"Well, you know how my operation works, Aahz," Samwise said. "I can arrange for the artisans to begin work on your stone immediately, but I can't build a penthouse until the rest of the pyramid is filled in below it. No matter how much magik I use, the least cataclysm will bring the whole thing down on our heads. So, are you willing to help me find clients?"
"For a commission?" Aahz asked, one eyebrow up.
"Naturally."
"How much?"
"Oh, we don't need to discuss that now." "You don't think I'm going to buy a Pegasus in a poke, do you? Twenty percent? Fifteen?" "The standard commission."
Aahz sneered. "Oh, ten percent. Why didn't you say that? It's an insult."
"Too little?" Samwise screeched. "When I'm giving you the chance of a lifetime?"
I tapped him on the shoulder. "Uh, Aahz, you said you didn't want to be involved in any pyramid schemes. You said ..."
"Save it, kid," Aahz said sharply, throwing off my hand.
"But, Aahz, look at it from my point of view. There are over a million stones in a pyramid. If I allow you a ten percent commission on each one, you could end up making money. Plenty of it." Samwise smiled as my friend stopped to think. "In no time at all, you would have a free stone plus a weekly paycheck on top of your share of M.Y.T.H., Inc.'s fee. Now, how does that sound?"
Aahz hated to give up without a fight even when he was getting everything he wanted. He glowered for a moment. "What's the catch?"
"No catch! Twenty-five thousand gold pieces for the top stone in Phase Two, reduced by a percentage for each new prospect you bring me who buys in." Samwise held out a hand. Aahz clasped it.
"It's a deal. I think I'm gonna like spending eternity in your little penthouse, pal," Aahz said, with a huge grin. "Yeah, I like the view. Right here, you get the best of the sunset, and probably the sunrise, too. You ought to get a magician to cast illusions of the stones in place. I can't wait to see mine right here." He held up his hands, fingers forming a frame. "Of course, four sides isn't going to be big enough to contain all of my accomplishments, but I can abridge them. Kid, which ones should I have illuminated by the light of the setting sun with those mountains framing them right here?"
"There's only one wee little teensy problem with that, Aahz," Samwise said, edging around carefully so that he was standing behind me. "You can't have this one."
"What?" Aahz roared. He lunged in Samwise's direction. The Imp ducked and sidestepped further. The only way at him was through me. I lifted my hands helplessly. Aahz backpedaled. His eyes glowed
yellow. "Why the hell not?"
Samwise's voice was small and apologetic. "I'm sorry, Aahz, but this place is already spoken for." "By you?"
The Imp waved his hands. "No, no, mine will be a much more humble place. Besides, I couldn't afford the write-down. This one is earmarked for the Pharaoh Suzal, she who rules this fair land."
Aahz's shoulders slumped visibly. "Why didn't you say that in the first place?"
Samwise sighed. "Between you, me and the benben, Aahz, it was the only way I could get permission to build on this half of the Zyx Valley. After getting snubbed by Diksen, she wasn't in the mood to grant any more licenses. I had to come up with some serious bribes, let me tell you, but when I talked to the great lady herself, there was absolutely only one thing that I could offer that would even keep her from having me pitched out of the palace on my tail, and you're standing on it."
"Deal's off," Aahz said, turning to stomp down the invisible staircase. I could feel the magical structure shake under the force of his footsteps. He was really upset. "I don't settle for second best. I doubt M.Y.T.H., Inc., can help you, pal. Good luck. C'mon, kid."
I have to admit I was relieved. I followed Aahz willingly, readying the spell to take us home.
Samwise, seeing twenty-five thousand gold pieces and his business consultants departing on a pair of green-scaled feet, hurried to head us off.
"Don't despair, my good friend. Don't go! This is only
Phase One of my grand project. Phase Two will be even larger. In fact," he drew close to us and dropped his voice to a near-whisper, "it will be substantially taller than the Pharoah Suzal's pyramid."
Aahz narrowed his eyes. "How much taller?"
