"This is David's car." Kayla motioned to it with her head. "He gives me a ride to school. Dad doesn't know, and he'd kill me if he found out. You can ride with us today if you promise not to tell."
Ashley stared into the car. The boy in the passenger seat was wearing a black baseball cap and a silver chain around his neck. He had Italian features; dark skin, dark eyes, dark hair. He looked up at her and smiled.
"Does he drive safe?" Ashley hesitated. "I get carsick easily."
Kayla had already walked around to the back driver side door. "He drives fine. It's a smoother ride than the bus. Get in if you're going, and remember - no telling."
Ashley squeezed into the backseat. Kayla was opposite her, with a chubby red-headed boy sitting on the middle hump. Ashley noticed a small whanthral in the boy's mouth - a writhing leech on his tongue. She turned away, reaching for her seatbelt.
"This is Ashley." Kayla leaned forward and rested her hands on the shoulders of their driver. "My sister."
The driver glanced back at Ashley in the rearview. He had green eyes and closely cropped blond hair. His pale face was dotted with acne.
"Hi Ashley. I'm David." He smiled, showing Ashley an ugly mess of braces. "You just got out of juvie, right?"
"Whoa, really?" The boy in the baseball cap turned around. "What for? What did you do?"
"A little boy died while we were playing. I didn't do anything to him, but he died, and they blamed it on me."
"That's fucked up." The boy in the baseball cap extended his hand to Ashley over the center console. "I'm Nick."
"Hi." Ashley flashed him a smile. She didn't shake his hand. She felt squished in by the boy next to her. Claustrophobic. She cracked open the window so she could breathe.
"Can you turn the radio off?" Kayla whined, elbowing the redhead to give herself more room. "Rap sucks. Put something else on, or hook in my iPod."
Ashley retreated into herself for the rest of the ride. She nodded along with whatever Kayla or the boys said, looking out the window as the trees and houses went by in a blur. She turned her gaze up to the clouds and watched them swirl around the sun like a whirlpool.
At the Youth Center, Ashley's cell window was set at an angle which overlooked one of the other cell blocks, so she couldn't see a speck of green, or any other hint of nature. After she was attacked twice while out on the courtyard, the Director decided to keep her locked in her cell for most of the day, for her own safety.
Ashley didn't spend most of that time in her cell. When she was alone, Qualkhoikhom would come to her. She'd shift into oceans, forests, deserts, meadows, and glittering icescapes, randomly popping back into her cell for a few bites of food, or to idly watch invisible bugs creep across her skin, before shifting back into unknown oblivion.
All of the shifting was exhausting, but it had its advantages. It was the only thing that kept Ashley sane while in isolation.
Ashley walked into her first class, still in a fugue. She sat down in a desk near the back of the room, and looked around, watching the girl next to her eye her curiously. The girl was striking, with blond hair that had been dyed black, and a large silver pentagram on her necklace. A stereotypical goth. Although she didn't have any visible piercings, there was a tiny dot in her nose that probably held a stud.
"We have a new student in our class." The teacher announced, standing up from her desk. Her horn-rimmed glasses looked straight out of the fifties. "Why don't you introduce yourself?"
It took Ashley a moment to realize that the teacher was referring to her. She felt vapid, and huddled over her seat, curtseying.
"My name's Ashley. Ashley Minden."
"Where did you transfer from?" The teacher probed.
"The New Pawnee Youth Center."
The eyes of some of the surrounding students seemed to bug out, and the room quickly filled with giggles and murmurs. For a moment, the teacher looked taken aback, but she quickly began to speak, blunting the news with a droning lecture.
Ashley noticed that the goth girl was still staring at her, laughing without making a sound. She felt self-conscious and squinted at her, asking her with her eyes, what was so funny.
"Did you beat someone up?" The girl mouthed.
Ashley ignored the question, and looked the other way, staring out the window for most of the class. She felt Qualkhoikhom stir, but didn't think he was very strong.
A few metallic green medrels and yarbas hovered around the classroom, landing on students' noses and drinking out of their ears like hummingbirds sipping nectar from flowers.
As the teacher droned on, Ashley began to feel dizzy. She leaned her head against her shoulder and her eyes rolled back. Her body convulsed, and she started to mumble. Rhythmically chanting.
"Yet gheti Qualkhoikhom. Oftui Qualkhoikhom. Medori khlathu. Yabahi, khlathu. On subdundhai, khlathu. Qualkhoikhom insurtat vey! Jusgesi Aticamae! Phan iti me! Qualkhoikhom insurat, Ashna et Akamaz, endi timine ju du se!"
Ashley felt something snap. She opened her eyes.
Everyone was staring at her. The students at the front of the classroom had turned around in their desks just to ogle.
The teacher looked gob smacked. "Are you okay?"
"Yes," Ashley peeped, nodding. "I – I get seizures. I'm okay. It's over. I'm fine."
"You should go to the nurse, now." The teacher was frantic. "Can someone take her - please?"
"I will." The goth girl stood up and motioned for Ashley to follow.
Ashley shadowed her into the hallway.
