Yuletide Proposal

by Lois Richer

  “What happened, Brianna?” Zac’s soft pleading was her undoing.

  “Does it matter?” Her joy in the afternoon dissolved, Brianna jumped to her feet. “Can we go now? It’s been nice, but I don’t want to be too late getting home. I don’t want Cory to go out with his friends again tonight.”

  Zac rose without comment and folded the old quilt. He walked with her to his car and unlocked it. But before she could get inside, he laid his hand on her arm, his fingers curling against her skin, leaving a trail of heat.

  Brianna stared at him, waiting for his condemnation.

  “I’m sorry, Brianna. Really sorry. If I’d known you needed help, I’d have been there.” He studied her for several moments, and then with a last touch, he opened the car door.

  She couldn’t get over his words, or the way he’d said them. Tender. Comforting. Not at all condemning. And that’s when she knew it was time.

  “Zac.” She turned to face him when they were back on the highway. “I’ve waited too long to say this, and you probably don’t care anyway, but I’m really sorry I left the way I did. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own side of things all these years, that I never really thought about what it must have been like for you. And I should have. Hope isn’t kind to its citizens sometimes.”

  As she spoke, she saw a mask fall over his features, hardening them. His voice grated when he turned to glance at her.

  “Why did you leave like that?” he asked. “You owed me better than that.”

  “Yes, I did.” She admitted it freely. “I should have—”

  “No.” He held up a hand to stop her. “You know what? Don’t say anymore. It doesn’t matter now anyway. The past is over and as it turned out, it was the best thing for everybody.” The accelerator inched up before he lifted his foot and visibly let go of the strain that had contorted his mouth into a tight line. “Let’s just forget it.”

  The words killed her apology quicker than anything else could have. Zac thought it was best that she’d left? Then he certainly couldn’t have any feelings for her now. Maybe he hadn’t then, either. He made it sound as if their love had never been anything more than two kids with a crush on each other and yet to her it had been so much more. Brianna had never loved anyone as she’d loved him.

  When Zac asked her if she wanted to listen to music, she agreed, glad he chose fast upbeat music that quashed the intimacy of the moment.

  They stopped for an early dinner at a small roadside restaurant. Seated across from him on the patio, Brianna realized they had been here once before, during their Christmas break. They’d been so happy then, newly engaged, planning their marriage and eager to escape everyone to share some alone time.

  Her old engagement ring lay under her shirt, pressing against her collar bone. Its presence reminded her of the way Zac had looked at her that night—adoringly. Now nothing on his chiseled face bore anything remotely resembling tenderness. Apparently no fond recollections of their shared past in this place bothered him or he wouldn’t have chosen it. But Brianna was deluged by a ton of memories—of the big barrel cactus beside her that had been draped in tiny Christmas lights and the way Zac had nudged her behind it to share a quick kiss under a sprig of mistletoe.

  For a moment utter loss overwhelmed her. Why had she let their love go so easily? Why hadn’t she fought for him?

  “So how is Cory doing?”

  Zac’s words snapped Brianna out of her daydream. “Pardon?”

  “I take it those friends of his haven’t disappeared.”

  “No, and I’m getting more worried every time he goes off with them.” She played with her water glass while wondering how much to confess. “Lately I’ve begun wondering if they were the source of the drugs. Cory won’t say who gave him that drink, but the way they act—” She shook her head. “Maybe I’m just too suspicious.”

  “Maybe you’re right to be concerned.”

  Brianna hoped Zac would remember his promise to engage Cory, but when he said nothing, she decided to leave it for tonight. She suspected he’d become fixated on giving his upcoming speech.

  During the ride home they talked of inconsequential things. Brianna was glad when they finally pulled into her driveway.

  “Thanks very much for taking me to Las Cruces, Zac,” she said as he trailed behind her into the house. “I appreciate it. And dinner. And the balloons.”

  “No problem.” He stood there, as if waiting.

