Yuletide Proposal

by Lois Richer

  “Now?” he asked. A sound on the stairs drew their attention. In a second her face changed, that sad hurt transformed into a mask of unconcern.

  “It’s okay, Dad. Go back to bed. Mom can’t sleep. She wants me to bring over a pattern. She’s really getting into this knitting thing, isn’t she?” She smiled at him. “I think it will probably help strengthen her hands. Since the stroke she’s had problems.”

  “Hello, Zac.” Greetings exchanged, Mr. Benson turned back to Brianna. “You don’t want me to go?”

  “No. I’ll do it. Cory’s in his room, in bed I hope, so nothing to worry about there. I won’t be long.” She waited until he nodded and left, then she turned to face Zac. “I’m sorry. I’d like to talk to you more about Cory, but I have to go to the nursing home.”

  “Okay.” The slide of emotions across her face bothered him. For some reason he didn’t understand Zac knew he couldn’t let her go alone. “I’ll go with you.”

  “You?” She blinked. “Why?” she asked simply.

  “I need to do something to wind down.” He shrugged. “If you don’t want me to go with you, I can always go for a run I guess.”

  “Actually, I’d be glad if you came.” Relief made the gold sparkles in her eyes glitter. “I’ll have to find the pattern she wants first, though.”

  “Maybe I can help.” He followed her to her mother’s office but jerked to a halt in the doorway, remembering the one time Mrs. Benson had found them studying in here and the angry scolding she’d laid on Brianna.

  “It should be—yes, here it is.” She removed a piece of paper from a file, copied it on a nearby copier and slid the original back into its folder in a drawer. The drawer slid shut without a sound.

  “I wish my home office was this neat,” he said, studying the immaculate room. “This looks like a show place.”

  “That’s because no one uses it.” Brianna glanced around.

  “Why not? As I remember you always loved to do craft stuff.”

  “Not in here. This is my mother’s room.” A pained look washed across her face before she glanced away. “I’m ready.”

  Once he’d handed her into his car, Zac quickly drove to the nursing home and parked in the empty spot nearest the door. They walked inside without speaking, but he couldn’t help thinking what a shame it was that the bright room with its many windows was still off-limits to Brianna.

  Zac spotted Miss Latimer, his mother’s old friend, sitting in her wheelchair. To give Brianna privacy with her mom he told her he’d catch up with her in a minute.

  “Hey, Miss Latimer. How are you?” Zac bent over so the old woman’s cataract-covered eyes could see him.

  She inhaled, blinked and her face creased in a huge smile. His heart felt a burst of warmth that even though his mother was gone, someone was glad to see him.

  “I’m very well, Zachary.” She patted his hand. “Thank you for asking. You’re rather late tonight. A board meeting?”

  “Yes. How do you keep up on all the goings on in Hope?” he asked, amazed as usual by her sharp memory.

  “Clean living.” She winked at him, then launched into a tale of the most recent happenings in the nursing home.

  Zac tried to focus on what she was saying but it grew steadily more difficult because of the racket coming from a room down the hall.

  “Isn’t it dreadful? She’s horrid to that girl,” Miss Latimer murmured, leaning close.

  “Who’s horrid to whom?” he asked.

  “Anita Benson is horrible to her daughter, Brianna.”

  “Oh.” He tried to pretend he couldn’t hear the vitriolic comments.

  “That woman has always ridden roughshod over other people’s feelings, but lately she’s grown worse. Poor Brianna can’t do anything right.”

  “I guess it’s part of her stroke issues,” Zac temporized, shrinking at what he heard.

  “Huh! Anita uses that as an excuse for her poor behavior.” Miss Latimer snorted her disgust. “She was always a bully, but nobody’s ever had the courage to say it to her face.” She stopped and pursed her lips as a diatribe of complaints echoed down the hall. “Poor girl.”

  A harried nurse raced toward the room but soon came scurrying back out, her face flushed and her lips in a tight angry line. Zac cringed as those few residents still about stared. Poor Brianna.