As the two girls walked together, Ashley studied her classmate's clothing. She was wearing black leggings under a knee-length grey skirt. Her skirt's pleating shuffled with each step.
I want a skirt like that. . . .I want new clothes. . .I want to feel pretty.
"My name's Lucy." The girl gave Ashley a big grin. "Are you epileptic?"
"The doctors think so."
"That's a weird answer." Lucy smirked. "What were you mumbling in class? It sounded sort of like Latin."
"I was talking?"
"Yeah. It was crazy. You showed everyone your eye whites and started mumbling things like you were possessed."
"Oh." Ashley looked down at the floor, shamefaced. "I'm sorry. That's – that's never happened before."
"It was cool. Coolest thing to happen in English class this semester. Ms. Kelly's so dull." Lucy stopped walking and pointed at the nurse's station. She then winked at Ashley, prodding her to open up. "Why were you at the Youth Center? What did you do? You look older than a sophomore. Did they hold you back?"
"I don't want to talk about it." Ashley quickly ducked into the nurse's office. "I – I'll tell you later."
The school nurse gave Ashley a cursory evaluation; taking her temperature, making her lie down, ensuring she had taken her medication. Ashley brought Lorazepam and Risperdol with her to school. They were supposed to prevent her seizures and hallucinations. The nurse suggested she take an extra dose of each, and she complied.
The pills gave Ashley horrible cottonmouth and made her drowsy. They had no effect on Qualkhoikhom, but she pretended they helped, so the doctors stopped feeding her an endless litany of antipsychotics with even worse side effects.
The nurse refused to let Ashley go back to class, worried she'd seize again. Instead, Ashley was forced to lie down on a cot until lunch. After lunch was over, the nurse told her that she'd have to go home for the rest of the day, and that her mother was coming to pick her up.
Ashley and the nurse walked across the school and out the main entrance. Just as they exited the building, a silver pickup turned into the parking lot, and pulled up next to them.
It wasn't Doris's car.
The unseen driver honked the horn.
Ashley approached the pickup and peered into the cab. Her stomach flipped over.
Ronald was driving.
"Is that your ride?" The nurse inquired.
"Yes?"
Ashley nodded before climbing into the pickup. She buc
kled herself in and balled up on the seat, cowering next to her stepfather.
"Your mom couldn't get out early and asked me to pick you up." Ronald adjusted the rearview mirror. "They said you had a seizure?"
"Uh-huh." Ashley glanced at him. He was wearing a tight v-neck. "Thanks for coming to get me."
"I thought you were on medication for the seizures." He stepped on the gas. "Is it the stress? From your first day?"
"Maybe. I dunno."
"If they keep happening, you might have to stay home. Be homeschooled. I can't cut out of my job early every day without getting fired, and neither can your mother."
Ashley studied Ronald's clothes. They were spattered with mud. His muscles were bulging and looked tone, as if he'd been working out just before coming to get her. He wiped some sweat off his face and then turned on the radio at a very low volume.
Country music hummed in the background.
"Where do you work?" Ashley studied him, longingly. "Is there a marine base near here?"
"Huh?" Ronald looked over at her. "No. I was discharged two years ago, but once you're a marine, you're always a marine. I supervise a road crew now. Highway maintenance and surveying. I normally get out of work before your mom, but like I said, I can't keep getting out early."
"I'm sorry."
Ashley spent the car ride discretely leering at Ronald. He was big and muscular. She felt dainty in comparison. She wondered how it would feel if he held her. She wanted him to hold her – wrap her up in his thick arms. His sweat filled the car with a musk that made her heart flutter. Her sex stirred under her sweatpants. She squirmed in her seat, ashamed.
She ached for him to touch her. Kiss her.
The thoughts made Ashley feel guilty, but she couldn't stop them. Her chest tingled and she looked down and saw a skilon attach itself to her ribcage, right above her heart. It looked like a lamprey - a worm without eyes or limbs - just a mouth full of sharp barbs that clung to her skin and fed off her desire.
Ronald pulled up to the house, and Ashley skipped up to her bedroom. She lounged around for the rest of the day, avoiding the living room where Ronald was sprawled out on the couch, trying to rid herself of guilty thoughts to get the skilon to detach itself from her body.
Kayla and Doris came home several hours later. Doris fawned over Ashley, insisting that she take more medication and make an appointment with a new neurologist. Later, Ashley heard her and Ronald quietly whisper to each other about keeping her home from school, permanently.
Ashley felt defeated. She didn't want to be a burden. She slunk upstairs, back to her bedroom.
Kayla was there, talking on her cell phone.
Ashley paused at the door. It was open just a crack. She watched her sister. She thought she could hear a boy's voice on the other end of the phone and guessed it was David.
Kayla sounded bubbly. They were flirting.
Ashley liked seeing Kayla happy. She loved Kayla but was terrified that what happened to Ian could happen to her. She promised herself that she'd never come near Kayla when Qualkhoikhom was stirring.
