by C. J. Corbin
Joe pointed Debi to the small utility road that led to the pumpkin patch and I got into his golf cart to follow her truck down the lane. In this pumpkin patch were the special pumpkins that Joe always reserved for his favorite clients and family. I always tried to be in Mintock for Halloween, one because I loved to carve pumpkins and decorate the house and two there was always a big Halloween costume party in the barn adjoining the Joe’s nursery.
“So my little one, it is all over town that you have someone very special in your life now. He’s the photographer who just moved here, is it getting serious?” Joe asked me.
“I don’t know Uncle Joe. We’ve only been dating for a little while.” I responded knowing where the conversation was leading.
“Yet, you’re already living with him?” He asked.
I groaned and rolled my eyes, why did I have to live in a small town? Why was everyone in my business?
Joe just chuckled, “Don’t worry, the gossip will die down. It did for Ruth and I, of course when the town does not have anything else to talk about it can always flare up again.
I turned to him, “Uncle Joe, why is it that you and Aunt Ruth never married? I know you asked her, she had told me.”
Joe frowned, “Yes, Elizabeth, I did ask her many times. She would never say yes though. She always told me that a piece of paper was not important to the two of us.” He shook his head and sighed.
“Do you regret never marrying her?” I asked, prying even further than was normal for me.
“Yes, sometimes. But, you know she was right, in the end a little piece of paper was not important. We were married in our hearts. I will always love her. But, hey, why are we talking about such sad stuff?” He parked the golf cart. “We should be talking about the Halloween celebration. You know happy things.”
I grinned at him, “But it is almost all Hallows eve, you know the day before the Day of the Dead.”
He laughed, “Yes, but it is supposed to be a happy celebration! Come along, and let me show you the fat pumpkins I’ve set aside for you.”
I was happy with the pumpkins that Joe had chosen for us. We walked around the patch a bit just to make sure we had the best ones. While his two grown sons, Marco and Eduardo were loading them in Debi’s truck for us I pointed to a huge pumpkin sitting over in the corner. “Who is getting that one?”
Joe smiled, “That one is for Annie.”
Debi laughed, “How does my mother-in-law rate the largest pumpkin in the entire place?”
Joe whispered, “It’s not just for Annie, it will be the centerpiece of our Halloween decorations in the barn this year. Annie will be carving it and she is making special baskets for all the decorations this year. It will be our finest Halloween yet.”
Debi laughed again. ”Leave it to Annie to make a big production out of Halloween. Speaking of which, do you know what costume you’re wearing this year?”
I grinned wickedly, “Well yes I do. I’m going as La Diabla.”
She laughed, “I am looking forward to you as the female devil. I’m sure your dress is very short and red.”
I leaned over and whispered, “And, very tight too.”
“Poor Michael, he doesn’t know what he is getting himself into, does he?”
Debi and I drove home and enlisted Don’s help unloading my pumpkins since Michael wasn’t home yet. Michael had made a quiche and a fruit bowl for us, which Tammy and I shared for dinner. Tammy had a study group so I ended up with the dogs waiting for Michael to come home. Since there was no cell phone reception on the mountain, I couldn’t even call Michael to make sure everything was alright.
At eleven o’clock, I closed down my computer and closed the windows in Michael’s bedroom. The nights were definitely chillier and his big bedroom was drafty. I heard Tammy come home an hour earlier and she had checked on me. She was surprised that Michael had not come home, but she shrugged it off knowing her dad could take care of himself.
I turned out the lights in the bedroom. I left the small nightlight on in the bathroom. He had put it in his bathroom when I first started staying over mainly because I kept tripping over everything in the middle of the night.
I woke up at one and reached out across the bed. No Michael. I checked my cell phone and no voice mail messages either. I was beginning to worry about him. This was not like him. At two in the morning, I heard the bedroom door open. I switched the light on and Michael was creeping in. He was trying to be quiet but I was used to being a light sleeper especially when I was alone.
“Michael, it’s so late.”
“Sorry baby, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” He had a silly grin on his face.
I got out of bed and put my robe on because it was cold in the room. I put my arms around him and kissed him while he was trying to take his shoes off and almost knocked him over.
“Careful Babe.” He said.
The look on my face must have said it all, “Michael, have you been drinking?”
“The guys and I stopped tonight and grabbed a few beers.” He said lightly.
“It smells like more than a few beers. Michael did you drive like this?”
He shook his head no, “Frank drove me home.”
I stepped back from him and knew my face showed disapproval. “Michael, you’re drunk. Why didn’t you call me?”
Michael looked at me and his anger was rising, “Oh Elizabeth now you sound just like Margaret. I definitely don’t need that tonight.”
My voice rose, “You don’t need to bring Margaret into the conversation. I just said you could have called me. Didn’t you think that I’d be waiting for you?”
“Look Elizabeth, lower your voice.” Michael said with a bite in his voice, “You don’t need to wake up Tammy.”
“You might have thought about that before you came home at two.”
“I would like to go to bed, I’m very tired.”
