by E A Lake
“By the third year, Jimmy was gone a lot. He was out searching for meds for his momma. And when he was home, he was either taking care of her or helping his dad in the fields.” Tiny sighed. “At night, he’d feed the kids, help Mom to bed, do all the rest of his chores.” Tiny’s brows furrowed.
“When she died, he was 80 miles away as best as he could tell.” Tiny spoke softly. “That was the nearest spot that might have some medicine for her, I guess. He was rummaging through some ransacked pharmacy. He got back three days later with some medicine. But it didn’t matter anymore.” Judy’s sobs interrupted the story briefly.
“When he got back, his dad was lost, didn’t know what to do. So, he and Julie buried her out back by the garden, in her Sunday best.” Tiny nodded with a small smile at them before continuing. “And then they went on like nothing had happened. But the damage was done. Jimmy was never the same after that.”
“What do you mean by that, Tiny?” Sharon asked tearfully.
“Jimmy used to be a fun kid. He always had a smile on his face. He laughed and played all day with me, and Julie, and his brothers. He loved his mom so much. And she was just as happy as him. So was his dad.” Tiny shrugged at the group. “But that changed when his mom died. Never the same after that.” Tiny flinched recalling the next part of his story.
“Then one night, a few years later, Jimmy’s dad killed himself. Gunshot, right through the head. Middle of the night. He had Julie keep the boys in bed while he buried his dad, in the dark, and then cleaned the whole kitchen. They just told the young ones that their dad had left. I think they bought it. I hope so.” Tiny’s recalled the events somberly.
“They showed up three days later at my place, my parents’ place. He told them all he had run into town for a week. Needed to get some of the land stuff straightened around with some fellow at the county.” Tiny’s voice trailed off as he thought back all those years. “The boys didn’t know, but Julie did. She knew he was never coming back. My folks knew, too. They said I should go with him. So I did. Julie watched us leave, just walk away. She was the only one who knew we were leaving for good. And even though she stood there crying for the whole world to hear, Jimmy never looked back. And I know why; he would have never left if he had.” Tiny shook his head at the thought.
Sharon wasn’t able to speak for a while; she noticed Judy couldn’t either. Everything Tiny had just told them was new, fresh, raw. Never had Wilson ever hinted about his past – at least not this past. Judy wiped away fresh tears and cleared her throat.
“Why didn’t he ever tell us this, Tiny?” Judy asked hoarsely. “Why couldn’t he share this with us? We’ve known each of for eight years. Eight years, day and night together. Hardly ever separated. But he didn’t think he could share his pain with us?”
Tiny smiled again. “Jimmy always said it wasn’t anyone’s problem but his own. ‘Tiny,’ he’d say, ‘everyone’s got enough crap in their own life to deal with. They don’t need none of mine’.” Sharon smiled and nodded. That was Jim Wilson alright. Stubborn, honest and always a friend to the end.
Sharon rose and came to Tiny’s side, joined by Judy and Miranda. There they knelt down and shared a tear-filled hug that lasted a long time. Finally, Sharon stood and urged the others to make their way back to the road. There was, after all, still progress to be made. Even through their pain, time marched on.
After a long silence, Miranda looked up at Judy. “Judy, do you think Jim will go to Heaven?” she asked. “It didn’t seem like he was a very Christian person. But God will still let him in, right?”
Through one last burst of tears, Judy nodded with a nice smile. “Yes, Miranda, God will certainly let our friend in. And we’ll help by remembering him in our prayers from now on. Okay?”
Miranda’s tears overflowed and cascaded down her small face. “I’ve been praying for him ever since it was only you three,” she replied. “The minute I saw he was missing, I just knew something bad had happened. And then I saw your faces…” A soft sob escaped before Miranda could continue. “Well, I started praying right then.”
Judy hugged the girl tightly as they continued down the sunny road. “I was hoping you had,” whispered Judy. “I knew I could count on you, Miranda. I just knew it.”
Quietly, with small smiles, they walked quicker to catch up to Tiny and Sharon.
