He seemed surprised, but directed the steward to accompany me and pay for whatever I wanted.
If he wanted me to learn to get along with his people, well damn if I wouldn’t, and be fabulous at it. After a week, and a couple of rounds of what I called tinker-treasures, the house goblins fought to be my staff.
I was smug at the next lunch with my favorite amigos when every single goblin ignored them, even Brennan, until they’d made sure I was happy and satisfied.
“What are you doing to my goblins?” Brennan asked.
“Our goblins,” I said, carefully sipping my soup, not meeting his eye. “I have taken the time to get to know the people of your castle, Bren. Since they will be my people as well, I took your direction to heart.” Now I did look at him, because I knew what he was doing. Keeping me so busy I fell asleep in my soup. “They’re sweet, and they are so happy to be appreciated. Have you had success with that sort of thing?” I made my eyes wide.
I knew he hadn’t. The look on his face made me laugh, but I held it in because I didn’t want to make it obvious. I was going to beat him at his game, and out-goblin the Goblin King.
This was where I was meant to be. He would accept it. He already had, he was just struggling with doing it gracefully. If he wouldn’t be graceful…well, to the victor go the spoils.
“Yes, I would love more soup,” I said to the little goblin boy who came to offer me the tureen.
Chapter Twelve
Brennan
He smiled grimly. Iris was so tired, she had no time to be in danger or put them in danger with her demands. She took every opportunity to be near him, to slide next to him, to fit perfectly under or into his arms. He couldn’t afford to let her get closer now. Not with the Eidolan stalking her.
She’d talked him into beginning a wardrobe. A wedding dress had been high on her list, but he’d fobbed her off. For the moment, anyway. She wasn’t stupid. He didn’t have long to keep up the charade.
His entire body ached for her. Watching her in the fittings for her new wardrobe, the weight of the Eidolan taking her kept the crease in his brow on his face permanently. Even now, seeing the flame and gold fabric of the dress forming around her, and wanting nothing more than to tear it from her body and drag her to his bed—he saw the gleaming grin of the Eidolan, skin taut over the bones of her face.
Having Iris here, every day, right in front of him, so tantalizing—it was driving him mad. Watching her prepare for a life she would never know broke his heart a little more each day. How would he live through this? He didn’t know. He had no answers.
Every time he closed his eyes, he could see Iris reaching for the hand of the Eidolan. In all the time since the vision had woken him from his sleep, it hadn’t changed much.
If anything, Iris looked happier about leaving with the Eidolan.
“Brennan, what do you think?”
Iris turned to him from the mirror, face alight with love. Brennan felt a piece of his heart break and fall into a pit of darkness he didn’t know existed before now.
“You look lovely,” he said, unable to keep the warmth that she inspired from his voice, in spite of the growing pit.
She nodded to the seamstress who bobbed her head and left the room.
“What are you doing? She’s not done yet.” He wondered when the staff had begun to look to her for direction. He could feel the pit opening further, a gaping yaw he had no control over and into which he knew he’d descend no matter how hard he’d fought.
How could this be happening?
She was human, and she didn’t look to be fading. If anything, she glowed with a light from within that was not truly fae, nor was it human. It was something else, something more. Yet the vision of the Eidolan persisted.
“I wanted some time alone with you.” She came close to him, and he inhaled her scent without thinking.
The knife in his heart twisted.
“Is that wise, with all there is to do?” He asked, stepping aside from where she came to him.
She stepped with him, reaching her hands up to his face. “Yes, it is. What’s wrong, Brennan? I don’t know what it is, but something’s changed. You’ve changed. What is it? Is it something I’ve done?” The woman he saw hid the insecurities of a girl beneath her glowing exterior, and his heart broke even more.
Will this never end? How much did she have to suffer? How much would he need to?
“I want to be with you, as we were before,” Iris said softly, letting her fingers trace the lines of his chin. Her touch sent the flames of desire nearly out of control. He inhaled deeply trying to rein in his urge to take her now and damn the consequences.
“We cannot,” he got out, hoping his voice didn’t really sound that strangled.
“Why not? I’ve spoken to my—to Mara. She’s told me about the fae manner of being together. Why—”
“What do you mean, the fae manner of being together?”
Iris blushed, the bloom rising from her cheeks and turning her face and even her neck and shoulders a tantalizing pink. How could she look so healthy with the Eidolan stalking her every step?
“She told me of how you…well, how it is when you find the person you’re supposed to be with,” She began and then stopped.
Brennan damned Imara to the nearest hell. Why had she done so? Iris didn’t need to know this. It would make it more difficult for him to resist, and he would have to lie to her to keep up the pretense that they should wait until after marriage.
“Iris, have you been with a man?” Brennan didn’t mean to be so curt, but the thought of his Iris in the arms of anyone else made him just as angry as the vision that always lurked behind his eyes.
The pink on her skin deepened. “No. You know that. I grew up away from people, and I’ve…you know, kissed a couple of guys, but it never went beyond that.”
