by Alta Hensley
“Yes, they are.”
He squeezed my hand. “I promise I’ll do everything to make you actually feel those words every day.”
I nodded and looked down at my hands. I took a deep breath. “Can I ask you something? Something has been bothering me lately.”
He continued to hold my hand, softly caressing it with his thumb. “Of course. Always speak your mind.”
“Why is Jillian always around you? Why is she always in the pictures with you?” Ugh. I was edgy from that damn pill, but it had been bothering me. Maybe now wasn’t the best time to bring it up.
Axel exhaled, glancing away and then back at me. “I don’t know, Quinn,” he said. “I’ve hung out with her in the past, but she’s always made more out of it then it really was. She’s just part of the circle of friends.”
I felt something inside me ignite. “Was she your girlfriend?” I tried so hard not to sound jealous. But I was. Even though I asked the question, I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to know the answer.
“No,” he answered softly. “She was never my girlfriend. I never saw her that way.”
“Did you ever sleep with her?” The minute the words left my mouth, I regretted them. I hadn’t intended to take the conversation this far, but the questions just kept coming.
I saw Axel’s eyes widen for a second then go back to normal. He pulled my hand closer to him, gently. “Does it really matter?”
My stomach leaped to my throat. My head spiraled. What had I expected? Why had I let myself fall for Axel in the first place? Jillian was just one woman. How many other women would I have to deal with from the past and the future?
“So, she was never your girlfriend, you just slept with her? Is that what you’re planning on doing with me?”
Axel’s eyes narrowed and his expression hardened. “Quinn, I just got done telling you I love you. Would I say those words if I was planning on just sleeping with you like some groupie?”
I wouldn’t listen. All I could think of was the fact that Axel had slept with Jillian, and it made me ill. “Was she a good fuck?” My voice dripped with contempt.
“Quinn, you need to stop.” He pushed a glass of water my way and then reached for one of my hands again. “I think that pill is fucking with you a little. Just try to relax.”
The lump in my throat had begun to suffocate me. The pill was fucking with me, but that wasn’t the only reason I was upset. I did everything I could not to cry. I tried pulling my hand away, but Axel tightened his grip.
“So, are you still sleeping with her?” I swallowed hard. “Is it just part of your circle? No big deal?”
“Quinn.” Axel’s voice was calm. “There is nothing going on with Jillian. There is nothing going on with anyone. You are the only one I’m with and the only one I want to be with. Take a big breath and relax.”
He moved his chair so he sat next to me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and tried giving me a kiss, but I turned my head away abruptly. “What do you want me to say?”
That made the fire inside me blaze even brighter. I knew I acted ridiculously. Jealousy made a fool of me. But for some reason, I couldn’t fight back the emotion. I squirmed, trying to get away from Axel’s embrace, but my struggle was futile. I was no match for Axel’s strength and conviction.
I stopped and looked him square in the eye.
“I want the truth about you and Jillian.”
“There was nothing between us,” he insisted. “Even if there had been something, why would I lie?”
“Because maybe you still have feelings for her? Maybe deep down, you want an actual woman who is cool, famous, and who knows what the hell she’s doing.”
“What?” Axel’s laughter irritated me. “No, sweetheart, the only feelings I have are for you. Only you. She’s got absolutely nothing on you, famous or not. And she isn’t really famous, her daddy is.”
I stared at him, desperately wanting to believe the words spoken. But if I hurt this much now, only a few weeks into this relationship, how would I deal with anything worse? Being around Axel did something to my senses, my emotions, and to my heart. It scared me.
I shook my head, blinking back the tears. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me. Maybe it’s the pill and I’m just fucked up.” I took a deep breath. “But this is too much for me to take.”
He glared at me. “What the hell does that mean?”
“I mean this is who you are. This is what your world has always been like. Who am I to think I can fit in to your life… your lifestyle? Things like this are going to keep happening, and I don’t think I can handle it. You’re famous and could have any woman you want. Women are begging to have even one night with you. I should’ve never agreed to—”
“Don’t even say it.” He took my hand and put it to his chest. I could feel Axel’s heart beat against my palm. “You’re scaring me. This sounds like you’re about to end things between us. I can’t believe you don’t see how much I’ve fallen in love with you.”
I shook my head. “It’s too difficult, Axel. I thought I could do this… I wanted to do this, but I can’t. Try to put yourself in my place. Would you be able to deal with other men constantly hitting on me? I’m so confused. I don’t know what I was thinking coming into this. I let myself get caught up in all the infatuation and excitement.”
Axel’s grip tightened on my shoulder as he pulled my to face him. He stared at me hard, glaring as he spoke through his teeth, “What exactly are you saying?”
I looked down at my hands for a long moment, then finally looked back into Axel’s stare. My eyes glistened, but I didn’t cry.
“My feelings for you are what have me so terrified,” I said. “If I didn’t love you so much, I wouldn’t be backing out now before it’s too late.”
Axel stared at me in disbelief. “Backing out?”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, casting my eyes back down to the ground. My head pounded and my body demanded a stiff drink.