  “Maybe there’s something I can do,” he said quietly.

  “By all means, Zachary, go.” She squeezed his hand. “Brianna’s such a sweet girl. It’s too bad she’s always had such a difficult time with her mother.”

  She had? Zac didn’t remember that. Back in the old days, Mrs. Benson had always been very nice to him, though now he thought about it, they hadn’t gone to Brianna’s elegant home to study very often. He couldn’t remember why.

  “We’ll visit another time,” Miss Latimer promised.

  “Yes, we will.” He squeezed her hand. After a moment’s thought he stopped to buy something at the gift shop that was just closing then strode down the hall, battling his nervousness as he broached the room. This was none of his business. But he felt sorry for Brianna.

  “Mother, stop making a scene. This is the pattern you asked for,” Brianna said calmly.

  Zac tapped his knuckles against the open door then stuck his head inside. With her hands clenched at her side, he guessed Brianna was anything but calm.

  “Hello, Mrs. Benson.” He walked in, pulled the small box of saltwater taffy from his jacket pocket and held it out to the red-faced woman. “I brought you a gift.”

  “A gift? Oh, you lovely man.” Mrs. Benson reached out and took the package. “I love sweets. Now that’s the kind of thing you should have thought of,” she said, tossing a glare at her daughter.

  “No more visiting tonight, Mrs. Benson.” The nurse stepped into the room and held the door, motioning for them to leave.

  “I guess we have to go now. I’ll see you tomorrow, Mom.” Brianna ushered Zac out the door while the sticky taffy she was chewing prevented Anita Benson from arguing. “Thank you, Zac,” she murmured once they were in the hall. Her lashes fanned across her embarrassed pink cheeks. “I—uh—” The words died away as her cheeks grew even pinker.

  “Not a problem,” he said. “Anyway I had a chance to say hi to Miss Latimer. Remember her?”

  “Math.” Brianna cast a quick look around, obviously relieved when she didn’t spot her former teacher. “My worst subject. Oh, yes, I remember her.”

  “I loved math.” Zac shrugged at her glower as they walked across the parking lot. “Well I did. Miss Latimer was such a great friend to my mom during her illness that it’s my pleasure to visit her whenever I can.” He unlocked the car, held the door until she was seated inside.

  Zac walked around the car, searching for another subject. “I recognized that deep, rich blue of your father’s in the painting in your mom’s room. Nobody else gets it quite that shade.”

  “Yes.” Brianna smiled. “The smaller one beside it is Cory’s.”

  “I didn’t realize he painted.” Zac had been surprised by the delicate touch of the watercolor of Mrs. Benson caught in a happy moment.

  “He didn’t but Dad’s been coaching him.” Brianna fell silent.

  “He’s a good teacher.” Zac studied Brianna, noting she’d inherited her mother’s amazing eyes, though Brianna’s now looked infinitely tired. The confrontation with her mother seemed to have drained her. He pressed a little harder on the accelerator to get her home more quickly. “How is Cory doing?”

  “He’s made some friends I’m not too keen on,” she mumbled. “They’ve eaten at our house for the past three nights. Not that I care about that, but they never seem to go home unless I tell them to. It’s odd.”

  “Sounds like it.” Zac wondered if they were the source of the d
rugs.

  “Day after tomorrow is the Homecoming parade,” Brianna reminded him. “Is the float ready?” Her gorgeous eyes narrowed when he didn’t immediately answer. He avoided her searching gaze. “It’s not finished,” she said with disgust.

  “I’m working on it.” Zac’s frustration at his ineptitude with that stupid float surged.

  “So what’s the problem?” Brianna demanded as he pulled into her driveway.

  “If I knew that, I’d fix it. I don’t know,” he admitted. He got out, met her at the hood of his car.

  “Zac!” Brianna’s eyes shot daggers. “The Your World project depends on kicking off with that float. I thought you agreed.”

  “I do. It’s just—I’m not mechanically inclined, Brianna. The globe won’t balance.” Annoyed, Zac followed her to the front door, waited while she unlocked it.

