He went still.
“Who are you?” My voice was rough.
He was silent, and I dug my dagger in deeper. “I asked you a question.”
He raised his gloved hands in surrender. Slowly, he grabbed the dark mask near the top of his head and pulled it off. Dark hair spilled free and he turned his beautiful face to me, his emerald eyes piercing.
My dagger slipped from my hands and clanked on the stone, echoing in the small chamber.
My world started spinning. I opened my lips, but all that came out was a soft puff of air.
No, it couldn’t be. How was it possible? All this time…it couldn’t have been him. The dark rider had lived decades ago.
Alex’s jaw clenched as he stared into my eyes, unyielding, his lips tight.
“This whole time,” I whispered, “it’s been you. You are…the dark rider?”
Alex didn’t let go of my gaze. “No.”
“But…”
“The dark rider is dead, Daria,” he continued, his voice low and deep and threaded with hesitation.
My face showed every ounce of confusion and bewilderment I felt.
“Months ago, I decided to disguise myself,” he continued, slow and even. “I was worried about what was happening in this world and that the king had done nothing about it, so I decided to look into it myself. Lord Tosca agreed and suggested I go in disguise, because if anyone saw me about, they would attribute it to his mistrust of the king, and the king would see it as treason.”
I swallowed, feeling a hundred emotions at once. “So you decided to disguise yourself as…a killer?”
“No.” Strain carved lines in his face as his dark brows knit together. “The people started those rumors. Once I began hearing of them, I expressed my concern to Lord Tosca, but he thought it would play in our favor. At least it would raise the people’s alarm since King Darius didn’t seem worried, and it did. Once people get an idea fixed in their mind, they’ll see whatever it is they want to see, and in this case, everything bad that happened was the fault of the dark rider.”
I stared at him in disbelief.
Okay, fine, Alex was the dark rider, but that didn’t answer a few other minor things. “You tried to kill me!” I said.
He was the one bearing disbelief this time. “What are you talking about?”
My whole body trembled. “That day—the first day I saw you…in the forest…you led me straight to Denn.”
Anger burned in his eyes and his fists clenched at his sides. “Not on purpose.” His voice shook. “I didn’t intend for you to see me, and I shouldn’t have risked it. I was about to jump in when I saw Thad coming. Once I saw you were safe, I left, but I should’ve stayed and killed Denn then.”
By the look on his face and the sound in his voice, I knew that he would have.
I swallowed, pushing back the memory as my stomach turned. “What about the arena?” I asked. “You brought those things to life, I saw you—”
“That was a Pykan.”
A Pykan?
The figure had been cloaked, and I’d just assumed it had been the dark rider. Fine, so maybe I’d been wrong about those two, but I wasn’t done yet.
“What about the unseen?” I asked. “I saw you there right after they attacked Vera, and then at the castle…”
Alex’s eyes were locked on mine. “Pykans, and I can only assume they sent the unseen after Vera.” He glanced at her, his eyes brimmed with worry. “The unseen that attacked you…I destroyed.”
He hadn’t sent the unseen after me. He had killed it and saved my life.
Again.
I slumped back, feeling overwhelmed and confused, as everything dumped on top of me. Not confused by what he’d said, but confused on how to feel about it.
I knew Alex wasn’t a killer, but it was difficult convincing my feelings to accept another emotion when they’d been stuck on fearing him for so long.
Alex watched me. The fire crackled and shadows flickered across his face, sharpening the angles, and even though I couldn’t feel him or get a sense of his emotions, I could see the anxiety on his face, the apprehension and affliction, waiting to see how I would react. Afraid of how I would react.
And I still didn’t know how to react. I was stuck somewhere between bafflement and joy—joy that Alex was sitting right here before me.
“You were the one that left me Cicero’s directional,” I said.
Alex was quiet.
“And you knew that was me that day in the courtyard,” I said.
Alex looked at me, guarded. “I didn’t know how, exactly, but I knew enough.”
Of course he had known. Nothing got past him, at least when it came to me.
I glanced away and my eyes settled on my clothes, draped over the stool.
My clothes.
Heat rose to my face. I certainly hadn’t taken them off.
“Did you…?” I asked, peeking back at Alex.
Alex glanced down, and I started feeling warm all over.
Oh. My. Gosh.
“I’m sorry, but I didn’t have a choice,” he said in a whisper. “They were soaked through, and there wasn’t anyone else to help.”
I swallowed. I mean, it wasn’t like he’d never seen me in a bikini before, which was pretty much the same as my bra and underwear, but somehow it wasn’t. Somehow it was totally different. Everyone saw you in your bikini. Only I saw me in my bra and underwear.
And now he had.
A few years ago, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. But now? Completely and utterly horrifying.
It felt like my entire body was on fire, but I couldn’t stop the thought from flitting through my mind. Had he…liked what he’d seen?
You can’t seriously be thinking that right now. He was kind of preoccupied with saving your life!
“They’re probably dry now,” he added, still not meeting my gaze. I thought his voice cracked a little. “Here.” He had started reaching for them, when I said, “I’ve got it.” I pushed past him and gasped.
My ankle burned so badly I stumbled forward and Alex caught me.
