“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be,” she said. “I was an idiot. I should have known better.”
“There’s no way you could have,” Tabby comforted. “You’ve been blinded by Mavek forever now. Even I couldn’t have guessed you’d end up falling for someone else.”
Arden looked at her, feeling her heart twist yet again. “I still love Mavek.”
“As your friend,” she began tentatively, “I think you should take what happened last night as an indication that you need to figure out how to stop that. Being in love with him, I mean. He isn’t good for you, A.”
“Because of what he is?” Despite her anger at Mavek, she quickly rose to his defense.
“Well, yeah,” Tabby admitted.
“That isn’t very fair. He isn’t like the rest. He’d never hurt me.”
“Just manipulate you?”
Arden grimaced.
“Okay,” Tabby shifted, settling in for a lengthy debate, “tell me this. If he hadn’t whammied you—”
“It’s called sway,” Arden corrected, but her friend brushed that aside.
“—would you still have been willing to kiss him?”
Arden thought it over. On the one hand, she’d been pretty pissed off and upset knowing that she’d have to say goodbye to Eskel. She’d been even more annoyed that Mavek was the one telling her to do it, even though everything he’d claimed about the matter was accurate. On the other hand, she’d wanted the fight to be over just as much as he clearly had, only she didn’t have faerie magic to help her with that.
“Yes,” she stated, deflating with the admission. “I feel so cheap.”
“Nah,” Tabby lifted a hand and waved it off, “I’ve wanted to sleep with him since the first time I saw you two talking on the campus courtyard.”
“You what?” Arden shot back across the room, lifted one of the throw pillows up, and slapped her friend across the side with it. “Are you kidding me? After all the crap you always gave me about him?!”
“That’s just because he never committed,” Tabby told her. “At least, that’s what I thought he was refusing to do. Obviously now that I know the details, it’s more complicated than that, but still. I thought I was looking out for you. He’s gorgeous, Arden, but looks aren’t everything. Only, like, eighty percent.”
Arden crossed her arms and stared down at her.
“Fine,” Tabby rolled her eyes, “ninety-five percent.”
With a laugh, Arden dropped back down next to her and shook her head. “You are so incredibly shallow.”
“And you, my dear bestie,” Tabby reached out and tapped the end of Arden’s nose with a finger, “are so incredibly screwed.”
Arden groaned and barely resisted the urge to cry all over again.
“So,” Tabby said after a moment of silence, “when are you going to tell him?”
Arden didn’t need her to elaborate to know that she was talking about Eskel. She’d put off planning the when, not wanting to think about it. Glancing over at Tabby, she gave a wobbly smile.
“Wanna do it for me?”
Tabby grunted. “That better be a joke.”
“Yes?”
“Arden,” she told her sternly, “I am not breaking that poor boy’s heart for you.”
Arden blinked. “I don’t think it’s as serious as that. We barely know each other.”
“Let me see,” Tabby held up a hand and began ticking off fingers as she spoke, “you know about each other’s siblings, and why they’re not here. You know that he’s the type of person to chase literal—at least he thought so—ghosts in the name of another person. He’s also the type of person to travel to a creepy faerie market in the dead of the night to get magical fruit for a complete stranger. And—”
“Okay, okay,” Arden grumbled at her friend who was already holding up four fingers, with a fifth ready to join the fourth. “I get it.”
“And,” Tabby continued as number five went up, her hand raised in emphasis, “you know that he’s absolutely against the idea of you going through with this Tithe thing.” She waited a moment, interlaced her hands together under her chin, leaned forward, and then said, “Maybe you two aren’t in love, but what you do have is stronger than mere friendship. Strong enough that he’s going to, at the very least, have a cracked heart when you tell him it’s over.”
How could something be over when it hadn’t ever really begun?
“We only just settled into a routine,” Arden said, not really meaning to do so aloud. They hadn’t fought since the kelpie attack, managing to avoid discussing the Unseelie all together. Which had been a bit naive of them, in retrospect. Further proof that she’d known all along this was coming.
