I stop rocking and whip my head around to see who it is, my lips pulled back in a snarl. Robin immediately straightens, her shoulders shaking as she tries to hold back her crying. Chief Darian leans against the doorway, his arms crossed and one eyebrow raised.
“I’m pretty sure that if we undid those restraints, Miss Hayworth, you would do some serious damage to our dear Robin. And, as you both know, the damage would be permanent.”
I keep writhing, struggling against the cuffs, while he walks over to Robin at the foot of the bed. He puts a hand on her shoulder and whispers something to her. She nods and walks to the door. Before she leaves the room she pauses, turns to me, and mouths I’m so sorry.
As soon as she leaves I turn back to Darian, my fists balled up in anger. He just stands there and stares at me, letting the moments pass in silence. After a minute or so, I exhale a huge, shuddering breath and let my head fall back on the pillow. I can feel my eyes starting to burn, so I look back up at the crack in the ceiling. The hole is still there, still black and empty.
“Chief?” My voice is barely a whisper.
“Yes?” There is no trace of emotion in his response.
“Please,” I say, still keeping my gaze on the hole, “could you undo my restraints?”
“And why should I do that?” He moves over to me. I can see his flannel-clad torso in my peripheral.
“Because,” I whimper, my eyes beginning to fill with water, “I’m not going anywhere, and I won’t hurt anyone… I just—”
The first tear rolls down my cheek. “I just can’t be tied down right now.”
I love you forever, Eliza.
Harrison’s last words echo in my mind, and my entire body begins to tremble. The tears are coming faster now, and I can only get out the word please before I break.
*
The next few days blur together in a stream of tears, screams, more tears, and an all-consuming sense of emptiness. At least I assume they’re days, because I honestly haven’t bothered keeping track. Multiple people have come through my room to bring me food and check my cell growth rate, so I assume a decent amount of time has passed.
During a rare moment, when I was too exhausted to despair, Robin visited and told me what had happened in between my last mission and waking up in Revolutionary headquarters. She told me that, as I was clutching Harrison’s body, the Security branch had sent three of their strongest agents to take him away and subdue me.
She said I knocked them all out in about twenty seconds.
She explained that the fight had resulted in some internal bleeding, bruised ribs and a broken collarbone for me. My Chip already healed those with no problems, but Robin explained that Doctor Sloan wanted to make sure my cells were regenerating as they should be. Sloan doesn’t say anything when she comes into my room to check on me, but every time she leaves she places a gentle hand on my shoulder for a moment.
The warmth of that hand reminds me of Godmother Ashley’s touch so many years ago, and it makes me want to cry and scream at the same time.
The squad that the Revolutionaries sent to retrieve me before the Security Branch could send more agents found me surrounded by unconscious bodies, bleeding, and in a state of complete hysteria. When they tried to grab me I fought back with everything I had, and they eventually had to tie me up to prevent me from hurting anyone else. I fought tooth and nail to stay with Harrison but, because they had to get out of there quickly, they knocked me unconscious and strapped me to the hospital bed while I was still passed out. The next time I woke up was two days later when Robin told me I was in their underground headquarters.
*
That evening, after Robin visited to explain everything that had happened, the Chief walks into the room to find me staring at my ceiling crack once again. I’ve looked at it so many times that I think I’m starting to make out faint patterns in the darkness. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking.
“Hey, Hayworth. How are you feeling today?” He calls to me from the doorway.
I stare at the dark patch above me for a few more moments before turning my head to look at him.
“How am I feeling?” I let every bit of sarcasm I can muster color my words. “Really? I’m just peachy Chief. I mean, it’s not like the people I work for completely screwed up and caused me to kill Har— To kill Harri—”
I can’t even say his name out loud without sobbing, so I stop trying. I can feel my face starting to sting as more tears crawl in behind my eyes. I’ve cried so much since I’ve been here that I’m surprised that I haven’t turned to dust. I look back at the ceiling, close my eyes, and press my hands against my eyelids.
“God, what have I done…” I choke out, clenching every muscle in my body, staying rigid to keep myself from breaking.
I hear movement. When I open my eyes Darian is sitting in the chair next to my bed. He gently places his hand on my arm.
“Eliza, you can’t blame yourself…” he soothes. He stops for a moment, takes a breath. “Because what they did wasn’t a screw up.”
“Don’t…” I whisper.
I know that it couldn’t have been a mistake. The Security Branch would never mess up a Wish submission that badly, and there is no way Harrison would have submitted his own Death Wish. But I have to convince myself that it was all a mistake, because the alternative is too horrifying to think about. I hope with everything I am that Darian won’t confirm what I already know deep in my heart to be true.
“They sent me on a Wish Fulfillment for Harrison.” My breath catches halfway through his name, and I have to clench my fists and dig my nails into the soft flesh of my palms to keep another cry from escaping. “It—it had to be a mistake.”
I swore I would protect him. That’s why I kept him out of all of this: so that I could keep him safe.
Sadness and pity flicker behind Darian’s eyes, and he squeezes my arm as if he can physically brace me for his next words.
