by Tony Parsons
‘Bloody ungrateful, I call it. You’ve been looked after and had everything paid for you so you could become a vet and now you want to leave and do another course. When is it going to end? Well, things are tough right now and I’m not going to give you another cent,’ David said heatedly.
‘That’s a very short-sighted attitude. I’ll come back from America with more qualifications. What’s wrong with that?’
‘How many damned qualifications do you need to practice veterinary science? Is it your aim to have more degrees than any other vet in the country? Topping the course would be enough for most people,’ David said.
‘You’re just crooked because I’m not here helping you run your little stock empire. That’s your real problem, Dad. You wanted your children to be just like you and because I don’t fit into your calculations, you won’t forgive me. There’d be any amount of fathers very proud of what I’ve done but you never gave me any encouragement to do what I wanted to do.’
‘What absolute bloody nonsense,’ David said angrily. ‘Who paid for you to do all you’ve done? I could see that you weren’t cut out to be a stockman and I never stinted on anything to get you through. Sure, I was disappointed you weren’t going to be here but we’ve got by without you and we’ll continue to get by without you.’
‘I never had any encouragement to be a stockman. You sent away Starana when I asked you to keep her,’ Dougal said. He couldn’t help referring to this long-felt grievance.
‘You don’t mean to tell me that if I had kept Starana here, you would have suddenly become committed to staying with us? I won’t wear that.
‘You disappoint me, Dougal. I don’t want to lay it on about the money but you’ve had the best education any young man could have and you don’t seem particularly grateful. You should take a leaf out of your sister’s book. Moira has done more than I could expect a daughter to do and she’s been pleased to do it.’
‘It’s me you’re crooked on. It’s because I’m the eldest son and you thought I would be just like you and grandpa. It shot all your plans down in flames. Well, I’m an individual and that’s all I wanted you to recognise,’ Dougal said, his voice rising.
When Dougal told Catriona what he wanted to do and why he had to go to the US, she gave him the money he needed. It was the first time she had ever gone behind her husband’s back to do anything, but Dougal was her son and she realised he was far too clever to hold back. Furthermore, High Peaks was a more peaceful place when Dougal and his father were separated by distance.
Before Dougal left for the US David had calmed down sufficiently to ask him why he needed another degree or diploma or whatever it was he was after, when he had an honours degree already.
‘There are areas I need to specialise in and the US is the place to go. Money is no object to thoroughbred breeders over there. It will give me greater clout when I come back here and start my own practice,’ Dougal answered.
‘So you won’t be coming back to be part of this operation?’ David asked.
‘Afraid not, Dad. Of course, I’d be happy to help where I could if you haven’t begun your embryo program,’ Dougal said.
‘Very generous of you,’ David said gruffly. However, as much as he was disappointed that his elder son would not be around to take over the properties he had worked so hard for, David was secretly rather proud of the fact that he had a son with an honours degree in vet science who would one day, undoubtedly, be one of the best horse vets in the country. He wondered what his father would think of that achievement. Maybe, like everyone else in the family, Andrew MacLeod would think it was pretty damned good. But he would have given Dougal a lot of strappings on the way and told him to keep his mind on the job in hand. Dougal would be damned handy right now but they would survive without him.
Catriona was enormously proud of Dougal and his achievements, while Anne said that Dougal reminded her of Andy more and more each year. Although Catriona liked to have Dougal at home she was happier when he left because there was always some degree of tension between him and David. Dougal realised that Moira was doing what his father had expected him to do, which was help run their properties. When he was home he heard his father give instructions to Moira and pointedly leave him out of everything. Catriona’s first interest was David’s welfare and giving Dougal the money to study in the US was a small price to pay for that.
Dougal’s first meeting with Sarah Matheson in her employment at High Peaks was not propitious. He learnt that she had done the first artificial inseminations of his father’s stud ewes and he asked her what lambing percentage had been achieved. When Sarah told him that it had been seventy per cent he said that it should have been higher than that and that she couldn’t be doing it right. This got right up Sarah’s nose because David was standing beside her at the time.
‘It was our first try at the business, Dougal. We used a back-up ram anyway so all told we had ninety-eight per cent,’ David said.
Sarah could have kissed him, but David hadn’t finished. ‘We didn’t have the benefit of your expertise, Dougal, and I think Sarah did a damned good job under the circumstances.’
It was the best put-down Sarah had heard for ages and it completely silenced Dougal. Sarah thought he had a very superior attitude towards everyone, which was surprising considering it was David who had paid for him to be a vet. Little by little, everything David MacLeod did took on special proportions in Sarah’s world.
Jane’s death was a forceful reminder to David that both his mother and Kate were over eighty. God, he would miss them when they went. Kate had become almost as close to him as his mother – she was a real true-blue woman. Her transition from being a theatre sister in a city hospital to property manager had been a remarkable achievement, and illustrated to David that a person could do anything with sufficient determination. A young Kate Gilmour would be very handy.
Chapter Thirteen
The days Sarah Matheson worked for the MacLeods were among the happiest of her life. It was only after she left David MacLeod’s employ and looked back on her time with him that she fully realised how carefully and skilfully he had mentored her to become an exceptionally knowledgeable manager and stock judge.
