by Beth Wiseman
“It’s fine,” Hannah finally said as she eyed the basket, hoping for the apple cookies.
“These are for you.” She held the basket out for Hannah. “It’s a new recipe that I found in Mammi’s old recipe box. Cinnamon sticks. Very tasty.” Edna smiled, and with her tiny dimples and small stature, she looked much younger than she was.
Hannah took the basket. “Danki, Edna. This is so nice of you. Jacob likes anything with cinnamon, and I know we will all enjoy these.” Hannah tried to recall the last time she’d baked anything as a gift. Maybe next time she carted Widow Hostetler to town, she’d bake something for her. Then she remembered the potholder she’d finished knitting for Mary, but forgotten to give to her. “Do you want to come in for iced tea?”
“Nee. I must be on my way, but I wanted to bring you these, and I also wondered if you would be at Sisters’ Day next week.” She paused, looked down, then locked eyes with Hannah after a few moments. “Everyone really misses you.”
Hannah fought the urge to cry. She hadn’t been to the monthly gathering since Ethan died. And she had to admit, it felt good that she’d been missed. “I would like to go. I want everyone to meet our cousin Mary who is visiting from Texas. Did you meet her at worship service?”
Edna shook her head. “Nee, but I saw that your family had a guest. I meant to introduce myself, but your mamm was making the rounds with her, and I didn’t get a chance. It would be nice for her to meet everyone next Thursday.”
Hannah thanked Edna again, then headed toward the house, munching on a cinnamon stick as she walked. The glazed apple cookies now held second place to this tasty treat. She’d stash a few somewhere that Jacob couldn’t find them. Maybe a late-night snack for her and Mary.
As she walked up the porch steps, she wondered how Mary’s date with Isaac was going, but she couldn’t help but wonder if things would have turned out differently if Isaac’s father hadn’t taken ill. Would Isaac have eventually asked her out? Would she have ever met Ethan? She knew better than to question the Lord’s plan for her life. But there was no denying that the idea of Isaac and Mary together bothered her, even if she wasn’t comfortable sharing this new feeling with anyone.
Isaac ate a little bit of everything Mary brought, although it had been a challenge. Not only were there no eggs in the tuna salad, but there was way too much relish and hardly any mayonnaise. And he wasn’t sure why she’d brought potato salad to accompany the tuna salad, but it was just as bad. Maybe mothers didn’t teach their daughters to cook in Texas. Or maybe they ate differently there. He was scared of the pie, but it actually turned out to be wonderful. When he commented on how great it was, Mary said Hannah had baked it. This wasn’t surprising. Hannah was a good cook. Any man would be blessed to feast on her cooking on a regular basis.
Mary talked a lot. Sometimes it seemed like nervous chatter, but Isaac couldn’t fault her. He hadn’t been out on a date in a long time, so he’d been a bit anxious in the beginning too. She explained how she became Amish when she was nineteen, so that explained a lot. Especially her inability to speak their language.
“I like your hair that color,” he said as she was packing up the leftovers, which were plentiful.
“Thank you.” She smiled. “I mean, danki.”
Isaac waited for her to tell him why she’d changed it, but when she didn’t, he decided to ask. “What would make you change it?” He wasn’t even sure if that was allowed.
Mary fell into a story about a hair product she’d used on her hair to make it easier to manage. She had long, thick hair, so that made sense. Then she told him about showing up at breakfast, not realizing it had turned her hair green, and they’d both laughed.
Mary was a pretty woman, but they didn’t seem to have much in common. She said she didn’t enjoy gardening, and Isaac thought of tending the land as a gift, a way to provide without having to rely on outsiders. And he’d discovered she didn’t like to cook either, which explained today’s meal.
She’d asked a lot of questions about Ethan, and it had been a challenge to answer her truthfully without giving up information he wasn’t comfortable sharing. He thought he’d done pretty well sidestepping some of her inquiries. But he had a few questions of his own.
