As her resentment towards him grew so her desire died. She was being used, was merely a body to him, someone to provide pleasure for him whenever he was in the mood.
She began to struggle against him, her thoughts ones of escape. ‘No, Luke,’ she cried, ’leave me alone!’
There was a curious stillness about his body as he lay partly across her. ‘What did you say?’ he asked dangerously soft.
‘I said no,’ she repeated, surprised at her own nerve. It was a sure fact he wasn’t pleased at what she had said.
‘No—what?’
‘No, I don’t want you to make love to me,’ she said bravely.
Luke levered himself away from her with barely suppressed violence. ‘You are refusing me, after making the advances?’
‘Yes.’ She was unable to look at him, at the glittering anger in his eyes.
‘You did it on purpose?’
‘Did what?’
‘Aroused me and now deny me,’ he accused grimly.
‘Not on purpose, no. I—’ her eyes pleaded with him for understanding. ‘I don’t like being used,’ she said lamely.
‘Used?’ he ground the word out. ‘Am I not also being used? You do not love me, and yet you respond to me.’
‘I—’
‘You use me too, Sophie,’ he snapped harshly. ‘And now you think you can turn me off like a schoolboy. And if I choose to take you anyway?’
‘I couldn’t stop you,’ she said huskily.
‘But you-do not want me?’
Oh yes, she wanted him, but she wanted him with love, not lust. ‘No,’ she lied.
‘Very well.’ He rolled away from her, getting out of bed and pulling on his clothes.
‘What are you doing?’ She sat up in bed, unaware of the provocative picture she made in her nakedness.
He gave her an impatient look. ‘What does it look like?’
‘You’re going out? Now?’
‘Of course now,’ he snapped.
‘But—’
‘I cannot sleep with you in that bed after what you have done to me.’ He pulled on his jacket.
‘But—but where will you go?’
‘Anywhere away from you. Do not worry, I will be back in the morning before your parents are awake. But tomorrow we have some serious talking to do.’
‘We do?’
‘You must know we do!’
‘Please,’ she bit her lip, ’don’t go.’
He stopped with his hand on the door. ‘You have changed your mind?’
‘No! No, I haven’t,’ she said more calmly. ‘I—I just don’t want you to go.’
‘I have to.’ The door closed quietly behind him.
Sophie didn’t sleep at all, her heart was too heavy. She hadn’t expected him to leave her—maybe treat her to his chilling silence, but not actually leave her. Where could he have gone this time of night? More to the point, what would her parents think if they knew?
She doubted Luke would continue his affair with Rosemary now, but there would be other women, she knew that. He had married her because of her father, was even willing to stay married to her because he desired her, but there would always be other women, other affairs. Tonight she had rebuffed him, refused him the one thing he wanted from her; would he now finish their marriage? They had to talk, he said, and she felt sure it would be an ultimatum on his part.
Luke didn’t love her, had never spoken any words of affection to her, so why should she suppose he would want to continue their marriage when it could hold nothing for him? But did she want it to continue like this herself? There was no need to answer that question; her refusal earlier was answer enough.
What a dismal failure this had all been! But hadn’t it been destined to be from the start, with no love on Luke’s side and the love she felt for him unwanted. Perhaps it was better this way. Better for whom? She would die without Luke, without even the small part of him he was prepared to give.
* * *
Contrary to what he had said, Luke was not back the next morning before it was time to go down to breakfast. Sophie waited as long as she could, but by nine-thirty decided that one of them should at least put in an appearance.
Her father, the only occupant of the dining-room, put his paper away as she came in. ‘No Luke?’ he smiled.
‘He—he’s a little tired this morning,’ she excused, sitting down opposite him. She poured herself some coffee. ‘He’s been working hard.’
He nodded. ‘Your mother said he was working on another portrait.’
How did she— Oh yes, she had told Rosemary so herself. ‘More coffee, Daddy?’ she indicated his half empty cup.
‘Thanks.’ He pushed his cup forward. ‘Aren’t you having any breakfast this morning?’
