After I’d made my hospital rounds, I went padding through the corrals, feeling like a million, when all of a sudden I saw something up ahead that caught my eye.
There was a stock tank up ahead, see, right there in the fenceline between the alley and the side lot. Pete the Barncat was perched up on the edge of the tank, all bunched up in such a way that he had all four paws resting on a very small ledge. That’s something a cat can do. It’s a balancing trick that doesn’t require any brains.
His tail was high in the air, flicking back and forth in a slow rhythm. He was looking into the water and—get this—talking to someone! That’s right. Well, naturally I had to postpone his daily whipping so I could listen.
Oh, you’re so handsome! My heavens! My stars!
My goodness, my gracious, my gravy, my gosh
You’re the best looking cat,
I’m inclined to think that
I’m in love with you, dear,
Can you see, can you hear
My heart beating and pounding
And thumping and sounding
The incredible love that I feel for myself?
I can hardly explain it,
It hurts like a bayonet,
This incredible love that I feel for myself.
It’s as gold as a carrot,
I’m not sure I can bear it,
This incredible love that I feel for myself.
I see in reflections,
In every direction,
The incredible love that I feel for myself.
Dear cat, you’re so handsome,
You’re worth a king’s ransom!
Oh Pete, I’m in love with yourself!
If you recall, I had spent several hours on patrol in the alleys of Twitchell, Texas, but in all that time I hadn’t encountered garbage to compare with this. But it confirmed what I had always said about cats: They may not be the smartest animals in the world, but they sure are the dumbest.
Well, Petie Pie was so busy saying love poems to himself that he didn’t hear me sneaking up behind him. And moments later, I enjoyed one of the greatest honors of my career. While Pete was poised on the edge of the tank, looking at his reflection in the water, I slipped up behind him, slapped him across the backside with a paw, and sent him flying into the stock tank.
And as you know, Pete HATES water worse than sin. It was a DELICIOUS moment for me, watching him crawl out wet and mussed while at the same time remembering the trouble he had caused me with that fraud about the End of the World.
“There you go, cat, just a little reminder that the Head of Ranch Security is back. Take note and beware.”
I left the cat sputtering and spitting and went on through the corrals, through the front lot, past the saddle shed, and on toward the gas tanks. There, in the shade of the big Chinese elms, I saw Drover. He was crouched low to the ground, stalking a cricket. He heard me coming and looked up.
“Oh boy, Hank’s back!” He started jumping up and down. “Gosh, I’m glad to see you. The nights were awful scary while you were gone.”
“Pretty bad, huh?”
“Just awful! The first night you were gone, the coons broke into the feed barn, and the second night a coyote came right up to the house, and he howled, Hank, and called me nasty names.”
“Did, huh. What did you do?”
“Oh,” Drover looked up at the sky. “I barked at him . . . from the machine shed. I barked at him once or twice . . . I intended to bark at him once or twice . . . maybe I didn’t bark at all, but my bad leg was giving me trouble, Hank and . . .”
“I’ve got the picture, son. In other words, while I was gone things went to pot, rot, rack, and ruin.”
“Well, they sure went to pot and rack . . . and maybe to rot and ruin too. I guess you’re right, Hank.”
“Just as I suspected. Well Drover, there’s an important lesson about life to be learned from all this.” His eyes widened and he waited for the lesson. “It was on the tip of my tongue just a second ago.” I paced back and forth, probing my memory. “And it was very, very important.” I probed deeper. “But at the moment I can’t remember what it was.”
“Gosh, that’s too bad.”
“But we can take comfort in knowing there are important lessons to be learned, and in the meantime let’s get some sleep. Because, Drover . . .” I glanced over both shoulders and dropped my voice to a whisper. “Tonight will be another night. The evil forces will rise again from the ground. And WE will be there to oppose them!”
Further Reading
Have you read all of Hank’s adventures?
1 The Original Adventures of Hank the Cowdog
2 The Further Adventures of Hank the Cowdog
3 It’s a Dog’s Life
4 Murder in the Middle Pasture
5 Faded Love
6 Let Sleeping Dogs Lie
7 The Curse of the Incredible Priceless Corncob
8 The Case of the One-Eyed Killer Stud Horse
9 The Case of the Halloween Ghost
10 Every Dog Has His Day
11 Lost in the Dark Unchanted Forest
12 The Case of the Fiddle-Playing Fox
13 The Wounded Buzzard on Christmas Eve
14 Hank the Cowdog and Monkey Business
15 The Case of the Missing Cat
16 Lost in the Blinded Blizzard
17 The Case of the Car-Barkaholic Dog
18 The Case of the Hooking Bull
19 The Case of the Midnight Rustler
20 The Phantom in the Mirror
21 The Case of the Vampire Cat
22 The Case of the Double Bumblebee Sting
23 Moonlight Madness
24 The Case of the Black-Hooded Hangmans
25 The Case of the Swirling Killer Tornado
26 The Case of the Kidnapped Collie
27 The Case of the Night-Stalking Bone Monster
28 The Mopwater Files
29 The Case of the Vampire Vacuum Sweeper
30 The Case of the Haystack Kitties
31 The Case of the Vanishing Fishhook
32 The Garbage Monster from Outer Space
33 The Case of the Measled Cowboy
34 Slim’s Good-bye
35 The Case of the Saddle House Robbery
36 The Case of the Raging Rottweiler
37 The Case of the Deadly Ha-Ha Game
38 The Fling
39 The Secret Laundry Monster Files
40 The Case of the Missing Bird Dog
41 The Case of the Shipwrecked Tree
42 The Case of the Burrowing Robot
43 The Case of the Twisted Kitty
44 The Dungeon of Doom
45 The Case of the Falling Sky
46 The Case of the Tricky Trap
47 The Case of the Tender Cheeping Chickies
48 The Case of the Monkey Burglar
49 The Case of the Booby-Trapped Pickup
50 The Case of the Most Ancient Bone
51 The Case of the Blazing Sky
52 The Quest for the Great White Quail
53 Drover’s Secret Life
54 The Case of the Dinosaur Birds
55 The Case of the Secret Weapon
56 The Case of the Coyote Invasion
57 The Disappearance of Drover
58 The Case of the Mysterious Voice
About the Author and Illustrator
John R. Erickson, a former cowboy, has written numerous books for both children and adults and is best known for his acclaimed Hank the Cowdog series. He lives and works on his ranch in Perryton, Texas, with his family.
Gerald L. Holmes has illustrated numerous cartoons and textbooks in addition to the Hank
the Cowdog series. He lives in Perryton, Texas.
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