In spite of the wash of jealously, Brennan felt extraordinarily proud of Iris. He knew he looked fearsome when he was in this mood, when he shot questions to the person across from him like arrows.
Yet she stood toe to toe with him, meeting his eyes in spite of her embarrassment and discomfort.
She was perfect for him.
And he couldn’t have her.
So focused was he on his own thoughts, and keeping them from her that he didn’t notice immediately that she’d leaned into him until she wrapped her arms around his neck and lifted her lips to his, touching them softly, as though she was afraid he’d push her away.
Probably because he had been pushing her away, keeping his distance.
He was a coward. It came to him, as Iris kissed him, that he no longer lived the life of a king, unafraid to face the challenges in front of him. No wonder he’d not defeated those who attempted to supplant him yet. No wonder he spun in frustration with plans that would not come to fruition.
He couldn’t even be honest with the only woman he’d ever wanted to marry.
This was the coward’s way.
Yet he could not bear the thought of taking her, making her his in every way and then having to give her up. The very thought of the pain of such nearly unmanned him.
He reached up and untangled her arms from around his neck.
“I must go. I can feel Drake calling me. This cannot wait. I’m sorry,” He allowed himself the luxury of brushing against her face with a hand before he all but ran from the room.
Iris
I could feel the tears well up as the door shut behind Brennan. What the hell? I’d tried to kiss him, tried to make the first move, since he’s not lifted a hand to touch me in ages, and tried make it clear what I wanted, and he’d run away.
This was why Mara had a look of pity on her face when she and I talked about this. Because the distance between fae and human was too wide. Sure, human kids could become fae, but a grown up human? And one who thought she was going to marry the king?
I was just dreaming.
And Brennan had obviously come to the same conclusion, but didn’t want to hu
rt me. My thoughts went to many flavored dragon girl, and I thought I might actually be seeing red. It felt both good and very bad to feel so…so…out of control. What was happening to me?
“Breathe, breathe,” I forced myself to breathe in and out. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Calm the blood pressure, which felt ready to explode through my head.
If Brennan didn’t want me anymore, why didn’t he just tell me? I didn’t understand. He’d had no problem being an ass to me before. I kept giving him the chance to ditch me, but instead, he went about fitting me into his life. All while keeping me at arm’s length. Two arm’s length, if he could manage it.
It was time for desperate measures. I rang the bell that I knew would bring some little goblin scurrying in.
It was hard not to tap my foot with impatience.
Drake was calling, huh? Brennan just had to take the call?
“Yes, lady?”
A little goblin, as I suspected, popped her head around the door, the toothy smile broken by several gaps where she had lost some teeth. If I had to leave, I would miss them.
“Would you please find Lord Drake and bring him to me?”
This was not what the goblin had expected. Her eyes creased. But she didn’t dare say so. “’Course, lady. I’ll go sees where he is.”
The door clicked behind her.
Crossing my arms, I went to the window. The sun lay low in the late afternoon sky, giving everything a shimmer of gold. I looked down. Kind of like my dress. I’d chosen this fabric after seeing it because it reminded me of the sunsets Brennan and I had watched together as we both healed, and it made me feel good at the time.
Now it seemed to mock me, laugh at me. He doesn’t want you. I could hear that refrain in everything. I’d never had a nasty voice in my head before, but I sure did now. I hated it, yet I found it impossible to ignore.
He’d run away from me offering myself to him. He didn’t want me.
Tears spilled down my face. I jumped as a hand rested on my shoulder.
“What can I do for you, Iris?” Drake’s voice showed his surprise at my seeking him out.
Great. One more thing for all the castle spies to report to his high-ass majesty. I knew they told him everything I did when I wasn’t with him, which was more and more these days.
To hell with it, I thought. He didn’t want to be with me. There was always a reason for him to leave. He never spent time with me alone anymore. I’d obviously made a mistake coming, and pushing the matter.
But he could just suck it if he didn’t like me spending time with his brother. Not like he was taking advantage of the time we could spend together.
“I want to talk to you,” I said.
“Why?”
I liked the fact that Drake rarely, if ever, followed the idea that one had to have pleasantries in conversation.
“Because you’re the only person in Fae who can understand where I am coming from.”
Drake’s face cleared as he took in what I was asking.
“I don’t think I can, Iris. It was a long time ago. I barely remember being human. I was very young, and after all these years the memories fade.”
“What? Something the great and powerful fae can’t do?” I hid my hurt in sarcasm.
Fortunately, Drake was the kind of guy who appreciated sarcasm. He grinned. “There’s plenty we can’t do. It only seems like we can do it all to you puny humans.”
“That’s what I want to talk to you about. Do I seem like I’m dying?” The question fell out of my mouth before I could stop it. That wasn’t quite what I meant to say.
Drake was as surprised as I was. “No! Why would you ask such a thing? If anything, you seem more fae than anything else. To me, at least.”
I nodded. That was my thought, too. I didn’t feel like the old me, and with the awareness of the new me, I knew something was off. Maybe there was a reason my head took me down this path, even if I didn’t know what the hell it was.
“Does Brennan seem normal to you?” May as well get it on the table.
