by Starla Kaye
He must have seen the concern on her face, the wetness in her eyes. He froze, blinking. “These happened long ago. I’m far more careful now when I battle.”
“I do not like warring, or the thought of you going off to do so again.” She bit her lower lip, puzzled why she’d said such a thing. Warring was what men like him did. She knew well of his reputation, that he was a favored knight of Edward’s. As was Rowan; another realization that she didn’t want to think about.
He toed off his low boots. “Nor do I like battling.” He looked at her intently. “There was a time in my life when I wanted no more than to battle. I had much anger in me. I could not stay in one place, make peace with anything.” Her breath hitched when he put a hand to his braies.
“And now?” she questioned uncertainly. “Now I’m weary of so much traveling, so much battling, and so much death.” He started to lower his braies, hesitated. “I have a new holding and have told the King I wish to train soldiers rather than be one. He will allow that…for now.”
She couldn’t take her gaze away from where his hand held the braies low on his body, from where she saw the fullness of his large cock only partially hidden from her sight. She swallowed hard. She didn’t want to see all of him, and yet she was anxious to see all of him.
The braies went down another inch. “I have a son.” He frowned at that. “The boy, James, hardly knows me. I want him with me.”
“How…how old is he?” Her heart raced in anticipation of when he finally dropped his braies.
“Nearly ten by now. He has lived his entire life with my sister Elizabeth and her husband, Lord Abernon.” His expression hardened. “Abernon does not approve of me. He will not give up my son easily.”
The pain in his tone snared her attention. “But James is your son. He cannot keep him from you.”
He studied her warily. “You would not mind my son coming here? You would act his stepmother, if he allowed it?”
There was such a vulnerable look in his eyes that it touched her heart. “I’ve long wanted a child. I would gladly act as his stepmother.”
Eager anticipation warred with concern within her. Would his son accept her? She was generally good with children, but this boy had clearly already had much to deal with. Could she reach him, make him trust in the love she would give him? For she knew it wouldn’t take much for her to give her heart to the boy.
“Aye, I would treat him as my own.” While she watched Thomas’s relief settle in his eyes, she drew on her courage. She raised her chin and held her breath as she said, “I want a child of my body as well. That is all I ask of you in this marriage. Give me a babe to love.”
He stiffened and his eyes flared with grimness. “Although it could happen, this is not something I want. I do not wish you to become pregnant.”
Her hopes and dreams shattered. Her heart sank. She couldn’t seem to draw in a breath. Everything in her hurt, worse than her head. She didn’t know if she could even have children, since Geoffrey hadn’t been able to get her with child. But she desperately wanted one. Watching the mothers with their children around the castle had long been difficult. The smiles and laughter and hugs they shared, especially mothers with their really young children. She had longed for such things for what felt like forever. She’d ached to hold a small, warm babe in her arms. She’d thought she had accepted that she’d never have those experiences when Geoffrey had been her husband. But Thomas was a different man. She’d had such hope, but now… His words had cut deep. She fought the urge to cry out her pain.
Trembling in disappointment, she barely noticed the tears trickling down her cheeks. She couldn’t give up so easily. She looked at Thomas and begged in a near whisper, “I will care for the baby myself. You won’t have to do anything, other than to give me one. I promise.”
She held her breath, praying he would change his mind. He didn’t. She watched his face harden and saw determination flare in his expressive eyes. “You will not become pregnant.”
With that, he pulled up his braies, jerked on his tunic, and stomped back into his boots. He strode from the room, slamming the door behind him. It felt like he’d struck her. She reeled and curled into herself. How could Thomas have told her he would be gentle with her, be far different than Geoffrey with her? In a way his heartless denial of the only thing she wanted in the world was much worse. She’d been a fool to think her life might be better with him. A fool to dare to hope again.