  “Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?” she asked, wondering if there was something else he wanted to say.

  But he shook his head.

  “Thanks, but I need to get home. I missed my run yesterday so I’ll catch up tonight.” His eyes searched hers until he finally looked away.

  “Okay. Well, thanks again.” Brianna waited, but it seemed Zac wasn’t finished.

  He scanned the room, and then finally, when she was about to speak, asked, “You will be there tomorrow, for assembly. Won’t you?”

  “Sure. If you want me to.” She grabbed her bag and pulled out her day planner. “I have a meeting with Eve Larsen’s parents but I think I can still make it.”

  “More complaints?” Zac asked, one eyebrow tilted.

  “Eve’s talking of becoming a doctor,” Brianna confided. “She’s asked Jaclyn all kinds of questions, even shadowed her on the job for a couple of hours to get a better idea of what is involved. With a little emphasis on study, I don’t see why she couldn’t attain that goal.”

  “But her parents don’t agree?” Zac asked, frowning.

  “Her father wants her to stay here so she can continue to work in their restaurant. Help is expensive.” Eve’s situation was so similar to Brianna’s as a teen that she frequently had to remind herself not to make comparisons. “They’ll ask me to try to dissuade her or at least lead her in a different direction. I’ll lay out a few of the issues she’ll face, of course, but that girl has a dream. Why shouldn’t she at least try to pursue it?”

  “I understand the parents’ concern, though. They must be really strapped right now.” Zac frowned. “Things are a little better in town since the mine opened, but how can they make up for all the years and lost business while Hope was in a decline?”

  “I hope you’re not going to tell me to kill Eve’s dream,” Brianna said. She heard the sour tone in her voice and tried to modulate it. “She wants out of Hope, Zac. She realizes she made a mistake, that drugs aren’t the way to go. She’s pouring herself into a new dream. She wants to show her parents that she’s not a little girl anymore. But if they won’t accept her goal, I don’t know that I can help her, or them, anymore.”

  “I see.” Zac looked at her for several moments. “Well, if they come to me, you know I’ll support you. I’ll even do some checking to see what funding there might be for someone in her situation. My whole focus is to get students to dream bigger. Clearly that’s what you have Eve doing. It’s what we need to get all the students to do.”

  “I believe Your World will be the first step for a lot of them,” Brianna agreed. “All you have to do tomorrow is get the parents to see that.”

  “No pressure. Thanks,” Zac said in a dry mocking tone. He lifted a hand and left.

  Brianna watched him drive away, then lugged her packages upstairs to her room. She tucked Cory’s gifts in her closet, noting that she’d inadvertently acquired Zac’s book with her own packages. She set it aside to return to him. So much for avoiding him.

  Another surprise waited. When Brianna removed Cory’s book from the plastic bookstore bag, she found another much smaller booklet underneath it. She remembered there had been a stack of this title on the counter, but she hadn’t intended to purchase one. Still, according to the receipt she had bought this tiny book.

  She glanced at the title. Knowing God. Was that really possible?

/>   She had about a half hour before Cory or her dad would return so Brianna sat down on her bed and began reading. The first words hit her straight between the eyes.

  Pain is God’s way of rousing us from spiritual lethargy. Problems aren’t always punishment, sometimes they are wake-up calls from a God who is mad about you, not at you. He’s trying to get you back into fellowship with Him. Read Jeremiah 29:13.

  Intrigued, Brianna grabbed her Bible and read the passage. Basically it said that when she was ready to get really serious about knowing God, He wouldn’t disappoint. Well, she was serious about it now. But what did it mean for her life? Her mother, Cory, work issues, even her difficulties with Zac—all of that was because God was trying to get her attention?

  He had it!

  Ready to read on, Brianna paused, recalling her desperate prayer for help in the bookstore. A fizzle of excitement started in her stomach and worked its way up to her brain.

  God had answered her prayer! He’d led her to this book. Perhaps this little book could help her discern the Bible for her situation. A seed of hope sent out a shoot of hope.

