“We are,” she said, and he noted that she looked … happier. And more rested, less haunted.
That made him feel good, eased his mind a little.
“I looked at the files you sent over last night,” she added. “If you’re as good as you say you are with digital photo editing, I think there are several locations that could work.”
“Good.” He rounded the desk and gave Shay a good-natured, perhaps a bit harder-than-necessary clap on the shoulder. “It’s good to have you back,” Roan said to him. “Will you be sticking closer to home for a wee bit now? Or will you have to go back to the mainland?”
“I’m hoping to be here for at least the immediate future, but I’m no’ sure as yet. We reached a settlement on the case I’ve been working on all this time, which was a relief to us all as it was setting up to be a lengthy court fight. But there is another on the horizon that could prove challenging. Young ingénue French film starlet trying to get out of her marriage to an Oscar-winning British director twice her age. She’s hoping for a rather substantial piece of his net worth.”
“He had no prenup? Marrying a French actress? Who was his lawyer?”
“Oh, there’s a prenup,” Shay said. “We wrote it.”
“Ah.”
“Indeed. But that’s still in the early stages. I’m no’ going anywhere today,” he said, with a meaningful look. “We’ll have to catch up.”
Roan narrowed his gaze, but Shay maintained a positively innocent demeanor. Roan knew better. “Don’t wait for me, but if I get back in time, we’ll do that. See what you can find out about … that other matter.”
“Rest assured.” Shay turned to Tessa, who was watching the byplay with open interest. “Good luck today with getting the right photos. We’re all grateful for your superior expertise. I’m sure it was your keen talent that fooled the calendar folks into thinking my rather homely friend here was actual cover model material.”
“Well, though the wedding gig was my pleasure,” she said, “I don’t know that I can say the same for the calendar shoot. The calendar subjects were a bit more challenging.” She shot a dry smile Roan’s way, then looked back at a far-too-satisfied Shay. “It’s a shame you were gone, though.” She gave him a quick, clinical onceover. “You’d have definitely given him a run for his money.”
Shay’s face turned ruddy, and Roan took a moment to apprecíate his discomfort. “Aye,” Roan said. “To think … this could be all about your coronation as the world’s most eligible Highland hunk.”
Shay frowned then, his expression growing more serious than embarrassed. “Ye know, speaking of which”—his gaze shifted to Tessa briefly, then back to Roan—“you should let me look over all the documentation we got from them regarding how the remainder of this promotion plays out. The calendar release schedule, any promotional plans, and payment structure, general requirements, that sort of thing. Simply to make certain we’re complying with all the guidelines. We wouldn’t want any last minute concerns because we didn’t pay attention to the details.”
Roan didn’t immediately understand Shay’s sudden concern, but shrugged and said, “It’s all in the file there on my desk if you want to go over it while we’re out. Looked pretty straightforward to me.”
“Except the part where you’re responsible for sending in the photos. That seemed a bit odd. Why is it you’re taking them?”
“Actually, they have two shoots scheduled for all the winners, but they’re all the way in Aberdeenshire. Seemed a bit of a bother, so I contacted them and explained who we had used for our winning photography and they agreed to let us send in our own shots—per their final approval. If we don’t give them what they want, I’ll have to travel over. Hence the tight deadline. We have to get them there before the final shoot.”
Shay looked to Tessa. “Sounds like we really do owe you. If there is anything I can do in a legal capacity to make you feel more comfortable about lending your name professionally to this endeavor—”
“No, that’s okay,” Tessa said. “I’m fine with this. I trust that you will handle it properly.”
“Us, aye, but if the calendar folks see an opportunity to sell more copies by exploiting your name …” He shrugged. “I’ll look into that for you, if you dinnae mind.”
“Not at all, and I appreciate the concern. But if it will help sell calendars and that forwards your cause here, I’m not opposed to my name being used. Though I wouldn’t mind finding out what the parameters are and I’d prefer to give personal permission for anything beyond copyright notices being posted for my specific shots.”
“I’ll take care of it,” he said. “If you get the shots today, or as soon as they’re done, let me know, and we can finalize it at the same time.”
“We’re hoping to get them all today. We’re setting them in the exact places where I’ve taken other shots during the winter months. That, along with a little creative Photoshop-ing, should do the trick to imbue them with Christmas-in-the-Hebrides appeal,” Roan explained. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”
“Good. We’ll talk later,” Shay said, holding Roan’s gaze a bit longer than necessary.
“We will, aye,” Roan said, not sure if Shay wanted to talk to him about Tessa, or if there was something else that had triggered his ever-so-serious self.
Shay was already snagging the contract file from Roan’s desk as the two of them said their good-byes and headed out.
Once outside, Tessa glanced at him, a wry smile curving her lips. “He seems a rather straightlaced sort,” she commented.
“He’s the mediator of the group, has been since we first became friends as children, and generally a rather overly serious sort—which makes him quite good at his chosen profession.” He smiled. “I particularly enjoyed your having him on there for a moment.”
“Oh, I wasn’t having him on. I quite meant what I said.” She barked out a short laugh. “You should have seen your face just then.”
