So many things had to be resolved in Marcus’s life if they were to have a life together, but he wasn’t sure how to handle things. He knew Tyler was still keeping secrets which created a rift between them. There had to be one-hundred percent trust for their love to grow. Marcus didn’t care about Tyler’s unsavory past or old bedmates, but he did demand they be open and honest with each other in the present.
When he attempted to roll away, Tyler shifted and pulled him back against him, kissing his forehead. “You awake?”
“For a while.”
“I don’t ride today. We can do something together. Want me to show you the sights around town?”
“Maybe we should just talk.”
“Is this the talk where you tell me you have to get back to the city? Or the one where we ride off into the sunset together?”
He chuckled. “I’ve never even ridden a horse.”
“Good Lord, how is that possible? That’s what we can do today. I’ll teach you to ride.”
“I don’t know…What about our talk?”
Tyler’s hand warmed circles on his side. “We’ll borrow two geldings and ride out past the mustard fields you love. We can talk out there, just you and me.”
They showered and dressed before heading out for the day. The overcast sky was ominous, warning of severe weather to come. Marcus didn’t think now was the best time to ride out into the fields, but he wouldn’t lose this chance for a one-on-one talk.
“I remember Ben from last year. He’s a good-tempered horse for your first run.” Tyler ran his hand lovingly along the animal’s neck. “I’ll teach you how to saddle him.”
His cowboy left the stall and came back with a heavy Western saddle, lugging it atop the saddle blanket he’d placed on the horse’s back. Tyler’s confidence and skill turned him on. Staying in the same place as Tyler was a major adjustment. He lived by the seat of his pants—no agendas, schedules, or organization whatsoever. It was good for Marcus because he was too uptight, too consumed by rules and order. Being with Tyler was like rest for his mind, peace he’d sought all his life. The only place he was fully accepted for who he was, no acts, no trying to impress.
Tyler’s arms came out on either side of him, his chest against his back. “Pass me the cinch, the brown one there.” He proceeded to thread one fastening through another, twisting and knotting like he’d done it a thousand times, and he probably had. When Tyler pulled the slack tight, pressing his body tight against Marcus’s back, he wanted to say screw the trip so they could return to their room. He kissed the side of Marcus’s neck when he was finished. “Just watch your toes.” Then he backed the beast out of the stall and out to the paddock.
He had a new respect for Tyler once he was up in the saddle. The skills he’d seen the cowboy display during events was unparalleled, even amongst the other riders he’d observed.
“Careful there. You’ve got a lot of power between your legs.” Tyler winked and raced off through the open gate into the fields. He’d told him how to handle the horse, but he didn’t expect to start racing straight out of the gate. Marcus prodded the horse, and they began to walk. Then the pounding of hooves grew closer and Tyler reappeared, circling him and his horse. “You’ve gotta keep up, sweet thing.” He swatted the rump of his horse with the ends of his reins. Marcus had to grab the saddle horn to keep from flying off the back. They raced the fields, side by side. At first he’d been terrified, but the further they went, the more he began to enjoy the speed and the rush.
Maybe country living wouldn’t be as bad as he imagined. Being at one with nature, living by his own rules—it was a tempting prospect. They settled into a trot as they neared their destination. The distant fields were a stunning yellow, almost unnatural in their brilliance. These were the kinds of miracles he never got the joy of experiencing at home in the concrete jungle.
“Whoa…” Tyler pulled his horse to a stop and leapt down onto two booted feet. “This seems like a nice spot.” He brushed back his waves of brown hair from his face and reached up to help Marcus down. His eyes seemed to glow green as they reflected the bright white cloud cover.
“So peaceful.”
“I’m all yours until we head back into town.” He dropped down to his back and positioned his arms behind his head. “I’ll admit I’m a bit frightened about what you want to talk about.”
“Why?”
“I have a feeling you’re gonna try and convince me to move back to the city with you.”
