Even though she’d been totally pissed at him about his recklessness on the horse, he’d managed to appease her with an apology that had come straight from his heart. Bella believed him to be sincere and earnest. There wasn’t a deceptive bone in his body. He was the real deal. Score one for Jared.
Too bad she couldn’t say the same about herself.
But she wasn’t going to think about that now. These precious moments with him would soon be over when Sienna woke up. Right now, she just wanted to concentrate on being with him, guilt-free. “This is nice,” she murmured as he absently stroked her arm, his touch creating tingles.
“It is. The best way to spend an afternoon.”
She could hear his smile. “For me, too.”
“I never thought...”
He stopped himself from finishing the sentence and she got the feeling it was going to be profound. “You never thought what?”
He sighed deeply and held her a bit tighter. “I never thought I’d ever feel this close to a woman again.”
“What does that mean?” she asked quietly.
“It means that my ex really screwed me for relationships. I’ve been with a few women since, but it was never like this. It never lasted.”
She didn’t want to think about Jared with another woman...ever. But she needed a few answers. Was he telling her he thought they would last? That his feelings for her were strong enough to overcome whatever his ex had done to him? “She must’ve hurt you badly.”
He kissed the top of her head. “She did.”
“How? What did she do, Jared?”
He hesitated a long while and she thought to retract her question. Tell him it didn’t matter. Tell him he didn’t have to reveal his secret, because she couldn’t reveal hers, and already the guilt she experienced was piling up.
But before the words were out, Jared began. “I met Helene in Dallas more than two years ago. She was working as a secretary in my friend’s construction office. She was new in town, from this little country in Eastern Europe, and we hit it off immediately. We began dating that summer and things spiraled from there really quickly. I mean, I thought she was the one. I met her brother, she met mine. We were happy. You know, looking back, I see all the red flags, but at the time I was sort of blind. I fell hard for her and asked her to marry me. We were to have a Christmas wedding.”
“And then what happened? Did she break it off?”
“No, I did. I surprised her one day at her apartment and walked in on her and her supposed brother in bed together. God, I felt like a big idiot. She’d set me up. She’d needed permanent entrance into the country and the man she’d introduced as her brother had really been her lover.”
“Wow. That must’ve been a shock.”
“You have no idea.”
“Jared, I’m sorry.” She lifted up enough to reach his mouth and kissed him.
He smiled. “Don’t be. I’m fine, other than it’s been sort of hard to trust anyone, you know?”
Pricked by guilt over her lies to him, she sighed. “I do know. Thanks for sharing that with me.”
“Hey, I’m okay. But I know you’re struggling about some things, too.”
She froze. Oh, God, had he picked up on her lies? Was he suspicious? Because she’d saved his life, he’d taken her at her word about who she was. She still didn’t think she knew him well enough to reveal her secret. She trusted him with her body, yes. But, she couldn’t possibly trust him with Sienna’s safety. He was a good guy, but his judgment at times came into question. What had happened today with the horse had sealed her stance on the matter. So as much as she wanted to share her burden with him, her instincts were telling her it was too soon.
“I mean, you’ve been through so much, losing your husband and raising Sienna.”
Her shoulders fell in relief. “I won’t lie. It’s been difficult. But it’s getting better.”
“Am I part of your healing?”
“Maybe. Am I part of yours?”
“Hell yeah, you are. The day of the accident, I remember you telling me how lucky I was. I didn’t think so at the time, when everything in my body ached. But now I do. Now, thanks to you, I’m lucky enough to ache in different ways.”
He kissed her lips quickly and laughed.
“You!” She tossed a pillow at his head and he dodged it.
“Pillow fight,” he announced.
“Not right now. I’ve got to get upstairs. Sienna’s restless and bound to wake up soon, but I’ll take a rain check on that pillow fight. It could get really interesting.” She rose and donned her clothes rapidly. Jared snagged her arm and pulled her in, claiming her lips in one last kiss. A doozy.
And then she was off to see about her daughter, smiling wide in direct contrast with the hefty dose of dread draining into her stomach.
To say she was conflicted was a gigantic understatement.
Eight
The sun was just setting on the Christmas tree farm, the temperature brisk. The whimsical laughter of children filled the air as Bella shopped for the perfect Christmas tree. Jared followed directly behind her, holding a bundled Sienna, the two thick as thieves now.
“How about this one, Sienna?” Bella asked. She pointed to a Douglas fir that rose eight feet in the air.
Sienna tugged on her red-and-white knit cap and giggled. “No.”
It had fast become a game.
“No, we don’t like it, Mommy,” Jared said.
“You don’t.” Bella stomped her feet and pouted. “But I think it’s perfect.”
Sienna giggled again and shook her head, joy twinkling in her eyes as she and Jared conspired and both chorused, “No!”
Bella laughed at the silliness and they moved on.
They came upon a giant open-air shed decorated with all sorts of multicolored lights, blow-up Santas and snowmen, and pretty wire reindeer. The owners were selling ornaments and tinsel and trees, of course. Hot cocoa and snacks were also available to make the shopping experience even more fun. “Hey, let’s get some hot cocoa,” Jared suggested. “And maybe a Christmas cookie or two.”
