She shyly crosses her arms and looks at floor. “Can we talk somewhere they can’t hear us?”
I nod, turning toward their room.
“No, Cey.” She grabs my arm, turning me back. “Somewhere away from here. Like my house,” she whines, pouting.
I feel bad, knowing she will hate my next words. “Glen, you know we can’t do that.” Her eyes fill, ready to run over. “I know somewhere we can go.” I wrap my arm around her back and guide her to the family room. We, unfortunately, have to walk past their old room, but unlike me, she’s unaffected. I refuse to look at the wall as I open the door to the family room; it’s clean and fixed, although the TV hasn’t been replaced.
I motion Glen to sit on the couch with me.
“Do you think they can hear us down here?” she asks, sitting.
“Honestly, Glen, if they wanted to hear us, they could no matter where we are.”
She throws her head back, grumbling. When she brings it forward, tears roll down her cheeks. “I can’t do this, Tracey.” Her voice shakes, and I hear the lump in her throat rattle.
I take her hands in mine and lean forward a bit. “What’s wrong, Glen? What happened?”
“I was finally happy. It all finally felt right, made sense. And you took that from me.”
Despair washes over me. How am I the blame for her unhappiness? “Glen,” I call softly. “That, what you felt last night, it wasn’t real. We saved you. You were influenced by imaginary feelings.”
“No, Cey! What I feel with Scott is unreal. It can’t be. It’s all forced. I love him, yes. I can’t help but love him, and I guess it has something to do with this whole him and I being meant for each other. But what I felt last night was real.” Her tears fall onto our hands, and she wipes her chin on her shoulder. “Monahan was genuine. When he took me, of course, I was scared. He didn’t take me gently only because I was fighting him at first. But he was nice and understanding. He introduced me to his small family and sat me down to explain everything. From the beginning, he was open and honest.” She sniffs, and the tears continue to fall.
“Glen, I know what—”
“No, Tracey. Scott never did that for me!” she snaps. “He’s hidden things, and something is always missing! I do not feel right!” she says, gesturing to herself. “I’m not complete. I want Monahan because it felt like I belonged with him, and he cared for me too. Then, I’m confused because every time he’d kiss me, my heart jumped for Scott, and he flashed through my mind the way he used to, before things changed. It all hurt too badly, all the time. The confusion was overwhelming. I was an ant with the weight of the world on its back. My insides were burning with too many requirements. My mind kept telling me left but pulling me right. I needed an out. There were no other options to get rid of this pain.” She points to her chest. “It hurts too badly for me to bear it, Tracey. I had to make it end. To quiet the voices yelling in my head telling me to do something.”
Struck with a sudden clarity, I ask, “That’s why you jumped?”
“That’s why I jumped,” she admits, ashamed. Her eyes close. “But then, looking in Scott’s eyes as I was falling.” She reopens her shaky, red eyes that are holding back pools of tears. “He jumped after me, Cey. He risked his life to try to save mine.”
“Doesn’t look like he tried, Glen.”
She snatches her hands away from mine and drags them over her face. “Maybe. But why would he do that? Why couldn’t he just let me die, knowing how he actually feels?”
I half shrug. “How do you mean?”
“Everyone acts like I don’t know what’s going on. I’ve seen in Scott’s head. He resents this. He loves me maybe, but only because he has to, the same as me.” Glen throws herself back on the couch and crosses her legs. “Why did you all have to take him from me, Tracey?” she cries frenziedly, throwing her hands in her face and wailing. “Why’d you have to hurt me too?”
I open my arms, and she falls onto my shoulder. “Gege, you have to calm down,” I whisper. “You’re going to wake up Scott.” I rub her back. “I thought things were better for you two. You were smiling and happy more often.”