What he wanted to talk to Tyler about was the distance he kept between them, however subtle. The way he’d dismissed him originally, as if Marcus was disposable, was done for a reason. Had he been hurt in a past relationship? He wanted to assure Tyler he had no plans on hurting him, that he was in this for the long haul. His own parents had been married forever, and he had the same sense of commitment hardwired into him.
They were about to take a huge leap forward, so he had to feel secure in his decision. To be certain Tyler wasn’t being fickle when it came to their relationship.
“Not necessarily. The country’s kind of growing on me.” He sat down beside Tyler and hugged his knees. The air was sweet, the wind creating a wave through the distant barley fields.
“So you’ll stay with me this time? I can’t imagine you traveling the circuit. Cheap motels, no air-conditioning, greasy spoons…you’ll be miserable.”
“What are you saying? That’s it? We should go our separate ways before we even start?”
Tyler tugged him over until he lost balance and fell to his back. “Look at the sky. Ain’t it beautiful? I used to search for shapes in the clouds when I was a kid. They’re never the same, constantly changing and drifting to new locations—”
“Like you?” He turned to look at the cowboy.
“I suppose. It’s not the life I want. I mean, doesn’t every man want it all? Love, sex, security, happiness?”
“I’m offering you that. I’m giving you everything I am, but you need to do the same.”
Tyler rolled to his side and kissed Marcus on the cheek. “Anything you want, it’s yours.”
“It’s not enough. I want you.” He placed his hand on Tyler’s heart. “What’s in here.”
Rather than follow him down the road of happily ever after, the cowboy abruptly got to his feet, dragging both hands through his hair. He looked rattled, ready to lose precious control. “It’s ugly in there, Marcus. Some things are better left alone. Darlin’, I’ve given up smoking, bulls, men, my whole life as I know it…ain’t that enough for you?”
“No.”
“What the fuck do you want? You ask for things I can’t possibly give you.”
Marcus wasn’t going to bow out this time. He liked Tyler taking the lead in their relationship, craved it, but it was time to make a stand. Marcus rose to his feet and got nearly chest to chest with the other man. “You’re not the only one giving up things. I was about to make partner at Cavendish! Do you realize how much cash I’d have coming in if that happened? I have a luxury condo, half paid off. Back home I had order, routine, and security. What do I have now? Horseshit and bedbugs?”
“You just told me you wanted me, were willing to give up everything. You sound pretty resentful for a man ready to turn his life around.”
“I’m only resentful because I’m ready to give one-hundred percent, but you’re only offering seventy-five. Is that fair?”
“Well maybe you’d be happier with your piles of money. For God’s sake, if you think money can buy love, more power to you!” He stormed off towards the horses. Marcus followed and spun him around by the shoulder.
“I’m the one ready to give up the money—for you! Doesn’t that mean anything to you, Tyler James?” Marcus grabbed him by the shirt, shaking and tugging, desperate to get through to him. Fear of losing the best thing in his life, and an equal fear of settling down with an emotionally distant man, left him terrified and desperate.
Tyler laughed with little true humor. “You t
rying to hurt me, city boy?” He even held out his arms to the side, offering himself as a punching bag, as if there was no way Marcus could hurt him. Without thinking, he pulled back his elbow and gave the cowboy one to remember right in the gut. He coughed and doubled over, grabbing his stomach. Marcus expected him to retaliate, knock him into next month. He feared what Tyler was capable of, being the stronger of the two. This time he laughed with full mirth. “You’ve got a good arm, darlin’.”
“You aren’t going to hit me back?” Part of him wanted Tyler to fight him, to bring their anger to a pinnacle and see where it took them.
“I’d never hurt you.” Tyler cupped his face and kissed him with more passion than he’d ever known. Marcus’s heart was still beating hard, his breathing ragged. With all the adrenaline spiking through his body, mixed with heightened emotion, he was completely susceptible to the erotic advance.