‘No, I—I’m not hungry.’ And she wasn’t, food was the last thing on her mind. She was so worried about where Luke could be that she couldn’t even think of food.
‘Do you still have your headache? You’re looking awfully pale.’
‘Headache?’ She frowned, her headache of yesterday evening quite forgotten after what had happened later. ‘Oh no, it’s quite gone.’
‘Has this baby upset you?’ he asked gently.
‘The baby—? No, of course not,’ she hastened to reassure him. ‘You must be overjoyed.’
‘Naturally I’m pleased, but—’
She put her hand over his. ‘You don’t have to play it down for me, Daddy. I can see how excited you are. I’m not a child, Daddy, I don’t need to be humoured. I don’t know why everyone had the idea that I would make a scene—’
‘Oh, not a scene, Sophie,’ her father cut in.
‘But you did—you all thought that, including Luke.’
‘Only because—well, you’ve been an only child for so long, my own little girl.’
‘And now I’m a grown woman.’
‘Yes, I suppose you are.’
‘And it’s time everyone realised it.’ She smiled. ‘I shall quite like having a baby brother or sister.’
‘Oh, Rosemary’s convinced it will be a boy.’
‘I hope she isn’t disappointed.’
‘With her determination?’ he grinned. ‘It wouldn’t dare be anything else!’
‘Where is Mummy this morning?’ Sophie asked. ‘There’s nothing wrong, is there?’
‘No, no. I just like her to have a rest in the mornings. It isn’t going to be easy having a baby at her age and I want her to take things as easy as possible. All this travelling up to London will have to stop, and the late hours she used to keep. She’s no longer young to be having her first pregnancy and I wouldn’t want anything to go wrong at this stage. She’s so pleased about, it’s made a different woman out of her.’
Sophie had noticed that, the more gentle look in her stepmother’s eyes, the love she showed her husband. ‘I—er—I was wondering, as Rosemary will stay here resting, I was wondering if she would like me to stay on with her for a while, a little feminine company, so to speak.’ She gave him a bright smile.
‘But surely— You’ve only been married two weeks!’ He looked astounded.
‘I know, but—’
‘Won’t Luke mind?’ he cut in.
‘Oh, I’m sure he won’t. He’s very busy at the moment, I hardly see him.’
‘Yes, but—’
‘Ask him yourself, Daddy. I’m sure he would much rather have me out of the way at the moment.’
He frowned. ‘Well, it doesn’t seem right to me. This problem you were having,’ he said sharply. ‘It hasn’t resolved itself?’
Well, one of them had; Rosemary was definitely out of the picture. But there were still the other women, there always would be. ‘I think we may be better for a small separation,’ she admitted reluctantly.
‘After only two weeks of marriage?’
‘I don’t mean a separation as such, just a little while away from each other. Rosemary’s condition would give me good reason for making the suggestion.’ It would also
save her the humiliation of having Luke ask her to leave. God, she was a coward! ’That is, of course, if you think Mummy would want me here.’
‘I’m sure she would,’ he said instantly. ‘But I don’t understand the reasons for leaving Luke.’
‘I’m not leaving him,’ she said sharply. ‘Just having a few days away from him.’
‘Are you sure that’s all it will be?’ he asked shrewdly.
Tears filled her eyes. ‘Don’t you want me here?’
He put his hand over hers, squeezing gently. ‘It isn’t that, Sophie. I’m just concerned for you. Surely that’s only natural?’
‘Of course, Daddy. But I—I need time away from Luke. Something is wrong with our marriage and I can’t straighten it out with him.’ Something was wrong with her marriage? Everything was wrong with it.
‘Pretty overpowering sort of chap, isn’t he?’ her father said ruefully.
‘That’s an understatement! He completely swept me off my feet before I had time to think.’
‘I gathered that.’
Sophie blushed as she remembered the way her wedding to Luke had come about. But she had done the right thing—look at the happiness her father and Rosemary were now sharing. There couldn’t be a happy ending for everyone.