She twisted her cell phone in the palm of her hand, debating whether or not to just call him and get it over with.
“No way,” Tabby told her, as if reading her mind. “Something like this has to be done in person. You owe him that much.”
Why? Eskel was the one who’d dragged himself into this world. Really, this mess was all his fault. Why should she make it easier for him when she was going to suffer? It was a selfish way of looking at things, Arden realized. Maybe Eskel was better off without her.
There was a reason Tabitha was her only true friend. Arden was used to being on her own, dealing with her own issues—which, aside from the Unseelie, were few and far between because she kept away from others. Adding someone else to the mix was complicated.
“You’re talking yourself up in your head, aren’t you?” Tabby clucked her tongue. “Nothing is going to make this easier, A. I’m sorry, but there it is. This is going to suck, and you’re probably going to hate yourself, not to mention Mavek, for a while after but…”
“It has to be done,” Arden preempted her friend. She was getting seriously sick of people telling her that. “What would you have done,” she asked, “if you’d been in my shoes?”
“You mean if I’d been a Heartless when Eskel walked through the door that first night at Howl’s?” Tabby tilted her head, pretending to think it over. By the way her eyes gleamed with mischief, Arden already knew the answer before Tabby stated, “He is very pretty.”
Arden scrunched up her face and hit her on the arm with the pillow a second time.
“What?” Tabby laughed. “He is! Or, okay, I guess you could say handsome. Attractive. Hot. Sexy. Gorg—”
“I got it,” Arden stopped her.
Tabby smirked. “You’re thinking about him right now—admit it.”
Arden was always thinking about him—and therein lay the cold hard truth. She’d fallen for Eskel Montgomery without realizing she was doing it, even after all of the effort she’d put into convincing the people around her otherwise. Mavek had been right; she was a liar. Only, she’d been lying to herself.
Arden shot off the couch and was already halfway to the back door before Tabby caught up with her.
“Where are you going?”
“I have to do it now.” Arden grabbed her bike and swung a leg over it, as Tabby stood in the doorway, watching her with a sad look. “You can stay as long as you want. I doubt this will take very long.”
“I’m sorry, Arden.”
Unable to say anything in reply, Arden shook her head and took off. She headed straight for campus with the cold wind slapping across her face.
She’d never been to his dorm before, didn’t even know which it was, so when she reached campus she slowed in the parking lot. It was a small school, with all three dorm buildings circling the one lot. More than anything she wanted to turn around and hide until this was all over.
Instead, she forced herself to take out her phone and dial his number, getting off her bike in the process. She held her breath while it rang, the sick feeling twirling in her gut, partly hoping he wouldn’t pick up.
“Arden?”
She’d expected his voice to come from the device, so hearing him from behind caused her to jump and almost knock her bike over.
Eskel was at her side in an instant, arms wrapped tightly around her, holding her up.
She sucked in a breath and froze, heart racing as she tried desperately to ignore that honeysuckle, sea-salt smell of his, or the way his body felt like a comforting weight around her.
“Arden?” this time, her name was but a whisper passing his lips, drawing her gaze to them. His mouth was a deep shade of pink, his cheeks rosy from the cold. He had a wool hat the color of dark mustard pulled over his blond hair, and a thick forest green jacket with puffy sleeves. It was the type of outfit Mavek wouldn’t be caught dead in. He preferred luxury, class. Nothing about the Midnight Prince was boyish.
Thinking about Mavek snapped Arden out of her reverie so abruptly that she almost walked back into the bike all over again. This time however, Eskel didn’t reach for her. Instead, he frowned, noting how strangely she was acting.
This was so much harder than she’d imagined, with his blue eyes on her and the sweet, concerned expression on his face. He looked like he might have just come from a class, a backpack swung over his right shoulder. Did he have class today? She couldn’t recall. Had she ever known?