“Sounds great,” Bella said.
“Okay, I’ll be right back.” He handed Sienna over to Bella but the baby left his arms quite reluctantly.
“Tared be right back,” her daughter repeated.
“Yes, he’s coming right back with cookies, sweetie. Don’t you worry.”
She found a hay bale to sit on and cuddled up next to Sienna, keeping them both warm. But when Jared didn’t come back right away, Bella began scanning the grounds, wondering what was keeping him. She spotted the woman first; the neighbor she’d met not too long ago. Johnna stood close to Jared, holding on to his forearm like her life depended on it.
Ripe, unwelcome jealousy slashed through Bella and she took a hard swallow. The two seemed to be laughing about something, the mists of their breaths mingling, and it was like a knife slicing her heart. But she had to come to grips with the fact that she had no real claim on Jared. They hadn’t spoken of matters of the heart. What was happening between them was all so new and...and...her life was such a mess right now.
Watching Jared with a woman who wasn’t lying to him, a woman who seemed genuinely nice, a woman he had known most of his life, not only confused her but brought her reality back to the forefront. What was she doing with Jared Stone?
Having an affair?
Hiding from her real emotions?
Jared returned shortly after, holding a box of goodies, and noticed her mood immediately. “Sorry, it took longer than I thought,” he said, breaking off a small piece of cookie and giving it to Sienna. “Here you go, sugar plum. I ran into my neighbor,” he added.
“Hmm, Johnna.”
Jared handed her a foam cup of hot chocolate. “Yeah, Johnna. She’s all excited.”
“I could tell.”
Jared shook his head, a cocky smile lifting one side of his mouth. “Hey, no need to be jealous.”
“I’m not jealous, for heaven’s sake. I have no right to be.”
“You have every right to be. I mean, you have no need to be. I mean, what the hell, Bella? You’re making me crazy. Before I met you, I wanted nothing to do with Christmas ever again. And now look at me. I’m here having a Christmas experience with you and Sienna, and enjoying myself. Doesn’t that tell you something?”
Bella couldn’t keep her lips from twitching. “A Christmas experience?” A chuckle escaped.
The heat in his eyes mellowed and he smiled. “Yeah, that’s what I said.”
“So what’s the big news with Johnna?”
“She’s getting back with her ex. He’s been trying to make things right with her for months and they’ve finally worked things out. There might be a wedding soon.”
“That is good news.” Now she felt like Scrooge.
“Bella, you have nothing to worry about. I’m not...going anywhere.”
“Because you live here.”
He rolled his eyes. “Woman, don’t you know how much I care about you?”
She inhaled deeply. “I’m...beginning to.”
“Where’s mistletoe when you need it?” he asked, leaning in.
“You don’t need it, Jared.”
And then his lips came down on hers. She closed her eyes and relished the feel of his kiss and the tiny bursts of joy popping around inside her. But too soon it was over and he lifted Sienna and kissed her cheek, too.
Sienna hung her arms around his neck and a glimmer of something beautiful entered his eyes.
He reached into his jacket pocket. “Here, this is for you,” he said, handing Bella a gift wrapped in red paper and tied with raffia.
“For me?” she asked.
He nodded. “I just saw it and it reminded me of you.”
He took out another gift, one much smaller, and handed it to Sienna. “One for you, too.”
Bella untied the bow and opened the paper on the first gift. It was a Christmas ornament. A gold-rimmed, white-porcelain angel holding a basket of red-and-green flowers in her hands. Written on the angel’s wings were the words Joy and Faith.
“This is beautiful, Jared.”
“Sienna’s is a smaller version. She’s an angel, too.”
“Thank you,” she said, tears welling in her eyes. She helped Sienna open her little package. “Look, Sienna. A baby angel. Can you say ‘thank you’ to Jared?”
“Tank you.” She held on to the angel like it was the most precious gift she’d ever received. “Pretty.”
“It is pretty. Let Mommy take care of it for you while you drink your milk.” She took the angel out of Sienna’s hands and replaced it with a milk bottle.
“Bella, you’ve brought me joy and helped to restore my faith in life. I know you don’t like me saying it, but to me, you and Sienna are angels.”
“Jared, you give me too much credit.” Holding the ornament in her hand, touched by his generosity and thoughtfulness, she still felt as though she didn’t have any right to him, not in a way that mattered.
“You know what?” Jared said, ignoring her comment. “How about we finish our cookies and find a nice big tree to bring home to Stone Ridge.”
“I think we can do that.”
And they went in search of the perfect tree to decorate with their new angel ornaments.
* * *
“Don’t let me distract you,” Jared said, sitting on a kitchen stool facing her workstation.
Was he kidding? He was a total distraction. It was almost 2:00 a.m. and Bella was hard at work perfecting a new recipe. “That’s like saying don’t let the sun shine.”
She looked away from her notepad to gaze into his gleaming blue eyes. The twinkle in them sped up her heartbeats. Jared, barefoot, wearing a pair of dark sweatpants, filling out a white T-shirt with a solid chest and muscular arms, his hair sleep-tousled... All combined, it was enough to make her forget to add tomatoes in her tomato soup recipe. Not good.
