He gaped at her, apparently not expecting her to blow up. But the tension she’d hoped to release had only doubled when things hadn’t worked out the way she’d hoped. With his hat on the ground, he ran his fingers through his hair in a flustered manner. “Look, I’m not trying to cause problems, and I really don’t want to offend you. I just don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you.” He knit his brows, as if trying to figure out what exactly he wanted to say. “I’m in unfamiliar territory, Tara. I don’t make moves like this.”
She folded her arms over her chest defiantly. “Then, why did you do it this time?”
“Because I like you,” he blurted out. She stared at him as his shoulders sagged and he stuttered. “I … you’re not like any woman I’ve ever met, and I really like you, okay? And I don’t know what to do about it. Like you said, neither one of us has time for a relationship, and you’ll be going home eventually, just like Bill said. I’m not interested in a sex fling, so I don’t think there’s any way I can get what I want. Besides, I doubt you’re looking to get involved with anything permanent with someone like me.”
Now, she was really fired up. “How do you presume to tell me what I do and don’t want? Maybe you should consider asking me rather than making assumptions. You don’t know me well enough to make that sort of generalization about me.”
“Which is exactly why I don’t think we should take this any further!” he exploded. He made a face, glancing at Bill’s closed bedroom door, and when he spoke again, he lowered the volume but not the intensity. “I have more than a casual attraction to you, Tara, and I don’t want to make a rash decision I’ll regret later. Or that you’ll regret. I would rather back off and see if there’s any chance you might feel the same way than ruin everything before anything happens.” He sighed and cursed under his breath. “I’m not being very articulate right now, but I feel backed into a corner.”
That was definitely true, and Tara was having trouble following. “I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying.”
Slumping into a kitchen chair, Dylan put his head in his hands, and she took a seat across from him, needing to ground herself. This had quickly gone from passion and heat to heated argument, and somewhere in between, there had to be a reasonable discussion that would clear things up between them. If she wasn’t mistaken, it almost sounded like he was saying he had real feelings for her, but she wasn’t going to make assumptions either. Apparently this was how they’d gotten into this position in the first place.
Through his fingers, he said, “Give me a minute to get my thoughts together. I’m a humble man, Tara, and I speak my mind, tell it like it is. But if I don’t think right now, I’ll say something wrong that will just end up causing more problems.”
“Okay,” she said simply. She could be patient, she supposed, on the promise that he was going to better explain himself. She had the distinct feeling everything was going to change when he finally spoke his mind, and she hoped it would be for the better. After all, the day had started out with good spirits and good news. They’d started to follow in the same vein with new revelations, and now, they could easily find that mutual desire again, if Dylan could just pull himself together.
“You bring out a part of me I didn’t know about before,” he said finally, lifting his head to meet her eyes with troubled ones of his own. The cloudy green-moss color made him look incredibly vulnerable, and Tara had a sudden urge to do whatever it took to soothe him, despite her irritation. He continued slowly, holding her captivated. “I see what a good person you are, how well you treat Bill and how nice you are to me. You don’t have any obligation to me, and you still take care of me any time I come around. It makes me want to be a better person and to do things for you. I don’t know exactly what it means, but I know I want more than just your body.”
She felt the words squeezing at her heart and had to think carefully before she responded. This was rocky territory, and using the wrong words could severely impact the outcome of the conversation.
11
Dylan wasn’t convinced his words had done him a lot of good as he stared into Tara’s eyes. His hope began to fade, her stoic expression less than eager, and he kicked himself for even mentioning his desire for her. He should have left things as they were, either ignoring that fire in her eyes entirely and the flame in his own body that ignited when she flirted or at least taking her for a quick spin like she seemed to want and forgetting about anything more.