***
Thomas strode through the great hall, shoving past anyone who tried to stop him. Every eye was focused on him as he sped through the keep’s door. Rage made him ignore everyone; made him determined only to reach the stables and find his horse. He needed to ride, hard. He needed to get control of his anger. He wasn’t angry at Gloriana; no, he was upset with himself. It wasn’t her fault he couldn’t give her a baby like she wanted. It was fear, gut deep fear, of having her die in childbirth that tortured him. He should have explained to her rather than snarling at her.
His hands fisted at his sides. He ground his jaw tightly. He shouldn’t have reacted like that; he should have had more control. She’d suffered a fall, gotten hurt, and now he’d hurt her more. Disgust filled him. Later he would try to explain his feelings to her. For now he needed distance.
***
Rowan heard the sudden silence around him as he was flirting with Marie. He turned in time to see Thomas storming down the stairs, his expression furious. He didn’t know what the hell could have happened between him and Gloriana, but he knew that it must be something serious. And he knew his friend needed him, even if he hadn’t asked for his help.
He nudged Marie toward the stairs. “Go see to your lady. I fear our lord has said something that he will later regret. He said something that has caused him to seek time alone to settle his temper.” To his relief, she hurried to obey him.
When he looked up again, he found Gerald heading for the keep’s door, along with several other frowning men. Rowan rushed to catch them. He stepped into the doorway just ahead of them, blocking their way, and shaking his head. “No. Do not go after him. Leave this to me.”
“If he has done something to hurt…” Gerald said in a fierce growl, but stopped at Rowan’s equally severe scowl.
“Your lord would never physically hurt a woman. Never.” He blew out a breath. “But he may have said something he shouldn’t have. It will eat at him. He will make amends later, but for now he needs to get away and calm down.”
Rowan rubbed a hand through his hair, pinching his lips together in frustration. “The man knows how to make war, but he struggles with showing a gentle side. You’ll have to give him time to adjust. All of this is a big change for him.”
Gerald didn’t look particularly appeased, but he gave a curt nod.
By the time Rowan made it to the bailey, he saw Thomas riding across the drawbridge. The guards at the gate and on the parapet looked down at him in concern. “Do not worry. I will go after him.” He heard another soldier coming up behind him, clearly intending to go with him. He faced the other man. “I will go alone. Tis best. I will bring your lord back later.”
***
Thomas rode like the demons of Hell were after him. He drove his powerful destrier as hard as he’d ever driven him. By the time he regained some control over his anger and reined in, they were miles from the castle and the village. Lather coated his horse’s back and the big black stallion’s sides heaved as he drew in breaths. Guilt for abusing the loyal beast tore at him. Even more guilt weighed heavily on him for the way he’d treated Gloriana.
He slid from the bare back and stood staring from the edge of the forest at the lake to which he’d ridden. His own breaths came hard. He shuddered from the intensity of his emotions and from the wild ride. It would be difficult to go back and face the people he’d stormed past, even harder to make peace with Gloriana, if that were even possible. He stared at the lake and waited. Rowan was not far behind him. He’d known in his gut that his first,
his lover would come after him, and he’d heard the other horse pounding closer and closer. Yet Rowan had given him time to settle a bit before he caught up with him. A wise man.
“What eats at you, my friend?” Rowan rode up beside him and slipped from his horse.
Thomas noted that Rowan hadn’t taken the time to saddle his horse, but then neither had he. An urgent need to get away had been Thomas’s reasoning. An equally powerful desire to come after him had no doubt been Rowan’s excuse. Thomas would not have welcomed any other man right now. But he needed Rowan. Desperately needed him. “She wants a baby,” he said simply.
Rowan nodded. He knew Thomas’s fears, knew the reasons for them. Still, he said, “She is young. Most women do want children.” He hesitated. “Although I don’t know why she and Stewart didn’t have one by now. Mayhap…”
“Mayhap she can’t bear a child. Mayhap he couldn’t give her one,” Thomas interrupted and kicked at a twig. A breeze fluttered over him, but it did nothing to settle his frustration. “But mayhap I can give her one. Except I cannot. You know I cannot.”