"Sixty feet," Samwise said. He pulled a papyrus out of his pocket and glanced around hastily before opening it. "It will be the biggest one in the project. The location is slightly less ideal. I had to give this one the finest site since it was scaled down from my original plans. Cost overruns, you know. But the next one—oh, yes, the next one will be the most impressive. Watch this." He took a small wand out of his pocket and waved it. At once, the bleak desert filled with buildings. I counted about twenty pyramids. Each one was constructed of the blocks we saw being made below us. A skin of smooth, clear crystal covered them creating the four-sided facade I had admired in Diksen's pyramid. In fact, Diksen's was still visible beyond the points of two of the buildings to the east. It didn't look that impressive by comparison.
Between the pyramids were smaller buildings with colorful fronts which I guessed to be shops and guest-houses. Camels swam over the surface of the sand, bearing visitors in what looked like expensive clothing. I could hear faint, mournful voices chanting dirges.
"That's the one I am talking about," Samwise's voice came from behind the image of the completed uppermost tomb. On its side was the image of a swan wearing a crown. A pink hand protruded through the illusion and pointed. Just to the west of the structure on which we now stood, another point aimed toward the sky. Even at this distance it dwarfed the first pyramid and all the other ones close to it. "That could be yours, Aahz. You, at the top of the highest point in the Valley of Zyx. Think of it!"
Aahz was not mollified. "And how do I know you won't build a bigger one in Phase Three?"
"Footprint, Aahz," Samwise said, emerging from the benben with a smile on his face. "You can only put
so many square feet in a yard. Tell you what: you can register my plans with the Pharaoh's clerk—but only after Phase One is complete. I don't want Suzal pulling my license before I'm through. I've had enough problems. You will start tomorrow, won't you?"
"We-eel ..." Aahz was letting himself be persuaded. "Maybe I won't tell the Pharaoh what kind of scam you're pulling. ..."
"The local beer's very good. I'll make sure you have your own barrel."
"I don't know," Aahz said. "I don't want to break any local laws. I bet if I read through the regulations in that tomb— what was its name, Skeeve?"
"Waycross."
"I bet there'll be dozens of rules we're violating."
"Daily barrels of beer?" Samwise offered, looking increasingly desperate.
"Two," Aahz said. "It's a hot climate. You don't want me dehydrating on you. I might start to lose my equilibrium, and you know what happens when a master magician loses his equilibrium. What do you think, kid?"
"Catastrophic," I agreed. "Better make it three barrels."
Samwise gulped. "W-w-why not? I'm sure you'll help me save more than you're costing me. I hope."
"Double, at least," Aahz said, with a casual wave.
"Well, then," Samwise said, pulling two more papyri out of his pocket, "let's formalize our agreement." The first one was between M.Y.T.H., Inc., and And Company. The second, which Aahz read over twice as carefully, was a personal contract for Aahz. I noticed that the terms had been written in exactly as discussed. It puzzled me, until I saw the Pyxie peering out of the Imp's pocket. It looked exhausted. Those miniature beings were the fastest scribes in all the dimensions. Samwise probably figured he couldn't lose a minute when signing a prospect. He flicked a talon at a series of dotted lines. "Sign there, there, there, and there."
That was when I stepped in. "We'll take that first one back with us tonight and bring it back tomorrow," I said, taking it from Samwise. "Aahz will want to read it over first."
Meaning it had to go up before the partners to agree if we took it. Bunny had m
ade us start checking to be sure that we didn't have conflicts of interest after Guido and Chumley had ended up on opposite sides of what had sounded like a pretty good deal. Aahz shrugged.
"No problem, no problem!" Samwise said. "Do you want to take the second one home with you, too? The only way to make sure that everything is the way you like it is to sign right now. Because I warn you, the terms will go up every few hours. Standard Deveel contracts."
I opened my mouth to suggest that Aahz do just that, but he was too impatient. He grabbed the second document and put his name on the dotted line.
"Thank you," Samwise said. He snatched it away as if he was afraid that Aahz might change his mind and tear it up on the spot.
I heard a loud rip.
"Ow!" Aahz bellowed. "What did you just do to me? I wasn't going to sign it in blood!"
I looked at his finger. A narrow slit had opened up in the pad just under the talon. Yellow-green blood welled up.
