by Harper Logan
But Calvin had other plans. “You’re shaking,” he said.
“I’m not.” I might as well have told him the sky was green and the Earth was flat, considering how many other bald-faced lies I was apparently trying to feed him tonight.
He wasn’t buying it, anyway. He pointed at my hand, and even I couldn’t deny that the fork was wavering dangerously, about to clatter to the table any second.
“I’m fine.” I went to spear a piece of cheesecake. As I should’ve expected, the fork fell before it got halfway there.
“Oh, Adam.”
Why did he have to sound so caring? So concerned? The words could’ve been condescending, but they weren’t, and I knew it.
And as he enveloped my hand in both of his, I knew I was completely fucked.
Thrills ran through me as the heat of his hands seeped into mine. Not just one thrill—no, that would’ve been too bearable—but multiple, one after another after another until I wondered whether they’d ever end.
I pulled my hand away, my face contorting with the effort. Keeping myself from touching Calvin felt completely unnatural, but I couldn’t let him do it. It had too much of an effect on me, and too little of an effect on him.
We could’ve hooked up. All the two of us lacked was chemistry, and on my end, there was more than enough.
Not on Calvin’s, though. I reminded myself of that as I pressed my shaky hand between my thighs.
Calvin ate his cheesecake slowly, and without looking at me. When my hand stilled enough, I bit into mine. It was good, as far as I could tell. My taste buds seemed to be out of service, since every molecule in my body was devoted only to thoughts of him.
Good God, I had it bad. I needed to stop comparing him to any other person I’d ever wanted to bang, because this was a thousand times more intense. And I’d known him since forever!
How could it be that finding out he was gay had put all these thoughts in my head? And if my interest had sparked because of knowing he could be interested in me, shouldn’t it have extinguished when he said he absolutely wasn’t?
We finished dessert, we paid the bill, and we headed to the car. Buddy was waiting for us, and he licked my hand eagerly when I offered it to him.
“So, we’ll find a place for tonight,” Calvin said.
I nodded. “And we won’t talk about that last issue anymore.”
Calvin slid into the driver’s seat. “I wish you’d just open up a little more. Who’s going to understand better than me?”
“No one.” And that was exactly the problem.
12
Eleven—Calvin
With our cash supply dwindling, we rejected the first couple of motels for being too expensive. It was early enough in the evening that we could be picky. After tonight, we’d still need to pay for our last night on this trip—although I almost wanted to call the rest of the “homiemoon” off right now out of sheer frustration.
Apparently Adam liked men… but I had no hope of him liking me. He was my friend, my bro, my homie. That was how it’d been for the past ten-plus years. He wouldn’t suddenly start wanting me just because he knew I liked dick.
“Google says this one is cheap,” Adam said, glancing from his phone to the motel sign.
“Cheap is good,” I sighed. “Let’s check it out.”
The motel’s reception area looked nice enough, even if the tables were dusty and the furniture was well-worn. We didn’t need much. We’d already had our money-blowing night of luxury, and now we just needed a clean, safe place to rest our heads. It wasn’t as if we’d be spending an evening of passion together. That part was only in my dreams.
The clerk was surly and possibly high, but he gave us a pair of keys. Given the events of the weekend so far, neither of us had even floated the idea of sharing a room. The six of us guys used to do that all the time when we travelled. Clearly those days were over now.
“Well, good night,” I said once the three of us had climbed the rickety stairs. “I can put today’s video together on my own.”
“Oh. Cool. I was tired anyway.”
He faked a yawn, and I assumed he was trying to save face for both of us. I knew he’d faked his nap in the car earlier, and I didn’t blame him for it. I’d been pushy with him, trying to get to the bottom of that comment about his sexuality. I’d just been that desperate to know what he’d meant.
We turned in separate directions, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Now I had a minimum of eight hours without him. I could possibly stretch it out for longer, if I pretended I was sleeping late. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be around him, but damn, it was stressful.
Our rooms were side by side—close enough that I could fantasize that I was hearing him breathing. I expected the walls to be as thin as motel ones usually were. My heart beat a little harder as I wondered whether I’d hear if he jerked off. What would he sound like? And who would he be thinking of?
I swiped my key in the lock, and then froze. “Um… Adam?”
A few feet away, he was staring into his room with a similar look of horror. “Um… yeah.”
Buddy let out a loud yip, then another, looking up at me as if asking if I was really going to make him go in there. His ears flattened against his head and his tail whipped back and forth in panic.
“It’s okay, boy,” I said slowly. I doubted he’d buy it, but I was trying to reassure myself as well.
I stepped toward Adam so I could peer through his doorframe. Surely his room couldn’t be as bad as mine. The peeling wallpaper might be a motel-wide issue, and the heavily stained carpet was only to be expected—well, kind of.
But the immediate stench of urine that had just invaded my nostrils, and the army of cockroaches that was marching from one side of the room to the other? Oh, and the fact that those two sides of the room were about four feet apart?
Yeah, they were just as bad in his room.
Suddenly it struck me that we were about an inch apart, both hovering in front of his door. The heat of his body made my breath catch in my throat, and I tried unsuccessfully to fill my lungs with air.
