by Rebecca Shea
“But, Emilia, as long you’re here with me, nothing is going to happen to you. I won’t let anything happen to you.” Over my dead fucking body would I let anything happen to her.
“I can’t stay here forever,” she whispers, leaning back against the wooden headboard.
“You’re going to stay here for as long as you want, and I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.” I will not let her walk away from me. I want her as much as she needs me.
“Sam.” Her voice breaks. “Will there be a service or funeral?” Her eyes are trained on the ceiling, but I can see tears glistening in the corners.
I pause, wondering what to tell her. Regardless, it’s all lies. “If we do something, it’ll be small, private. You won’t be able to go, Em. If Antonio is looking for you, he’ll expect you to be there. My guess is he’ll have his guys watching.”
“I need to be there,” she says, her voice somber. “I need to say goodbye.” Tears fall freely from the corners of her eyes and roll down her cheeks to her neck. I feel her pain, and I want nothing more than to pull her into my arms and take it away. “There’s so much I need to say, Sam. So much I need to tell him.”
“I know, Em.” I sit quietly and watch her try to keep it together. Her chest constricts and her body trembles as she tries to control her emotions. God, I hate seeing her like this. I want to pull her into my arms and wrap myself around her. Comfort her; tell her I’ll always take care of her—and her baby.
Her sniffles are the only sound filling the space between us. In the bathroom, I snag the box of tissues from the counter and set it on the bed next to her.
She takes two. “Thanks.” Then we sit silently again for a long time, no words spoken as she wrestles with her thoughts and emotions. She wavers between shock and sadness, but it’s the fear I see in her eyes that saddens me the most. Is it her reality that she fears? Is it me? Finally, she takes a deep breath and clears her throat. “Will I be able to go back to work soon? I need to keep my job… I need the money.”
My heart sinks. She’s worried about money? Of all the things, this is something she should not be worried about.
“You probably won’t be able to work anytime soon. But you don’t need to worry about money, Emilia.”
“I won’t take your money, and I can’t let Jax and Megan down. I need this job,” she pleads with me. She’s stubborn. This was what made me fall in love with her. “You can’t do everything for me. I need to learn to live on my own, Sam.”
I sigh loudly. “Let me see what I can do. It’ll be at least a few weeks. You need to heal, physically and emotionally, and not jump back into things.” I can do everything for her, and I will if she’ll let me. Plus, there is no way I’ll risk letting her out of my sight until Antonio and his associates are behind bars.
“I’ll go crazy if I don’t get back into a routine—’’
“You’ll hurt yourself,” I argue with her, “or worse, your baby if you don’t take care of yourself.”
She rubs her eyes with her palms and exhales loudly in frustration.
I take a moment to calm down. The last thing she needs right now is a lecture. I want to show my concern for her, but not drive her away with crazy expectations. “Listen, I don’t want to tell you what to do, Emilia. But you’re not thinking clearly right now. Give it a few days. A lot has happened in the last twenty-four hours. Take some time to absorb everything. Financially, you’ll be fine. Mentally, I’m worried about you.”
She nods and lies back down, resting her head on my pillow, her long hair spilling onto the pillow next to it. Everything about her is beautiful. Even when she’s sad and broken and defeated, her natural beauty is all I can see. I brush my knuckles across her soft cheek and take a deep breath as I take in her beauty.
“I need to run to the office to get some files. I’m going to work from home for the next few days. I’ll grab some food on my way back. You need to eat.” I hesitate. “I won’t leave you, though, if you’re not comfortable being here alone.”
“Go. I’ll be fine. I’m going to try to take a nap anyway. I can’t shake this headache.” I run my fingers through her hair and she watches me as she closes her eyes. Her head falls to the side as my fingers flit through her silky hair. She turns to me when I stop and looks at me. She opens her mouth to say something but stops, pressing her lips together. I brush my fingertips across her bottom lip and up her cheek, finally stopping near her ear.
“There is a phone on the nightstand. If you need anything, you call me.” I don’t want to leave her, but I have to get to the office to get my files so I can work from home.