“They sent you on that mission because they wanted him dead. And they knew you were the only person who could do it.”
I’m pretty sure that if I looked up right now, those cracks in the ceiling would have spread even further.
“No,” I insist in a quiet exhale. “No, that doesn’t make any sense. He—he was one of our best Godparents. Why would they want to—to kill him?”
He wasn’t involved at all. Why would they want an innocent dead?
“Because they figured out that it had to be a Godparent helping the Resistance, he was one of the people connected to Robin, and they have audio recordings of him openly questioning the Death Wish system.”
“So no, there’s nothing noble about inflating your sense of self-worth at the last moment, especially if it was all a setup. I wish I didn’t have to complete Wishes like these—they’re so pointless and stupid.”
That mission seems like a different lifetime, but I can immediately remember what he said. I had tried to put a positive spin on Mort Jefferson’s Wish, the man whose wife left him and who wanted to save a young woman from an evil pursuer, but Harrison said his death was pathetic and worthless. Something that we as Godparents are not supposed to say.
Those sentences were so meaningless. Just Harrison letting out some steam. They killed him for that? It doesn’t make sense to me. I feel like there’s something Darian isn’t telling me, but I’m so horrified by what I’ve done and what he’s revealed that I let that small suspicion go. Darian continues.
“They assumed it was him, Eliza. And the Godparents who question what they do are a danger to the entire structure of our society. They decided to have him killed, but they also knew he was one of the most talented members of the Fairy Godparent Division. So they sent you, his partner—whose skills were even greater than his—to take him out. But they knew you would never turn on your partner, so they created a fake Wish submission and had you fulfill it to ensure his death. I’m sorry.”
I can hear everything the Chief is saying, but there is a low, intense b
uzzing in my ears, like a swarm of wasps flying around inside my brain. I stare at him while he’s speaking, but slowly start to move my gaze downward. I stare at my hands, lying motionless in my lap, while his words wash over me.
“The Life Chips are the reason we are slowly killing our world. The Fairy Godparents turned you into a weapon to distribute slaughter disguised as a kindness. And the Security Branch manipulated you to such a twisted degree that they made you unknowingly murder your love and partner.”
I’m sure that the ceiling above me must be crumbling, turning the entire space into a black, empty void.
“Eliza, I have you ask you a question and I want you to seriously consider it before you answer. Will you dedicate yourself, fully, to changing this false utopia? Will you fight to bring back death and, in the process, ensure life?”
Darian leans forward and places one of his hands over my own.
“Eliza Hayworth, will you help us destroy the Life Chips and the Death Wish system?”
A rage I have never felt before, intense and white-hot, flows across my entire body. My hand clenches into a shaking fist under Darian’s palm, and I can hear my breathing turn harsh and heavy. Darian remove his hand from mine. It must have gotten too hot; I’m almost positive that my skin is on fire. My breathing increases in intensity and a strange red tint colors the edges of my vision. Every muscle in my body tightens.
“Eliza?” I hear him say my name, but it sounds like I’m underwater.
I slowly look back at the leader of the Revolutionaries. His golden eyes widen, taken aback by the fury that is burning through my entire core. Through clenched teeth I spit out the only words playing over and over in my head.
“I am going to destroy them.”
To be concluded in Death Wish Part Two: Thanatos.
Acknowledgements
I know that the “acknowledgements” sections at the end of novels start to sound the same after a while, but it is true that this book would have never come to fruition without help from those around me. My greatest thanks go to my husband, Adam, who was there for all of the ups and downs that went into creating Death Wish. Thank you, Adam, for being my sounding board, giving me feedback on every aspect of the story, and helping me figure out how the heck I could take this story’s premise and turn it into a full story.
Second, I am so grateful to my mother Lynnette and my brother Ian, who proof-read the horribly rough second draft of this book and gave me some amazing feedback. This book is so radically different from what it started out as, and I know for a fact that it wouldn’t be what it is today without their help.
Third, thank you to the fantastic and supportive people in my friends and family who kept telling me over and over how excited they were to read this book. I hope it lives up to your expectations, my lovelies!
And finally, thank you, dear reader, for giving this book a shot. Whether you bought it, borrowed it, or stumbled across it another way, I am so grateful that you took the time to read the words this silly lady decided to put on paper. You are all lovely!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone involved in the creation of Death Wish, and I’ll see you again in Thanatos! Keep staying amazing, you flawless babes!
Author Bio
Lindsey Menges is a twenty-three year old lady from the wonderful state of Colorado. She has adored reading ever since she was young, and even though her academic background is in psychology it was only a matter of time before she wrote a book. She graduated from Colorado State University with a B.S. in Psychology, and is currently learning how to become a computer programmer. She lives with her husband and puppy in Denver, and in her spare time loves reading, hiking, updating her nail art blog (nailsfornickels.com), and figuring out how the heck to connect the plot points in her books.
You can e-mail her at [email protected], follow her on Twitter at @TheDragonBabe, or check out her website at lindseymenges.com.
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