“Fine. You go to bed, but we need to talk tomorrow.” I made a move toward the door to leave.
Michael grabbed my arm to stop me, “Where are you going?”
“I’m going to my house. You don’t expect me to sleep with you, not in the condition you’re in, do you? Let go of me.” I wriggled free of his grip. My mouth was like cotton. I certainly didn’t envision this night having an argument with Michael, not after all the thoughts I had about him before I fell asleep.
“Is that your solution to everything? Running away Elizabeth? You really need to start confronting issues instead of running away from them.” He scowled at me.
I turned around to face him. “Oh really? You’re the one who said he wanted to sleep. Well buddy, since you’re so wide-awake, then I will confront you. You better sit down for this one.” I was surprised when he actually did as I said. I stood over him and looked down. I crossed my arms over my chest. “I don’t think that I can believe anything you say to me. I never really get the whole story from you. It’s always in little pieces never a complete story.”
He raised his eyebrows and looked back at me, “Oh really like when?”
“Oh you want examples? You know exactly what you do, when we drove to Calistoga you forgot to mention that we were actually visiting your grandmother. You gave me no opportunity to say no, that maybe I didn’t want to visit.”
“That’s just another example of you running away and not wanting to get involved with people. I knew if I told you that you wouldn’t want to go.” He frowned.
“So you gave me no chance of maybe saying yes. You just decided to spring it on me like your relationship with Tommy and Marie. Did you forget to mention that this was your best friend? No, I think you knew exactly what you were doing. It’s like you’re parsing your life out to me in what you think are palatable amounts. I hate it!”
Michael stood up and towered over me. “And what about you? You’re hiding the Kevin abuse from everyone, aren’t you? You came back up here because you wanted to run away from the situation instead of confronting Kevin and telling him to leave y
ou the hell alone!” Michael said it with so much force that I actually took a step back. Michael saw me flinch and his expression on his face changed to a pained one.
He sat on the edge of the bed and buried his head in his hands. “Margaret hated my family and friends. She actually called my grandmother a witch. Well, that was the last time Margaret was welcome in my grandmother’s house. And, she hated Marie. She tried to seduce Tommy one time. Tommy! Can you believe it? Tommy didn’t tell me until years later because he didn’t want it to ruin our friendship. He thought I would have never believed him. Yes, I used to hold back information to Margaret since she would normally blow a gasket if I ever planned something.” He looked up at me openly, “I didn’t want to make another mistake with you.” He whispered.
I kneeled down in front of him. “I’m not Margaret.” I whispered back.
He blew out a large breath and ran his hand through his hair, “I know that Elizabeth. You’ve never made me feel like she did.”
I answered him sincerely, “Then Michael, you can trust me. Tell me the whole story, and trust me with the facts. Trust me to make the right decision.”
Michael nodded mutely.
“Can you trust me with one more thing?” I asked quietly.
“Yes.” He answered simply.
I sat next to him on the bed, “Tell me about Nicki.”
Michael groaned, “Why do you want to know that? That is ancient history. It’s over, and it’s been over twenty years.”
I looked at him fully, “Michael, you loved Nicky and something destroyed the two of you. I need to make sure it won’t happen to us.”
He shook his head, “I don’t think there are any chances of it happening to us, but if you really want to know?”
“I really want to know.” I said adamantly. I took his hand in mine.
“Well, I guess after our first big fight, it would be a sign of good faith on my part wouldn’t it?”
I grinned at him, “We’re not done fighting yet.”
“Oh?” He said cautiously.
“Yes,” I nodded. “We have my supposed running away issues to deal with.”
“Not tonight though.”
“No,” I answered, “Not tonight, but soon.”
While I continued to sit on the edge of the bed, he leaned back into the pillows on the bed and launched into his story. Nicki and Michael were not particularly close when they were young, but her parents moved to Oakland around the time that Michael and she were juniors in high school. She didn’t know anyone else and since Christina was younger, it fell to Michael to spend time with Nicki.
I pictured the prom picture of Nicki, and she was striking. A tall, brunette beauty and I was sure that Michael at sixteen would have had no problem spending time with her. They started dating slowly and no one had suspected that he had fallen in love with her. It was natural for them to be together. One thing led to another and they began to be intimate.
At this point, of his story I looked over at him with shocked eyes, “Before you were eighteen?”
He laughed and I could tell he was thinking back to those days, “Yes, before we were eighteen. There was no way Nicki could go to her mother and ask her to go on birth control in those days, so we were very careful. Come on Elizabeth. Don’t look at me that way. I was a randy teenager with raging hormones.”
He continued to explain that by the end of high school they both decided to attend UC Santa Cruz. At first, they were in dorms, which put a major cramp into their romance even though the dorms were co-ed. Michael ended up hooking up with Tommy and Markus, and they decided to share a house, which made being with Nicki much easier. After college, they planned to live together first and then after they had established their careers, to get married.
