“For the Goblin King, they ought to be.”
I shook my head. “None of the above, outside of the ring.” The fear that had left for a while came rushing back. “I wonder why.”
“I do not pretend to understand the young, especially young men. I find I have no patience for dithering. He’s got some reason, maybe even more than one. It probably even makes sense to him. He may not wish to expose you to the dangers of Fae until you are better equipped to handle them.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
“He will, my dear. Is there anything else you want to ask?”
What? She considered this closure on this conversation? “Um, well, how often will I be able to come back? See my parents?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t go back once I’d made the decision to leave Fae. I imagine it’s not a big deal, but you are different, Iris, and that must be taken into account.”
“What do you mean?” This actually distracted me from the many questions surrounding my love life.
“You still must make the transition from human to fae. That will not happen until you spend significant time in the Fae Realm.”
“I was there for over a month!” I interrupted.
“Which is good. Tell me, when you came back, did you feel different?”
I had to think about it. There had been so much going on, and then Brennan leaving me…I hadn’t had a chance to take an inventory.
“Everything seems to be sharper, and I notice a ton of little details that I never noticed before. Sometimes it gives me a headache,” I said, surprising myself. All of that was true.
“The change is beginning. But the longer you are away from Fae, the longer it will take, and you’ll have to start over when you go back. Not as bad as when you first arrived, I’d guess. Actually, most of this is a guess, my dear. The point is, if you want to move forward with your life in Fae, you’re going to need to spend most of your time there.”
That is what I wanted. To be in Fae. To be with Brennan. But my family… I looked up at Mara, feeling the tears form in my eyes. “I don’t want to be here, Mara. Everything in me aches to be there, with him. But when I see my parents,” the tears won out, and a few spilled down onto my cheeks. “the thought of leaving them is like a physical pain. But so is being away from Brennan.” I dropped my head, not wanting everyone to see me cry.
A handkerchief appeared in front of my face. “Take it,” she instructed.
I did, and blotted at my eyes.
Mara, for all her faults, read the situation well. She didn’t say anything at all as I worked on repairing my face. With fair skin, when you cry, it’s usually an ugly cry. Or maybe I told myself that so I didn’t seem so freakish. I’d never been able to be one of those cute crying girls.
At least my nose didn’t start running.
Finally, I looked up, ready—sort of—to face whatever good news she would drop on me next. “This doesn’t sound like it gives me a good chance to get what I want, Mara.”
“Well, what do you want most? Brennan?”
“Yes.” I didn’t even hesitate.
“You already have him, although I can see you don’t know it. However, balancing your life between the world of humans and fae—I fear I cannot give you any concrete answers, or even much more than I have. You are a hybrid, a being of two worlds. It would seem you can adapt to both, but who knows what happens over time? I don’t. I don’t know anyone like you. I’ve never even heard of it. I suppose it’s my fault,” She looked thoughtful. “I don’t know anyone other than myself who has left Fae to live in the Human Realm. You’re a pioneer, Iris.” She smiled.
Like this was a good thing. “That doesn’t seem to have given me any great advantage, Mara,” I grumbled.
“Of course you don’t see it. Youth is wasted on the young. The advantage of being the first of something is that you get to decide what the rules are.”
“What if I’m wrong?”
“What if you’re right?” She met my gaze, refusing to give in to my pessimism.
I looked down, not knowing what to say to her.
“If there’s no one else like you, then whatever you do becomes the rules,” she persisted. “So what do you want to do?”
“I want to be with Brennan, but be able to see my parents regularly.”
“I have a feeling your idea of regularly and Brennan’s will differ.”
I smiled. “Probably. But he’s letting me visit here right now, isn’t he? Because I asked.”
“That will change once you marry. You’ll be the Queen, ruling with him. Even human born, it is your responsibility to help your spouse rule should you marry a king.”
“Okay, still not answering the question.” I felt like we kept getting off track, and that it was not by accident.
Mara shrugged. “I’ve given you my answer. I don’t know. You’re different, and I believe that you can order your life as you see fit. If you disagree, well, it may take you longer to arrive at a place where you can get what you want. I know from growing up around the royal family that you will have a great many responsibilities, so you will need to set the order of your life. Or trust me, Iris, it will be set for you. That’s the best I can give you, my dear.” She patted my hand. “That, and don’t let your mother-in-law take over anything. It’s a bad decision, and you will have a hard time taking back the reins.”
“I’m not sure that wins any prizes in the advice column,” I muttered, leaning back as the waiter brought our steaks. He and Mara spoke, but I wasn’t paying attention. I felt like I’d pinned too much hope on this meeting. Kind of like the idea of instantly getting a grandma who baked cookies and always supported you.
“I will always support you,” Mara said around a mouthful of food. Her voice still rang clear. “I will not lie to you, or pull the veil over your eyes. Therein lies the difference.”
“Pfff,” I made a dismissive noise. “All you’ve done is make things less clear for me.” How did she know what I was thinking?