“I will,” she whispers and closes her eyes.
I lean down and press a quick kiss to her forehead. I want so badly to taste her lips, but I know now isn’t the time—I just hope she’ll eventually learn to love me.
THE ANTISEPTIC SMELL of the hospital stings my nose as I enter the sliding doors. A rush of cool air greets me, and I scan the main reception area. Just behind the main desk is a set of elevators that I take to the third floor. Anxiety bubbles to the surface as I’m deposited at the end of a long, sterile-looking hallway. I scan the area for a reception desk on the floor, finding one on the opposite end of the hallway from me. As I near, I pull my wallet from my back pocket and show the receptionist my badge and identification. My hand shakes and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m nervous or exhausted.
“Alejandro Estrada,” I announce quietly, glancing over my shoulder to see if anyone else is around.
She looks at her computer screen, tapping away at the keyboard before she smiles at me and points. “Room two-seventeen, just down the hall. Keep your badge and ID available. You’ll need them to get into the room.”
I take note of all the empty rooms as I walk down the long, sterile hall. The long hall leads me to a police officer standing outside Alex’s room. I approach the uniformed officer, who stands a few inches taller than me and looks like a professional wrestler. I hand him my badge and ID. He checks it closely and nods before opening the door. After stepping inside, the door latches behind me. The sound of a television plays quietly behind a pulled curtain, and I step forward. When I peek around the curtain, a pair of eyes meets mine, followed by an exaggerated sigh.
“You here to finish the job?” He cringes through gritted teeth.
I actually let out a little laugh. “You are one lucky motherfucker.”
Alex gives me a pained smile as he tries to reach across himself for a remote on a bedside table. His arm is wrapped in thick gauze and rests in a fabric sling, which is propped up with pillows. Annoyance roils through me as I see him smirk, and I think of Emilia at home on the brink of a breakdown.
Shoving aside my annoyance, I step over to the side of the bed, pick up the remote, and hand it him. I realize it’s the first nice thing I’ve done for my brother in twenty-some-odd years. Not that I’ve had many chances. “Here you go.”
His dark brown hair is messy and both eyes are lined with dark circles, similar to Emilia’s gaunt look. His skin is ashen grey, and he looks as if he’s just skirted death—because he has.
“Thanks,” he says, pressing a button on the remote, which raises the back of his bed. He cringes as the bed adjusts him to an upright position. “So what brings you to see me, Agent Cortez?” A smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth and he says the word “agent” sarcastically.
I take a seat in a chair next to him. “First, how are you feeling?” I expect him to say “like shit” because he looks like hell and word is that he’s damn lucky to be alive.
Alex exhales loudly and rubs his shoulder. “They said the bullet missed anything major. I broke my collar bone and, aside from tissue damage, that’s it.”
“Like I said, you’re one lucky motherfucker. You took three bullets to your shoulder and upper arm and you only have minor damage. Most people die from one bullet,” I snap at him. “You were bleeding pretty good; I thought you might bleed out before we could get m
edical attention on site.”
“Do you really care or are these pleasantries part of the job?” Alex snaps at me bitterly.
I clench my jaw and decide it’s best not to respond. I offered an olive branch and he declined. Point taken, moving on. “So, I think we have a deal.”
“You think we do, or we do?” He narrows his eyes at me, skeptical.
“We have a deal if you’re willing to accept it.” Take the fucking deal and leave. Leave Emilia, leave town, and just get the fuck away from here.
“Talk.”
I open my leather portfolio and pull out a typed agreement with the terms of the deal in which he will provide everything on the Estrada cartel in return for witness security protection and his liquid assets that have not been seized.
“It’s cut and dry. Should be an easy decision,” I try to persuade him, then slide the paper onto the bedside tray. “It’s a fair deal, Alex. Take it,” I urge.
His eyes scan the bulleted items outlining the terms and he sets it back on the table. “So that’s it?”