* * * *
His little angel had fire. And it turned him on. He’d always had issues distinguishing genuine emotion from sex, but in this case, he knew he loved Marcus. He couldn’t live without the city boy.
“You’re adorable when you’re angry,” he said.
Marcus smirked. “I’m supposed to be mad at you.”
He leaned against him, seeking comfort and affection. For once in his life Tyler was eager to give it. He ran his hands through Marcus’s silky hair. “I want to be honest with you. I’m trying…but it’s not easy.”
Marcus led him by the hand to their spot on the grass. Such a simple act of hand-holding was, in many ways, more powerful than sex. Tyler tugged off Marcus’s shirt, and then lay down on the soft ground. “What?”
“Come straddle me. I wanna look at you when we talk.”
He obliged him, lowering over Tyler’s middle, sitting partially on the erect cock straining in his jeans. “Okay, talk to me.” It was distracting watching Marcus, the sunlight making his golden skin shine, highlighting the lines of his muscled frame.
This had to happen. He’d keep holding back to protect Marcus only to end up losing him again. “My childhood wasn’t a fairy tale. I accept that. But when I was fifteen I was sent to a new foster home…” He swallowed hard, squeezing Marcus’s thighs. Revealing these details of his life made him feel weak, less of a man. These were the demons in his closet, but they were also a real life nightmare. “They were homophobic. Beyond that. It was more like a raw hatred and they focused all that hate on me—the father and the two sons. Those boys did some wicked things to me, things that I don’t even want your sweet ears to hear.”
“None of that’s your fault.”
“Doesn’t matter. I took off as soon as I turned of age, but they’re determined to ruin me. Those white trash miscreants are jealous of my success. They don’t believe fags belong in the rodeo. The man you saw at my truck when my tires were slashed was one of my foster brothers.”
Marcus’s face blanched. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was scared. Not for me, but for you. If they know how much I love you, I don’t doubt they’d hurt you just to bring me more pain.”
“You should have told me. We’re a team, and we’ll get through this together. Have you told the police about them?”
“This ain’t the city. There’s an unwritten rule on the prairies to take care of yourself, to handle your own business. Only lily-livered men would run to the cops. It’s the same reason I never did tears or told the authorities when I was a teen, under their rule. Cowboys aren’t supposed to cry. If anything, they made a man of me.”
Marcus shook his head. “No, that’s not making you a man. That’s sick.” He tenderly rubbed his stomach. “Does it hurt?”
“I’m fine. I welcome your punishment.” Tyler smiled.
“I never want to hurt you. I want to help.”
Marcus leaned over, pressing his body flat against his. He kissed his neck, sweet individual kisses. “There’s nothing you can do, sweet thing. Just let me take care of you.”
Chapter Twelve
“I feel like a fish out of water.” Tyler gazed out the passenger side window as they drove through the gridlock traffic. They’d gotten a lot accomplished in the two days since arriving in the city. After the Smithfield rodeo closed up, Marcus took Tyler with him to settle his affairs. His condo was now officially on the market for sale, not that he’d ever had a soft spot for the place. He’d also stopped in to Cavendish and talked with his boss about his future with the company. Although he half expected to lose his job, he was offered a position as a part-time recruiter. Since him and Tyler would be visiting different rodeos around the neighboring states, there would be plenty of opportunities for him to sign up new talent for Cavendish.
There was one thing he did require—roots. He’d give up the notion if it meant losing Tyler, but he had the feeling the cowboy needed them just as much as him. Maybe more. Marcus wanted to be everything Tyler never had. He wanted to offer him unconditional love, acceptance, and understanding for as long as he had breath.
“Where will go? The next event isn’t for two weeks.”
“Wherever you want. You know I’m using to traveling.”
Marcus merged into the left-hand lane. He wanted to stop by his cousin Franco’s apartment to leave him a set of keys for emergencies until his condo sold. “I’m not. Don’t you ever crave settling down in one place?”
“Doesn’t make sense when you work the circuit.”