When David was happy that Sarah had mastered one aspect of her work, he presented her with another challenge. Sometimes she worked in tandem with Moira; for example, she and Moira practised truck driving together and gained their licences on the same day. David had said that it was no use depending on him or Shaun to always be on hand to drive the truck – he needed to be able to send either one of them away with stock.
In the second year of her employment David got both Moira and Sarah together and told them what shows he intended to exhibit at for the year.
‘Do you think if I send you both away together it would be too much for the young men at the show?’ he asked with a smile.
‘I’m not interested in men, Mr Mac,’ Sarah replied quickly.
‘One of you can drive the truck with the cattle and the other can take a few sheep in one of the utilities,’ David suggested.
‘What about Strath Fillan?’ Sarah asked.
‘I’ll worry about Strath Fillan, Sarah. I want you to learn how to exhibit sheep and cattle. There are bigger things ahead.’ David was punting that the wool market would improve and that he could show sheep and cattle interstate.
Sarah had never shown an interest in boys. The memory of her father’s suicide was forever with her. Her father had left her mother in the lurch – it was as simple as that. Some people disagreed. Rod Matheson had left his wife with a property fully paid for, which she could have sold. Emily was certainly better off than some other women had been. She hadn’t been left with a big debt and although she lost some of her mares, Catriona had bought half-a-dozen of these back for her.
All that Sarah had heard about men suggested that they were hardly worth the bother. They drank too much, and even married men chased other women. Many boys had shown an interest in Sarah at
high school and at Longreach, but she wouldn’t spit on them. Sarah was well aware of the extent that David had helped her family by employing Dianne to do his bookwork, and her mother’s high opinion of both David and Catriona had influenced her to ask for a job on High Peaks. It wasn’t until Sarah came to work for David MacLeod that she was exposed to a man of determination and principles. For a time she was even apprehensive about David but although they were often alone together, he never behaved inappropriately. He occasionally spoke sharply to her when she disappointed him, but he also made sure he gave praise where praise was due.
What David especially liked about Sarah was her willingness to tackle any kind of job. Time, also, wasn’t an issue for her – she would begin earlier and finish later than conventional working hours if something needed to be done. On occasions David had to order her home. If she had been one of his sons, he could not have expected more from her.
It wasn’t until her second year with David that Sarah realised she was falling in love with him – despite the fact that he was married and more than twice her age. She had never felt anything like it and it wasn’t something she had expected, or even wanted. It had happened, and she was both happy and miserable. When she was with David it was as if nothing else mattered, and when she was on her own her life seemed empty, devoid of meaning.
The hopelessness of her situation compounded her misery. David was so obviously happy with Catriona that there was no hope for her. Moreover, after all David and Catriona had done for her family it would be unthinkable that she should do anything that could threaten or destroy their relationship.
As Sarah’s feelings for David grew they became increasingly difficult to hide. When she saw David get out of his vehicle and walk towards her she wanted to run to him and throw her arms around him. While Catriona had been preoccupied with her mother, Sarah had had David to herself occasionally, when Moira wasn’t with him. However, since Jane Campbell’s death Catriona was by her husband’s side much more and Sarah knew she had to be especially careful not to give her secret away.
If David had hoped that Sarah would be attracted to either Dougal or Angus she soon diminished that hope. She found Dougal rather dour and arrogant while Angus, who was younger than her, lacked depth and maturity. David had told her that Angus was smart and gifted with animals but a bit wild and woolly at the edges. He confided that he was hoping that Angus would grow up as he had a big job ahead of him if he was to eventually take over the family business. David was hoping Longreach would sort him out. Sarah had met other boys like Angus while at Longreach and some of them had even propositioned her. She had no doubt that some girls would fall for Angus easily because although not as big as David, he was very like him in looks, and had an easy, confident charm. But neither Dougal nor Angus in Sarah’s opinion was good enough to stand in David’s shadow.
Moira was a different matter. In Sarah’s opinion, Moira was the real jewel among David’s children – she wasn’t the smartest of the three, but she was the nicest. And it didn’t take Sarah long to appreciate that Moira rated very highly with David. In later conversations with her mother, who spoke regularly with Catriona, Sarah learnt that one of David’s biggest regrets was that Moira was a girl, because sooner or later he knew he would lose her. Catriona had confided to her mother that David was disappointed in the two boys, albeit having some pride in their respective talents, but was delighted with Moira. Sarah also learnt that David had wanted a bigger family, especially boys, but that Catriona stopped after three children. Sarah pondered this a lot. Having children was not something she had ever thought about very much but having David’s children was another matter – if he wanted four or five she would have them. Sarah fantasised about David as she lay in bed at night. He had had smokos and an occasional lunch with her at Strath Fillan and it had been heaven to look after him. If David had been a different kind of man he would perhaps have tried something on with her, but that never happened.
To Moira, Sarah was much more than an employee. The two young women exchanged confidences, and their friendship grew closer the longer Sarah stayed at Strath Fillan. David gave them plenty of opportunities to cement their friendship because they often had to work together. A couple of times he sent them both out to Molonga to help Greg Robertson with mustering for shearing and crutching.