“I can’t do this,” she blurted, immediately cursing herself for her weakness. That was definitely not the way she’d imagined delivering the message.
It took him a moment to catch up, but when he did she felt like crawling under a rock.
First, he pursed his lips in surprise, then opened his mouth, closed it again, and shook his head slowly. He thought about reaching for her, even lifted his hand half an inch, before dropping it back to his side.
Finally, after what felt like a millennia, he uttered a single word, “What?”
“It’s not you,” she said, regretting it when his face scrunched up in insult. “No, really. You know it isn’t. This is about me. About what I am.”
“You’re a person, Arden,” he told her, his voice strengthening as he began recovering from the initial shock. “Just a person.”
Her shoulders slumped. He wasn’t going to make this easy on her.
“I wish that was the truth,” she confessed, the closest she’d allow herself to come to talking about her feelings for him. “I really, really do. But it isn’t. I’m a Heartless, Eskel, and being around me… It’s dangerous for you. You aren’t safe.”
“That’s stupid, and a copout.”
“No,” she insisted. “Were you afraid when the Erlking trapped you in that faerie ring? It’ll be worse, a thousand times worse, if he decides to punish you just for knowing me. I won’t have that. I don’t want your blood on my hands.”
“Arden, I know the risks, alright? I’m willing to take them. Nothing’s changed—”
“Mavek knows,” she declared.
Eskel’s eyes narrowed. “So, this is really about him.”
“This is about me not wanting you to get hurt,” she said. She needed him to understand. He had to understand, or else putting them both through this was for nothing.
Arden took a deep breath and wielded the only weapon she had left in her arsenal. “You came here to find out what happened to your brother. I know what happened. I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you what you want to know, Eskel, but then you have to go.”
“I live here now,” he stated, but some of the fight had drained from him. He was cold, almost still and empty.
She hated it.
“All right.” She didn’t want to press him on all fronts, not when only one thing really mattered. “Then you’ll leave me alone, at least. We can’t hang out anymore. We have to stop. For both our sakes.”
“Don’t you mean for your own?” he countered, an inkling of that fire reentering his eyes.
“No.”
“Oh, right. Yours and Mavek’s.”
“Stop it!” She held up her hands and took a deep breath. “Everett was a Heartless and he fell in love. He fell in love, and he was brutally murdered for it. That’s what happened to him, Eskel. That’s what happened to your brother. He thought he could work around the rules and there would be no consequences, but he was wrong. He paid the price, and it’s one I’m not willing to see you pay as well.”
Eskel’s mouth hung open, and it was clear she’d shocked him again. Around them, a handful of students came and went, entering and exiting their cars. Living their lives as usual, completely unaware of the devastation she was currently inflicting on the innocent boy before her who didn’t deserve it.
“None of this should have happened to you,” Arden whispered. “I am so sorry that it did, that you got sucked into this world. That you lost your brother to it.” She paused, biting her lip. “Don’t make the same mistake Everett did. Please.”
Eskel stood there, motionless, staring back at her. His eyes clouded over, almost as if he wasn’t really seeing her at all. She wanted to go to him, comfort him, knowing that finding out about his brother like this had to be painful. But she couldn’t, and the quicker this was over, the better it would be for the both of them.
“Please, Eskel,” she repeated, feeling the tears prick the corners of her eyes. “Walk away.”
For a split second, he acted as if he hadn’t heard her. But then he turned on his heels and did as she asked.
He walked away.
And he didn’t look back.
There was a supermoon on the sixteenth. Knowing she couldn’t avoid it, around six Arden dressed and waited.
Even though they hadn’t spoken since that night he’d used sway against her, Arden knew that Mavek would show up tonight to bring her to the manor. Sure enough, less than twenty minutes later the headlights of his car beamed through her blinds, painting golden bars against her living room wall.
Grabbing her purse, she left before he could turn the vehicle off, slipping into the passenger seat without a word. She faced the window, hoping he’d get the hint that she didn’t want to speak with him yet.
