eyes fixed on him as he searched for and found her. She was near the wall, facing the door. He smiled, a warm, fuzzy lopsided smile that made Niki feel like jelly inside. She smiled back.
Tanya moved into the room and Sid followed, making tracks towards Niki. It was only when she said, ‘You know everyone here,’ that Sid noticed there were others in the room. Niki gave him full marks for managing whatever emotions might have surfaced.
‘Not everyone,’ he said politely as he reached out to shake Jay’s hand, saying, ‘Sid.’
Jay shook his hand and said, ‘Jay.’
Sid then turned to Gauri, ‘Nice to see you again.’
Gauri smiled in acknowledgement. ‘Likewise.’
That set the tone for the evening. Polite conversation, with stilted laughter every now and then. Sid had found his place next to Niki, placing one hand on her lower back while holding his glass of wine in the other. The heat radiated through every fibre of her being. In better circumstances, she would have melted into him but right now all she wanted to do was have a conversation with Tanya. Seeing how Tanya had missed her cues, she decided to be more direct.
‘Tanya, could I speak to you in the kitchen for a minute?’ she said with a smile.
‘Sure!’ Tanya rose from her place on the sofa and excused herself.
‘Just what were you thinking?’ Niki remonstrated in a whisper once they were both in the kitchen.
‘You mean inviting Gauri and Jay?’ Tanya’s eyes gleamed. ‘I think it was an excellent idea.’
‘Why on earth would you think that after what I told you?’ Niki was beside herself.
‘That is exactly why it was an excellent idea… Don’t you see?’ Tanya looked at Niki as if she were an idiot. Only she could get away with that.
‘Explain…’ Niki was exasperated as they volleyed questions back and forth.
‘Gauri is Sid’s ex and she keeps flaunting Jay in his face. So what better way for her to see that Sid has moved on…’
Tushar poked his head through the door. ‘Everything all right?’
‘Not now, Tushar,’ they replied in unison and he withdrew.
‘…and to someone as beautiful and accomplished as you.’ Tanya completed her sentence with a flourish.
Niki flushed. ‘Thanks for the fulsome compliment but your timing is off. It’s my birthday, remember… I wanted to celebrate it with you and Sid. I don’t even want to think about what it’ll mean for our trip tomorrow.’
‘Trip?’ Tanya questioned.
‘I was going to tell you later in the evening… Sid and I are planning to go away for the weekend. Don’t ask me where, even I don’t know.’
‘So things have gone beyond…?’ Tanya looked conflicted.
‘You don’t approve?’ Niki suddenly felt guilty.
‘You’re my little sister; you will always be my little sister, but you’re thirty today… I should respect your decision.’ Tanya was trying to come to terms with this new Niki.
They were both quiet. Niki struggled with the fact that she hadn’t come clean to Tanya before. Her sister was not crowing. She actually looked worried.
‘If Sid hurts you in any way, there will be hell to pay… I will send him there myself, I promise.’ Tanya was transformed into a maternal tigress in an instant.
‘Don’t worry, T… I can look after myself,’ she said, echoing the last words she had said to her parents, and a sense of déjà vu and loss overcame her.
Tanya hugged her tightly to reassure her. ‘You’re not alone, Niki. I am right here. Always here for you.’
They were still hugging when Tushar peeked in. ‘Is it safe to come in now?’
Tanya released Niki and smiled. ‘Yes, sweetheart… Missing me?’
And, just like that, things returned to normal. They trooped back into the sitting room to find Jay admiring
the art while Gauri and Sid seemed to be immersed in a deep conversation. Niki felt a surge of jealousy but, instead of joining them, she walked over to where Jay was standing. They started discussing the art and Niki told him how their parents had selected some of the works. They had been lucky in that the artists had gone on to become valued masters and the worth of the works had skyrocketed over the years. This was something Jay understood and related to, she guessed.
Tushar had been quietly replenishing her glass of wine all evening, so Niki had no idea how much she had drunk. By the time Tanya announced dinner, she was in a blissful place. Sid had returned to her side and the conversation had become livelier. There was actually an atmosphere of celebration. Niki, liberated by the fact that Tanya knew that Sid and she had some sort of physical relationship, didn’t protest when he put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into his side as they walked to the dining table.