“Stop, Quinn. I won’t let you back out now, or ever. I can’t. There’s no turning back for me. You need to understand that I love you. I love you!”
He leaned over and kissed my forehead, then my cheeks and all around my mouth.
“Axel,” I whispered.
He continued to kiss my mouth, deepening the kiss further.
“Axel.” I pulled away. “I love you, too. But that is what scares me to death. I don’t want my heart broken. You have the power to do so.”
He moved a piece of hair behind my ear. “I won’t abuse that power. You have to have some faith in that.” He kissed me again, then held my face in his hands. “Trust that I will protect our love with everything I have.”
A smile slowly lifted the corners of my lips. “You see how crazy you make me? Do you see how insane my jealousy just got? You really want a part of this insanity?” I giggled lightly.
Axel smiled, rubbing his palm up and down my back. “I understand it. I know what I do for a living and who I am can be a lot for anyone to take. I also understand that you being with me is going to be an adjustment. I understand.”
I wrapped my arms around Axel and leaned my head against his chest. “I’m scared. I’m confused. But I do know one thing. I’m in love.”
Quinn
Lying naked on Axel’s chest, after another great sexual experience, I could hear his heart beat. I had never felt so content and so relaxed. I still had a lot of questions about what he wanted and what he expected out of me. Not to mention that this was my chance to really get some solid material for my story. I had been with the man nonstop, and yet there was still so much mystery there. Yet, in all truth, I was more of one. He didn’t really know me or who I was. Writing was my passion, and he knew nothing of it.
I took a deep breath. I desperately wanted this to work, and knew I should come completely clean with him. Tell him why I came to LA, tell him why I took the job in the club—I should tell him everything. But what if he thought my feelings for him were
a sham? He could jump to the conclusion that I was using him. Was I using him? Maybe at first… but not now. Things were different now. They were so different. I hadn’t planned that I would actually fall in love with Axel Rye. That I would immerse myself truly into this lifestyle.
Axel must have sensed all the doubt because he kissed me gently on the head and pulled me closer before speaking. “I can tell you are in deep thought. Stop worrying. Trust that I would fight with every breath I have to keep us this way.”
“I trust you more than anyone. I’m just still wondering about your lifestyle, or I guess, our lifestyle. I grew up in a completely different world.”
“I don’t think our worlds were that different.” He laughed. “Never mind. Yes, they were.” Axel soothed as he continued to stroke the full length of my back. “Tell me about your family. You never do.”
“Not exciting is why. I was the typical middle American, middle income family. My parents never divorced, we had a dog and a cat, and we had family game nights. What you see on sitcoms was my family.”
“Any siblings?”
“A sister.” I let out a deep breath. “She died not that long ago. Car accident.”
Axel tensed slightly. “I’m sorry. That must have been tough.”
“It was. I’m okay. My parents aren’t really.” I shrugged. “Death is part of life. Hard. Really hard, but we have no choice but to move on, right?”
Axel continued stroking my back and placed small kisses on my head. “You are such a positive and strong person to think that way.”
“She would want me to live life. She wouldn’t want me to live my life in a dark hole. It would be a disgrace to her memory.” I smiled and patted his chest. “She would have loved you.”
“Ha! I doubt it. I’m not exactly the type of guy you take home to the family to show off. They warn little, sweet girls like you about boys like me, remember?”
“You are a catch! I’m sure there are plenty of fathers out there who would love for their daughters to hook up with a drug dealing, party boy,” I teased with a giggle. I stopped my laugh mid-way and added, “But seriously, Axel, people don’t know what they are missing with you. I honestly don’t know why you haven’t been tied down before. I’m never letting you go.”
“It’s really hard for me to truly trust people. For many women, being with me is just about partying and having a good time, and they aren’t willing to give their whole hearts to me. Not that I wanted any more from them. Life was always about getting high and fucking.”
I stroked Axel’s stomach lightly. “I can’t help but worry that I am too boring for you. Too vanilla.”
“I like vanilla. Maybe with a dash of sprinkles.”
I smiled against his chest, extremely embarrassed about my next question. “Are you ever kinky? I just assumed you were kinky.” I paused for a moment before continuing on. “Actually, I don’t even really know what kinky is. Forgive my virgin ignorance.” I giggled out of discomfort. I was being such a nerd.
He chuckled. “I hate to break it to you, babe, but your virgin days are over. But I definitely can school you on some kinky.”
Axel rubbed my head, lightly lifting my hair off of my back. He slowly moved his finger down my back until it rested softly on my anus. He applied a little pressure but didn’t press in. My breath caught and I let out a soft sigh. He pressed his finger a little more. “How does this make you feel? Does it make you feel like a dirty girl?”
I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know how I felt.
Shit, this was kinky!
All I could do was let out a small gasp every time his finger pushed a little further.
“Quinn, answer me. How does my finger pressing here make you feel?” Axel softly demanded.
I shook my head and pressed my face against his chest. I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know how to voice the mixture of emotions. I felt embarrassed to have his finger invading such a forbidden area. Part of me wanted to escape his sensual probing, but another part of me wanted to scream for more. As his finger inched its way deeper, I experienced a slight pinch and burn that set my whole body on fire.