“If you believe I’m remotely jealous, have another thought. I’d have given much to be rid of this particular assignment and you know it.”
She wagged a finger. “Faces don’t lie.”
“Yes, well, at least mine didn’t go all dark and ruddy at first glance.”
“True enough. Has he ever looked in a mirror, though? He must catch the wandering eye all the time. Does he not notice?”
“He’s well aware, trust me. He’s no’ got much of an ego that one, no’ about his looks at any rate.”
“Oh, come on. I was hoping you were going to tell me that when you three are hanging out and he gets a few beers in him, he’s like some wild, raucous party animal.”
Roan chuckled, boggling at the very idea of it. “No’ hardly. Though I’d admittedly pay large sums to see it. And would pay you even more handsomely to record it for all posterity.”
Tessa was walking to Kira’s little Fiat, but Roan pointed to his truck. “I thought we’d take the lorry. It will likely do better on some of the rougher tracks we’re looking at today. Should we drop the Fiat back off for her so she’ll have use of it for the day? We can start out in that direction if need be. I could follow you there.”
Tessa shook her head. “She’s already buried in the st udio doing sketches for that Italian contract. I doubt she’ll come up for air anytime in the next day or two at least.”
Roan leaned past her and opened the passenger door. So far, it wasn’t awkward between them at all. Quite the opposite, which surprised him, though he wasn’t sure what he’d expected. She’d always behaved professionally. He had typically been the instigator, provoked, perhaps, by that very staunch professionalism.
More recently, he’d been aware of any opportunity to keep his hands on her, keep her aware of him, but, faced with even the casual touch required to help her up into the passenger seat, he found himself pausing.
She turned to climb in on her own, unaware of his dilemma, and he immediately reached to assist her, feeling rather idiotic for over-think
ing even that small gesture. He didn’t want the entire afternoon to go awry straight off, so he needed to get right with himself and quickly. “So, you’ve had a chance to talk with her then,” he asked, trying not to sound tentative, or leading—though he was both.
“I have. She’s very excited and a little intimidated by the specific request for one-of-a-kind pieces by her. But I think she’s going to surprise herself at how she’s going to rock this assignment. She’s really … starting to blossom, I guess is the right way to put it. It’s good to see. I’m pleased and excited for her.”
At the last second, she turned back to him, which landed her almost directly in his arms, as he’d been reaching to help her up.
They both went still … and silent.
Finally, she said, “But that’s not what you meant, is it? Talking to her about the Italian contract.”
He shook his head.
“You wondered if I’d talked to Kira about … yesterday. The ledge.”
“It’s crossed my mind. But I’m glad to hear she’s excited about the work challenge. It’s a wonderful opportunity.”
“It is. And to answer your other question, no, we haven’t had the chance. She was weaving last night and focused and … it wasn’t the right moment. Actually, that’s not entirely true. She wouldn’t have minded the intrusion, but I was still sorting everything out. I needed to think about what happened out there, put it in perspective, and make sure I was good with my choice. Then I got the photos you sent for us to work with today, and I looked through them. When I finally surfaced it was the wee hours, and she’d gone to bed. Then this morning, that Italian thing came, so …”
“Had you changed your mind about talking to her, or were you relieved to put it off?”
“Actually … I did want to talk to her about it.” She tilted her head and focused more intently on him. “What about you? I know Graham just got back from their long honeymoon weekend, but did you and Shay talk?”
“Not yet. I told him we took a hike scouting locations, but—”
“I interrupted?”
“No’ quite. We’d gotten side-tracked by other news at that point.”
“Did you want to tell him?”
“I think it’s a little like the situation with you. I want his input, his support, Graham’s too, but I don’t want to be made to defend my choices, or even deal with the good-natured ribbing I’ll get. Now that one of our trio is newly wedded, I know it will be a more pointed discussion. I haven’t exactly figured out what to say. Shay and Graham are essentially my brothers, my family, much like Kira is for you. Simply mentioning the hike alerted Shay enough that he’s curious.”
“So … you didn’t want him to know.”
“Word is going to get out if we spend much more time together. In that regard, I wanted to be the one to tell him. But I’d have likely waited until sometime after today.”
“Why?”
“Because my thoughts have been a complete jumble since yesterday. I needed more time to sort things out before talking with them.”
She pulled back slightly. “You’re having second thoughts.” She made it more statement—bordering on accusation—than question.
“I’m processing my thoughts. Big difference. Can you look me in the eye and tell me you’ve been nothing but one hundred percent positive about this since we parted ways yesterday?”
“Of course not, but I’m not the one who was all knowing and all seeing, like you were. You led me into this.”
He could hear the tension—the fear—climb into her tone, could feel her body tense beneath the hands he’d placed on her upper arms to support her when she’d turned to him.