  “You’re the one who asked me for help, Zac. If you don’t want to do this—” She left it hanging, as if he’d deliberately messed up.

  “I do want to do it. I just don’t know how.” He’d been going to leave but instead followed her inside to defend himself, forcing his tone to stay even though inside he fumed at the way she’d turned this on him. “Maybe we have to go with a smaller idea.”

  “So my idea is at fault. That’s what you always did when something didn’t work the way you wanted. You blamed me.” Brianna’s glare would have put a frost on the desert.

  “I’m not blaming anyone.” Zac inhaled and let it out slowly, searching for a way through this minefield. “I’m just telling you that I’ve had some problems.” He tried to explain the issues with keeping the globe spinning but quickly gave up. Sometimes being a nerd was absolutely worthless. “I don’t really know anything about making a globe spin,” he admitted.

  “Then why on earth did you agree—”

  “Hey, do I need to put on my referee suit?” Cory, sprawled on the sofa, flicked on a lamp, a half sneer on his face. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing,” Brianna said, her voice sharp. “You’re supposed to be in bed.”

  “The float for the Homecoming parade is what’s going on, Cory.” Zac raised an eyebrow at Brianna. “It’s not that big a secret,” he said. He turned to Cory. “Unfortunately when it comes to the mechanics of fixing things, I am a complete moron.”

  “Maybe I could help.” Cory glanced at his mother.

  “Oh, son, I don’t—”

  The little sparkle of excitement that had flickered in Cory’s eyes for a fraction of a second snuffed out. Zac had to intervene.

  “Maybe you could help, Cory,” he agreed. “I’m pretty sure there’s a short somewhere. How are you with wiring?” He ignored Brianna’s attempts to catch his eye. “How about tomorrow after school? Could you take a look then?”

  “I guess.” Cory risked a second look at Brianna. “If Mom’s okay with it.”

  “Why wouldn’t she be? She just finished nagging me to get the thing going.” Zac ignored Brianna’s tightened lips and hiss of anger. “I’ll pick you up after the last class. Okay?”

  “Sure.” Cory rose. “I’d better get to bed. Don’t fight anymore, Mom.” He winked at Zac before he took the stairs to his room two at a time.

  “What are you doing?” Brianna demanded in a low voice.

  “I’m trying to help Cory. Did you see the way his eyes lit up when he offered to help?” Zac touched her arm. “He wants to do it, Brianna. If he can’t, I’ll find someone else, but he was being generous offering his help. At least give him the chance. Besides, it will keep him away from those friends of his you don’t like. For a bit, anyway.”

  Brianna was quiet for a long while, her hazel eyes studying him. Finally she nodded.

  “Maybe you’re right,” she murmured with a sigh. “Maybe I’ve made him feel unneeded by trying to protect him too much. Maybe I should have included him more.”

  “Brianna.” Zac touched her shoulder, his fingers tingling at the warmth of her skin. “Don’t beat yourself up about this. You’re a mom and you naturally try to protect your kid.”

  “Yes, but—” She bit her lip, her face troubled. “I’m not sure—”

  “You asked me to do something with him,” he reminded. “So let me try this. At the very least we’ll get to know each other a little better.” Zac drew his hand away, surprised by his yearning to wrap his arm around Brianna’s shoulder and draw her close, to comfort her and erase the worry etched on her face. “Trust me.”

  Brianna didn’t say she trusted him.

  All she said was, “Tomorrow after school, then. Don’t forget.”

  Zac said good-night and walked out to his car, speculating on exactly why he’d offered to help Cory. Maybe seeing how Mrs. Benson’s tirade had deflated Brianna made him want to ease her world a little. It was embarrassing how much Brianna Benson still affected him.

  The woman had talked to him on the phone on their wedding day mere minutes before she’d left town without a single word of explanation! And now she had him in knots again with crazy feelings he didn’t understand and couldn’t seem to control.

  Irritated, discomfited and frustrated by his topsy-turvy reactions, Zac grit his teeth when he heard her call his name. He stopped and turned, one hand on the door handle of his car.