“Nicki was never good about taking the pill on a regular basis,” he said, and then his voice hitched, “she didn’t tell me before she…” He paused and I looked at him. His eyes closed and his shoulders shook quietly, I didn’t realize that he was crying until I saw the first tear roll down his cheek. He covered his face with his forearm. “Damn,” he cried, “after twenty-five years it still hits me hard.”
My thoughts took me a moment to collect and then I realized what Michael had been leading to, “Nicki got pregnant,” I said faintly, “and she had an abortion.” My voice was barely above a whisper. I wanted to reach out to him but I didn’t know how to do it.
The anguish in his voice was clear and it cut through me making it hard to breath.
“I’m sorry Michael. It was selfish of me to make you tell me.”
I wished I had never seen the picture of Nicki in the photo album. I had caused the pain that Michael was now feeling.
“Why did she do it? She never told me. She just went ahead and swept the baby away without me knowing. I hated her for it.” Michael spoke but I wasn’t sure it was to me he was speaking.
I got up, turned the lights off, and then lay back down next to him. At first, he didn’t register me being there but eventually he reached out to me and I wrapped my arms around him. We slept like this, him fully dressed and me in my robe until dawn.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
When I awoke, he was gone from the bed. The quilt covered me and my robe was still belted tightly around me. Stiff from sleeping in one position all night I got up slowly from the bed and looked out the window. Michael sat at the edge of the dock.
Michael stared into space when I approached him on the dock. The ducks had already flown south for the winter. He squinted up at me and patted the spot next to him. I sat down next to him with foreboding. This was not the way he normally greeted me in the morning this reflective Michael was alarming.
“Elizabeth, after our talk last night I stayed awake thinking about everything that was said.” Michael held my hand in both of his.
I closed my eyes because I didn’t want to cry but I could feel the tears brimming up. I did not want to hear what he had to say. I wanted to run away. Michael had been right.
He continued, “Things between the two of us has been moving fast, it might be time for a cooling off period.”
Inside my entire being was screaming NO! Oh, please no. My voice shook when I spoke, “What do you mean by cooling off period? Do you not want to see me anymore?” The tears were so close to coming. I took a breath and it hurt to breathe. Was something crushing my chest? No, it was probably just my heart shattering. The tears one by one started to fall down my face,
“You said you loved me.” I whispered the words and they were almost inaudible.
“Babe, I do love you, and that is why I think it might be a good idea if we take it slow for a while. We need to learn more about each other. I don’t want to take you for granted and I think that is what I did last night. I’m making you do a lot of the care for Tammy and I shouldn’t.”
“But I like to take care of Tammy.” I protested the tears falling harder.
He cupped my face in his hands. I moved away from him, which took him by surprise.
“I don’t understand your rules Michael. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”
“That’s exactly the problem Elizabeth, I feel like you are forming yourself to what I want. I want you to be who you are and to not get dragged down with my problems.” His voice laced with an edge of regret. “Babe, I want you to be true to yourself. I don’t want to smother you.”
“So are we not to see each other?” I asked.
Michael reached for me again and I let him, “Let’s date again.”
I scowled, “I thought that’s what we were doing.”
“Elizabeth, we are essentially living together, which is my fault.”
“So you don’t want to live with me?”
Michael shook his head and stared up as if he was searching for the words, “No, I do want to live with you and I do want you in my bed every night, but I think we both need more time.”
I stood up abruptly. “Okay. We’ll give it more time.” Michael didn’t try to s
top me as I started to walk away. I turned around and he looked at me, “Let me know when you’re ready Michael.” He didn’t answer.
I walked back to his house. Tammy was up and in the kitchen when I walked in after dressing and gathering my belongings from his bedroom. I took the framed picture of us that he had taken the previous week. He had given it to me, it was mine, and it was coming with me.
Tammy saw me carrying my possessions, “You and Dad had a big argument last night.” She said it as a statement and not a question.
I nodded again trying to hold back tears.
“So will you still be around?”
I smiled and nodded, “Of course Tammy, I’m just next door. This does not affect you and me at all. You are always welcome to come over anytime and you know you never have to knock. Your dad and I need a little breathing space. Whenever your dad isn’t home, make sure you bring the dogs over to me for the day.”
She smiled encouragingly, “I will.”
“When you get home from school this afternoon, come over and we’ll carve the pumpkins, okay?”
“It’s a date.”
I left Michael’s house and of course, the tears came streaming down my face once again. What did Michael mean by cooling off? Did he even want to see me anymore? I let myself into my house and went straight into my bedroom. As I passed the front window, I could see Michael still sitting on the edge of the dock with his back turned to the houses. I closed the drapes in my living room and closed the blinds in my bedroom. I knew the dogs were anticipating their run, but I didn’t want even the slightest chance of encountering Michael again, not this morning. Crawling into bed and pulling the covers over my head, I needed time to think. Samantha and Topper were happy cuddling up next to me while I put my head back on my pillows. I had forgotten to take my pillows that I had left on Michael’s bed and frowned to myself that I needed to retrieve them later, much later.