‘You do realise that you are a little drunk,’ Sid whispered in her ear.
‘And happy,’ she said, smiling. The wine had made her feel invincible. She was a goddess again and Gauri was like a little bug she could crush between her fingers. Sid was with her. That was all that mattered.
‘You look beautiful tonight, Niki,’ he said as he pulled out her chair for her. She blossomed at the compliment. He had noticed.
‘Thank you, Sid,’ she said huskily and looked straight into Gauri’s eyes across the table. Take that, you… Even in her thoughts, Niki censored herself.
The dinner was impeccable. Tanya had outdone herself. In her wine-addled state, each morsel was like a burst of flavours and memories in her mouth. The compliments poured forth from every quarter of the dining table and Tanya glowed.
Her birthday cake doubled up as dessert. Tanya had put a single candle in the centre. Niki felt really strange blowing it out as a thirty-year-old and making a wish but she did it anyway. Her birthday had made her maudlin. She closed her eyes and fervently prayed that her parents had forgiven her for what she had said the night of the accident. She felt as if she was on the threshold of a new phase in her life and she had to let go of the past. She desperately wanted to believe that somewhere, her parents were looking down and rejoicing with her.
She opened her eyes and saw Sid. There was something in his eyes that made her feel as if he knew what she had wished for. She was mesmerised.
Tanya took over and served everyone. There was laughter and whoops of celebration. Niki felt blessed and grateful she was surrounded by so much love.
They lingered over coffee later. After Gauri and Jay left, they chatted some more.
‘So I hear the two of you are taking a trip,’ Tanya said.
Sid looked askance at Niki and replied, ‘Yes, we leave early in the morning. Actually, it may be a good idea to call it a night…’
‘You still haven’t told me – where,’ Niki chimed in.
‘I will, when I drop you home. Do you need to get anything or can we leave?’ Sid spoke patiently as if to a recalcitrant child.
‘I’ll get my things.’ Niki rose a little shakily in her inebriated state. Sid chuckled.
As she left, she could hear Tanya’s voice fill the room. She did not sound pleased.
There was much hugging and long Indian goodbyes at the door when they were leaving.
As soon as Niki settled into the car, she asked, ‘So how did the Tanya inquisition go?’
‘You know Tanya… she was just being protective,’ Sid sidelined her question.
‘Come on; you can tell me,’ Niki insisted.
‘There’s nothing to tell… she worries about you, that’s all. It’s really sweet.’ She knew by now that Sid would disclose no more.
Niki took another tack. ‘So Gauri and Jay, eh?’
‘Hmm… that was a surprise.’ Sid’s voice was unemotional.
‘Pleasant or otherwise?’
He was non-committal. ‘Didn’t really matter to me.’
‘Gauri and you seemed to have a real heart to heart conversation.’ Niki couldn’t help the bitterness in her tone.
‘We were just catching up on each other’s lives…’ He did nothing to assuage Niki’s need to know more.
‘So are you caught up?’ she asked.
‘More or less… would you like to know where we are going or not?’ Sid deflected this line of questioning too. Even in her wine-addled state, Niki knew it was time to stop.
She took Sid’s cue and asked, ‘Where?’ instead.
‘Goa.’ He smiled as he said it.
‘Awesome,’ replied Niki, closing her eyes.
‘You don’t sound enthused.’ He sounded disappointed.
‘I am… the wine has finally got to me,’ she professed.
‘You’re cute when you’re drunk, you know,’ he said and she smiled.
When they got to her building, Sid volunteered to help her to her flat. She did not refuse.
He stopped at the door but did not enter. She unlocked the door and raised her face for a kiss goodnight. Sid did not disappoint.
‘Be packed and ready at six a.m.,’ he said, and made to leave.
‘Don’t you want to come in?’ Niki was plaintive.
‘Tomorrow, Niki.’ He dropped another kiss on her lips and left.
Niki watched his retreating back wistfully. It was going to be some birthday celebration and it had already begun.