“What is it?” he whispered at my ear, slipping his thick arm around my waist and helping me sit down.
I tried ignoring the feel of him against me. “I’m fine…”
“Yeah, you look fine.” He arched a dark brow.
“It’s just my ankle. I sprained—”
“Which one?” He let go of my waist, made sure I was stable, and moved to my feet.
It hurt—really hurt. “My left—ow!”
“I haven’t even touched it yet.” He glanced at me the way Dad looked at me sometimes, which was somewhere between concern and “stop fighting and accept my help.”
I swallowed as the burning sensation pulsed and throbbed.
He lifted the edge of my blanket and, very carefully, placed his palms on my ankle, studying it. His hands were so warm. “It’s not…broken…”
“I know,” I said through clenched teeth. “I told you, it’s sprained—ow!” I jerked and the blanket slid off my leg, leaving it mostly bare.
Alex didn’t notice, though. He wrapped his hands around my ankle with gentle strength—my foot looked so small in his hands—and he closed his eyes. Power burst from his palms; it burned through my skin and into my ankle and, very slowly, the pain faded and was gone. Like it had never existed.
“How…?” I started.
“I have a healer for a mother, remember?” Alex grinned, but he wasn’t looking at me. His eyes lingered on my leg as if noticing it for the first time. His focus moved, then, trailing up my leg, farther and farther until it stopped at my waist, which was, thankfully, still covered with blanket.
My face burned. I didn’t care that he’d already seen me half-naked. I hadn’t been conscious at the time.
His cleared his throat as he dropped his hands, his eyes flashing to me before he turned completely around. “You should get dressed.” His voice sounded husky. He grabbed my clothes f
rom the stool and without looking at me, set them at my feet and walked to the other side of the room.
Well, this was mortifying.
He kept his back to me while I slipped back into my leathers. They were a little difficult to put on, though, because my hands kept shaking, and when I shoved my leg into my pant leg, I did it a little too quickly and my foot caught, propelling me forward. I would’ve fallen if I hadn’t caught the stool to steady myself. I noticed that Alex tilted his head at the sound, but he didn’t say anything. And he certainly didn’t turn around.
After what took much longer than necessary, I had my leathers in place and my boots tugged over my pants—they felt toasty and warm. I couldn’t sit back down, though. I felt restless and I had the sudden urge to run, but I didn’t know just how that would work inside the ten-foot diameter of a tree, and I doubted Alex would let me leave it.
Alex had moved to Vera’s side and placed a hand on her forehead. I watched as he adjusted a blanket beneath her head and brushed the hair back from her face. There was so much tenderness in the gesture.
He looked so concerned for her, and I realized something, standing there watching them. She was everything he was—strong and courageous, fearless and skilled. Stunning. She was exactly my opposite, and even though I didn’t want it to, jealousy wrapped around my heart and pulled it down into my stomach.
“Is she going to be okay?” I whispered.
Alex raked a hand through his dark hair. “I’ve done all I can, but she’ll need to be taken to the healers after this.” He glanced over his shoulder at me. “She survived because of you.”
“No,” I said, “she survived because of you. We both survived because of you.”
You always survive because of him.
Alex studied Vera, his expression distant.
I had to know. “You like her,” I murmured.
He didn’t answer at first. “Yes.”
Of course he did. Why did I even bother asking?
My leathers suddenly felt too tight. Had they always been this tight? I couldn’t remember, but I suddenly couldn’t seem to get enough air into my lungs.
“But it’s not like that,” he continued.
It wasn’t? Then what was it like? Or maybe I didn’t want to know.
But before I could stop him, he explained himself further. “There are many things about her I respect and admire, and she’s been a good friend to me—someone I’d trust with my life. But there’s…nothing more than that.” He looked back at me, then. His eyes searched mine, struggling against something I could not see. What was it that I couldn’t see?
“She likes you,” I said.
Be quiet already! Are you trying to get them together?
I felt a surge of something from him, but I couldn’t tell what.
He stood and grabbed another log for the fire, and then moved to stand beside me. He didn’t stand too close, but I felt every inch of space between us as though it were a part of him, pressing against me.
I wanted to close the space between us. Why did he still affect me like this? Why couldn’t I just move on and pretend he was my friend—my friend who had taken a sudden interest in dressing up as killers for a living?
But I already knew the answer. It was because he had kissed me, and for as long as I lived, I would never be able to get over how it had felt. How he had felt.
I set all of my attention on the fire before us. I needed to think about something else. Anything else, and I knew from experience that adversity was always a faithful deterrent. So, I thought over yesterday’s events, trudging circles through the snow, finding Danton and Vera, how Vera hadn’t believed me when I’d said I didn’t have magic…
Magic. Maybe Alex would know the truth. “The Pykan told me something,” I said.
He waited.
“That…my magic has been blocked.”
Alex loosely folded his arms.
“Is it true?” I stole a glance at him.
His features were sharp, watching the fire without really seeing it. As much as I tried, I could never get used to looking at him. The beautiful structure of his face or the perfect set of his lips.
“Most likely,” he said at last. “I wondered how you could show such strong aptitude for magic only to have it disappear. That would make sense.”