She set down her fork and knife to lean in. “Fae are intuitive. Things will rarely be clear. Fae operate in shades of black, white, and all the colors of the rainbow. How they feel, what they say and do- it can depend on how they feel at that moment, are they happy, and what they are wearing today that they’d like to celebrate. While there are understood rules that society lives by in general, all of those rules have flexibility. The longer you live in the Fae Realm, the more easily you will understand how you need to operate. I am not sure how they’ll feel about the Goblin Queen flitting back and forth, but since most don’t pay much attention to the Goblin Realm, you’ll probably be able to generally do what you want. The question is,” She eyeballed me. “What will Brennan think?”
“What do you mean?”
“No man wants his bride running off regularly. You’ll need to be careful, Iris,” Mara picked up the fork and pointed it at me. “Once you marry, you’re creating a new family away from your family of origin. You need to give that new family plenty of time and care and love to grow, which means your origin family needs to take the back seat.”
“I don’t want to cut off my parents.” I leaned back, crossing my arms.
“Well, let’s look at your parents. On both sides, they put the family they chose to create first. I’m not the only grandparent you don’t know.” A raised eyebrow dared me to contradict her.
“That’s true, but they seem to have forgotten that.” I felt sulky.
Mara laughed. “It’s always different when it’s us. I won’t lie, I’m enjoying their discomfort. They’re in the place I was twenty-plus years ago.”
I waved a hand. “That will have to sort itself out based on Brennan and me. Can I back up for a minute?”
“Of course.”
“So you’re saying Brennan won’t sleep with me until we get married?” I felt weird as hell asking my grandmother about this, but I found I struggled with the idea.
Mara shrugged.
She was so helpful. Reall
y.
“I don’t know, Iris. I’m betting, though, he’s holding off because he’s worried. He doesn’t want to rush you. He wants you to be sure. I’m also betting, although he’ll never admit it, he’s afraid.”
“What do you mean?”
“That he loves you more. That something will happen. He’s been alone for a long time, Iris. This is change. No one does change well, in general. What if you don’t make the transition and you have been intimate? He’ll never love anyone again as he loves you. That is scary.” She turned her attention back to the plate in front of her, cutting her meat as though we weren’t discussing my fate.
“I’d kind of hoped you’d be able to give me something more concrete than…this,” I spread my hands out and tried to contain my impatience. “All you’ve given me is more questions.” He wouldn’t sleep with me because he was scared?
I thought for sure that Mara would reprimand me, as it seemed she leaned towards being more formal and proper from a behavioral standpoint. But she grinned.
“Well, all of life is kind of a lesson in how not concrete most things are. I love you, however. That you can be sure of. Your parents love you, and your young man loves you very much. Other than that, you just have to be ready to go with it and take the chances that opportunity offers you.”
“What if he doesn’t try to sleep with me before the wedding? You know, the wedding we haven’t even set a date for!” I couldn’t help worrying. “The one he’s not telling anyone about!”
“In my day, people were a bit more restrained. Not entirely,” there was that grin again, “But it wasn’t negative if people came together with some surprises left to discover. It’ll be fine, Iris. If you’re not sure, ask Brennan about how to go on. And stop worrying! Now eat. This will go cold otherwise.”
I began to cut up my steak. No sense in wasting a good meal.
***
When I let myself in the front door, my mother immediately called out from the living room. “We’re in here, honey!”
I went in. There they were, waiting. Trying to look like they were not waiting.
“Where’s Mom?” Mom asked.
“She dropped me off. Said it was past her bedtime.”
“What did she want?” My dad was still in huffy mode, apparently.
“To go out to dinner with me.”
“And?” He pressed.
“It was a place that I would never choose on my own, the food was good, I had champagne, and we had a nice time.” I was not going to give details on our conversation.
“That’s all she wanted?”
Now I lost my patience. First Mara dancing around, not giving me what I wanted, and then my dad doing the interrogation thing. “Yes. I am her granddaughter, and she wanted to spend some time with me. I know that goes against whatever grand conspiracy thing you have in your head but that’s all it was. Since I can’t give you anything more, can I please go to my room?” I glared at him.
“Honey, I’m glad she wanted to spend time with you.” Mom smiled, trying to ease things with me.
Dad glared at her. If this wasn’t so freaking annoying, I’d laugh.
“She’s completely restrained,” I couldn’t resist baiting Dad. “She hasn’t even asked me to call her Granny or anything like that. Good night,” I left the living room, ignoring the hissing of my parents behind me.
Good god, when was this going to end? All this sniping? I needed to just make the decision to go, and be done with it. I had agreed to stay here, but my dad wasn’t making this easy. Why stay if all he planned to do was bitch at me or try to set me up with guys I wasn’t interested in? Why couldn’t they see I was trying to make this transition easier for them?
I shut the door to my room harder than planned and tossed myself onto my bed. I reached into my purse and grabbed the fae mail mirror.
“Brennan?” I asked. “Are you there?”
After a moment, he winked into view. “Iris. How are you?”
I rolled my eyes. “Irritated, as usual. I don’t understand why they want me here so much if all my dad plans to do is gripe at me.”