“Better? How?” She sits back on her knees and scrapes the heel of her hand under her nose. “I wake up every morning not knowing which direction my heart will pull me. I sleep every night with nightmares of a relief that costs my life. Nothing is clear, and as I continue, it gets foggier and more confusing. I hate this, Tracey. The anger building up in me that I can’t control. Monahan, he’s my everything and Scott’s just here for show, but my body doesn’t understand that. It’s horrible.” She cries harder, causing her body to shake.
“Shh, Glen,” I soothe. How can she have such powerful feelings for Monahan and no longer recall what Scott is to her? It’s like she doesn’t remember being happy with Scott just yesterday. Just how much power can the mind have over the heart? “It’s okay. We just need to figure out how to break the tie and your confusion will go away. You’ll be better, and everything will be back to normal. Promise.”
Someone bangs on the door before it whips open. “Glen!” Scott busts in, louder than necessary.
I throw my hand out to stop him. “Scott, she’s fine. Just give her a moment.”
“Glen, why are you crying? What’s wrong?” He ignores me, gently pulling her to him.
Nathan will be in here soon enough.
“Glen, talk to me.”
“Scott, I can’t. Okay? I can’t do this. I need a day or two.” Glen pushes him away from her.
His face twists, taken over by a befuddled expression. “A day or two to do what?” He grabs her arms, stopping them from shoving him away.
I move from the couch. He’s a little forceful with their push and pull match, and I’ve been caught in their crossfire one time too many. I stand by the door in case I need to make a run for help.
“Scott, please?” Glen’s voice shutters as she takes in a sobbing breath. “I just don’t want this right now.” By the soft turn to Glen’s head, avoiding Scott’s eye contact, she can’t stand to look at him. He only stares at her. The sheer curtains in front of the window takes on the blue hue of the lightening sky.
Nathan comes in, finding me the instant he steps foot in the room. “Hey. What’s going on?” he asks quietly.
“It’s all bad, Nate,” I say just as quiet.
Glen and Scott dive back into their push and pull quarrel. She pushes, he pulls. “Glen, stop this.” He shoves her arms to her sides, hands clamped around her wrists. “You cannot think what you felt between you and him was real. It wasn’t! This.” He slams her hand to his chest. “This is real. That back there was nothing but him trying to steal you away from me. He doesn’t love you. You don’t love him. You’re just enthralled by him because he showed you what you wanted to see.”
“And you show me nothing! You lie and make me forget. You keep me at a distance and in the dark with everything. You don’t even want this, Scott. You resent me.”
Scott’s face falls, flushing with truth.
I gasp, looking for Nathan to jump in and object, to defend Scott and help battle this like he usually would. He stares at them, not at all shocked by the news. What the hell? He meets my eyes, and as calm as I can, I ask, “You knew about this?”
He pushes his hand through his hair. A certain sign he knew.
Looking away from him, I throw my hand in his face when he opens his mouth to speak. I can’t believe this. He knew this entire time there was still an issue, and he’s said nothing. He nor Scott has mentioned things haven’t gotten any better than they were before, only tolerable. Tolerability doesn’t fuel relationships; they’re built on freaking trust, communication, and affection!
“Glen, stop. I do love you. I do not resent you,” Scott tries to reassure her. But if I were in her place, I wouldn’t believe him either.
“Scott, I’m in your head, I know things you’ve hidden from me. Things you’ve made me forget. That it’s meant for us to be t
ogether, you don’t think so. You envy Nathan because he has it all figured out, and you want what he has.”
Little do they know, Nathan does not have it all figured out.
“I can’t be what you want. I’m not what you want, although your heart may want me, you don’t.” She stands.
Scott follows. “Glen, do not do this. Don’t say this.”
She backs away from him as he reaches out for her.
“Glen, I love you, I do. I promise. I just. . .” His words are jumbled, and he roughly forces his hands through his hair, bringing them back forward. “Shit! Glen, just, please don’t do this.”
She halts, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Can you tell me it’s not true, Scott? Can you be honest about it? Can you tell me anything I’ve said isn’t true?”