“But you’re not single anymore, and not getting any younger. Besides, come November, you have no events until late spring.”
Tyler kept quiet for the remainder of the drive. Marcus pulled into the visitor’s parking at Franco’s apartment complex and got out.
“You want me to come up or wait here?”
He leaned into the open driver’s side window and glared at his cowboy. “Of course I want you to come with me. I’m not ashamed of you.” Far from it. Tyler was God’s gift to men from his strong jaw and fuck-me eyes, to those broad shoulders and tailored waist. He could also rock denim like no other. Marcus was proud to have him as a significant other, even though he wasn’t quite ready to reveal his sexuality to his parents, and probably never would be. He wasn’t naïve enough to believe he could change the world just because he’d finally learned to accept himself.
Tyler rolled out his big body as he stood, stretching out all those delicious muscles. Before they could walk to the entrance, Tyler held him back. Leaning against the car, he held him loosely on the hips. “About what you said earlier, I do want to settle down. I can just imagine having out own little piece of paradise. It’s just…complicated.”
Marcus sighed, knowing just how complicated their lives would be, but still willing to risk it all for the love of Tyler. “We’ll talk about it tonight.”
They took the elevator up to the twelfth floor. His heart began to pump harder the closer they got. He watched the floors light up on the control panel bringing them closer to their destination. Of all his relatives, Franco seemed the most likely to accept his alternative lifestyle. He wasn’t into the old ways of the Vinetti family but embraced modern conveniences and partied like the best of them. Although they’d been close growing up, they’d lost that connection over the years. Marcus blamed himself. He was so busy with his career and blinded by his introverted ways and secrets. Tyler was changing all that.
“Where’ve you been? I’ve called your place a dozen times.” Franco filled the open doorway. “Who’s your friend?” He gave Tyler the once-over from top to bottom. The cowboy was nice to look at and an imposing sight. With cowboy hat and boots and that big silver buckle, he was the one who stood out now.
“Long story.” He pushed past his cousin. “This is Tyler James. Tyler, this is Franco.” The place was a typical bachelor’s joint. Empty pizza boxes were stacked on the kitchen counter, beer bottles lined the coffee table in front of the television, and clothes hung on the backs of most chairs. Marcus shuddered. He’d love to have an hour alone to clean up the
place. His cousin was at a precarious age, too old to live with his parents and too young to push him into marriage. It wasn’t healthy to live alone forever, and Marcus knew that all too well.
Franco flopped onto the corner of the loveseat, while Tyler and Marcus sat across on the sofa. “What’s going on?”
“My condo’s up for sale. I don’t have any plants or anything, but was hoping you could check on the place for me once in a while.”
“Sure. But, selling? You getting married, cuz? You’ve been there for years.”
He took a deep breath, unsure if he could go through with spilling the truth. Why was he ashamed when he had his dream man beside him? That was all that should matter at this point.
Tyler’s deep Southern drawl surprised him. “We’re moving in together, just the two of us. Your cousin just can’t seem to get enough of me.” He winked at Franco. Marcus froze in horror and shock.
“Yeah…right.” Franco narrowed his brow, unwilling to accept the truth, and no doubt thinking Tyler was fooling around.
“Damn straight. He’s made an honest man of me.” Tyler was completely nonchalant, unnerved, continuing to take in the room curiously, not even aware of the thick tension in the air. God, he loved the man.
Franco sat straighten, his carefree nature slipping away. “You mean? No way, you don’t mean…”
Marcus nodded, unable to say the words.
“I had no idea.”
“You know my mom and dad. I’ve grown good at hiding things, but I’m not living in denial anymore.” He couldn’t garner his cousin’s reaction. Was he just in shock or disgusted? Would he never speak to him again once he left the apartment? “You still willing to watch my place?”
Wilder, Winona - Loving Tyler [Coming Out 3] (Siren Publishing Everlasting Classic ManLove) Page 9