He laughed, and I felt the warmth of his laughter spread through me. Everything about him made me feel better. Whatever doubts I had when I was with Mara fell away. This was the guy for me. I could tell.
So why did I have doubts when we were away from one another? Why did I turn into a ball of insecure dumbassery when on my own? Was that a sign? I pushed the thought away.
“I love hearing you laugh,” I said, wanting to be honest, to feel more of the closeness he brought me.
“You’re one of the few people who make me laugh, Iris.”
“Really? I’ve heard you laugh before,” I countered.
“With whom? Do you remember?”
“Well with Drake of course, and…” I thought about it. I hadn’t really heard Brennan laugh a lot. “Okay, with Drake.”
“Exactly. With Drake. Who is of the firm belief that one should laugh with one’s intended.”
The words made me smile even more. “So he’s decided I can live?”
“Yes, but on probation. I think I can speak for him on that.”
We both laughed. It was funny now. It hadn’t been funny a month ago, when Drake tried to kill me. To be fair, he thought I was trying to kill Brennan with my still undiscovered fae magic. That fact had gone a long way towards my forgiving him. He’d done it for Brennan. I could get behind that. I’d done the same thing with the assassin.
“Well, I guess I can live with that. He’ll have to get over himself though. I don’t plan on going anywhere.”
“Speaking of which, how long do you feel you need to stay?”
He was so cute when his eyebrows came down like that. I couldn’t help sighing at the image of him. “I don’t know. Right now, I want to tell them to pound sand and see ya later.”
“I can be there in moments.”
I sighed again. “No, I need to hang out here a while longer.” Please don’t ask how long, please don’t ask how long…
“For how long?” His eyebrows lowered more, which I knew meant he didn’t like my answer.
“I don’t know. I want to be there with you, but I also need to be here. What have you discovered about Cian?” I wanted to change the subject.
“You mean about how he got into the castle and back out again without anyone knowing? Nothing. I haven’t been able to get any information out of the Dragon Realm—Drake thinks he has a possible way in—and essentially, I feel as though I am standing still. Waiting for you.” He glowered a little, and then it went away, as quickly as it had been there.
Sounds like Brennan had a frustrating day, too. “Well, towards me being there with you, I went to dinner with Mara tonight.”
His expression lightened. “You did? Whatever for?”
“I wanted to ask her about Fae.”
“You could have asked me anything, Iris.”
I hated that I could feel my cheeks warm. “I needed to talk to her, Brennan. It’s not bad, I promise! She was happy to be asked.”
He smiled at me, and I felt that he knew exactly why I had to ask her and not him. “I think it’s a good thing to work on being closer with her. I assume she’ll eventually come back here. It will be good for you to have family here in the time to come.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that. No one wants to think about outliving their family by centuries, but that’s what would happen. “She thought the same sort of thing. I think she misses her husband, though. A lot.”
He tilted his head, looking thoughtful. “Did she feel he was a true love?”
I nodded. Yay! We’d be getting to where I wanted to go without me having to bring it up!
“She said she’d never love anyone like she loved him.” C’mon, Brennan, say it. Say something about us and forever. I could just ask him, but I was afraid. And I hated that I was afraid.
“It’s rather sad that love was for a human.”
Okay, to
tally the wrong—way wrong—thing to say.
“Humans have short lives,” He went on.
“Kind of like me, a human?” I asked. I couldn’t keep the tone from my voice.
“You? Of course not. You’re not entirely human. You’re part fae, and if even half of what Taranath—and I,” he added, “suspect is true, you will be even more skilled than many fae once you have proper training on how to utilize your magic. You’re unique, Iris.”
Well la-di-fuckin-da. Not sure why I didn’t feel all better at that. The good feeling of just moments before was gone. I wanted him to celebrate my human and my fae sides. Why couldn’t he see that?
“I’d better go, Brennan. I can hear Dad coming this way.” Without waiting for him to respond, I turned the mirror over, feeling tears come to my eyes.
Would it always be like this? Him denigrating the human part of me? Without even realizing he did it, I thought. I knew he didn’t want to hurt me.
It didn’t change that he had done just that.
Chapter Six
Brennan
He held the mirror in his hand. It was dark. “Iris?” He asked.
What had just happened? Something had. One moment, they were smiling and laughing, and he felt warmer and more loved than he’d felt in ages, and the next, he held a darkened mirror in his hand.
Brennan had long ago learned to trust his gut feelings, and at this moment, his feelings all shouted that something bad had happened.
The problem was, he couldn’t figure out what.
He held the mirror up again. “Drake!” He shouted.
“What?” Drake didn’t sound pleased to be called.
“Can you come to my chambers? I’d like to speak to you.”
“What is it, Bren? I can see you’re all twisted up—”
“You don’t know that!”
“Brennan, you do not shout often. Generally, you do not shout at me. Therefore, for you to shout at me indicates you are in a twist of some sort.”
Drake’s tone caught his attention. He peered closely at the image glaring back at him. Drake had his own troubles. Perhaps it was time to talk to him about Ailla.
To Wed The Goblin King (The Realm Trilogy Book 2) Page 7