  “I just wanted— You look kind of green, Zac.” Brianna peered into his face. “Something you ate?”

  If only a remedy was that simple. Take an antacid and get rid of this ridiculous response to her.

  “Zac?”

  Worry filled her pretty face. That was the most special thing about Brianna. Always concerned about everyone. Heart of gold. Which is probably why her mother’s repudiation wounded her so deeply. If only he could— Zac regrouped.

  “I’m fine. Did you forget something?” He was determined not to fall into the same old habit of wanting more than he knew he could have. Brianna was nothing but an old friend.

  That wouldn’t, couldn’t change, because he couldn’t let it. The shame of the past had ensured that.

  “I just wanted to say thanks.” Brianna reached out but her hand froze midair. She licked her lips as if she had second thoughts. “For going with me to the nursing home.”

  “You’re welcome.” When she said no more, Zac climbed in his car and drove to his lonely house where he sat in the dark, struggling to make sense of what had just happened.

  Why was it that the beautiful woman he’d once proposed to, the one who’d run away rather than marry him, still only had to smile to make him start dreaming about what ifs? Hadn’t he learned anything in ten years?

  There was no point asking God for relief. If Zac had learned one thing in all those years, he’d learned God didn’t have time to be bothered with his insecurities. So he kept his mask of invincibility intact. He wasn’t the kind of person who could open up, reveal the pain she’d caused and ask for an explanation. That vulnerability risked getting hurt and Zac wasn’t about to go there.

  Brianna was off-limits as anything more than a colleague and maybe a friend.

  Losing everything they’d shared hurt, but Zac figured that God must want it that way or He’d have changed things. That nothing had changed, told Zac he was still a cog that didn’t fit in God’s wheel.

  * * *

  “This was a great idea, Brianna.” Zac flashed her a grin as he filled another bowl with chips. “Getting us all together after Homecoming, I mean.”

  “Thanks. But I couldn’t have done it if you hadn’t picked up snacks. Today was wild in my office.” She ignored the way his smile made her pulse skitter and concentrated on refilling the cheese tray.

  “Homecoming is usually a crazy time for everyone.” Zac reached in front of her, speared a cube of cheese and popped it in between his lips.

  “Speaking of Homecoming—” Kent lean
ed against the doorjamb “—awesome job with the float, guys. I had a hundred people ask me what Your World means.”

  “That’s exactly what we want, anticipation building until all is revealed on Monday.” Brianna shared a look with Zac but quickly looked away.

  “We have Cory, his friends and their dads to thank that the float operated at all.” Zac inclined his head.

  She noticed her son looming on the bottom step and stifled her misgivings. His friends? Brianna hadn’t realized Zac had so much help.

  “You did a great job. Thank you, son.”

  “You’re welcome.” Cory grinned at Kent. “It was a pretty easy fix. I wouldn’t ask him—” he inclined his head in Zac’s direction “—to work on your truck, though. Mechanics aren’t his strength.”

  “Dude, I so already knew that.” Kent smirked at Zac as he high-fived Cory.

  “Are you going out?” Brianna asked her son with a quick glance at the clock.

  “Yeah. I’m meeting the guys at the café.” Cory’s brows lowered as if he expected her to object.

  “Have fun. And be home on time,” she reminded, refusing to mention his curfew aloud.

  “Yes, Mother.” The door slammed behind him.

  “Hey. Did the party move in here?” Nick Green, their friend who’d turned his quarterback skills into a professional career in the NFL strolled into the kitchen. He looked around, shook his head and grabbed the bowl of chips. “Not enough room,” he said before he disappeared into the family room.

  “Hey, Nick, hold up. I want to know how you came up with that last play of the game. It was pretty slick,” Kent said, leaving the room.

  Brianna watched through the windows as Cory greeted his friends. After a quick backward glance at her he hurried away.

  Lord, please keep him safe.

  “Brianna—”

  “Yes?” Zac’s touch on her arm jerked her back to awareness. She flinched at the spark his touch engendered and saw him blink.