Chapter Twenty-nine
Late in the afternoon, the group began to search for a place to hide in for the night. They wanted something a little bit off the main road, thus safer. North of old 29, not more than a mile, they found a perfect old farmhouse. And best of all, like most homes in the country, it was deserted.
As they unpacked their bags in the living room, Miranda suddenly shot straight up and gasped. “What about my brother?” she asked. “What about Dalton and Timmy?” She glanced at the others in need of confirmation. “We have to go back for them.”
Sharon rose quickly from the dusty mauve couch she found. “No, Miranda. They’ll be okay.” She tried to assure the girl with her words and a tight squeeze on her thin arm. “The boys will be treated like royalty in Eau Claire. They have school, some work and a lot more free time than they had scheduled for you.”
“Are you sure?” Miranda said, her voice trembling. Her lips tightened and brow furrowed as she looked to the others for confirmation of Sharon’s words.
Judy quickly came to her side and stood close, smiling down at her. “Yes. That much we found out for sure this morning. Several people told us about the differences in care for young men versus young women. Jim was trying to get all of you back. We knew at the very least we had to get you out of there.” Judy craned her neck to get a better look at Miranda’s downturned eyes.
“It’s just,” the young teen began, “it’s just that I was supposed to take care of them. I was supposed to be in charge. Now I’m nothing to them.” She sighed heavily and plopped in an open chair.
Sharon knelt by her side. “First of all,” she started seriously, “you are very important to us. You are something. And you’ll always be something. Okay?” Miranda nodded slightly, still looking at the floor.
“And secondly,” Sharon continued. “It wasn’t fair for your parents to leave you in charge of all of them. They never should have left you like that, Miranda. You’re only 13. You’re not ready for all that responsibility yet. It’s just not right, even now.”
Miranda stared into Sharon’s eyes. “They’re all dead, aren’t they?” she asked flatly. “Our parents.”
Sharon shook her head and refocused on Miranda’s eyes. “We don’t know that for sure. No one can, I don’t think. Maybe they’re still out there.”
Miranda squinted at the evening sun, shining hazily through a window. “Jim said they were probably dead. Otherwise, they would have come back for us.” She sniffed away a small tear and looked around the group.
Sharon tried to rebuke, but Judy cut her off. “Most likely they are, sweetie. Jimmy was right. They would have been back for you before now.” Judy shared a glance with Tiny and then looked back at Sharon and Miranda.
“He was right about a lot of things out here. He just kind of knew how things went. And now I know why,” Judy said softly. “It’s hard to imagine them dead, I know. Just as hard as it is for all of us to believe that Jim’s gone. But maybe it’s for the better. It’s best if you didn’t have to see it. I’m afraid it would destroy a son or daughter for life.” Judy crossed her legs and sat back, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand.
“I loved Jimmy with all my heart,” Judy continued. “I really mean that. As mean and rotten as he could be to me at times, there were times where his gentleness showed through, too.” Judy smiled thinking of Wilson. “I slept with him so many nights. So many nights when I was scared out of my mind. And he’d hold my hand, or hug me and tell me everything was going to be okay. On the real bad nights, when I just cried and cried, he’d sing to me.” Both Sharon and Tiny laughed at Judy.
She tipped
her head at the pair. “I never said he sang well, but he’d sing some little song about better days, or some nursery rhyme. And it always made me feel better, safer.”
Judy’s lips tightened as she looked at Miranda again. “I don’t have to like the fact that Jim’s dead. I never will. But I know he’s in a better place. He’s with his parents.” She began to cry more freely. “At least he’s safe and he doesn’t have to think about us all the time, or his brothers, or Julie anymore…” Judy’s words trailed off as she wept.
Miranda looked at Sharon, both crying freely. “If my parents are with Jim, wherever that is, at least I know they’re safe and he has some friends there.” The group shared more tears than they thought possible. Tiny tried to hide his face, but Judy hugged him close so he didn’t have to suffer alone.