It was inevitable that the subject of romance would come up sooner or later in their conversations. Sarah began probing in a tentative kind of way. Had Moira had a boyfriend? No. Did she want to have a boyfriend? Not particularly – not for some time, anyway. Why? Sarah asked.
‘Dad expects too much from me to let him down now,’ Moira said. ‘He’s upset about Dougal leaving and not sure how Angus is going to end up. But what man could ever measure up to Dad?’
‘But don’t you want your own family, Moira?’ Sarah asked.
‘If I met the right man that would be nice. Later on I’d like to have a couple of children. Of course, you don’t need a husband to have a child these days. I could afford to rear children without a man,’ Moira said forthrightly.
‘Moira, I’m shocked. What would your parents think?’
‘I’m sure Dad would prefer to have me here with two children than lose me. The boys might not appreciate what he has done to put together all these properties but I certainly do, and I won’t leave him in the lurch. And you can see how much he depends on me,’ Moira said.
‘But you must have men chasing you, Moira, from all over these parts – and well beyond! You’re so attractive, and you have so much behind you – High Peaks Pastoral Company, I mean.’
‘Well you didn’t miss out in the looks department, either. I could ask you the same question,’ Moira teased.
‘Boys just don’t interest me, Moy.’ This was true – it was a man who had her heart. ‘I want to help Mum breed some big winners on the racetrack. That’s what I’m working for, and boys would only get in my way. If you want something, really want something, you have to go all out to get it. Good men, from what I can figure out, are few and far between. In my experience, once you become friendly with a boy he wants to sleep with you. Boys seem to think you should naturally want to do that. Not for me, thank you,’ Sarah said firmly.
‘I know what you mean and as I told Dad, I know that when I’m judging sheep men are looking at me more closely than at my judging technique. I say, let them. It’s the nature of the beast, Sarah. All I know is that I would never marry a man unless I was overpoweringly in love with him just as Mum was with Dad. Mum would have defied her parents to marry him. She didn’t have to do that, but she would have. Lordy, what Mum has done to keep Dad interested in her. You just wouldn’t believe the sacrifices she’s made,’ Moira said.
Sarah couldn’t imagine it being any sacrifice to do anything for David. She had always imagined that David and Catriona had an almost perfect marriage. Her mother had said as much to her.
‘Ha, ha. Do you think Mum looks good for her age?’ Moira asked.
‘I think she looks wonderful either on a horse or off it. I’d love to be able to wear clothes like her. I mean her figure is something else,’ Sarah said.
‘If you promise not to breathe a word of what I tell you, then I’ll let you in on a secret. Will you promise?’ Moira asked.
‘I promise,’ Sarah answered earnestly.
So Moira told her about her mother’s secret aerobics, the exercise bike and the dieting.
‘Your mother has been doing this for twenty-odd years? To keep your father interested in her?’ Sarah asked incredulously.
‘That’s right. That’s how much Mum loves him. She has the idea that if she doesn’t look attractive he will look elsewhere. Which is a ridiculous notion. He’s never been interested in any other woman and I’m sure he never would be. It’s all in Mum’s head. I know she thinks more of Dad than she does of us. Oh, she loves us but Dad has always been the big thing in her life. Mum gets her kicks out of Dad still thinking she looks sexy and terrific. She told m
e so. That’s real love, Sarah.’
‘Moira, that’s almost unbelievable,’ Sarah breathed.
‘I’d have said so if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes and heard it from Mum’s lips. It’s the biggest secret Mum has ever shared with me. Well, I think it is. It kind of made us closer, Sarah. There’s not many men who could generate that kind of love. I wouldn’t want anything less than that. If I don’t feel for a man like Mum felt for Dad then I’ll just stay here helping him run this show. It’s a good life and there are plenty of rewards. The papers are writing about us and about me personally. I’m being asked to judge all over and one day maybe I’ll be asked to judge at Royal shows. That’s been one of Dad’s aims for myself and Angus. I don’t feel the need for a man, Sarah. I don’t mind being admired but I don’t want to become a man’s possession or accessory. I’m my own person and I have Dad to thank for that.’
Moira’s words beat like hammer blows on Sarah’s heart. It was apparent that Catriona still loved her husband excessively, for what woman would put herself through so much unless she did. It was also apparent that David wasn’t a womaniser because he had never tried to touch her. And yet, at times Sarah had caught his eyes fixed on her and there seemed to be more in his scrutiny than an employer’s preoccupation with his employee’s devotion to the job. Inexperienced with men as she was, Sarah didn’t know what to do next. She had no idea how she would respond if the unthinkable happened and David touched her. What she did know was that if anything happened, it would mean disaster. It would be disaster for Catriona, for herself, and for David and all he had put together for his family. And Moira would probably hate her forever.
Oh, God, it was an awful situation. Sarah knew that the longing she felt could only be assuaged in one way. To feel that way about a man and to have to walk away from it involved the biggest sacrifice she would ever have to make. Probably never again in her life would she feel the same way about a man. Perhaps never again would she ride the hills with a man and experience the bliss of his company.