‘Yes, well, you know the old saying…’
‘Marry in haste and repent at leisure?’ her father finished for her. ‘But I thought you loved him.’
‘I do!’ That was the tragedy of it all!
‘Then why— Oh, never mind, I don’t suppose it’s any of my business anyway. But you’re welcome to stay here for as long as you want to, although I would prefer that you talk it over with Luke first. Who knows, you may be able to talk this thing out now.’
‘I’ll go up and talk to him now,’ Sophie agreed. She had to find out if he was back yet anyway.
‘Drink your coffee first,’ he ordered. ‘I’m sure he won’t appreciate being woken up to be told you’re leaving him.’
‘I’m not—’
‘As good as, Sophie.’
‘It isn’t like that, Daddy,’ she evaded his searching eyes as she stood up to leave. ‘I’ll pop in and see Rosemary too.’
‘Okay,’ he nodded.
Sophie hurried up to their bedroom, certain that Luke must be back by now. She wasn’t disappointed, she could hear him moving about in the adjoining bathroom. She had to approach this thing properly, wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he had hurt her.
She was sitting on the bed when he came out of the bathroom, his only clothing a blue towelling robe, his dark hair still damp from the shower he had just taken. Nevertheless, he looked as drained as she did, with a white ring of tension about the firmness of his mouth.
He gave her a brief glance before starting to dress. Sophie looked away from the lithe nakedness of his body, maybe her last chance of seeing him so intimately. She might have told her father that she wasn’t leaving Luke, but she had a feeling this break would be final.
‘I expected you back before this,’ she said tentatively.
‘No one has noticed my absence?’
Except her! She had missed him terribly. ‘I told Daddy you were sleeping in.’
‘You have already seen your father?’ His voice was taut.
‘I’ve been down for coffee.’ She turned back to look at him just as he began buttoning the dark brown shirt he wore.
‘Rosemary was not there?’
‘Daddy’s insisted that she rest.’
Luke nodded. ‘Very wise.’ He tucked the shirt into the low waistband of the brown trousers he wore.
‘Where did you go?’ she asked.
‘To a hotel.’
Her eyes widened. ‘That time of night, without any luggage?’
‘They did not seem to find it odd,’ he said distantly.
‘You didn’t have to go anywhere,’ she told him breathlessly.
His dark gaze passed over her scathingly. ‘After what you had done to me I could not stay here.’
‘But I didn’t do it on purpose, Luke. I just—I didn’t want to be used again.’
‘You keep saying that word,’ he snapped.
‘It seems to be applicable.’
‘If you choose to think so.’
‘I could use the word lust if you would prefer it.’ His cool arrogance was making her angry when she wanted to remain calm.
‘I think perhaps I do—at least it seems to point to the same feelings on both sides.’
‘Maybe.’
‘There is no maybe about it,’ he scoffed. ‘But now we have to talk.’
Sophie stood up with jerky movements. ‘There’s no need for talk, Luke. I—I’ve decided to stay on here for a few more days.’
‘You have what?’ His voice was dangerously soft.
‘I’ve talked to Daddy and—’
‘You have talked to your father about this?’ He swung her round to face him, anger in every taut line of his body. ‘You have spoken to your father about what happened between us last night?’
‘No! No, of course I haven’t. I meant that I’ve spoken to him about staying on here a few days. Mummy has to stay and rest and I thought I might keep her company.’
His mouth turned back in a sneer. ‘I have never known you to seek your stepmother’s company before.’
‘Then perhaps it’s time I did!’ Her violet eyes flashed her anger.
‘A little late in the day for that, is it not?’
‘Perhaps, but it’s what I’ve decided to do.’
‘What you have decided?’ he queried softly. ‘And what about me as your husband, do I have no say in the matter?’
‘Of course you do—’
‘I am glad to hear it,’ he said dryly. ‘Then I do not want you to stay here. I want you back in London with me, where you belong.’
‘I said you had a say in it, I didn’t say you could tell me what to do.’