Scott’s head falls forward, and he rubs the back of his neck. “I can’t,” he reveals. “But let me—”
With bated breath, Glen’s knees buckle, though she holds it together. She trudges across the floor as if there were mud slowing her steps. Sparing none of us a glance, she leaves the room.
I avert to follow her. Nathan grabs my arm. “Where are you going?”
My gaze flicks down to my arm, then up at him. He let all this go on and knew what was going on with Scott. “Nathan, stop.”
“Sparks, Scott needs to handle that.”
“Right. Like he’s been handling it? Or like you have?” I hate secrets, and I hate them even more when the one person I live for is keeping them from me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Don’t start, Sparks.”
“Let me go, Nathan,” I hiss. He reluctantly drops my arm, and I leave to find Glen.
“Sparks, don’t leave this house,” Nathan demands from the family room.
“Okay, Dad!” I gripe, annoyed by his sporadic dominance he tries to use with me.
I pass Scott and Glen’s old room, seeing the door open. This is never open. I brace myself before I walk in.
Smacked with images and the pain from the memories, as if I’d walked into a glass door, I stumble back out of the room. “Glen?” I can’t take that. “Are you in there?”
“Yes.”
“Can you come out?”
“Scott tried to kill me in here.” She knows . . .
“It was an accident.” I lean against the wall in the hall.
“Did I do something?” she asks from within the room.
I wish that day had never happened. “Nothing that deserves what he did.”
“You can’t walk in here?”
I shake my head.
“He tried to kill you and Nathan too?
I cringe, but nod, though I’d prefer to not discuss it.
“Your eyes show it to you again, don’t they?”
I nod.
“I bet that sucks.”
“You don’t know the half of it.”
“Can we leave?”
I breathe. “Not alone.”
“And that is what sucks. This life sucks.” A little. “We can’t do anything without a tag along.” She comes out of the room, leans against the wall, and pulls us down to the floor. “Remember how much fun we used to have before all this. We were always outside hanging out. I could drink,” she says with a slight jerk of her neck. “We came and went whenever we wanted. I was happier. You were happier. We didn’t have to worry about people trying to kill us, or keeping our boyfriends under control.” I ponder over her rant, feeling the weight of her words. “It was much better before.”
“Maybe.”
“Come on, Cey. Let’s keep it real. You like this life better than the one we had before we got with Scott and Nathan?”
I let my gaze rest on her, unsure of how I want to answer. “Glen, I—”
“Be honest, Tracey.” She gives me a serious glare with pinched lips and narrowed eyes.
“I love Nathan.”
“That isn’t an answer to the question I asked. Or can’t you answer the question because you know Nathan is listening?” She faces me. “That’s a headache too. No privacy! They’re always in our heads. Even if you wanted to feel differently, you wouldn’t, only because you don’t want to hurt him. Or else, he has you fooled like Scott had me.”
I stare at the beige painted wall in front of us, hearing her.
She adjusts, getting nearer my ear, whispering, “Maybe you need to spend some time with Roehl so you can see the truth too.”
Taken aback by her suggestion, I slowly face her. With her hitched brow and pursed lips, she’s serious. Standing on her feet, she keeps my eye contact and nods.
Nathan comes down the hall. A malevolent expression has seized his always calm demeanor. I stand as I’m taking him in. His piercing scowl passes me to Glen.
She crosses her arms and throws her weight on her left foot. “What, Nathan?”
“Glen, what the fuck is your problem?” His low voice struggles to stay calm.
She retorts in a sassy nature, “I told you, Cey. No privacy.”
Nathan’s shield instantly hardens his flesh. I step in front of him, pressing my back to his chest. He steps forward, moving me with him, almost sandwiching me between them. With a growl in his throat, he says, “Just because you’re confused and upset because you think the guy who stole you is dead, and you think you loved him because he was able to influence you and wheedle himself into your mind, confusing you about your true mate. That does not mean you will sit here and tell Sparks that she should be with someone else. Open your eyes. Had that shit not happen, there would be no confusion in you. And if you were accepting of your mate in the beginning, then he would have no reason to resent you.”