Rowan glanced at the horses standing nearby as they’d been trained. He looked toward the lake, large and blue, blue as the clear sky overhead. Something rustled in the bushes. Thomas grew impatient watching the other man, waiting for him to speak.
“I told her I refuse to get her pregnant. She pleaded with me, but I did not give in. Not even when I heard her crying as I stormed from the room.” Her crying had made him feel worse, made him ride his horse even harder. “She didn’t deserve to be treated that way. Especially when she already fears you, worries about having you take her to bed.” Rowan sounded angry on her behalf.
Thomas didn’t like being reminded of her fearing him. It would only be worse now that he’d flashed his temper at her. He thought about Rowan’s words, about the way he’d seen his friend looking at her. “You are attracted to Gloriana, aren’t you?” Rowan tensed and then shrugged. “She is a beautiful woman.”
“Marie is a beautiful woman.”
“And a generous woman in bed. But…” Rowan shrugged again. “But, yes, I find Gloriana appealing.”
Rowan blew out a deep breath. “It will not become a problem for us. I would never act on my sexual attraction to her. I would never hurt you in that way. Or her.” Thomas wasn’t so sure Rowan would be able to keep his word on that, not if he was drawn to her as much as Thomas believed. He would think more on the matter at another time. Right now he needed… As if reading his thoughts, Rowan snapped, “You need to pay for hurting Gloriana. Pay for letting your temper get the best of you.” He pointed into the thin patch of pines nearby. “Go and brace yourself on the tree stump there.”
Thomas didn’t move. “I may deserve a sound thrashing with a switch, but I will not allow it.”
“Tempting as that sounds, it is not what I have in mind.” Rowan cupped the clear evidence of his hardened cock. “I will fuck you mercilessly. You will have difficulty riding back by the time I’m finished with you. That should be punishment enough.”
Punishment or not, a shudder of anticipation swept through Thomas and he walked quickly away. He already had his braies lowered to his ankles and stood with hands braced against the stump by the time Rowan came up behind him. Even with the scent of pines around him, he could smell the scent of his lover’s arousal. His cock hardened at once.
Rowan came up directly behind him. Thomas tensed, tightening his bare buttocks as Rowan put a callused hand on them. He tried to relax when Rowan pressed his long shaft against Thomas’s crack and rubbed. As Thomas moaned, Rowan reached around and grabbed his cock. He sucked in a breath, then gasped, “Yes.”
His friend was in total control, and he savored the feeling. There were times, like now, when he needed someone else to be the strong one. He closed his eyes and let Rowan stroke his cock. It felt so good. Too good. He needed Rowan to drive into him, punish him for the way he’d hurt Gloriana. “Now. I need you now!”
But Rowan was in charge, and he was making Thomas pay in his own way, in his own time. Thomas panted and moaned while Rowan continued pumping his shaft. Finally Rowan had mercy on him and brought him to release. Cum shot from Thomas’s cock, enough that Rowan could coat his rod and focus his attention behind Thomas.
Thomas was recovering, yet he desperately needed more. “Fuck me!” he gritted out, already half-crazy in anticipation. “Now! Fuck me now!”
Rowan gripped his hips and put the head of his cock to Thomas’s tight passage. Thomas tensed, anxious, ready. Behind him, his lover said grimly, “No preparation this time. You don’t deserve it.”
Thomas held fast to the stump, braced for the hard thrust to come. “No, I don’t deserve it. Do it!”
The sharp thrust drove Rowan’s thick rod deep into his ass. Without any preparation, it hurt. He cursed and forced himself to endure the immediate burning of his stretched hole. But Rowan had the courtesy to hold still for a second to let Thomas adjust as best he could.
“Ready for a hard ride?” Rowan asked as he tightened his grip on Thomas’s hips. Ready or not, he was going to get it. Thomas lowered his head and braced his arms again. He focused on the ground, on the sounds around him, not on the punishment his ass was about to take from the large cock stuffed deep inside it. “Yes.”