“Other than the fact that he’s lost his head over some silly girl…” Drake began and then broke off as he saw the traitorous tears fall down my cheeks.
“Iris! What is the matter? Let me find Brennan!”
“No!” I shouted. “That won’t solve a thing!” I thought that he was referring to me with the silly girl comment, but then the thought that he might not be hit, and that was it. I didn’t have any more control. “What does she have that I don’t have?”
He came to me, surprise on his face and his hand out like he needed to calm the crazy person. “Iris, this is something for you to discuss with Brennan. Not me. I am not your intended, and not the person to speak to on this matter.”
“He won’t talk to me!” I yelled. “All he does is run from me!”
Drake looked shocked. I could tell he wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what to say. I got it. I felt bad, too, dumping this on him. I knew where his loyalty lay.
But I couldn’t talk to anyone about this. If I tried to talk to my parents, or Mara, they would drag it out as proof that I had no business in the Fae Realm, and why didn’t I come home right this instance and forget all this silliness ever happened.
I could hear them now. I had no one in the castle to call a friend. I was lonely, and my heart hurt. I hoped it wasn’t breaking.
So Drake it was. Poor guy.
“Iris, I don’t feel right about this. It’s not my place, and Brennan wouldn’t like it.”
“I don’t care,” I stomped my foot. “He can be mad when he actually hangs around. He ran out of here right before you came in. You know why?” I didn’t give him time to respond. “Because he said he had to go see you, that you were calling him. Were you? Did you need to see him? Did he just come looking for you?”
I felt like a jerk again as I watched the emotion play across Drake’s face. My heart sank even lower, which honestly didn’t seem possible. He didn’t want to lie to me, but he also didn’t want to rat out Brennan.
“He’s probably looking for me,” He said finally.
I made a noise of disgust. “It doesn’t matter, Drake. I may be just a human, but I’m not stupid. I’m sorry I put you in a crappy spot. I’m okay. I’d like to be alone now, if you don’t mind.”
I turned back to the window, where the sun had gone behind the clouds and darkness had begun to creep across the horizon.
“Iris,” he stared.
I held up a hand, feeling like a completely pompous ass. “I mean it, Drake. I want to be alone.”
He didn’t speak, but a moment later, I heard the snick of the door click behind him as he left.
Only when I was certain that he’d left, that I was truly alone, did I let my shoulders drop. I tried to take a few steps, but found I felt weak, like I might faint. I staggered towards the window and collapsed against the window sill that was large enough to be a seat.
“He doesn’t love you anymore.”
Who knew that saying the words out loud would feel like something had stabbed me?
At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to go back to the assassin who tried to kill me and let him succeed.
Brennan
He poured over the latest letter from Carlianah. She wrote in cipher, and Drake had decoded it before giving it to him. He grinned, reading what she had to say about Ailla and Cian. Aine did her work well. She reported to Carlianah faithfully. He’d have to find a way to get Drake to her, get her away from the Dragon Court.
If he was honest, they would need to remove all the dragons. Brennan didn’t like dragons, had heard too much in the old stories of how they nearly destroyed this world and all the realms, but that didn’t mean they needed to be held hostage to the whims of the Dragon King. Petty, arrogant Eilor, to think he could master dragons.
Brennan thought he might be eaten before he or Drake got hold of the man. Which, while richly deserved, would not be as satisfying as running hi
m through.
But the thought of what to do with the dragons stayed with him. Perhaps it was time to forge a treaty with them, allow them some freedom in exchange for their promise of decent behavior. While dragons were notoriously crafty, they often kept their word, even if it meant they came out worse. That usually didn’t bode well for the lands around them…but these dragons, who knew? Who knew what Eilor had been doing or how he’d conducted his breeding?
Perhaps the dragons would be amenable to new ideas. He smiled. Iris had put the thought in his head earlier with her questions of what would happen to the dragons when they found them. She looked concerned. She didn’t know the stories. He’d never seen one, but from all he heard, if even half of it were true, he didn’t really want to.
The door to the study burst open. Drake strode through. “I know you’re in the middle of reading the reports, but there is a more pressing matter, Bren.”
He set down the letters. “What could be more pressing?”
“Your intended.”
“What do you mean?” He felt a wave of dread at the words.
“Did you tell her I was calling you?”
“How do you know that?”
“Because she called for me, to see if I was with you! What is going on, Brennan? Your betrothed wants to talk to me about what is wrong with you, and she looks so miserable, I nearly wanted to break down and cry alongside her. What is going on between you two?”
The dread became a knife in his chest. He sagged into a chair. “I…this isn’t easy.”
Drake rolled his eyes and threw up his hands. “Do you think anyone has it easy in matters of the heart? You’re not the only one who has struggled. But you have your woman. She is right here, and she glows like the sun with the strength of her love for you. Yet you turn from it as though you are afraid of being burnt. What is wrong with you? You’ve waited seven hundred years for her, Bren! But you are allowing her to slip away!”
To Wed The Goblin King (The Realm Trilogy Book 2) Page 17