He was almost ready to drop it, backtrack, and tell her to forget about it, claiming he talked out of his head when he got aroused, when she finally spoke. “I’ve focused on my career for a long time because I didn’t feel like there was anyone who could ever spark enough interest in me to bother trying to form a relationship. I’ve been a loner, and I’ve been fine with that. Dylan, you’re the first person who ever made me consider the possibility that I was wrong, that I could find something good in another person.”
Something in his chest swelled, but he didn’t speak. He didn’t want to interrupt her, not knowing if she was going to tell him how he’d ruined everything by backing down today or if she was going to profess undying love. If there was anything he didn’t like about the woman, it was her uncanny ability to keep a straight face so he couldn’t read her thoughts.
“I’m not going to lie, Dylan, I’m not in the best position to start a relationship with anyone. But if I was going to try it with anyone, I’d want it to be with you. I was attracted to you the minute you opened the door, and since then, you’ve done nothing but give me more and more reason to like you.” The confession was definitely not quite what he’d expected, considering her reaction when he hadn’t wanted to move quickly. Maybe he was old-fashioned, but he wanted the romance first, so the physical fulfillment later would be even sweeter.
“So, what do you want from me?” he asked, a little confused. Did she want to be physically intimate? Was she saying there was hope for a relationship? What about the distance between them, with their homes as far apart as the worlds they lived in?
She gave a rueful smile. “Well, under the circumstances, we’re not exactly in a position to date in the traditional sense, are we?” He smirked. That was definitely an understatement. She continued, “I don’t know how we could work things out, but I think that we could literally make enough time for each other to try to take it slow. But to be honest, I can’t promise I can always hold back. I am extremely attracted to you, Dylan, and I can be a very physical person, given the opportunity.”
That wasn’t reassuring. He didn’t have a lot of practice at that sort of self-control, considering he hadn’t been in a position like this. If she came at him unfiltered, he’d be likely to respond in kind. “As long as you don’t expect me to turn down the heat if that happens, then we’re fine. I’m not very good at putting on the brakes, obviously, and when I do, it looks like I cause a disaster.”
She laughed softly and reached across the table to touch his hand. “I hope we’re not making a big mistake here, Dylan. I’m not used to this. I don’t think I’ve been in anything you could consider a relationship since high school.”
He shrugged and turned his hand over, clasping his fingers in hers. “I don’t even know if high school counts, in my case. But we all have to grow up sometime. I’d rather face the demons inside me that point me toward a woman like you than face the ones that drive me away.” It was true, even if he had a hard time admitting it to himself. “I guess it’s the blind leading the blind here.”
She didn’t seem as nervous about that as he felt, and she winked at him. “The Three Fates only have one eye between the three of them, and they seem to do okay, even if it seems like they make mistakes. That’s more because they think it’s funny than because they can’t feel their way along.”
Dylan didn’t tell her he didn’t believe in that crap. If he put his faith in fate, he’d be a sad, sorry son of a bitch right now, with nothing to show for himself. But he didn’t wan
t to offend Tara if she believed in it. Besides, he was starting to question fate, considering the circumstances. What other justification was there for one of his best friends to fall terminally ill and have a nurse come to care for him that pulled on his heart strings the way she did?
“However you look at it,” he said noncommittally, “I hope you at least know a little more than me about all this. Or else, we’re screwed.”
“Every couple is different, so I’m sure we’ll fumble along and find our way.” She sounded certain, but he read the underlying message she didn’t say. If they couldn’t find their way, maybe they shouldn’t be together. That was the part that worried him. What if all of this was a waste of time? What if he fell for Tara, only to be rejected in the end? He’d be more broken than he was now. Dylan was a strong man in many ways, but he’d always suspected love would be his downfall. In this case, it just might break him beyond repair.
But he was getting ahead of himself. They weren’t breaking up—they had barely even decided to try being together. And he certainly wasn’t expecting anyone to start professing their love for each other. She had said herself that they hadn’t had a lot of time to get to know each other, so she wasn’t going to fall at his feet, begging him for marriage and kids. If it ever came to that, he could think about it. For the moment, the focus had to be working through the kinks so they could even determine if they were compatible.