I moved away, which helped a little. Except now, Adam’s spicy scent had replaced the foul smell of the room. I couldn’t have said which was worse.
“What the fuck,” he breathed. “Did we just stumble into the international headquarters of the United Bedbug Society?”
“Oh God, you think there are bedbugs too?”
“How could there not be?” He looked queasy. “We can’t stay here, dude. I’ll go ask for a refund.”
Buddy tried to race after him, as eager to get out of here as I was. I held his leash tightly. “Not yet, boy. Maybe they can fix this.”
Except the surly clerk didn’t even bother to come upstairs with Adam. Apparently the motel had a no-refund policy—good business on their part, as I was sure they’d never make a dime otherwise. Not so good for us. We could try stopping the credit card payment, but in the meantime we needed to find a new motel with even less to spend than before.
There was no question of sucking it up and staying here anyway. Even if I could deal with the fetid environment, I wasn’t about to put Buddy’s health at risk by keeping him there. Or Adam’s.
As soon as we got in the car, I yawned for about a minute straight. Adam had instinctively taken the driver’s seat, which was good because intense fatigue had suddenly hit me. I hadn’t realized how tired I actually was.
Theoretically Adam should’ve been sleepier than me, but he made no complaints as he turned back onto the main street. When I glanced over at him, he looked solemn and resolute—and way too fucking handsome.
I must’ve dozed off, because one moment I was daydreaming about running my fingers down his jaw, and the next thing I knew we were parked in front of a neon-lit motel. “Wake up, sleepyhead,” he said.
“Mmph.” I stumbled out on stiff legs, then freed Buddy from the back. Taking a second look at the place’s exterior, I gave Adam a frown. “You sure this is
going to be any better than the last place?”
“It’s got 4.4 stars on Google.” He waved his phone at me. “I also one-starred the last place while you were knocked out.”
The receptionist inside was sympathetic to our plight, but she only had one room available—and it came with a single twin-sized bed. “I’m so sorry about this,” she said. “If you’d rather, I can call around and see if any other places nearby have vacancies.” She looked about eighteen, and her name tag read Mandy.
“No, that’s fine,” I said. “I don’t know about him, but I’m exhausted.”
I could deal with sharing a bed with my unrequited crush. It was only for one night, and I’d pass out within a minute of hitting the sheets, anyway… I hoped.
“All right,” Mandy said, picking the key off its hook. “Hey, didn’t I see you two on the Internet? There was a video… what was it…”
“Oh, right,” I said. “I’m the one who made an ass of himself at his friend’s wedding.”
“No, I watched a cute video about two friends travelling together. You were on a…”
“A homiemoon,” Adam supplied.
“That’s it! Wow, I can’t believe it’s you. And this doggy looks even cuter in person than he does on camera.” She gave Buddy’s head a rub. “So you’re still on that homiemoon now? Sharing a bed will be appropriate, then. Very romantic.” She gave a playful wink.
I felt like snapping at her, but she was only trying to be friendly. If she found the idea of two men together laughable, that was society’s fault, not hers.
Of course, there was also the fact that we’d presented this whole trip as a platonic bonding experience. I couldn’t blame the poor girl if that was what she believed about it.
Mandy led us up to the room, then hovered by the door. “I hope it’s not too small,” she said. “It’s very comfortable. Cozy, really.”
The room looked fine, especially by comparison to the place we’d just left. I nodded to her, hoping she’d leave us alone so we could sleep.
“Are you going to post another video?” she asked. “Is this place going to be in it?”
There was a hopeful note to her voice, and I understood what she was asking. Was she going to be—could she be—in it?
“We could take a minute of footage now,” Adam said, although I gave him a hard stare.
“Oh my God, this is so amazing!” Mandy said as he pointed his phone at her. “I’m really going to be on YouTube?”
Anyone could be on YouTube, I wanted to grumble. That was the entire point.
“Why don’t you introduce yourself and tell me how you met us?” Adam asked.
Way too personable. Way too charming. Just like he was way too sweet, sexy, and freckled. Fuck, I wanted to kiss every little dot on his face and then pull his clothes off and see just how low those freckles went…
Mandy bubbled out a few words, her hand pressed to her heart. Her cheeks were flushed pink by the time she was done. She shook both of our hands at that point, and I would’ve sworn she wanted to actually stick around and chat.
“All right, we’re going to head to bed,” I said abruptly. “We’re hitting the road first thing in the morning.”
Finally Mandy took the hint and made herself scarce. Adam, Buddy, and I headed into the room. I raked my fingers through my hair, yawning again. The bed may have been tiny, but I was still ready to pass the fuck out.
“Wasn’t that cool?” Adam asked as he pulled out his toothbrush. “Our first time getting recognized. I feel like a celebrity.”
I scoffed. “I could’ve done without it.”
“Aww, you’re all cranky again. I thought this only happened in the mornings.”
“Don’t tease me.” In more ways than one.
He disappeared into the bathroom, and after a moment of hesitation, I pulled off my shirt. It wasn’t like going shirtless would do anything for Adam. He wasn’t into me like that—even if he wasn’t completely straight. I fell into the bed, and it was only with some effort that I managed to brush my teeth and wash my face after Adam came out of the bathroom.