Kayla said a playful goodbye and hung up the phone. She glanced in the mirror and then began to change out of her school clothes. When she pulled off her shirt and reached back to unhook her bra, Ashley noticed that a skilon had attached itself to Kayla's chest. It was drinking deeply from Kayla. Writing. Twitching.
The sight infuriated Ashley. She shoved the bedroom door open without thinking.
"What are you doing!" Kayla spun around. She quickly pulled her blanket over her chest.
"I'm sorry." Ashley dumbly spluttered. "On your chest. . . .I saw a bug."
"Don't spy on me when I'm changing!" Kayla was mortified. "I realize you think you're a girl, but girls don't do that. That's so creepy. We're brother and sister. That's disgusting!"
"I wasn't looking at you. On your chest. There's. . .you're. . ." Ashley didn't know what to say. "You. . . .you were talking to David?"
"What?" Kayla snapped, now indignant. "What does that have to do with -? Why do you care?"
"I saw a bug on you. It doesn't matter. I was just worried. Those things aren't good for you. They drain you, and you become like them. Don't feed them. If you like David, that's okay, but don't. . .focus on it too much. It's bad for you to lust. It becomes you."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Kayla shook her head, visibly disturbed. "Honestly – and I know mom will get me in trouble for saying this – but honestly, I don't think you should have come home yet. You're not ready. You're still. . .weird. Nothing you say makes sense. You freak me out."
Ashley silently berated herself for her own stupidity
Why would she believe me? She thinks I'm crazy. I act crazy. Everyone else thinks I'm crazy. . .
I am crazy.
"I'm sorry." Ashley mumbled. "That was dumb. I'm sorry I walked in on you."
"And Mist?" Kayla continued, furious. "What was that? Don't tell me that was him. Why did you bring a cat in here and say it was Mist? Just to scare me?"
"I didn't. He came to me in a dream. . .and – and I'm sorry. I'm just sorry."
"Stop saying that!" Kayla hissed. "I can't wait till we move. I want my own room again. Leave me alone. Go away and let me change!"
***
Doris could feel the tension between her daughters at dinner, but didn't probe, too tired to appease them.
After they were done eating, Ronald shooed the girls up to bed.
Kayla turned the lights off, immediately, and texted on her phone for several hours in the dark. She then pretended to go to sleep.
Ashley lay in bed, completely still, until she was certain Kayla had fallen asleep. She then grabbed a pen and a sheet of paper. Using her nightlight for illumination, she jotted down all of the signs that she had seen in her dreams over the years – all of the talismans – all of the symbols – all of the invisible animals that haunted her psyche.
Slowly, the bizarre pictures and scribbles took the shape of an evil-looking zodiac wheel with nine distinct creatures. Above each creature were lines of indecipherable text that looked like alien hieroglyphics.
Ashley didn't know what she was doing, but it felt right. She had an overwhelming urge to bite her thumb, and did so, until it bled. She watched the blood ooze out around the nail and then, as if she had intended to all along, she smeared the blood around the zodiac hex, forming a grisly circle.
"Qualkhoikhom please stay away from Kayla. Protect Kayla. Tell the bugs that come to feed on her, to feed on me, instead. I give myself to you for her. Take me if you have to. I, Ashna, give myself to you, Qualkhoikhom. I sacrifice myself to you. Forever."
After Ashley finished her ad lib spell, she kissed the paper and slipped it under Kayla's bed.
4.
-Medrel-
(Joy)
Ashley yawned in the lunch line. Two boys were ahead of her, asking for one of everything, taking two trays of food a piece. The daily special was basically junk food – sticks of breaded, fried cheese on a bed of piping hot marinara. There was a plain salad as a side, mayonnaise-heavy coleslaw, and an assortment of half-pruned oranges and apples.
One of the boys looked over at Ashley and eyed her up. Ashley tensed. Her sweater and jeans didn't fit right. They looked squared. Boxy. She felt like he could see straight through her amateurish female facade and that she'd be outed on her second day of school.
"What would you like?" The lunch lady huffed. She was staring at Ashley, blank-faced. The serving spoon twitched in her dirty glove.
"Uh. . ." Ashley didn't want anything she saw. The food was almost the same as in the Youth Center. She'd hoped for more variety. "Just the salad."
The lunch lady plopped the mixture onto a tray and slid it over to Ashley. Ashley then waited in line, casually people-watching, until she reached the register to pay. After she did, she hesitated to enter the cafeteria.
All of the other students were seated together in obvious cliques; jocks, preps, nerds, s
toners, skaters. Ashley was the only new girl. She wasn't bold enough to sit down at a table and introduce herself, so she began to skulk away, to eat by herself.
"Ashley?"
Someone touched her shoulder.
Ashley almost dropped her tray. She spun around.
Lucy was standing behind her.
Ashley scrutinized what Lucy was wearing. Black jeans, jade earrings, and an unusual, but cute, grey pashmina.
She's always so pretty. . .
"Do you want to eat with us?" Lucy gestured to a table in the middle of the cafeteria. "We don't bite. I can introduce you to everyone."
The Book of the Nine Ides Page 3