"That's strange," I said. I didn't know Pervects could get paper cuts. Their scaly skin was too thick and tough. I'd known Aahz to squeeze handfuls of broken glass without cutting himself.
"Just bad luck," Samwise said and then looked guilty.
Chapter 7
"Well, you don't know everything about me."
—M. Butterfly
Once out of the Imp's sight, I popped us back to Deva. We appeared in the president's office in M.Y.T.H., Inc.'s headquarters in the Bazaar with an explosion of displaced air. Everyone looked up.
"Hi, everyone!" I said. At her desk, Bunny was poring over a sheaf of papers, looking concerned. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing much," Bunny said. She smiled up at us. She wore her thick red hair cut very short at the nape of her neck, like a Pyxie. The hairdo and her large blue eyes made her look cute and vulnerable. The former was true, the latter absolutely not. She was no more unprepared than my dragon, whose big blue eyes also misled people as to the brains behind the stare. No one made the mistake of crossing either one twice. "My Uncle Bruce just sent over some paperwork. I didn't really expect it . . . but, hey, forget it. Let's start the meeting. I'm going home to visit my mother tonight, and she'll skin me if I'm late for dinner."
"No problem," Aahz said, settling back in the armchair in the corner of the president's office. "There's not much to report on our end."
It was Bunny's new custom to have a group meeting once a week in the M.Y.T.H., Inc., headquarters. Partners and associates working on projects—if it was possible to get away from them—to compare notes and give everyone else a run-down on their progress. Guido and Nunzio, a pair of Mob enforcers who had been sent to me by Don Bruce, had also initially protested the idea of a weekly confab, but only out of loyalty to me and the way I used to run things. I thought it was an intelligent idea and had said so.
Apart from that, I hadn't seen any real moments when the others showed difficulty accepting Bunny as the president. She was, after all, the niece of their former employer. Still, she didn't take their respect for granted, any more than I had. But some of our clients had to adjust their expectations, being shown in to the knockout redhead whom other firms might have had taking appointments behind the front desk. She had only acted as my public interface while I was attempting to be a sole practitioner, and even now I feel foolish having given such a menial job to such a talented person. Bunny had a degree in accounting, a knack for figuring out how things worked, and an eye for style. I appreciated that she didn't hold it against me, and hadn't made me take on a subordinate role once she took charge. I owed her, as I owed all of my friends and partners.
I settled back in the chair that she had picked out for me and tried not to feel jealous as she sat down behind the desk that had been mine for so long. Bunny gave me a look of understanding but without apology. However, I hated her new chair. The back was made of thin wire woven into a big oval and molded so that it stuck forward into the sitter's lower spine. The seat cradled the rear end like a basket. We'd all tried it when the Deveel salesman brought a sample buy. I liked to sit with my legs comfortably
splayed. This chair was made to keep a lady's knees together. Bunny claimed she was very comfortable.
The rest of her—formerly my—office had been redecorated to suit her tastes, sleek and subtle. I admit that my style is more the 'finding it out on the curb' chic, or 'it felt good to sit on.' The walls were a pale shade between tan and pink, with white trim like whipped cream sprayed into curlicues. An oval mirror on a stand opened through extradimensional space Bunny's personal wardrobe, which was extensive, to say the least. It meant she could change into something more formidable if an upcoming meeting demanded it. Objets d'art hung on the walls or stood on plain little pedestals that were elegant in themselves. Her files occupied a tiny box on top of the pristine, pale wood desktop. Usually she kept it cleared of everything but the box, her coffee cup, and Bytina, her PDA, or Perfectly Darling Assistant, a flat roundel of red metal about the size of her palm that kept her notes and sent letters for her.