He felt the smile spread across his face, unable to contain the joy he felt. There were no guarantees that anything would work out with a happy ending for the two of them, and there was no telling how soon they would face other devastating news with Bill. But the chance to explore something Dylan never thought he’d experience at all gave him a sense of immediate fulfillment.
“I need to go to work. …”
“I should fix us some lunch. …”
They spoke at the same time, and Dylan grudgingly laughed with Tara. He shook his head. “I need to have lunch on the go,” he said with just a hint of regret. He would have loved to sit here with her all day and talk, caress the soft skin on her fingers, but he had already spent too much time away from both ranches, and he had to catch up.
“I’ll make you a sandwich,” she said, getting up and unloading all the ingredients for a gourmet sandwich. He was so used to fending for himself he stood and felt awkward, his hands hanging at his sides, as she worked quickly and efficiently. He supposed, with her nurturing manner, he’d have to get used to letting her take care of him, and that was going to take some doing. Of course, it wouldn’t be like having a wife. They didn’t live together, and she had other things to take care of. But maybe he’d get a taste of what Noah had with Zoe.
She had it ready to go and wrapped prettily in a napkin so the tomato, lettuce, and pickle wouldn’t fall out as he ate and he wouldn’t get mayonnaise and mustard all over himself. “Are you working here or going home?” she asked.
He thought for a moment as he took a big bite and rolled his eyes in delight. Chewing and swallowing, he told her, “I’m already here, so I’ll take care of what needs to be done around here before I head home.”
She nodded and poured a thermos of iced tea for him. “Then, take this with you, and come back for a refill before you leave, okay?” She handed it to him and pushed up on her toes, kissing him swiftly on the lips with a smile. “Have a good day, and I’ll see you in a while.”
He nodded, not sure if he needed to respond or not. It seemed so much like a television sitcom that he couldn’t imagine this was real life. And if he hadn’t been eating the most satisfying sandwich he’d ever tasted, he probably would have dropped the damn thing and pinched himself to see if he was dreaming. Instead, he let her open the door, and he headed out, devouring the sandwich and wiping his face clean before he even got around the back to the pile of wood he’d left. He needed to load some of it up in the wheelbarrow and carry it out to the barn. There were still areas of the pigpen that needed to be shored up before the wave of thunderstorms threatening just over the mountains arrived.
He’d take care of that, add some hay to the pen, and assess the tractor for repairs before he went home. After all, if Bill had some time left, they should plant something and see if they couldn’t get a good crop. The only thing left that wouldn’t be too late in the season was probably corn, but he had to get the tractor in good enough repair to till the field in the next week if it was going to happen at all.
He definitely had a long day ahead of him, and since it was already after noon, he had to get busy. At least today, the thoughts in his head of Tara were something tangible, something he might actually get to experience. And that motivated him to keep going, gave him energy. He channeled that into his work, getting invigorated, and though time still passed too quickly, he managed to get everything he needed to do here complete by midafternoon.
He thought about hurrying home and doing his work there, afraid that seeing Tara again today would kill his resolve to leave at all. But he didn’t think she would take well to his disappearance after her insistence that she come back to the house. He would rather not start a fight right off the bat, so he trekked back to the house and opened the door, brushing himself off on the porch so he didn’t carry in too much hay and dirt.
He found Bill sitting up at the kitchen table but didn’t see Tara anywhere. Bill eyed him as he sipped what smelled like a steaming cup of coffee. “Well, here I thought you’d gone home for the day. When are you planning to mind your own business, son?”
His tone was gruff, but his eyes were teasing, and Dylan shook his head with a crooked grin. “I am minding my business. I think I could make those fields of yours productive this year, if I can just get a little oil in that tractor of yours and put a couple new bolts in it.”