“I can leave, Bella,” he said, as if it was the last thing he wanted. “Let you do your work.”
It was the last thing she wanted, too. “Actually, stay.”
“Because I inspire you?” He was teasing.
She smiled and nodded.
A groan lifted from his chest. “Bella.”
“I mean, uh, I like having the adult company.”
“And I like being your adult company.”
She smiled, not allowing her mind to go there. If she did, she wouldn’t get any work done tonight. “It was awfully nice of you buying a little Christmas tree for the kitchen.” She took her eyes off him to view the five-foot Douglas fir sitting in the corner of the room, waiting patiently to be decorated. They’d actually left the tree farm with two trees.
“Sienna spends so much time in here, she should have a tree to enjoy all day. And she can help decorate it.”
“That sounds like fun. I think we’ll do it in the morning.”
“Coffee smells good. Want some?” he asked, rising from his seat. Earlier, she’d set a pot of decaf brewing.
“Sure, thanks.”
After a minute he delivered a cup to her. It was amazing how wide-awake they both were. She was used to waking up and cooking during the night. But this would all change soon for Jared. Once he got back to work full-time and began commuting to Dallas, these special nights would probably end.
Jared sat and sipped his coffee. “Tell me about your childhood, Bella.”
She stiffened and averted her eyes, pretending to peruse her notes. “Uh, nothing much to tell really. I don’t remember my mother. She passed away during childbirth. My baby brother didn’t make it, either. At the time, I was just a tot, not much older than Sienna is now, and I had no clue how it had affected my father. Until I got older, that is. I don’t think he ever got over the loss. He had trouble being both mother and father to me. We don’t get along.”
“Sorry. That’s rough. My dad died young, too. It sort of made me want to branch out and do everything I’ve ever wanted to do, like, right away. Before time runs out.”
“But maybe, Jared...doing so could actually cause your time to run out faster.”
He scratched his head. “You sound like my brother. And mother.”
She walked over to him, wrapped her arms around his neck and brought her mouth to his, giving him a solid earth-shaking kiss. “Do I?” she whispered. He reached for her but she swiftly moved away before he could reciprocate.
“Okay, point taken. So tell me more about your life, Bella.”
“First, you tell me what sort of extreme sports are waiting for you once you heal completely?” Her question was meant as a diversion, a way to take the focus off her life.
“They’re not extreme, Bella. I ride motorcycles. I like fast cars. I race boats during the spring and summer. I’ve been on long endurance runs on my bike. I’ve river-rafted and skydived. As soon as I get the word from the doc, I’m gonna take flying lessons.”
“Yeah, all normal everyday stuff as safe as, say...going to a movie or hiking a trail.”
“You don’t approve? Hell, Bella, if you want to go to a movie, I’ll take you anytime.”
She rolled her eyes. Was he serious? “Jared, you’re forgetting I have an investment in you. I’d like to see your life continue, preferably without injury.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Bella. You don’t have to worry.”
Sadness filled her heart. “That’s what Paul would tell me. I don’t have to worry. And then he died and it hurt for a really, really long time. It still hurts, Jared.”
“I know, Bella. I hate to see you hurting.” He rose and approached her. “Fact is, it’s the last th
ing I want for you,” he said softly. This time when he reached for her, she flowed into his arms. His solid strength surrounded and settled her. It amazed her how easily his touch could do that. Being tucked into Jared’s broad shoulders cocooned her in warmth and heat began to grow in her belly.
He tenderly kissed her forehead and lifted her chin. She looked into his blue eyes, blazing with heat and hunger, and she couldn’t fight it any longer. She knew what it was like to be with Jared now, to be joined with him flesh-to-flesh. He was a beautiful man, flawed in only one way: his love for speed and danger. Could she overlook her doubts and open her heart fully to him?
A deep plea rose from her throat. “Jared.”
It was a call to him. To take her. To be with her. To make love to her the way he had last night.
“I’m here, angel.” And then he lifted her into his arms. The move didn’t seem to strain him or to hurt him in any way. “And you don’t have to worry.”
* * *
Jared held her tight, her head resting on his bare chest. They’d made love just a few minutes ago and Bella’s body was still humming like a sweet bird. There was nothing selfish in the way they pleasured each other. Jared worked his magic on her, hitting all her sensitive points, making her whimper. And she was beginning to discover what he liked her to do to him, with her mouth, her hands. Which seemed to be pretty much anything she wanted. His wild responses to her, his deep guttural groans, gave her a sense of power and command in bed. She loved pleasing him.
Earlier, Jared had mentioned his mother’s visit, but she hadn’t had a chance yet to ask him about it. “So, your mother is coming on Friday?” Bella whispered, wondering what her role would be once she got here. She stroked Jared’s chest with the palm of her hand, absorbing the feel of him. Already, tingles of awareness were plotting against her tranquility.
“Yeah, she’s anxious to see me. I’ve spoken with her on the phone, but with the party and all, she wants to be here.”
Heart of a Texan Page 12