I try to push Nathan by backing away, but he doesn’t budge.
“And the next time you attempt to tell my mate to go to a man other than me, it won’t be confusion that sends you diving off a mountain.”
Whoa! I whip around, placing my hands on his neck as I’m pushing him back with my body. “That was too far, Nathan.”
He looks down at me. “And you just allowed that? Letting her say that stuff to you? Answer the question, Sparks.”
I retract, uncomfortable with this turn of interrogation.
Nathan leans against the wall, face expressionless—smooth and non-caring.
“I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
Glen steps to my back and over my shoulder. She says, “I guess you know what that means, Nathan. Sounds like answer enough.”
“You don’t speak for me,” I fire back defensively.
“I’m just trying to help us all stay honest.” She casually shrugs. “You couldn’t answer me because you don’t want Nathan to know how you really feel. You can’t answer him because you don’t want to hurt him.” Backing against the opposite wall, she continues, “You know I’m right, Tracey. You hate this just as much as I do. And our life before them was better than this one. You know it and I know it, and Nathan definitely knows it. You may love him, but you hate this.” She shrugs again and strides down the hall toward the kitchen. “Let me know when you’re ready to go.”
“Nate—”
He swats my hand away as I reach for him. “Know what? If you do, that shit’s cool because you come down on everyone else about them lying and their secrets when you cater to your own. If you want to hate everyone else, start with yourself, Sparks. Because you lie to you more than anyone.”
Slighted, I blurt, “What the hell, Nate?”
“Don’t worry about it.” He cuts me off, straightening. “I’ll be back later.” He ambles down the hall to the stairs. “And do not leave this house. Glen or no Glen,” he barks.
“You’re an asshole!” I shout at his back.
“I’m done, Sparks.”
I stand in the hallway, alone, biting back my scream.
Part II
absent presence
I wrestle with the sheets, untangling myself. I sit up on the bed, looking into darkness. A slither of trimmers rush over my skin and squirm
s irritate my stomach. “Nathan?” I call.
I get no response.
The pitch-blackness of the room tells me it’s his, but my being alone concerns me. He was upset, but he wouldn’t have stayed away all day without letting me know.
Sliding out of bed, I carefully cross the floor to the bathroom. I hit the light and look around the room, seeing nothing.
“Tracey.”
My stomach falls. A mixture of emotions force me to suck it in and hold my breath.
“Tracey,” calls again, like the first; low and song-like.
I grumble to myself, fighting back the urge to follow through, to answer. Thrusting my hands through my curls, I huff a breath and head for the door. Hesitation keeps me from grabbing the knob. Inches from wrapping my hand around the silver handle, I try—try—to talk some sense into myself. My heart’s pounding, daring me to move forward. Or maybe it’s the anxious squirms of my stomach that are restless and making my heart beat erratically.
Before I know it, even as I’m telling myself Roehl has nothing good for me, that he’s just a pile of coal wrapped in what seems to be gold and diamonds, I’m out the bedroom door, creeping down the stairs and easing the back door open. Ignoring every call of better judgment, I run across the backyard and out the gate.
“Where are you?” I ask low enough not to tip off those in the house. I know I’m doing something wrong, I do. . . But it feels so damn right.
I spot a figure coming up from the beach. My steps retract when I see the reflection of the moon dance on lines of a half circle and squiggly triangles of gold on the side of his face.
“Don’t be scared, Cey. Nathan understands.”
And he’s right. He does. I meet Roehl half way. “Hi,” I greet, smiling.
His arms spread out to his sides. I walk into them and wrap mine around his back. He doesn’t return my embrace, but when I go to step away, he hugs tightly. “Hey.”
Leaning back, he meets my eyes. Standing just a couple inches above my height, I don’t strain my neck to look at him. “Um. I don’t know what to say.”
Brazen: A Dark Paranormal Romance (The Sephlem Trials Book 2) Page 26