“Meh,” Bill said, as if he didn’t care, but Dylan recognized the excitement in his expression. He’d always thrill to the idea of having a working ranch, whether he had the energy and ability to run it himself or not. Dylan knew he only tried to hide it because he didn’t want him to feel obligated. “Whatever you think.”
Dylan rolled his eyes and set the thermos—which he’d completely drained—on the table. “You’re a pill, old man.” He looked around, trying to figure out where Tara was without seeming obvious. He didn’t need Bill getting too perceptive because Dylan was a bit too obvious in his eagerness to talk to her. “Are you all alone?” he asked as casually as possible.
He grunted. “I made a mess of the bed, sweating too much and getting everything drenched. Tara’s in the laundry room, getting all the bedding into the dryer. Why are you still here, anyway? Shouldn’t you be working your own land right now?”
With a sigh, Dylan told him, “The sheep are sheared, I’ve got the Simpkins boy coming in the morning to milk the cows when I’m not there, and everything else can wait until I get there and get ready to deal with it.”
“What about that mustang of yours?” Bill asked, his eyes narrowed.
Damn. Dylan had forgotten he’d mentioned that to Bill. “I called Noah. We’re starting on him tomorrow.”
“You’ve been putting that off since before I got here,” came Tara’s voice as she rounded the corner from the laundry room. It made his heart pound a little harder, and his body heated at the robust red in her cheeks and the spark in her eyes. She looked so incredible when she was working, happy and fulfilled, and it showed through in her movements and expression. It was when he found her the most attractive, and he had to curb his reaction before Bill took note. Regardless of what they’d decided together, he wasn’t ready to blast it to anyone, even the man they both spent the most time around.
Keeping a friendly, businesslike tone, Dylan said, “Tomorrow’s the day. I finally got everything else as caught up as I can, and Noah’s got a few hours set aside for me tomorrow.” On a whim, he said, “You know, Bill, you haven’t left this house except to see the doc in a while. Why don’t you come on over and visit while we work? You’ll have a great vi
ew from the patio where you can harass us and laugh when that horse kicks my ass.”
He glanced at Tara, whose eyebrows shot up on her forehead. She obviously hadn’t expected the invitation, but it served several purposes. It got Bill out of the house for social purposes, it gave Dylan the time he needed to work with the mustang without worrying about checking on his friend, and it meant he got to see Tara. Maybe he could even show off a little. Besides, he wanted her to see where he lived, just in case it turned her off. He’d rather know now, before they got in too deep.
“I don’t want to distract you,” Bill said, but his tone told Dylan he was excited at the prospect.
Afraid she would protest, Dylan turned a questioning glance to Tara and was met with a pleasant eagerness. “Actually, I think it would be good for you, Bill. I think we should start making regular outings at least twice a week, even if it’s just to Dylan’s ranch or the store or even the diner in town.” She had yet to see Five Forks, Dylan realized, and was probably starting to feel incredibly cooped up.
“Great!” Dylan said. “We’re starting around nine, but there’s no rush. We’ll be at it for a while, I’m sure. So, whenever you can get over, you’re welcome.”
“Do you have provisions?” she asked, giving him a subtle grin. He frowned, not quite sure what she meant. “Never mind. I’ll just stop at the grocery store on the way over and pick up something to make for lunch. Does your friend, Noah, have any dietary restraints?”
Food. That’s what she’d meant. “No, he’s fine with just about anything.”
“Tell him to get that pretty wife of his to come by for lunch, too,” Bill said, his tone demanding. “We’ll make it a party.”
Dylan liked the idea, and he chuckled. “Well, if we’re doing that, Tara, you might want to buy enough to feed a small army. Zoe can put it away, now that she’s eating for twelve.” He frowned suddenly and looked back at Bill. “We’re gonna have to introduce them to Tara, tell them who she is. How do you want to handle that?”
Cowboy Casanova (Wild At Heart Cowboys Book 3) Page 7