Across from the desk were a sleek couch and a carved bloodwood chair with needlepoint cushions on the seat and back. Neither piece of furniture invited a long stay, to get clients to come to the point of their visit as swiftly as possible. Her partners weren't expected to use those. On meeting day, Bunny opened yet another hidden closet that she concealed our personal furniture, each item chosen especially by her for us. My chair, as comfortable as a hammock, was covered in a loosely woven cocoa-colored fabric that looked like old sacks but felt soft to the touch. Guido favored a seat that kept him upright, in case he had to spring into action. His chair, made of heavy wood, would have been a great weapon in a fight. It rolled on puffs of magik that allowed it to scoot across the floor. Nunzio liked shiny leather padding. His upholstered chair was the color of oxblood and smelled like money. Tananda's, like Tananda herself, was silken to the touch and tougher than it looked. She sat cradled in its gleaming, golden depths, like an emerald in a ring. I glanced around for the heavy, steel-framed seat with the shaggy brown cover favored by her brother, the Troll. It wasn't against the wall where it usually stood during meetings. "Where's Chumley?" I asked.
"Big Brother's on a private assignment," Tananda said, filing her nails. "Where?" I asked.
The file paused. "It's confidential," Tananda admitted. "He started the contract a long time before M.Y.T.H., Inc., went into operation."
I didn't push further. When Chumley came back, I could always ask him. Some missions were only confidential throughout their duration. We'd often been called on to provide security for a wizard working on a new invention he didn't want to see duplicated all over the Bazaar or some other marketplace before he was finished with it.
"Pookie's not coming, either," Bunny added. "She and Spider are working for mercenaries in Dromolind."
"Which side are they on?" Guido asked.
"The Dromoderries," Bunny said.
Guido grunted. "My sympathies for the other side. Should we send flowers to the losers?"
"I doubt they'd appreciate the gesture," Bunny said. "But it's sweet of you to suggest it."
Guido's cheeks reddened.
Gleep didn't have a chair. He curled around mine and rested his head on my feet. Buttercup, my war unicorn, was also absent but voting.
"So, how'd the prisoner transfer go in Diberot?" Bunny asked Nunzio.
"It went fine, Miss Bunny," Nunzio said, uneasily. "Look, I know we agreed to do it, but isn't there a less
brutal way to make sure a guy shows up for his wedding?"
Bunny was not without sympathy. "It was the sixth time he'd tried to leave Lady Tumult at the altar. She was just making sure. Guido, you checked in with the Merchants' Association for my uncle?"
The big man in the wide-shouldered, pin-striped suit straightened at her address. "Yes, Miss Bunny. Everybody was reportin' no problems at all. I made the collection. Our cut has been deposited as accordin' to our usual custom. Nobody tried to stint us, so no one requir
ed any excess persuasion. It's all there." Guido aimed a thumb at another delicate little box on a tiny shelf of black, polished wood. When you dropped pieces into it, they landed in our saferoom at the Gnome's Bank and Trust in Zoorik. This was another new change. While I had favored keeping our money in a strongbox here in the tent, Bunny had decided it was too much of a temptation to thieves. She let it be known that we only had expense money on hand.
Not that 'expense money' for us was a few coppers. My favorite old strongbox still stood about half full of gold, silver and jewels. It wasn't hard to find, either. At the moment it was propping up one end of the table in our atrium next to the mermaid fountain. If we needed money, we just needed to pry up the tabletop and take a handful of pieces.
Bunny smiled at me.
"Skeeve, what are you working on?"
"I'm between assignments," I said. "That Werewolf who wanted to talk to me at lunchtime didn't show up, so I went with Aahz this afternoon."
Bunny turned to Aahz, who had kicked back in his reclining armchair. At his elbow was a specially made drink holder with a diameter the size of a dinner plate. It held a wine cup deeper than a well bucket. "How'd it work out with Samwise? Should we take him on as a client?"
"Yes, I think so," he replied. None of the enthusiasm he had shown in Ghordon registered in his voice. I gave him a puzzled glance, and he shot a look at me that told me to keep quiet. "All the guy needs is someone to fix up the books and oversee the spending. And he's got some problems with on-the-job accidents."
"A lot of them?" Guido inquired. He twined his fingers and extended his arms outward. His knuckles exploded with a loud crack! While working exclusively for Don Bruce, he and Nunzio had been called on to arrange similar "accidents."
"Plenty," Aahz said. He waved a diffident hand. "But I figure it's a disgruntled employee causing trouble. I'll find the guy and get him to knock it off."
"You goin' to need some backup?" Guido cracked his knuckles deafeningly. "I got some time free."
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