by Kristi Gold
He wished he could offer her more, but he wasn’t sure he could. An integral part of him feared the loss of freedom since he’d given up so many liberties in his lifetime. But more important, he wasn’t certain he was cut out for marriage or fatherhood; his own example had been anything but satisfactory.
At times he had considered settling into that role, yet he’d never found a woman who’d encouraged the kind of feelings that led to a serious commitment.
Except for the woman upstairs. Maybe that’s why having Joanna Blake in his life was beginning to scare the hell out of him. And as bad as he hated to admit it, his burgeoning feelings for her did alarm him on a very distinct level. He’d mistakenly thought he could handle it. Handle having her here yet not having her completely. He didn’t like his weakness, nor did he want to act on his desire unless he knew for certain she was willing to accept the terms. But he wasn’t sure how long he could remain strong in her presence—emotionally and physically.
Gabby whined, cocked her head to one side and stared at the doorway from the entry. Rio looked over his shoulder to see Joanna’s form cast in a mix of gold and silver light coming from the TV and the fire. She trudged into the room wearing a thigh-length flannel nightshirt and a pair of baggy socks, her hair a tangle of curls. She was a mess, and Rio couldn’t remember ever wanting someone as much as he wanted her at that moment.
His body had begun to calm a few moments before only to be brought back to life by her sudden appearance. If he were any kind of gentleman, he’d grab a throw pillow and shove it on his lap to hide his current predicament. But from the looks of Joanna’s sleepy expression, he doubted she’d notice.
After Joanna settled into the oversize club chair catty-corner from the couch, he asked, “What are you doing up so early?”
When he unconsciously rubbed a hand over his bare chest, her gaze followed the movement, continuing to his abdomen and lower, where his jeans were partially undone, serving to make him even more uncomfortable.
“What are you doing…up?” She jerked her gaze back to the television.
Rio almost laughed—a pain-filled, joyless laugh. Instead, he laced his hands behind his head and released a slow, even breath in an effort to conceal his uneasiness. “I haven’t been to bed yet. In fact, I just got home. Busy night so I’m still high on adrenaline.” High on her. High on the prospect of peeling her faded flannel nightshirt slowly off her body and making long, hard love to her in front of the fire. The flame had dwindled due to his halfhearted attempts, but the blaze burning below Rio’s belt generated enough heat to fuel the entire city.
Joanna stretched and yawned. “I couldn’t sleep any longer. Too much on my mind, I guess.”
She sounded slightly distressed, and Rio’s concern for Joanna helped to pacify his cravings somewhat. “Is work not going well?”
She shook her head. “Work is fine. I got a letter from my mom and Joseph yesterday.”
His concern increased. “Something wrong?”
“Not really. Joseph is doing well in school, making A’s although he’s had a little trouble with talking in class.” She smiled. “He gets that from his father.”
Rio dropped his feet from the table and leaned forward, arms draped on his thighs. “You’re missing your son,” he said in a simple statement of fact.
“I miss him every night, every day, especially when it’s cold. It reminds me of when he was born, in November. The day I took him home, it was around thirty degrees, crisp and clear outside. I spent that first day holding him. He was so tiny and I was so scared. Just the thought of molding someone’s life is overwhelming. But I like to think about that particular day when it was just us, getting to know each other.”
“What about your husband?”
Joanna hugged her knees to her chest, her feet balanced on the edge of the chair as she turned her attention to the smoldering logs. “Oh, he was out celebrating the fact that he had a son. He started celebrating the day I went into labor and didn’t quit for about a week.”
“But he was with you during the birth.”
“Well, no. Adam wasn’t very good at that sort of thing. But I was lucky, only four hours of labor.”
“You were lucky where the labor was concerned. I can’t say the same for your choice in husbands.”