That night, because no one had an appetite, the group mostly just nibbled on some fruit. There would be no meal. Death was still at the forefront of everyone’s thoughts. The women slept in one room, in a queen-sized bed, with Miranda between them. Sleep was difficult though. Every time each of them tried to close their eyes, Wilson appeared. They mostly just lay there and tried to rest.
Tiny took the entire watch for the night. He insisted. That was his job now, to protect the group and ensure their safe arrival at Ashland. If they weren’t going to be finders anymore, they’d at least be alive. Tiny promised that to each of them.
Sharon listened late in the night as she heard Tiny creeping back and forth around the quiet house. She felt she needed to talk to him, to say some important things. But she had no idea what she could say to the man who had lost his childhood friend, his best friend – his only friend.
Finally, with Judy and Miranda both in a restless sleep, she got up from the edge of the bed and snuck into the living room. There sat Tiny on the old sofa. In the dim light of the lantern, she could see his expressionless face staring at nothing in particular. Quietly, she sat next to him on the couch. He gave her a sad look, one look that told her he was lost now.
“Tiny,” Sharon asked, “what you thinking about?” She searched his face for emotion, but found none.
“Jimmy, of course.” Tiny let out a huge sigh and shook his head. “Just don’t seem possible he’s really dead.” Sharon nodded and smiled sadly. “I was just sitting here wondering if I done him right. You know, not just today, but since we been on the road.”
Sharon reached for Tiny’s large arm. “Randy, you did all you could today.” Sharon frowned before continuing, “I’m afraid you would have ended up like Jim. One death was enough. We couldn’t have possibly withstood two.”
“Not just that.” Tiny sat up and faced Sharon. “I know what could have happened if I would have overreacted. I thought about it. But I don’t think Jimmy would have wanted me to do something right then and there. He always protected me ya know.” Tiny grinned. “Not that I really needed much protection, but he always was on point.”
“Tiny,” Sharon said softly. “You and Jim were friends, best friends. Everyone who ever met you figured that out right away. But he wasn’t always that nice to you, or anyone for that matter.” Sharon shifted slightly to look at Tiny closer. “That really bothered me at first. And the fact you never stood up for yourself. But after a while, you knew that was just Jim. One of his many lovely traits.” Sharon sighed heavily.
Several moments of silence passed before Sharon turned to Tiny again. “Whose idea was it to have Judy and I join the group?” she asked. “That was yours, right?” She noticed the corners of Tiny’s mouth curl up slightly.
“Actually,” he began, with a small, mischievous grin, “that was Jim’s. I told him you’d slow us down. We didn’t need a pair of young girls like you two.” He nodded his head to the right. “But he said it’d be good for us. We’d have better cover and get better trades with women along.” Tiny turned and faced Sharon. “He was right of course.”
Sharon laughed and poked at his arm. “Who would have thought he was the nicer of the two?” Quickly, she wiped away a single tear before Tiny looked back at her. “We’re all going to miss him, all of us.” Tiny nodded his agreement.
“Randy,” Sharon said, more tensely. “I want to talk to you about something, too.” Tiny looked at her quizzically. “I want to talk to you about stupid things you might be thinking. Things that won’t do any good. Things that won’t bring Jimmy back to us.” She paused for a brief moment, staring into his eyes. “Revenge.”
Tiny looked away and shook her off. She reached for his arm again, but he pulled away.
“Randy, revenge won’t do any good,” Sharon said quietly. “It never works. The only thing it will do is create more dead people. And one of them could be you. Neither Judy, nor Miranda, nor I want to see anything happen to you, Randy.” She rubbed his arm and that time, he didn’t pull away. “You’re important to us. Every last one of us. So please, don’t even consider revenge.”
Turning to face his friend, Tiny’s eyes misted over. “But they killed Jimmy. Right there in front of us.” Tiny spoke more animatedly. “I didn’t do anything right then because I didn’t want you or Judy to get hurt. But they have to pay; it’s only right. The Bible says an eye for an eye, right?”
Sharon frowned at him.
“Do you really think Jim would want you to do that?” she started. “Or would he tell you to move on and leave the dead alone? Only you can decide that, Randy. Only you.” She finished and stood up from the couch.