“I’m no’ doubting the want or the desire for you,” he said, sincerely. “Those are real, and they’re no’ going away. But I’m also not viewing this as some kind of fantasy or escape from reality. I want this—us—to exist in the real world, this world. You have every right to be worried about our chances, and I understand that, but that doesnae mean that I’ve no worries of my own. You would be more worried, and rightly so, if I was so blithe as to dismiss your very clearly stated concerns. I’ve listened to you, to everything you’ve said, and I hear your doubts, your fears. What you did yesterday, the leap you took … that humbled me. Deeply. And aye, I began to question if I was worth that leap for you. I dinnae doubt my sincerity or my willingness, but I canno’ be so certain I will be what you need, what you want. I’m risking here, too. You’re not the only one vulnerable in this.”
She leaned away from him slightly at that. “Perhaps we should cut our losses now.”
He pulled her closer. “We’re not running, not hiding. Remember? I’ve no desire for that. I was only tellin’ ye that I’ve been looking at this with a true eye, no’ with my head in the clouds. I don’t run, Tessa. I’m considering, and I’m thoughtful, because that’s the smartest thing for both of us. When I’m with you, I feel certain.”
“But when you’re alone, you question everything.”
“Have you no’? Have ye been more certain alone than you are when you’re like this, in my arms, feeling me, seeing me?”
She searched his face in that disconcerting way she had, as though she was looking through a viewfinder while doing it, then finally shook her head. “No. You’re right. I’m more certain here, with you. I did come to realize, while I was working last night, that talking with Kira, who knows you, might give me insight, or strengthen my conviction to reach for something for myself. Namely, you. Are you worried, because Graham and Shay don’t know me, that they won’t approve? That you’ll have to defend your choice, as you just said?”
“I can anticipate the conversation I’ll have with them. Their concern will be for my welfare, so they’ll ask tough questions, partly because they want what’s best for me, and partly because they dinnae know ye. I’m trying to find the answers to the questions before I give them that chance.”
“When you’re with me, you have such strong convictions. Can’t you just tell them what you’ve told me? I’m thinking I’m the harder sell and I bought it.”
He sighed. She was defensive. He couldn’t blame her. How had he managed to botch it up already? “I speak from my heart with you, as I likely would with them, and aye, you’re right. Perhaps I should trust that, trust my instincts, trust them.”
“But you think they’ll hear doubt because you’re feeling doubt.”
“It would be unrealistic if I didn’t have a few. Of course I worry. You spent the bulk of the time we’ve been together tellin’ me you can’t do this. But you want to. I want it, too. When you capitulated, when you reached for me, I realized just how badly I wanted you. I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t a wee bit terrifying. You have to be feeling that, too.
“Graham and Shay will give me support, because they want my happiness, but they’ll also give their honest opinion. It’s no’ a bad thing, thinking things through as if they were already badgering me. It forces me to consider things I otherwise might no’, and do so with more clarity.” Before she could say anything else, he asked, “What about with you and Kira? Weren’t you at least a little relieved when your chance to discuss our little adventure was postponed?”
“Yes,” she confessed, and he felt her tension release, just a little.
He smiled at that. “Good. That’s honest.” He slid his hands up her arms and rested his palms on her shoulders. “I want that, before anything else, from you. I’ll give the same. The trust we build is the foundation of everything that comes after. Dinnae mistake my doubts or concerns for lack of will, or desire for you. The best way to combat doubt or insecurity, is by figuring it out together, no’ alone, in the privacy of our own thoughts.
“That means being honest with each other, bringing questions to one another, and no’ feeling like the other will turn tail and run because either of us is simply being human. We’ll need to be direct, even if it’s no’ what the other wants to hear. No’ only to help each other, but because
we both deserve to know the thoughts of the other. Especially if there are doubts. We’ve certainly had no trouble speaking our minds from the time we first met. I want to know that won’t change between us.”
“I don’t know that I have it in me to be any other way. I’ve never been coy, and I don’t play games. If anything, I’ll be too blunt and you’ll have to remind me to play nice.”
His smile returned as he leaned, pulling her a bit closer. “Sometimes nice is overrated.”
She smiled, too, but it was more a dry curve of the lips. “Yes, but not all of the time.”
“You’ve demonstrated a lot of kindness,” he reminded her.
“Just not to you. Not in the beginning anyway.”
“Beginnings are just that.” He cupped her cheek, toyed with her curls. “Everything after that counts, too.”
She reached up, touched his hand. “You’re impossible and amazing, you know that? You challenge me, annoy me, say the most direct things, but are so thoughtful, I can’t find fault with your logic. When we’re like this, I don’t want to turn away from you, I don’t want to be anywhere but right here. Then, when I’m apart from you, it scares me that I’m going to reach for you again and take such a big chance when I’m feeling anything but secure and strong in my own world. I don’t want you to be a crutch, or a distraction from what I should be focusing on, and I worry about that. But when I’m with you like this, it feels … good. Normal. Healthy. And yet, who am I to judge that?” She laughed a little. “So, I’m humbled, too, and more than a little terrified that you want to tangle yourself up with me. How can I be sure I won’t hurt you, or make you wish you’d never laid eyes on me?”
“It’s the intent, no’ the outcome. If your heart is in the right place, and you give your best, then what comes of it, even if it’s a disappointment to either of us, is what comes of it.”
Off Kilter Page 21