  Maybe if she studied hard enough, dug hard enough, God would finally show her why her life was in such turmoil.

  And maybe then her brain would finally accept that Zac could never be a part of her life again.

  Chapter Eight

  “L-Ladies and gentlemen, teachers and students.” Zac glanced around the room, searching for Brianna’s face, needing the confidence her gorgeous eyes would impart.

  She wasn’t here. In a flash the same nemesis of fear that had dragged at him for most of his life, clawed its way to his throat, blocking it.

  “I—ah, that is—”

  Desperately, Zac scanned the crowd again. But Brianna was not present. Every eye in the room was on him, waiting. He had to continue.

  Zac licked his lips, breathed a prayer and dove in to explain Your World. By the time fifteen minutes had lapsed, he knew his presentation was an unmitigated disaster, and so did everyone in the room. But he was determined to make sure the students understood the concept.

  “Are there any questions?” he asked. To his surprise, Cory’s hand went up. “Yes, Cory.”

  “Can we write anything on the board?”

  “Within bounds.” Zac peered at the young man, wondering why he’d asked the question. He listed the absolute no-nos again then went on to encourage all the students to take an active part. The ho-hum response he got was not encouraging, but there was little else he could say. No one seemed interested in Your World now, and for some reason that made Zac furious at Brianna. She’d promised to show. Where was she?

  As the students left the room, he gathered his notes and left the platform. Brianna met him outside the door.

  “Sorry I’m late,” she puffed, obviously short of breath. Her hair was disheveled, too, the usual wispy curls out of place. “How did it go?”

  “Even worse than I expected, which means it was bad.” He pursed his lips, edged past her and walked out of the school, annoyed that she tagged along beside him.

  “I’m sure it wasn’t as terrible as you think, Zac.”

  “Really?” His temper flaring, he threw his suit jacket and his notes in the backseat of his car, then whirled around to face her. “Do you ever keep your promises and show up when you’re supposed to?”

  “That’s not fair!” Brianna’s green eyes widened with shock. She took a step back, her gaze narrowing. “I was working,” she reminded him. “Doing my job.”

  “I guess that’s as good an excuse as any.” He yanked open the driver’s door.

  “Hey! What exactly did you expect me to do?” she demanded, grabbing his arm so he couldn’t escape.

  “Help me.” The plea sputtered out on its own accord, and Zac felt a fool for having uttered it. All he wanted to do was leave, but Brianna’s wounded stare forced him to explain. “You could have answered questions, clarified points—something.”

  “But you never told me you wanted me to do that,” she protested. “You said I should drop by. Or at least that was my impression.” Her forehead wrinkled. “I can’t remember exactly what you said, but you knew I had a parent conference this morning, because I told you.”

  “You also said you’d be here.” Zac clamped his lips together. What was the point of repeating that? She hadn’t been bothered to make the effort. He was stupid to have thought she would care about his presentation enough to attend. “Look, I messed up and I’m in a foul mood, Brianna. I’m sorry. It’s not your fault and I don’t mean to take it out on you, it’s just that I had such high expectations for this whole thing and now—” He left it hanging. His phone bleeped. He looked at it. “I have to go. I have to do a teacher evaluation this afternoon.”

  “But—”

  Zac pretended he didn’t hear as he got in the car and drove away.

  His miserable presentation had only proven what he’d always believed—God had a tough time using someone like him to make a difference.

  * * *

  “Cory, do you think you could run that over to Zac?” Brianna pointed to the purple bag on the counter, then checked on the pan of chicken breasts browning in the oven.

  Her father would be here with her mother shortly. There wasn’t much time to make everything perfect, and it needed to be or her mother would be sure to point out her failure.

  “Aw, Mom!” Cory glared at her. “The guys are coming soon for my birthday.”

  “I’ll make sure they don’t run away until you get back,” she teased. “Take your bike. It won’t take you long.”