Rowan began moving, thrusting deep, pulling nearly out and ramming even deeper again. He groaned with effort, never letting loose of Thomas’s hips. Never slowing the steady invasion.
Thomas grunted from the intensity of being taken so determinedly. It felt incredible as always. Yet it hurt, too. There was no chance to recover, no chance to enjoy the fierce drives. It was not about mutual pleasure this time. This was about paying for his cruelty to Gloriana. Rowan had been right, by the time he was finished with his ass, Thomas would have a hard time riding back to Middlemound.
Finally Rowan stiffened, then drove deep and fast three more times. He roared out as hot cum flooded Thomas’s passage. Then he stood behind Thomas for a couple of minutes still locked deep inside him, and they both regained their breath.
“Better now?” Rowan asked as he pulled out of Thomas’s ass.
Thomas remained bent over another few seconds, adjusting to the sudden emptiness. He still burned. Before he stood, he picked up some leaves off the ground. He wiped the juices dripping out of him and tossed the leaves aside.
Turning, he pulled up his braies and met Rowan’s concerned gaze. “My ass is sore as hell, but, yes, I’m better.”
Both of them went to their horses. Thomas groaned and shifted uncomfortably as he mounted. “Yes, sore as hell.”
***
It was dark and the keep was silent by the time Thomas crept into their bedchamber. Gloriana had waited all afternoon and evening for his return. She’d cried so many tears there weren’t any left inside her. Marie had tried to comfort her, but she hadn’t wanted to tell her friend the cruel things Thomas had said to her. As ridiculous as it was, she still held to a faint hope that she could change his mind. But first she would have to ask him why he felt so strongly opposed to having another child. Maybe it was just that he saw her as too fragile.
A sound on the stairway seemed to echo loudly and drew her attention. She held her breath, sensing it was Thomas…at last. Her heart raced as she heard footsteps growing closer, then the handle on the door rattled before he pushed it open with a whisper of noise. As the door closed again, she stiffened. Should she let him think she was asleep? Should she confront him?
She pulled on her courage and opened her eyes to face the man who had crushed her feelings earlier.
She’d left the bedside candles burning, and she saw the uncertainty and wariness in his expression when he turned in her direction. When he realized she was staring at him, he started. Had he hoped she would be asleep? At the same time, she wondered why he hadn’t slept in another chamber tonight.
“Are you all right?” She hadn’t meant to speak first, but the slump to his shoulders worried
her.
He stood stiffly just inside the chamber. “Tis I who should be asking that question.” She scooted up in bed to lean against the headboard. She wore a chemise now, having decided he must not even intend to bed her if he didn’t want to get her with child. His assurances that he would fit inside her seemed like so long ago. Unimportant now. “My head still throbs now and again.” It was her heart that hurt the most. If anything, his shoulders appeared to slump even more. “I’ve caused you nothing but pain, and I do regret it.” He turned to leave.
“Where are you going?” she asked and he stilled.
“I can’t imagine that you want me in your bed this night.”
She studied him as best she could in the dim light. He looked weary to the bone. Fool that she was, she motioned him closer. “You don’t appear up to ravishing me, so you are welcome to share our bed.”
He blinked in surprise, but took another few seconds before walking across the room. “No, there’ll be no ravishing you this night.” “Good. Now come to bed, my lord. I’m quite tired myself.” She settled back under the linen covering, squirming to pull her chemise down as it had ridden up her legs.
For the second time that day, he pulled his tunic off in front of her. And, again, she felt her heart flutter at the sight of his powerful body. Then he toed off his boots and pushed them away.
When his hands moved to lower his braies, he stopped to look at her in concern. “I sleep naked, but mayhap this time…”
She had been watching him closely, not meaning to, but unable to stop herself. Before she could mind her tongue, she said, “Tis all right, Thomas. I am clothed.” Resignation passed over his beard stubbled face. After another second, he removed his braies. His cock wasn’t as long and hard as she’d seen it with Rowan, and as she’d expected to see it earlier. Oddly, she felt disappointed.