Eskel hadn’t attended class in weeks, and she feared that he’d up and left anyway. It would make things easier, of course, but leaving also meant he lost an entire semester. His money and his time, gone. Bitterly, she leaned her forehead against the chilled glass, watching the dark trees whip past.
The Unseelie had taken so much from him. At least now they wouldn’t also be taking his life. It was a comfort, she kept reminding herself.
“Cato says you won’t talk to him,” Mavek’s voice broke the silence. Clearly, he hadn’t taken the hint after all.
Cato had been following her, no longer bothering to hide that fact. He actually seemed to go out of his way to reveal himself to her, always standing directly across a doorway so she’d be sure to spot him. Always sticking to her like glue, less a shadow than an unwanted companion. Funny, though, that he reported that she was the one refusing to speak when he hadn’t attempted to converse even once.
“I don’t want to talk,” she finally said, knowing that he’d just keep pressing otherwise. She was just so tired. She didn’t want to argue anymore, not with anyone.
Tabby had tried cheering her up, but it was no use. Arden had thrown herself into her school work and her job at Howl’s bookstore, taking extra shifts whenever she could. She needed the distraction, because the moments when she wasn’t thinking about either Mavek or Eskel were the only moments of reprieve her bruised heart got. Thinking of either brought her no joy and only forced her to acknowledge that she missed them.
“Arden—”
“Seeing as how you have Cato spying on me, you already know,” she interrupted. “I did it. Eskel and I are done. You got what you wanted. There’s nothing to talk about.”
“The fact that you’re so upset only proves that I was right to ask you,” he said.
She clenched her hands into fists in her lap, hating that he could still elicit such strong emotions in her, even if that emotion was anger. Their time apart had given her ample opportunity to really think over what he had done, using his sway on her like that. Taking away her choice, even knowing that he was already
doing so by forcing her to stop seeing Eskel.
“Let’s get something straight,” she told him, gritting her teeth to keep her tone even. “You ordered me to stop seeing him, there was no asking. And,” she held up a hand when he started to argue, “I understand the reasons why, I do. I’m not angry with you for it.”
She couldn’t be, not when she was the idiot who’d gotten herself into the situation. Meeting Eskel had been a wrench, a random factor, unplanned and unforeseen. Her developing feelings toward him were even more so. So no, it wasn’t Mavek’s fault that she’d had to say goodbye.
“But the sway thing?” Arden continued. “I haven’t forgiven you for that yet.”
He was silent a second and then repeated, as if to taste the word on his tongue, “Yet.”
“Yes,” she agreed. “Yet.”
They both knew that she couldn’t stay mad at him forever. But for now? That she could manage. There was nothing Arden could do about Eskel, but she did have a say in whether or not she rolled over and let Mavek get away with abusing his power.
“I meant what I said that night,” she told him. “I’m not doing this for you. This is about my family. That’s what it’s always been about, and what it will always be about. You and I? Us has nothing to do with it.”
“Us.”
“Yes,” she hissed, annoyed, “and stop repeating me.”
“It’s just,” Mavek shrugged a shoulder, though the move was stiff, “I was afraid there was no longer going to be an ‘us’. It’s good to hear that’s not the case. I can wait, Arden.”
His words were meant as reassurance, but that’s not how she took it. All it did was remind her that he was going to make her wait until after the Tithe. Regardless of whether she stayed mad at him, they were still weeks away from attempting to actually be an ‘us.’
Did she still even want that? She was taken aback by the thought, feeling a fresh swell of melancholy along with it.
“I still haven’t forgiven you,” she restated.
Mavek pulled into the driveway, and before the déjà vu could grip her, turned in his seat to face her. “I should have come by right away,” he said. “I should have told you how sorry I am. I promise that I’ll never do it again. I overstepped, Arden, I know that. And despite your assurances, I know it’s unforgivable.”
Tithe Page 21