  “What is this, anyway?” he asked, jiggling the bag.

  “A book Zac special ordered. I took it with my packages by mistake yesterday.” She raised her eyebrows at him. “Would you mind hurrying? I want you to be here when Grandma and Grandpa arrive.”

  “You didn’t tell me Grandma was coming.” He glared at her.

  “I didn’t know. Grandpa decided this afternoon to bring her.” Brianna endured his angry look for a moment before asking, “Cory?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Were you at Mr. Ender’s presentation this morning?”

  “Yeah.” His voice was hesitant.

  “It was bad?” she asked, watching his face.

  “Like really bad. I asked a question just so he could explain some more, but it didn’t do much good.”

  Cory hunched his shoulders as he looked at her. “What’s his issue anyway?”

  “Zac doesn’t like being in the spotlight. Never has as long as I’ve known him.”

  “You went to high school together, right?” Cory glared at her. “Kent told me that you and your friends were close. You’ve helped people with problems like Mr. Ender’s before. So why don’t you help him?”

  “I’d like to, Cory. But Zac’s had this problem for a long time. It’s not going to disappear easily. It’s kind of like you when you were afraid of heights. It took a while for you to realize you didn’t need to be afraid. Zac is going to have to figure it out his own way.” She felt a little strange about saying that but it was true. She could not give Zac what he needed. “So no one really got what Your World is all about?”

  “The principal made an announcement after lunch and talked about it a lot. He said he wanted to clear up questions, but I think it was to cover for Mr. Ender. Anyway, I think everybody understood.” He fiddled with the bag. “How long till Grandma comes?” Cory had formed a special bond with his grandmother, one which Brianna constantly worried over. She didn’t want her son to catch her mother’s negative attitude toward her.

  “She should be here soon. Better get going,” she urged.

  “I’ll be right back.” Cory raced out the door. A second later she saw him speeding down the driveway.

  Bria
nna watched him with a lump in her throat.

  “I know you’re there, God. Please make this a happy day for Cory. This one time, don’t let Mom spoil it.”

  Ten minutes later her parents arrived at the same time as Cory’s pals. Conversation was awkward, especially after Brianna’s mother chided the boys about their manners. Brianna tried to cover, but all the same she heaved a sigh of relief when she saw Cory ride up. She almost choked when Zac appeared behind him.

  “Mom!” Cory burst through the door. “I invited Zac to my birthday dinner.” He returned Brianna’s glare with a grin. “He told me to call him that. Anyway, he said he was going to eat leftovers so I invited him.” Cory’s facial expression made it clear that he thought leftovers were a fate worse than death.

  “Great. Welcome, Zac,” Brianna said cheerfully, inwardly chagrined. “Well, dinner’s ready so let’s eat.” Her new plan to avoid Zac as much as possible was going up in smoke, especially after her father insisted Zac sit next to Brianna.

  Her father said grace, then turned to his wife. “Isn’t this a wonderful meal for our grandson’s birthday?”

  “I hope you enjoy it,” Brianna said before her mother could denigrate her work. “There’s plenty for everyone. Help yourselves.”

  Despite attempts to circumvent her mother’s criticisms, the meal progressed with negative remarks about everything Brianna had worked so hard to create, followed by anecdotes about how her mother preferred to serve the item. Cory’s friends snickered a couple of times while Zac interrupted to offer his compliments on the food.

  Cory seemed oblivious to his grandmother’s complaints, his eyes fixed adoringly on her. From time to time Brianna’s mother reached out to brush his hair off his forehead or pat his shoulder and he grasped her hand, the bond between them obvious. Brianna felt like an outsider.

  Brianna had always baked and decorated her son’s cake herself, rejecting the perfection of a bakery cake, as her mother had always done, for homemade love. This birthday was no exception. She carried the painstakingly decorated chocolate layers to the table with candles blazing, leading everyone in the birthday song. She loved this child so much.