Only when he entered the elevator did Niki shut the door. Packing was going to be a challenge but she got to it with anticipation in her heart. She was going to Goa with Sid; how could she not look forward to it? She put every doubt, question and fear on the back burner for now.
She slept the sleep of the innocent and woke up with a start at five. She was just a little hungover from the night before. Sid arrived on time, as usual. Niki joined him at the car in a flash. The new phase of her life had begun… It had taken thirty long years and she hadn’t even been aware that she was waiting.
Chapter Nine
Niki lazed in the rumpled sheets while recovering from a long session of mind-blowing lovemaking with Sid. The sun was setting in a sky pregnant with rain. She could see the changing colours of the clouds through the French windows of the lovely cottage they were staying in, in Goa. They had arrived in the afternoon and Niki’s memory bank of the morning that preceded it was overflowing.
Sid had chartered a flight but they were delayed because of bad weather. The monsoon was in full force over the Konkan coast of western India. Niki had never been in a private aeroplane before and the sheer luxury overwhelmed her. She made no comments about waste and the carbon footprint, although she couldn’t help thinking about it. Sid must have known because he put his hands up in mock surrender, saying, ‘All’s forgiven—it’s your birthday.’ How could Niki take umbrage at that?
They had arrived in a Goa made lush and green with rain. The long drive from the airport gave Niki an opportunity to soak in its beauty, as the tree-lined road meandered through fields of paddy and new constructions, little cottages, old Goan houses, brightly painted churches and across the Zuari and Mandovi rivers. The monsoon had stirred the soil at the bottom of the rivers, giving them a striking red hue as they flowed towards the sea, framed by leaning coconut trees.
En route, Sid got the driver to stop the car to buy fragrant flower buds from one of the many women and men standing by the roadside. These single and lonely figures standing at short distances from each other while holding their hands out looked as if they were a part of a public art installation. The car was immediately filled with the sweet smell of their perfume. Sid smiled and said, ‘Welcome to Goa!’
A refrain repeated by the staff of the resort as they garlanded them with lovely necklaces made of shells and served them ruby-red Kokum sherbet. Sid had chosen well. The resort was made up of luxurious cottages spread across several acres along the pristine Calangute beach. The sand was the colour of gold against the light green jade Arabian Sea. On one end stood the rampart of an old fort, dark and fo
rbidding, its walls still strong enough to withstand the continued onslaught of a changing sea. The monsoons and high tide made the sea rough, large waves crashing onto the shore then retreating in a froth of water that left behind marine detritus and a beach wiped clean of any traces of visitors.
Niki was in a haze of too much sensory information. Then she saw the cottage they had been allocated. It was recessed behind a wall of tall coconut trees, a hammock hanging lazily outside. Blue walls with a white trim, the cottage was what dreams were made of. Inside, it was the epitome of indulgence. A large double bed dominated the centre. The bathroom was well-appointed with his and her sinks and shiny fittings. Wandering through the cottage while the bellboy brought their luggage and Sid tipped him, Niki was overcome by the extravagance of Sid’s gift. But it was the bathroom that gave her pause… They would be sharing it. She had not shared a bathroom with a man, ever. The very thought that her morning and nightly routines would now be common knowledge to Sid was both daunting and exciting. Sid caught her unawares when she stepped back into the bedroom.
‘Gosh! You startled me,’ she said.
‘I’ve been waiting for you to finish your little exploration.’ He smiled as he took her into his arms.
Niki just melted as she raised her face up for a kiss. All the pent-up ardour of the past week came welling up. They couldn’t get close enough. Clothes fell to the floor in a rush to consummate what they had been holding in check all this while. There was no need for words. Their bodies did all the talking. Niki had never felt this sense of urgency and was deeply pleased that Sid felt the same way. Breathing heavily, her face flushed, Niki let Sid guide her to the bed and welcomed him into her with a sigh. She felt complete. As the fast and furious rhythm took over, she experienced the rise towards a crescendo. Sid was right there with her. It was sublime. Afterwards she smiled, her eyes closed meditatively.