“Answer me,” Axel commanded in a much firmer tone. He thrust his finger deeper, punishing my silence.
“Desire!” I whispered between my gasps.
“Good. How does it make you feel mentally?” Axel asked while pressing his finger the remainder of the way into my ass.
I shook my head again, hiding my blushing face against his chest. I didn’t know how to voice the emotion. Kinky? Controlled? Mastered? Whatever it was, it was like nothing I had ever experienced. The presence of his finger had such a grasp of my internal struggles. My wall crumbled more with every second his finger possessed me. I wanted to just release and let go. Allow the feelings to rush through me. And yet something in me kept trying to fight them away.
“Quinn. Not answering me when I ask warrants discipline. Am I going to have to give you a spanking? Or maybe I should punish you like this.” Axel began to pump his finger in and out. His action was not sensual or seductive like before, but replaced with firm and direct thrusts. The pace resembled an aggressive ass fucking, but it was still a seductive and an intimate act. I wanted to plead for more, and at the same time, I wanted to beg for him to stop.
Axel pressed his finger to the hilt and used the force to push me even closer to his body. He pressed hard against my inner depths. My gasp turned to a moan.
“I know this might be hard. Hard to let go and allow yourself to enjoy such a taboo act. I want you to relax and allow the sensation,” Axel coaxed. He kissed me lightly on the head as he slowly removed his finger, only to press it forward, past the tight ring, once more. “I’ll ask again. Does this make you feel dirty?”
Without pause, I answered, “Yes. But I like it.”
Yes, it did make me feel like a dirty, dirty girl. That was the only word that seemed to fit the rush of emotions coursing through me. I felt safe, protected, loved. I also felt seductive and nasty. But then the realization hit me. I felt sexy, womanly. And Axel was masculine and dominant. Everything felt so fucking hot, and so very right.
He slowly removed his finger, leaving me with a sense of emptiness. He then swatted me on the ass twice before pulling me closer into his strong embrace. With his arms wrapped tightly around me, I closed my eyes and relished the dynamic Axel had created.
“Are you all right, sweetheart? That was a pretty intense thing we just did,” Axel asked as he squeezed me even tighter. “A small taste of some kinky for you.” He chuckled lightly.
I nodded my head. “I had no idea… I didn’t know.” I pulled away enough so I could look into his eyes. “Why have I never tried that before? It made me want you even more.”
Axel smiled before softly kissing my lips. “I like the way you think.” Axel paused and took a moment to just look at me. “I need you to always trust that I have your and our best interests in mind. I will never abuse this.”
“I trust you with my life, Axel. I’m scared, and I’m nervous. But I’m also excited for our future.” I gave a sinful smile and added, “And I like kinky.”
10
Fucking Whack Job
Axel
By the next evening, everything returned to normal with Quinn. The drama from the night before seemed to have dissipated, but I knew the issue with Jillian would still be an ongoing problem unless I did something about it. So, when I saw Jillian standing by the bar where we all hung out that night, I figured it was as good a time as any to take care of this once and for all.
Jillian’s eyes brightened, and she stood up anxiously when she saw me approach. “Hi, sexy.” She smiled seductively at me, tossing her hair back. “I haven’t seen you around without that little leech hanging on your arm all the time. It’s refreshing to see you alone for a change.”
I clenched my teeth, trying to ignore the comment. “We need to talk.”
“Of course. We have so much to catch up on. I’ve missed you.”
Her smile dissolved. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yes, you do,” I snapped. “Stop acting like you and I have something.”
She stared straight into my eyes. “What are you talking about?”
“You purposely try to pose in every picture with me. Or you try to stand by me like we’re a couple at all the events.” My jaw tightened. “I’m tired of it.”
She shifted her weight and avoided my eyes. “Is this you talking? Or your needy little girlfriend?”
“It’s getting old.”
“You never complained before.”
“Well, things are different now.”
I could see the rage in her eyes. Knowing how much she loved attention, I worried she would make a scene just for some added publicity. I heard the venom in Jillian’s words clearly. “You didn’t answer me. Is this your girlfriend being a jealous bitch?”
I wasn’t about to give her the pleasure. “To be honest, she’s never mentioned you. Believe it or not, the world doesn’t revolve around you, Jillian.”
Jillian laughed, attempting to sound sarcastic, but failed. She slammed her drink on the bar, spilling the liquid all over. She glared at me, lip quivering. “You think I need you? If you haven’t noticed, I’m doing just fine on my own.” She lifted her arms and motioned at the bar around her. “I get invited to just as many of these gigs as you. And I have men begging for me to even give them the littlest time of day. And you aren’t the only dealer in town you know.”
“I’m happy for you. It’s what you wanted to begin with. You’ve always been an attention whore.”
“This is how you treat me, Axel? Have you forgotten everything we once shared?” Jillian screeched. She took a moment to regain her composure and smooth down her wild hair.
“That short-lived relationship is over,” I replied, never releasing her from my glare.
Jillian returned the stare with her bloodshot eyes. She was clearly coming off a high from the night before. “You want the fame. You want the connections I have and you damn well know it.”
