“Oh no,” groaned Darren. “He’s back.” Know-All Nick was running towards them, waving his arms excitedly.
“Quick!” he panted. “The school’s on fire!”
“Yeah, very funny,” said Bertie.
“I’m not joking,” said Know-All Nick. “Look over there if you don’t believe me!” He pointed to the far corner of the school. They all looked. Clouds of grey smoke rose into the sky above the roof of the hall.
“WOW!” said Bertie, getting to his feet. “It is on fire!”
Eugene stared open-mouthed. “What are we going to do?”
“Get the fire brigade!” said Donna. “I’ll run to the staff room!”
“No!” said Know-All Nick, blocking her way. “They’re not in there. I looked!”
“Then where are they?”
“I don’t know!” said Nick. “Maybe they went out for sandwiches. But if we don’t do something it’ll be too late.”
Bertie suddenly saw things clearly. For once, Nick was right. There was no time to search for the fire crew. The school was burning down and only he – Fire Fighter Bertie – could save it. Soon the flames would spread and in minutes the whole school would be ablaze. Trapped inside, the teachers would be burned to a frazzle. It was up to him.
“Come on!” he said.
“Where are we going?” said Darren.
“To put out the fire, of course!”
“But isn’t that dangerous?” worried Eugene. “Shouldn’t we fetch Miss Boot?”
“Miss Boot’s no use,” said Bertie. “This is a job for professionals.”
Bertie reached the fire engine first. The clouds of smoke were billowing higher. He took command, shouting orders.
“Grab the hose! Now start pulling! Eugene, you get ready to turn it on.”
“Okay!” nodded Eugene.
The orange hose began to unwind as Bertie, Darren and Donna dragged it towards the clouds of smoke. Other children came running to see what the noise was about. Eugene wished he had time to go to the toilet. Know-All Nick sat under a tree, watching them with a knowing smile.
At last they dragged the hose round the corner of the school. The smoke wasn’t coming from the hall but from the yard behind it. Clouds of smoke stung Bertie’s eyes, half blinding him.
“Now, Eugene!” he shouted. “Turn it on!”
The hose gurgled, coughed and sprang into life. A jet of water shot out with a tremendous whoosh. The hose wriggled like a snake, spraying water in every direction.
“Hold it still!” urged Bertie.
“We’re trying!” said Donna. At last Bertie wrestled it under control and pointed it at the fire. With a hiss, the flames died down and fizzled out.
“We did it!” cried Bertie. “We saved the school.” But as the smoke cleared he caught sight of Mr Grouch who had been knocked right off his feet by the first blast from the hose.
“Turn it off!” he gurgled.
Bertie stared in horror. His fire crew dropped the hose and ran. The school wasn’t on fire at all. The only “fire” was Mr Grouch’s bonfire, which was now a pile of damp, smoking leaves.
Mr Grouch sat in a puddle with water dripping from his soggy overalls.
“You wait, you little pest!” he growled. “You just wait!”
Bertie decided it was better not to wait. He turned and ran, with the angry caretaker squelching after him. He could hear Know-All Nick’s shrill voice calling after him.
“Run Bertie, run! YOUR PANTS ARE ON FIRE!”
CHAPTER 3
It was all Know-All Nick’s fault, thought Bertie, as he swept up the soggy leaves. Nick had tricked him just to get him in trouble. But how was he to know the school wasn’t on fire? You’d think teachers would be grateful when you tried to save their lives. You’d think they’d want to thank you.
But no – the way Miss Boot talked, anyone would think he’d tried to drown Mr Grouch on purpose! Well next time the school could just burn down.
“Can’t I stop now?” he asked. “It’s almost home time.”
Mr Grouch looked at his watch. “Go on then. But don’t think you’re getting off lightly. Your parents will be hearing about this.”
Bertie trudged home gloomily. Turning into Church Lane, he saw Pamela from his class. She was standing under a tree, gazing up at a white kitten clinging to one of the branches. It mewed pitifully.
“Poor thing!” said Pamela. “I’ve been calling her for ages. I think she’s scared.”
“Oh,” said Bertie. “D’you want me to get her down for you?”
He eyed the kitten sternly and spoke to it in his dog-training voice.
“Here girl! Down girl!” The kitten stared back at him without moving.
“I’ll have to climb up,” said Bertie.
Pamela looked up. “It’s very high.”
“Oh that’s not high to me,” said Bertie. “I’ve climbed hundreds of trees higher than that.”
He took off his bag and jacket and caught hold of the lowest branch.
Luckily the tree was the kind that was made for climbing. Bertie wished there were more people to see his daring rescue. As he climbed higher he pictured the kitten clinging gratefully to his chest. He could see her sitting on the end of a long branch. Bertie began to inch his way along, lying flat on his stomach.
“Have you got her?” called Pamela.
“Almost!” He reached out a hand. “Here puss! Here!”
The kitten got to its feet. But instead of going to Bertie, it yawned lazily and jumped down to the branch below.
In a few swift leaps and bounds it had reached the ground. Pamela scooped it up in her arms joyfully.
“It’s okay, Bertie! I’ve got her!” she called. “She’s all right!”
Looking down, Bertie suddenly felt he wasn’t all right. The ground seemed a long way below – much further than he thought. In fact he wasn’t sure how he was going to get down. His hands were sweating and he’d started to feel dizzy. He wrapped himself round the branch, not daring to move.
Pamela’s voice floated up to him.
“Bertie? What are you doing? You can come down now!”
“Um … I think you’d better call for help,” said Bertie.
CHAPTER 4
An hour later Bertie sat in the passenger seat of the fire engine.
“What road did you say?” asked Val.
“Digby Drive,” said Bertie.
Val nodded. “I hope you’re not planning to make a habit of this,” she smiled, “because next time you’ll be walking home!”
Bertie’s rescue from the tree had caused quite a stir. A small crowd had gathered to watch when the fire engine arrived. A ladder was extended to Bertie with Val on top to help him down. When they were safe on the ground, everyone clapped and Bertie took a bow.
But the best part of all was that he got to ride home in the fire engine.
He looked out of the window. They were passing Cecil Road. Suddenly Bertie had a brilliant idea.
“Um, could we just turn down here?” he pointed. “It’s sort of on the way, and there’s someone I wanted to see.”
Know-All Nick was in the lounge, watching his favourite cartoon on TV. WOOO! WOOO! WOOO! A deafening noise outside made him jump. He hurried over to the open window and looked out. He blinked. Was he dreaming?
A red fire engine was driving very slowly past his house with its lights flashing and its siren blaring. And sitting in the front seat, wearing a helmet and waving to him was Dirty Bertie. The siren stopped.
“Hi, Nick!” called Bertie. “Somebody called 999. They said to come to your house right away.”
“My house?” said Nick. “Why?”
“BECAUSE YOUR PANTS ARE ON FIRE!” shouted Bertie.
Copyright
STRIPES PUBLISHING
An imprint of Little Tiger Press
1 The Coda Centre, 189 Munster Road,
London SW6 6AW
Characters created by David Roberts
Text copyright © Alan MacDonald, 2006
Illustrations copyright © David Roberts, 2006
First published as an ebook by Stripes Publishing in 2012.
eISBN: 978-1-84715-395-1
The right of Alan MacDonald and David Rober ts to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work respectively has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.
All rights reserved.
Apart from any use permitted under UK copyright law, this publication may only be reproduced, stored, or transmitted, in any forms, or by any means, with prior permission in writing of the publishers or, in the case of reprographic production, in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
www.stripespublishing.co.uk
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