I give a curt nod. “We have the files from your house. All you have to do is sign. Of course, for the next four to six months, you’ll be at our disposal, providing us anything and everything we need to build our case against Antonio. You’ll remain in a safe house while we build our case, and once we have sufficient information, the witness security agreement will be enforced.”
“What about Emilia?” His eyes search mine, looking for answers.
I pause. This is where it gets complicated. I rub the stubble along my chin and sigh, figuring out how to best explain this. “The agency wouldn’t…”
“Deal’s off,” he interrupts me, tossing the paper back at me. It flutters to the ground next to my feet.
“Alex, listen to me. This is it. This is your one chance to get out. This is what you wanted,” I reason with him. “This is your opportunity for a better life. You can redeem yourself—”
“I was doing this to protect Emilia,” he cuts me off with a growl. “If she’s not a part of the deal, I’m not doing it. I need her safe—and without witness security, she won’t be.” The blood pressure cuff attached to his arm begins to inflate and the machine starts beeping. He tosses his head back onto his pillow and takes a couple of deep breaths.
“You’re making a huge mistake. Don’t turn this deal down, Alex. This is your chance to live without looking over your shoulder. This is what you wanted,” I yell at him.
“I won’t do it if we can’t protect Emilia.” He changes the subject. His eyes lock on mine, and I hold his stare. I know I’ll never get a deal for her, but I choose not to tell him this right now.
The door to Alex’s hospital room opens, and the officer stationed out front clears his throat. “Everything okay in here?”
“Yes, sir,” Alex says. “I’ll let you know if I need anything.” The police officer closes the door and Alex looks back at me. “So I’m in custody, I take it. That’s why he’s here?” he asks bitterly. Alex is always questioning my motives.
“No, he’s here because I asked for you to have protection.” Good deed number two, I think to myself. Not that I’m counting.
“How is she?” he asks me, looking away from me. His voice cracks and he clears his throat to choke back his emotion.
“She’s a mess.” She thinks you’re dead. She’s pregnant. She doesn’t have any family. I shake my head, thinking about what she’s going through right now. “You knew she wasn’t going to handle this well.” I exhale deeply and lean forward in my chair, resting my elbows on my knees.
“I need to see her.” It’s a demand.
“I can’t do that. We need to keep her thinking you’re dead. If she slips up and Antonio finds out you’re alive, you’re as good as dead—and so is Emilia. I’ve got my hands full protecting her. I can’t protect both of you,” I snap at him.
“I don’t need you to protect me,” he snarls at me and narrows his tired eyes.
I sigh loudly. “Look, if the organization thinks you’re dead, you’re no longer a threat to them. You know this.”
“What about Emilia? They think she’s still a threat because they believe she has information on them, right?” I can see the fear in his eyes when he speaks of Emilia and his concern for her.
“Right. Which is why I need to focus my energy on protecting her, not both of you.” I clench my jaw.
“Fuck!” He slams his only free hand on the bedside table. “I need to see her. I need to protect her!” he yells at me. Only he’s tired and hurting and his yelling is nothing more than a raised voice.
I get it, though. Of course he wants to protect her. We both do. “Alex, I’m working on it. Emilia is safe right now, but I need you to take the deal to protect yourself. I’ll try my best to see what I can do for her.”
“She’s a part of the deal or there is no deal, Sam. Do you understand?” he yells at me angrily.
I reluctantly nod and bite my tongue. Without Alex’s signature on that agreement, this case is screwed—and the only thing I want is my father in prison.
“Where is she?”
“Staying with me.” I look away from him for a brief moment before turning back.
He closes his eyes, and I can see the veins in his neck throbbing. He’s angry. “So help me God, if anything happens to her on your watch, I’ll take you to Mexico and fucking cut you into pieces with a goddamn chainsaw, then feed you to the fish. Do you understand me?”
And he would. I’m sure of it.
“I care about Emilia just as much as you do, Alex,” I sneer at him. “I’m not going to let anything happen to her.”