Joanna nailed him with blue eyes that looked almost translucent in the muted light. “He was very charming, a big talker.” She nodded toward the TV and the hyperactive host extolling the virtues of the cleaner in a booming voice. “Just like that guy. The pitch sounds great and then you soon discover you’ve purchased a faulty product. I’ve learned that when it sounds too good to be true, most likely it is.”
God, Rio despised her ex more and more with each revelation and he didn’t even know the guy. But he did know that Joanna had told the truth, and that was enough justification for his hatred. “Did the bastard ever give you what you needed?”
Her gaze snapped to his. “He gave me Joseph.”
“He should be supporting you financially.”
“With what? His looks?” Her tone bore the anger of a woman scorned, and rightfully so. “He couldn’t keep a job while I was in school. I doubt he has one now.”
“You were in school when the baby was born?”
“Medical school. Second year. That’s how we ended up in San Antonio.”
The disclosure threw Rio mentally off-kilter. “Medical school?”
She tucked her legs beneath her and folded her arms across her breasts. “Yeah. I didn’t exactly plan to have a baby then. I wanted to wait until I finished but…” Her gaze faltered. “I foolishly thought that having a child might settle Adam down. Obviously I was mistaken.”
“Obviously. But you don’t regret having Joseph.”
“No. He’s my whole life.”
Rio saw undeniable love reflecting from her beautiful blue eyes. A mother’s love. And he realized now, more than ever, she did merit a man who could love her the way she deserved to be loved.
“I had no idea you planned to be a doctor,” he said, ill at ease over his sudden feelings of inadequacy where Joanna was concerned, with how little emotionally he had to offer.
“There are quite a few things you don’t know about me.”
He knew that he respected her, that he admired her selfless love for her child. That he hated what her husband had done to her. That he wished he had more to give. “I’d like to know more about you, Joanna,” he found himself saying with sincerity. He did want to know her, and he was only beginning to scratch the surface.
A reluctant grin curled the corners of her full lips. “I think we’ve skipped a few important steps, considering you now know what I look like naked.”
She could have gone all day without saying that. His uncooperative body could have gone all year without hearing it.
Shifting from the building tension in his groin, he opted to revisit something they’d discussed the day she’d moved into his house in an attempt to quell the urge to carry her to his bed. “The offer still stands about having Joseph come to live here. Then he could be with you every day.”
She sighed. “I really appreciate it, but as I’ve said before, he needs to stay in school throughout the remainder of the year now that he’s settled.”
“Okay, but if you change your mind, you know he’s welcome.”
To his surprise, she scooted out of the chair, walked to the sofa and hovered above him. “Are you planning to go to bed any time soon?”
He wanted to go to bed with her, but not unless she extended the invitation. “In a while.”
She looked at him expectantly before her gaze traveled to his mouth. “Guess you’re really tired, huh?”
Not so tired that if she asked, he’d make love to her until the sun rose in a couple of hours. But only if she asked. “Is there something you need from me?”
A long silence ensued as she stood there opening and closing her fists and biting her lower lip. It took a major effort on Rio�
��s part not to take her hands, pull her into his lap—straddling his lap—so he could feel her against him, let her know that he needed to be inside her more than he needed sleep. For a brief moment he thought she might actually come to him and soothe the ache building to an unbearable intensity below his tattered jeans.
The moment ended when her gaze shifted away. “Actually, there’s something I need to tell you. In fact, I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while now.”
Her serious tone indicated seduction was the last thing on her mind. Or maybe he’d only imagined the longing reflecting in her blue eyes. He patted the cushion next to him in hopes that she might reconsider. “Have a seat.”
She stared at the sofa as if it were covered in spikes, not leather. “It can wait. You need your rest.”
Aside from needing her in a very fundamental way, he needed to know what was bugging her. “A few more minutes aren’t going to matter.”
Finally, she claimed a seat on the far end of the couch as if he were contagious. “It’s about Allison Cartwright. I believe she’s decided to use the center for the birth.”
Rio wasn’t exactly surprised, nor was he exactly thrilled. Yet he had to accept Allison’s decision, even if he didn’t like it. “I understand why she feels she has to do it.”