“It wonders me how Hannah is doing. Do you think she is ready to move on with someone else, or is she still grieving? We always hear that time heals, but they appeared to be so in love . . .”
Mary put the thermos of tea she’d brought into the picnic basket, closed it up, and set it aside. “I think the thing that bothers Hannah the most is not knowing why her fiancé took his life. She said it’s hard for her to move forward not knowing the truth.”
Isaac swallowed hard. He hated that he knew why, and he briefly wondered if he should tell Mary, who would most likely tell Hannah. But he just couldn’t bring himself to. He couldn’t decide if the truth would hurt Hannah even worse.
He tried to follow up with a few more questions about Hannah, but Mary wasn’t sharing information either.
Charlotte folded up the blanket she’d brought and stood up. She’d learned one thing for certain on this lunch date. Isaac knew something about Ethan that he wasn’t sharing. He’d danced around the issue without giving a direct answer to most of Charlotte’s questions. She didn’t think he was lying; he was just being evasive.
“This was nice,” she said as they walked toward the buggy. Isaac was easy on the eyes, but he wouldn’t have been someone she could date even if they were both Amish or both English. They didn’t have much in common. He enjoyed working on his land, building things, and eating. She liked to read books—and a host of other things she couldn’t share with him—like having her hair and nails done, shopping at the mall, dinner at nice restaurants, makeup, and clothes that didn’t make her look like a granny.
On the ride back, they were both quiet, but when they passed by Ethan’s old house, Charlotte couldn’t pull her eyes away. She would go there soon. It was a tiny house, so that must have been the reason Ethan had bought the pretty tract of land where Hannah had taken her. She wondered if Hannah had packed up Ethan’s belongings. Where was she storing his things?
By the time Isaac slowed the buggy to a stop at the place she was calling home for now, she noticed that all three buggies were gone, so Lena and Hannah must have each traveled somewhere separately since she knew Jacob and Amos had left early that morning for construction supplies.
So, her date with Isaac wasn’t all she’d hoped it would be. But it hadn’t been a total bust. Maybe she didn’t know why Ethan killed himself, but Isaac definitely knew something. And Charlotte had no doubt that Isaac had feelings for Hannah. He’d tried to act cool asking questions, but he hadn’t fooled her.
Isaac stepped out of the buggy and walked around to her side. He offered her a hand stepping down.
“Danki for bringing the picnic. It was nice getting to know you.” He looped his thumbs in his suspenders and smiled.
“It was very nice getting to know you too.” She took the picnic basket and blanket when he handed them to her, and she caught him look over her shoulder twice toward the house. She considered telling him that Hannah wasn’t home, but she didn’t want to embarrass him. “We should do this again.” Charlotte grinned. “But I’ll get Hannah to help me with the food.”
Isaac’s face took on a flush anyway. “Nee, it was, um . . .”
Aw, it’s sweet that he doesn’t want to lie. He could be a good influence on her. “It was awful,” she said, then laughed. “All but the pie.”
She was trying to figure out a way to find out what else he knew, but he spoke up first. “Do you want to do this again next Saturday?”
Charlotte raised an eyebrow. “Um, yes. Ya. Th
at would be nice.”
“Gut. Then it’s a date.” He turned, gave a quick wave, and Charlotte watched him head down the driveway until he was out of sight.
“Uh oh.” She shook her head, wondering if she’d read him wrong. Maybe all the questions about Hannah had just been to keep the conversation going. Maybe Charlotte had unintentionally led him on and now he was interested in her. It had been a long time since any man had shown an interest in her, so there was an air of flattery swirling around, even if he was Amish. She walked to the house with a bounce in her step.
Eight
Hannah hurried to the couch when Mary turned and headed toward the house. It had been impossible to pull her eyes from Mary and Isaac, and even though she felt guilty for watching them say goodbye, she couldn’t help but wonder if he would kiss her, even if just on the cheek. Relief washed over her when that didn’t happen, which only confused her more. She quickly reached for a gardening magazine on the coffee table and began thumbing through it.