When I emerged again, his eyes followed my path to the bed. What was that all about? It was the same look he’d been giving me at the pool, similar even to the one he’d given when I’d accidentally come out.
I’d assumed it was a look of revulsion, and that was why I’d yelled at him. Except now I knew he had some attraction to men himself. That explanation didn’t make sense anymore.
Halfway under the blanket, I was suddenly wide awake. I knew Adam wasn’t into me… or did I? Was there something funny about the timing of his confession?
I pulled the covers over myself, turning to the side so I wouldn’t stare at Adam’s body. He’d worn an old T-shirt and sweatpants, which were as bad as full-on nudity in terms of turning me on. The worn fabric couldn’t hide the perfection of his body. I doubted there was anything he could wear that would make him unattractive.
“Good night, man,” he said, and turned out the light.
Fuck… there was no way I was going to sleep now. Not when I was this painfully conscious of him lying a few inches away from me. I could practically feel the heat of his body—and although I may have been imagining it, that was enough to make me daydream about feeling even more of him.
I swallowed, noticing how dry my throat had become. My back rubbed against the cotton sheets, and I wished I’d worn something more—more fabric between us would’ve made me less aware of how my skin ached to be touched.
Rolling to one side, then the other, I listened to Adam’s breathing. It was shallow and uneven, telling me he was definitely awake. Why were we both still up? Was it at all possible that he felt something for me?
I closed my eyes and replayed the events of the afternoon. All I’d really gotten out of him was that he’d been attracted to men. One man, at the very least. And he’d said it had only happened since I’d come out, which gave me more hope that the man could be me.
But it couldn’t. I didn’t have a reason, I just knew it in my bones. I let out a sigh and climbed out of bed.
“What are you doing?” Adam asked. His voice was sleepy and so fucking cute.
Leaving the light off, I grabbed my phone from the side table. “I feel like editing today’s video.”
“So that’s what you’re calling it now?”
I snorted. “Leave me alone.” I opened the app and glanced over the thumbnails of the clips we’d taken today. There were so many of them, although as I looked at them, I realized we were apart in every one.
“Come on, I have to tease you a little.” He propped himself up on an elbow, his eyes shining in the dim light. “I told you something embarrassing enough today. It’s only fair.”
“That wasn’t embarrassing.”
“It was for me.” He lay back down, throwing his forearm over his eyes. “I don’t know why I decided to blurt that out.”
“It’s not a big deal.” I opened a video of him by the pool. God damn, he was gorgeous. “Being attracted to men is nothing to be ashamed of.” And yes, I knew how ironic that was coming from me.
“It kind of is a big deal.” He sighed, a long exhalation that made him sound like he was giving up completely. “And I’m not attracted to men. I’m straight. I just had this weird idea about experimenting with one man, who isn’t interested in me. That’s why it was fucking stupid.”
Shifting on the edge of the bed, I stared down at my phone. “Who’s the guy?”
“Really, Calvin?” he said. “Do you have to ask?”
I swallowed again. He couldn’t be saying what I thought he was saying. He just couldn’t. Things like this didn’t happen to people like me.
“Yeah, I have to ask,” I whispered.
“Dude.” His voice was tight. “Who’s the one guy who, in the last twenty-four hours, told me he’s not into me?”
I forgot the phone in my hand. I forgot everything but my chest rising and falling, my breath coming short and
quick.
He was talking about me.
13
Twelve—Adam
I clambered out of bed. Calvin was just sitting there, and with every second that passed I felt even dumber. It’d only been a few seconds so far, but that was more than enough.
What had I been thinking? I couldn’t seem to shut up these days. This temporary insanity that’d seized me wouldn’t leave me alone for one fucking second.
I already knew Calvin didn’t see me like that. He’d said it flat-out, made it perfectly clear. Why, why was I setting myself up for a second rejection? Not even a day had passed since the last!
“I’ll just go,” I said, the dejection in my tone bringing a whine from Buddy’s spot by the door. “I’ll sleep in the car or something. I don’t mind if you want to drive home by yourself tomorrow. Obviously we can call off the homiemoon, and…”
Before I could finish my thought, Calvin was on his feet. And before I could process what that might mean, he was wrapped around me, his lips pressed tentatively yet firmly to mine.
Ho…ly… shit. There was a moment of tension as I tried to figure out what was happening. And then I whimpered, actually whimpered, and melted into his arms.
They were strong, powerful arms—completely unlike any I’d been embraced by before. At the moment their strength was damn near essential, since they were pretty much holding me up. Even if my knees hadn’t just gone weak, my brain wasn’t functioning well enough to take care of little things like standing upright.
Or breathing, I realized when Calvin eventually pulled away.
I took a deep breath, sucking in oxygen as I stared at the face I’d thought I knew so well. Seeing it close up like this, that face looked completely different—more angular, sharper, with tiny wrinkles and a mole I’d never noticed before—and I wondered whether I’d ever truly looked at him before.
“What just happened?” I managed to say.
“I don’t know, but I liked it.” He hesitated, then touched my arm with apparent concern. “Did you?”