“But you’re angry about it.”
“Not angry. Concerned.”
Joanna moved closer, once again jump-starting his awareness of her—the way she smelled, the way he knew she would feel beneath him. “Rio, I promise she’ll be fine. The pregnancy is going very well, right?”
“Right.” He couldn’t disregard his apprehension any more than he could disregard his desire for Joanna Blake. He centered his gaze back on the TV, away from her assessment. “But anything could happen.”
“Or nothing could happen aside from the birth of a healthy baby. You and I both know that.”
He could feel her staring at him, dissecting him. Right now he was just too damn tired to discuss this. Wound too tight to think about anything other than escaping before he released all his frustration by taking Joanna into his arms to try a little sensual persuasion. “Just promise me that if something does come up, you’ll bring her to the hospital.”
“I’ll call you if something happens, but I seriously doubt it will.”
“Fine.” He came to his feet only then realizing the extent of his exhaustion. He might as well be wearing concrete shoes, he decided as he headed toward the kitchen. At least his body had calmed somewhat.
“Rio.”
Joanna’s smooth, soothing voice turned him around, teased his libido awake again. “Yeah.”
“You know, you could still be present for the birth if you’d like.”
“No, thanks.”
She frowned. “I hope one day you’ll trust me enough to tell me what happened that made you so opposed to nonhospital births.”
“Nothing happened.” Except he’d watched a young woman die when he was barely old enough to watch that same woman give birth. “Just consider me overly cautious.”
“Are you going to your room?”
Not such an appealing thought without her accompanying him. “I’m going to grab the paper and have some coffee first.”
“Then I need to ask a favor.”
He could think of several favors he’d like to provide for her, even dead tired. “Shoot.”
“Do you mind if I use your shower? I won’t take long.”
“No problem.” It was a problem, at least for Rio. Knowing Joanna was in his shower—naked and wet—would prevent him from sleeping at all should he decide to grab a quick nap in his bedroom. But that wouldn’t keep him from honoring her request. In fact, he was beginning to think he might have a damn hard time refusing her anything.
She wasn’t alone.
Through the mist clinging to the transparent shower door, Joanna saw Rio leaning against the bathroom entry, his arms folded over his bare chest with one hip cocked against the frame. His stance seemed surprisingly relaxed, as if watching her bathe was a part of his daily routine. Joanna was not the least bit relaxed, nor had she been since she’d come upon him in the den cloaked in firelight with his jeans undone to reveal a partial glimpse of the tattoo. And below that, strong evidence that he was aroused. So had she been at that moment. So was she now.
Yet she wasn’t exactly surprised by his presence.
After all, this was his private domain and she had left the door partially ajar to keep the bath from steaming up. Or so she’d told herself. In reality, in an inexplicable place buried deep within her psyche, she’d secretly hoped that he would venture inside. Silently yearned for him to shed his clothes, his resistance, and join her for some more water play.
Instead, he continued to stand and stare, and Joanna continued to slowly lather her body with the same soap she had detected on his skin on more than one occasion, as if unaware of his presence.
The simple act of showering took on a whole new meaning. With every stroke over her slick flesh, she imagined his skilled hand there. With every pass over her breasts, she remembered his impassioned touch. With every random tick of her pulse, an all-consuming heat assailed the very core of her. Joanna’s head began to whirl with possibilities and her body reeled when she considered where this might lead.
Obviously nowhere, she soon realized after she’d finished washing and he still hadn’t made a move. Not even an inch. Maybe he found her figure lacking. Maybe he didn’t appreciate the faint stretch marks on her upper thighs, the slight roundness of her belly, the fullness of her hips.
But he’d seen all those details in the hot tub and that hadn’t stopped him then. Something was definitely stopping him now.