The Pykan hadn’t been lying. “Is there any way to get rid of it?” I asked.
“Only the person that made the block can break it—unless you use dark magic, like the Pykans.”
“They said the king made it.”
Alex glanced sideways at me.
“They said I was a threat to him, but I have a hard time believing that.”
Air escaped his lips as he opened his mouth to say something, but instead he turned to face me. He stood so close; all I could see were his deep green eyes. I was lost in them without any sense of time or direction.
“Daria, I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you the truth.” His words were quiet despite the intensity of his gaze. “I wanted to, but I couldn’t risk it.”
Those words. I’d heard them before. He’d said them before, months ago. And hearing them again, standing here looking at him—looking into the beautiful eyes of my best friend, with whom I was still hopelessly in love—his words infuriated me.
He wasn’t my best friend. Friends confided in you, supported and encouraged you. Friends made you feel as though you could do anything, even when the world stands against you. And Alex…he’d left me here, all alone, right when I’d needed him most. Right when I’d needed him more than I’d needed anyone, and all I’d gotten was a letter. If anything, the only real friend I had in this world, aside from my dad and Stefan, was Thad.
But for Alex, it was always about risk. Risks he wasn’t willing to take. No, I wasn’t a risk he was willing to take.
“You’re angry,” he said when I hadn’t spoken.
I wanted to say something. I wanted to say something so badly, but my words failed. All I could do was feel, and those feelings churned inside of me. Months of anger, hurt, dejection, and abandonment.
“Please, say something.” His tone was fervid as he grabbed my hand.
I jerked my hand back. “Why? What does it matter to you, anyway?”
He was taken aback. His forehead creased as he leaned forward. “What do you mean, why does it matter to me? I care about you and—”
“You don’t care.” I cut him off, matching his tone and leaning closer. “You lie to me my entire life—my supposed best friend—disappear, show up three years later, and then disappear again…this time, with a note saying you care but you’re leaving and I’ll never see you again, as if that somehow lessens the blow. Caring is an action, Alex. If your idea of caring is protecting me from a distance, you can take it back to Alioth and stay there. I don’t want it. Be in my life, or stay out of it. You can’t have both.”
The words came out before I could stop them, and his face hardened on impact. The slip of space between us vibrated with electricity, and I suddenly wanted to retract my words. They were how I’d been feeling, but I hadn’t exactly planned on telling him. Not now, anyway. Not right after he’d just saved my life.
I expected him to walk away from me, but he didn’t. Instead, he leaned so close I could feel his warm breath on my face. “You think this has been easy for me?” His tone was low and fierce.
I set my jaw, holding his gaze. “By now it should be.”
He stared at me hard. “Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you, Daria. Leaving you that night was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but if I had stayed, it would’ve been more dangerous for you, and I couldn’t—”
“Stop making my decisions for me, Alex!” I cut him off. “I don’t care about how dangerous it would have been. You left without giving me a choice.”
“I couldn’t let you choose something that would put you in more danger,” he said through his teeth.
I held his gaze as my body shook. “You shouldn’t have
kissed me, then.”
He was quiet a long moment, clenching and unclenching his jaw, his eyes burning into mine. “You’re right,” he said at last.
My lips parted to reply, but then his words finally registered. My vitals suddenly seemed to stop working—my lungs, my heart, my brain. He had agreed with me. He wasn’t supposed to agree with me. He must really not have cared…
I blinked as air slipped past my lips, and then I looked away and walked past him.
I didn’t look back to see if he was going to stop me. I didn’t care. I didn’t know where I was going either, but I couldn’t stay here. Not with him. Not knowing he regretted the one moment in my life I’d cherished above all else.
Water filled my eyes, stinging like the deep burn inside of me. I’d reached the door to the outside when Alex’s strong grip wrapped around the small space above my elbow.
He pulled me back to him, and the look in his eyes arrested my fight. “You’re right,” he continued in a tone that wrapped around me like silk. “I should have given you the choice.”
He slipped his hand around the back of my neck, pulled me close, and kissed me. Long and hard and deep, stealing my breath, my will. I melted into him as I sank into his strength, soaking up his warmth, forgetting myself—forgetting everything except the feel of his lips against mine, the smell of pine and winter on his skin. He pulled back slightly, leaving me breathless. His face was a handbreadth from mine as we shared the same hot air. “Here’s your choice,” he whispered on my lips. “I hope I’m not too late.”
It took me a moment to realize that he’d said something, but then I couldn’t remember what he was referring to. All I could think about was the taste of him and how soft and velvety his lips had felt, and the way his lips were currently brushing against mine was driving me crazy.
My body responded for me. I pressed myself into him and kissed him back. I kissed him for every moment I’d wanted to, for every moment I’d missed him. His hand slid from the back of my neck, down my back, pulling me against him, kissing me urgently as though his life depended on it. He kissed away the heartache, the months of doubt and pain, and I matched his intensity as my tongue pushed against his, our hands restless and needy.
A sharp point of anger burned hot behind me, and Alex’s hands froze.
The Keeper's Flame (A Pandoran Novel, #2) Page 26