“And if you fucking touch her, so much as look at her, or act in any way other than that of a professional federal agent, I’ll fucking kill you with my bare hands. Mark my words. Dead. Gone. I’ll make you disappear,” he says through clenched teeth.
“Careful, Alejandro. Threatening a federal agent isn’t going to help you.” Just then, the curtain opens and an older male doctor with white hair pulls a stethoscope from his neck.
“I can’t have you two arguing in here,” he says, giving me a dirty look. Me. I didn’t even hear the door open. “Mr. Estrada needs his rest. He’s in ICU for a reason. He’s not supposed to have any visitors, even the ‘law’ kind.”
He looks over his wire-rimmed glasses at me, then presses the stethoscope to Alex’s chest. I sit back in my chair and rub the bridge of my nose. Reasoning with him seems pointless. Alex always had the temper—clearly, he still does.
“Your blood pressure is elevated and your heart rate is accelerated. Either you calm down and rest or you’ll be on strict hospital orders, Mr. Estrada,” the doctor scolds Alex.
“He’s my brother,” he mumbles under his breath, as if it pains him to admit to that fact. “It was just family business.”
“I don’t care who he is or what you’re arguing about. Keep it down and rest.” He wraps the stethoscope around his neck and looks pointedly at me. “Five more minutes and you need to leave.”
“Yes, sir.” Believe me, I don’t want to be here any longer than I have to. I’m already starting to crack under all this.
“We’re almost done, Doc.” Alex winces as he lowers the back of his bed just a bit. I stand and help Alex readjust the pillow under his arm—good deed number three. When the doctor leaves, the room is quiet except for the background noise from the television.
“I’ll come back tomorrow. But Alex, you need to seriously consider this deal. Please.” I sound like I’m fucking begging him. I am begging him, and I hate that I have to beg him. I hate asking my brother for anything.
“I’ll think about it,” he replies, his jaw hard. “Make it right with Emilia and I’ll do it.”
“I’ll see what I can do. Get some rest.”
JUGGLING MY LAPTOP case, keys, and bags of Chinese food, I scramble to shut off the alarm before it goes off and scares Emilia. The house is dark with just the moonlight illuminating the
family room through the large windows and the glass French doors. After turning on lights in the kitchen, I pull out the white takeout cartons and set them in the middle of the round kitchen table, opening each box carefully.
“What time is it?” a raspy voice asks from behind me, startling me. Emilia rubs her eyes as she steps into the kitchen. Her hair is messy and falling out of the ponytail she had it pulled up in earlier. Even with her loose tendrils, she looks stunning.
“Hey.” I glance over my shoulder at the clock on the kitchen wall. “It’s almost seven. Did you get some rest?”
She nods sleepily. “What’s all that?”
“Dinner. Chinese food. I didn’t know what you like, so I got a little of everything.”
She scrunches her nose and rubs her stomach as she turns around and walks into the family room, sitting down on the couch. Tucking her legs up under her, she pulls a blanket off the back of the couch, draping it over her.
“Are you cold?” I frown at her. “It’s a hundred and ten outside.”
“But it’s freezing in here.” She rubs her arms and shrugs. The air isn’t even set low, but it’s because she’s so thin and exhausted.
“Sure you’re feeling okay?”
“Yeah.” She nods quickly, surely to ward off my suspicion.
From the cupboard, I pull down two large dinner plates and begin heaping a little of everything onto each plate. Lo mein, fried rice, broccoli beef, cashew chicken, and egg rolls all on display for Emilia to choose from. I walk the plate of food and a fork over to her, and she tilts her head, rolling her eyes in feigned annoyance at me.
“Eat. There has to be something on this plate you’ll like.”
She scrunches her nose again, but takes the plate and balances it on her lap. I take two bottles of cold water from the fridge and grab my plate as I head back into the living room. I take a seat on the floor in front of Emilia and place the water bottles on the coffee table. She twirls her fork in the lo mein noodles, bringing it to her mouth taking a small bite. Good.
“Did you sleep the entire time I was gone?” I ask between bites of food.