Mary rushed into the living room, but stopped abruptly. “Oh. Hannah. I didn’t think you were here. Where’s your buggy?”
Hannah closed the magazine and placed it on the table as she sat taller. “I let Jacob borrow it. At the last minute, Daed needed him to deliver a piece of furniture while Daed went for supplies. Mamm had a checkup at the doctor.”
“I thought you didn’t like to loan Jacob your buggy because it leaves you without wheels.”
Wheels? Hannah felt a flash of annoyance at Mary’s Texas slang. “I’m not going to deny him use of it when he truly needs it.” She could hear the clipped tone in her voice, so she took a deep breath and made her expression more pleasant. “How was your date?”
“Pretty good, I guess. He’s a super nice guy.” Mary sat down in the rocking chair against the far wall and pushed with her feet, kicking the rocker into motion. “We’re going on another picnic next Saturday so I guess he had fun too.”
Hannah picked up the magazine again and started flipping the pages. “Ach, gut. I’m happy for you.”
They were quiet for a few moments.
“Um, you don’t sound happy for me. You sound all out of whack about it.” Mary crossed one leg over the other as she kept rocking.
“Why do you do that? Talk that way. It isn’t appropriate.”
Mary stopped rocking. “How is the way I talk inappropriate?” Her cousin frowned as she folded her arms across her chest and uncrossed her leg.
Hannah raised one shoulder and dropped it slowly, but she didn’t look up and kept flipping pages in the magazine. “I would think that you would try not to use so much slang. Maybe try learning more Pennsylvania Deitsch.” She finally looked up at her cousin. “I don’t think you should talk the way you sometimes do. It’s not the way a proper Amish woman speaks. We don’t say things like that. I know you didn’t choose to be Amish until you were grown, but respectfully, you should behave in a way that represents who we are.”
Mary rose from the chair, took a step forward, her head tipped to one side. Hannah braced herself, prepared for a lashing. But instead, Mary was quiet for a few moments, then said, “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll try to watch the way I speak.”
Hannah let out a heavy sigh before she stood up. “Nee, it’s okay.” She shook her head as she searched for an explanation about her bad mood, but there was only one thing bothering her. And it didn’t have anything to do with the way Mary talked. “I’ve just been having a rough day. Uh, Ethan. He’s . . . been on my mind.” Oh dear Lord, forgive me for the lie. Hannah realized that this was the first day in a long time that she hadn’t thought of Ethan, making her fib that much worse.
Hannah was all worked up, but Charlotte suspected it didn’t have anything to do with the way Charlotte was talking—or Ethan. As she sat back down in the rocker, she leaned back and settled into a slow motion, wondering if she should tell Hannah that Isaac had spent much of their time together talking about her. But Charlotte was confused now that Isaac had asked her out for next Saturday. She didn’t want to get Hannah’s hopes up, and it also felt disloyal to Ethan if Charlotte encouraged anything between Hannah and Isaac. Charlotte would be gone soon enough, but she wanted one more chance to get some more information from Isaac since he’d clearly been holding back. She was still pondering Isaac’s intentions when Hannah stood up.
“I have something for you, Mary. Can you wait here while I get it out of my room?”
“Okay.” Charlotte couldn’t imagine what it might be, but a minute later, Hannah came back down the stairs with her hands behind her back, and she was wearing a glowing smile as she approached Charlotte.
“These are for you,” Hannah said as she extended her hands from behind her.
Charlotte accepted the beautiful pink-and-red potholders and tried to corral her emotions into a place that made sense. She was sure that Hannah was jealous, a bit ticked off at her, yet she chose this moment to do something nice for Charlotte.
“Did you make these?” she managed to ask before swallowing back a lump in her throat.