He gave a harsh laugh. ‘Then I do not have a say; you have already decided. Does your father not think it strange? Or have you told him about the excessive demands I make upon you, the amount of times I have wanted your body?’
Sophie was scarlet by this time. ‘Certainly not!’
‘Why not?’ he taunted. ‘I am sure it is what he suspects anyway.’
‘That isn’t the reason I’m staying here,’ she snapped. Far from it!
‘Forgive me,’ Luke mocked, ’I thought it was my lust you did not like.’
‘I just don’t like the way our marriage is. I want a few days to sort myself out.’
He gave her a searching look. ‘A few days? Are you telling me you will be coming back to me—eventually?’
‘Maybe. I—I don’t know, do I?’
‘But you expect me to stay here the rest of the day acting as if nothing is wrong and then meekly leave on my own tonight? What do you take me for, Sophie?’ he scorned. ‘A fool?’
‘No—’
‘Then you will understand if I leave now.’
She clutched at his arm. ‘I don’t want you to go yet. Besides, I—I haven’t spoken to Rosemary yet, she may not want me to stay.’
‘And if she does not you expect me to take you back to London with me?’
Put like that it did sound rather a cheek. ‘I didn’t mean it like that. Oh, please don’t go yet, Luke. Stay for lunch at least.’
He looked down pointedly at her hand on his arm and she hurriedly removed it. ‘I will have breakfast and then make my decision. I cannot think on an empty stomach.’
‘I’ll go and see Rosemary while you eat.’
His dark eyes mocked her. ‘Avoiding being with me at all costs?’
Colour flooded her cheeks. ‘Certainly not! I told Daddy I’d look in on her.’
‘Then you must do as you told Daddy you would.’
‘Luke!’ she looked up at him reproachfully. ‘Why are you making this hard for me?’
‘You expect me to make it easy?’
; She shook her head. ‘I suppose not.’
‘Very well,’ he wrenched open the door, ’then do not ask such stupid questions. Go and see your stepmother, we will talk again later.’
‘You won’t change my mind,’ she told him hurriedly.
‘I do not intend trying,’ he retorted coldly. ‘I do not make those sort of moves. If you want to stay here then you can stay here. But do not expect me to welcome you back if you should change your mind at some later date.’
She felt as if he had offered her an ultimatum, go with him now or not at all. But she couldn’t go back with him, she just couldn’t. ‘I won’t change my mind,’ she said with quiet determination.
He nodded distantly, his face a shuttered mask. ‘I will see you later.’
Sophie found Rosemary still in bed, propped up by several pillows as she flicked through a magazine. She put this down as Sophie came in, her smile one of genuine welcome. It was years since Sophie had seen her stepmother without the sophisticated make-up she favoured, and she couldn’t help thinking how much younger and more attractive she looked without it.
‘Come and sit down,’ Rosemary patted the bed beside her.
Sophie did so, feeling a little awkward now that it actually came to making the suggestion to her stepmother. After all, she had only just moved out.
‘It’s years since you did this,’ Rosemary smiled at her.
That was true. Sophie had grown out of visiting her stepmother’s bedroom at an early age, mainly because Rosemary hadn’t invited it. Maybe the baby had mellowed her. ‘I—I’ve just been talking to Daddy. He—I—I wondered how you would like it if I stayed on a few days and kept you company. Daddy has his work to do and he says you have to stay here and take things easy, and I—’
‘Calm down, Sophie,’ Rosemary advised gently. ‘I would love you to stay and keep me company. I know we’ve had our differences in the past, but I hope that’s all over now. What I don’t understand is your desire to be away from Luke so soon after your marriage.’
‘Well, he’s busy, and—’
Rosemary shook her head. ‘You might get your father to believe that, but I’m not taken in so easily. I noticed things were a little strained between you on Tuesday, and then when you called your father on Thursday that seemed to confirm that something was wrong. Of course my bitchiness on Tuesday evening couldn’t have helped the situation. It’s no excuse, I know, but I’ve been so tense, just waiting for the result of this pregnancy.’
Flame of Desire Page 15