“I’m going to try and get a little more sleep before morning.” Sharon turned to Tiny as she finished speaking. “I suggest you rest some and just remember all the good stuff about Jim. And think about what I said. The right answer will come to you. Just promise you won’t leave tonight. Promise me you’ll still be here in the morning.”
Tiny turned and nodded. “I gotta make sure we get to Ashland before I decide anything,” he said. “That’s what Jimmy was planning on next. So, that’s what we’ll do.” He smiled and turned back towards the darkness in the front window. Sharon crept back to the bedroom for another bout of restless sleep.
Long after the morning light came, the three former finders and their new member sat slumped at the kitchen table, eating. Appetites were slightly better, having skipped dinner the previous evening. The low dark clouds replaced the brilliant sunshine of the past many days, matching their grey, somber moods. A steady wind blew from the west, not cold, but certainly not warm or welcomed.
Looking around the table after finishing a pile of dried fruit, Miranda took a large swig of water and cleared her throat. “I had a dream last night,” she said trying to smile at the others. “I dreamt I was back in Eau Claire, maybe yesterday. But I was dressed in nice clothes, like Sunday clothes, back when people went to church together.” Judy gave her a tiny smile between small bites of meat.
“Anyway,” Miranda continued. “I was leaving, but I was alone. No one else was there. But in the distance, I spotted Brock. I don’t think he saw me at first. So, I turned and just kept walking. But when I looked back the last time, I saw him smiling and waving at me. Waving goodbye.” Miranda chased away whatever tears managed to leak from her eyes. “I think that’s a good sign.”
Judy leaned over and hugged Miranda tightly. Stepping closer, Sharon placed her hand on the teen’s shoulder and rubbed. “Yes,” Sharon answered. “That is a good sign, Miranda. A really good sign.”
Sharon looked down at Judy. “How far to Ashland, Judy?” she asked.
Judy licked a crumb from her lips before replying. “About 140 miles. Six or seven days if we stay at it during the daylight hours. Do you think we have enough food?”
Sharon peeked at Tiny and let her eyes focus on Miranda’s. “Yeah. That much and plenty more,” she replied. “I checked last night before we went to bed. They gave us pretty much everything we had when we were leaving yesterday morning.” A sad looked crossed all of their faces. “Before the trouble.”
Tiny rose and pulled up his dirty, loose jeans.
“Well, we’d better get at it. Don’t want to waste our daylight sitting inside.” He gave the group a confident nod. “Nothing keepin’ us here anymore. That’s what Jimmy would say.”
Everyone rose and went to their morning preparations for setting out. Miranda followed Judy’s lead and helped where she could. Tiny and Sharon packed the two large bags and helped each other place them carefully on their backs. They met Judy and Miranda, holding hands, in the dirt driveway.
“Seven days, you say,” Tiny called out from the lead. “I bet we make it in five.” Sharon hurried to his side for company. Miranda and Judy brought up the rear, wrapping their hair in rubber bands to keep it from the strong wind.
Chapter Thirty
Sitting quietly by a low fire, Sharon looked out at the cloudless, cold April afternoon. She smiled as she took in the drifts of pure white snow still deep in the backyard of the old Victorian home. The gardens would get planted in another two months. Edith would be chomping at the bit once the first sprig of green grass appeared.
In the adjoining kitchen, she heard Edith setting the old copper teakettle on the stove. She looked at the clock on the wall: 3:05. Edith liked to have a cup of tea this time each afternoon. And Sharon had grown accustomed to the habit with her. Perhaps Edith still had some of the good Earl Grey blend left, the tea the ships brought in quarterly with other supplies.
Edith flowed into the room, her smiling face leading the way. “I’m making some tea, thought we could both use a cup.” Sharon returned her smile. What a wonderful person she’d found in Ashland; what a great friend.
“Say,” Edith continued. “You’ve seemed a little down these past few days. Are you feeling okay?” Sharon nodded and looked back out the window. “What’s bothering you, Sharon? Are you unhappy here?”