Resigned that he wasn’t going to do anything but gawk, Joanna turned off the spray, pushed open the shower door and grabbed for the bulky black towel hanging on the rack to her left. She dried herself slowly, still very much aware that he continued to study her. But she didn’t dare look at him, not yet. Not until after she had her feet firmly planted on the woven mat outside the shower and her robe covering her completely.
Though she felt self-conscious, Joanna affected casualness as she raised her eyes from where she’d cinched the robe’s tie loosely around her waist. She met his gaze, dark and intense and oh so seductive. “Did I take too long?” Her voice sounded remarkably nonchalant.
“Not at all.” His voice sounded impossibly deep and rough.
“I’ll be out of your way in a minute,” she said. “Just let me run a quick brush through my hair.”
After taking a seat before the vanity, Joanna combed through her unruly curls, not seeing much of anything but Rio’s reflection in the wide mirror. His expression remained guarded, still as dispassionate as it had been while he’d watched her bathe, but his eyes belied that appearance of calm and control. They looked dark and disturbed. Very disturbed.
She pivoted on the backless stool to face him with brush in hand and he gave her a slow visual once-over, pausing at her feet. “Your leg’s bleeding,” he said with a hint of concern.
Joanna sent a quick look down and noticed a thin trail of red oozing from a small cut on her ankle. Great. If she didn’t do something about it soon, she would bleed all over the nice beige carpet. “Sorry. I didn’t notice.” Actually, she had been vaguely aware of the nick while shaving her legs, but the sharp sting had been no match for the mind-numbing ache for Rio’s complete attention. It still wasn’t.
Reaching behind her, she laid down the brush, snapped a tissue from the holder on the counter and dabbed at the cut.
Without speaking, Rio pushed away from the door and strode toward her, causing her breath to hitch and her heart to leap. He bent and opened the bottom drawer to her left, and as he rummaged through the contents, several items drew Joanna’s attention, one in particular. A box of condoms. An industrial-size box.
Rio pushed the box aside, withdrew a bandage and ripped it open then tossed the wrapping into the nearby wastebasket.
His mouth formed a grim line as he slammed the drawer and stood in front of her. Joanna expected him to hand her the bandage but instead, he knelt and propped her foot on his leg. She couldn’t disregard the fact that she was sitting on a stool wearing only a knee-length pink terry robe with her foot balanced on his taut thigh and her heart lodged in her dry throat. Goose bumps covered her entire body despite the warmth of the bathroom or Rio’s heat-inducing gaze now centered on her eyes.
After he gently applied the bandage, Joanna assumed he would stand and leave. But he remained motionless, as if awaiting some sort of response. Joanna supposed she should express her gratitude, verbally thank him, but she couldn’t seem to get a handle on her words when he began to brush his thumb over her instep in a maddening rhythm that put her senses on high alert.
Rio continued to silently regard Joanna, the tension as thick as the vapor that had risen from the shower. She had no idea what he was waiting for but she suspected it might be some kind of signal from her, something that indicated she wanted him to act on the electricity arcing between them, and no doubt she did, even though she shouldn’t.
But the shouldn’ts and couldn’ts never seemed to matter much when he was around. They didn’t matter now as he kept his eyes fastened on her flushed face. She only knew that she wanted him with an urgency that discounted logic.
The last remnants of Joanna’s common sense blew away along with any semblance of normal breathing. As if of their own accord, her legs slightly parted and the robe fell to each side of her thighs in blatant invitation.
Without taking his gaze from hers, Rio raised Joanna’s foot as well as her heart rate. He planted a soft kiss on her ankle above the bandage, then another on the inside of her calf and after that he moved on to her knee.
Keenly aware of his upward trek and his possible goal, Joanna had a hard time drawing air when he continued his daring exploration. Nothing like kissing and making it better—Joanna’s final lucid thought as she clamped her eyes closed while his tongue blazoned a scorching, wet path along her inner thigh. His mouth, so soft upon her naked flesh, generated such a searing heat that she could only consider how badly she needed relief. How badly she needed Rio.