“Ya. I had planned to use them after Ethan and I were married, but I had one left to finish when he died. I finished it the other night for you.” Hannah’s smile quickly shifted to a frown. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. I mean, ya.” Charlotte stared at Hannah for a while, trying to figure her out. And trying not to cry. Not only was it a lovely gift, but it was something that had sentimental value. “These are truly beautiful, Hannah. Danki.”
“If I behaved badly, Mary, I’m sorry. It isn’t fair for me to begrudge anyone love or romance just because I don’t have it in my life anymore.” She squatted down in front of the rocking chair where Charlotte was still sitting. “I will hope and pray that things work out for you and Isaac.”
“Oh, no no. Nee. It’s not like that. I see us more as friends.”
Hannah wasn’t jealous of Charlotte and Isaac . . . Hannah was jealous of the situation and regretful that she didn’t have anyone in her life. Charlotte had been so wrong about Hannah, and she could see why Ethan loved her so much. Charlotte had another impulse to make a full confession.
“Sisters’ Day will be soon, Mary. I would like for us to go together. I haven’t been in a long time, and it would be nice for you to meet some of the women that you didn’t get to meet at our worship service.”
“Sisters’ Day?” Charlotte wondered if there would be more praying. This soul cleansing was wearing her out.
Hannah stood up and folded her hands in front of her. “Usually, we have Sisters’ Day once a month. Don’t you have it in your community in Texas?”
Charlotte had never heard the Amish ladies in Beeville mention it. “Um. No. Nee, we don’t.”
“It’s a time to quilt, can vegetables, or work on other fun projects. Sometimes we visit a shut-in and clean their house or cook for them.” She smiled. “And it’s always a time to find out what’s happening in our community.” Whispering, she added, “Gossip.”
“Gossip?” That’s allowed?
Hannah sighed. “Ya, gossip. Everyone knows it’s wrong, but it finds its way into conversations. Usually, it’s about an upcoming wedding, teenagers who are starting to date, or things like that. But every once in a while . . .” She grinned. “We hear something we didn’t expect. It wonders me, is there no sharing of tales in your community?”
“Ya. I guess so.”
“Gut. Then it’s a date.” Hannah pressed her palms together in front of her, smiling again. “I’m going to go ready up my bedroom, then I’ll be down later, and if you’d like, we can start supper.” Hannah moved toward the stairs, then took them two at a time.
Charlotte jus
t sat there. In the rocking chair. In this surreal world that was nothing like she’d imagined.
Hannah dropped to her knees, folded her hands, and put her elbows on the bed as she bowed her head. Lord, forgive me for my lie. And I ask that You forgive me for any ill will I might have shown Mary. Jealousy is a sin, and I’ve felt it seeping into my heart, especially now, since I’m finding myself angry with Ethan. But Lord, I hope and pray that Ethan is there with You, that You took mercy on his soul.
She stood up, sat down on the bed, and put her hands in her lap. It was hard to understand what she was feeling. She’d spent a year swallowed up by sadness, and now unwelcome emotions like anger and jealousy were slipping into her heart. Hannah reached up and touched her lips. Closing her eyes, she thought about all the kisses she’d shared with Ethan, and how wrong it was to feel attraction toward another man. After three years, Isaac was finally stepping out to date, and he’d chosen Mary. Maybe Mary would choose to stay here, a possibility her mother had mentioned.
She lay back on the bed, her thoughts shifting between Ethan and Isaac. She’d been very much in love with Ethan. And she’d grown up with Isaac. She could recall the many times she’d caught him staring at her over the years, and she’d always wished things could have been different. Isaac was kind. And brave. Hannah recalled an accident during a barn raising. Isaac had been the first one to climb to the top of the structure to help Jake Beiler, who had slipped and broken his foot. Isaac was only a teenager at the time.
Hannah closed her eyes and prayed that God would keep jealousy out of her heart.
Charlotte waited until the following Saturday to visit the small, blue-framed house with the overgrown lawn. She hadn’t told Hannah she was leaving that morning, fearful Hannah might want to come along. It had been a long walk uphill to her brother’s house.
