He thrust deeper inside her, his own urgency mounting. Faster now. And faster. Bringing them closer to that last final peak. They were so close she could feel it, the pressure of his climax building, her own muscles tightening around him. They were right at the edge now. Right at the edge of no return.
“Now,” he said. “Come with me now.”
Their bodies came together in one explosive orgasm.
And Hallie stopped lying to herself.
As wrong as he was for her, she was in love with Nate.
Always had been.
Always would be.
HALLIE HAD GONE TO SLEEP only minutes after they finished making love. Holding Hallie while she slept now, her head against his shoulder, his arms around her, had a profound effect on Nate. He’d never allowed himself to experience this level of intimacy with anyone before. He’d always seen intimacy as a threat to his survival. And he’d always seen love as a gamble he wasn’t willing to take.
He’d been on the run since he first put his mother in the nursing home and he’d never looked back. He’d done as he pleased and he’d told himself he’d never let anyone tie him down again. What a fool he’d been not to recognize he’d only been running from his own insecurities.
He was forty years old.
And what did he have to show for it?
Very damn little.
The life he’d been living was completely pointless. Putting himself in dangerous situations. Hopping from assignment to assignment. Playing the role of some renegade desperado who didn’t need or want anyone in his life.
He thought of how Hallie had looked standing by the bed, unashamed of how much she wanted and needed him.
He thought of Ahn’s little arms around his neck, holding on tight, needing him to comfort her because he was the only one who could.
They weren’t sucking the life out of him.
They were offering him a chance to love and be loved.
He’d always heard that people eventually reached a crossroads in their life they couldn’t avoid. There was no doubt in Nate’s mind that he had reached his.
It was time to stop running from love and affection and start giving it. And it was time he stopped worrying about the risk. Loving Hallie would either make him or break him. But there was nothing Nate could do about it now.
The train left the station the second he touched her.
All Nate could do now was hold on for the ride.
CHAPTER TEN
JUNE HAD DRIFTED INTO July and there were times when Hallie would look at Nate and think: Who are you, and what have you done with Nate Brock? The transformation in the man who now shared her bed was unbelievable.
Distant and unaffectionate no longer applied where Nate was concerned. He proved her point when his arms slid around her waist and he nuzzled her neck as she stood at the kitchen island making a picnic lunch.
“You know you can’t do that when Roberta and The Colonel arrive,” Hallie reminded him.
“Can I do this?”
He turned her around for a long kiss, pulling her against him so close she could feel how much he wanted her. Hallie put her arms around his neck and kissed him back.
She wasn’t going to worry about how long now would last. And she wasn’t going to worry about what would happen when now ended. She was going to enjoy every night she spent in Nate’s arms, every kiss he gave her and every moment they spent together.
Hallie finally pulled away from him. “Are you sure a kiss from me is worth Roberta’s wrath?”
He grinned. “It’s worth it, but I think I’ll pass.”
“Coward,” Hallie teased.
He gave her another quick kiss before he returned to where he and Ahn had building blocks spread out on the floor. Ahn rewarded him with a baby smile when Nate sat down on the floor beside her.
“You’re stealing my heart, you little thief,” he told Ahn and reached out and tickled her.
Ahn giggled in delight.
Hallie turned her attention back to the picnic basket she was packing. Gladys had prepared them a Fourth of July feast before she left that morning—roasted chicken, potato salad, baked beans…enough for four people in stead of only two. So Hallie had invited Roberta and The Colonel to attend the fireworks display with them that evening. It would be the first time Roberta had been to Wedge Pond since Hallie started taking care of Ahn, even though they talked on the phone regularly. Roberta had seemed pleased when Hallie invited them.
Hallie also wasn’t going to worry that Roberta had a sixth sense when it came to picking up on things you least wanted her to know. She and Nate had been masters at ignoring each other for years. They could revive that role for one evening.
But as she placed the paper plates and napkins into the basket, Hallie glanced back at Nate and Ahn. One thing that did have her worried was the change in the dynamics between Nate and Ahn now that the three of them were living in the same house.
Nate had always been good with her, and Hallie knew he loved Ahn, just as she did. But the lines were beginning to blur a little, as if Nate had decided to ignore the reality that their time with Ahn was only temporary.
Was it possible Nate would be too selfish to give Ahn up? Hallie didn’t have a chance to ponder that possibility further when a knock at the door announced their company had arrived.
Nate was already on his feet, shaking hands with The Colonel. Roberta was bending down to get a good look at Ahn.
“My goodness, Ahn, how you’ve grown.”
Hallie wiped her hands on a dish towel and walked in their direction. “I’m so glad you came,” Hallie said, looking first at Roberta, then over at The Colonel. “I thought we’d leave early so we can find a good spot to watch the fireworks. There’s plenty of room in Nate’s Range Rover so we can all ride together.”
“No, it’s better if The Colonel and I follow you,” Roberta said. “Leaving from Winchester after the fireworks will be closer for us rather than coming back here to Wedge Pond.”
Hallie felt like cheering.
And she didn’t dare glance at Nate.
Hallie was looking forward to enjoying the evening rather than spending it defending herself for allowing the very thing Roberta had predicted to happen. “Okay, then,” Hallie said. “I already have the picnic basket packed and the cooler is on the deck. Give us a few minutes to get things loaded and we’ll be on our way.”
“I can help with that,” The Colonel offered.
Hallie handed the basket over to The Colonel. When he and Nate went outside to load, Hallie looked at Roberta and smiled.
“He’s such a nice man, Roberta. I’m glad you have him in your life.”
“So am I,” Roberta said. “And after you have Ahn settled, I hope you’ll get serious about finding someone special, too, Hallie. You deserve that.”
Hallie avoided eye contact with Roberta by bending down to pick up the blocks and put them in the wicker basket by the sofa. “Can you say fireworks?” Hallie asked Ahn out of habit.
Ahn’s answer was to stick her thumb in her mouth.
“She’s still being stubborn about talking, I see.”
Hallie stood up and took hold of Ahn’s hand. “No, she still isn’t talking, but we’re making progress every day. My goal is to have Ahn talking by the time we begin interviewing parents.”
“I’m proud of you, Hallie. I thought you were making a mistake, but I was wrong. A nanny wouldn’t have given Ahn the attention you’re devoting to her. You made the right decision.”
Hallie was surprised. “Thank you, Roberta.”
Roberta had never paid her a direct compliment before.
NATE HAD MOSTLY stayed hidden behind his camera after they arrived at the park. It gave him the distance he needed between him and Roberta.
He snapped a few more pictures as Hallie, Roberta and The Colonel sat on the large quilts they had spread out on the ground. Ahn was sitting in Roberta’s lap. Nate snapped another picture as Ahn smiled up at Roberta
adoringly. But as he panned back to Hallie, Nate took his finger off the button.
Hallie’s feelings were right there on her face. Her dejection over Ahn preferring anyone but her.
Nate lowered his camera. He would give anything if Ahn would grant Hallie that same kind of smile just once. He’d talked to Deb about Ahn’s indifference to Hallie, even though he knew Hallie would be furious if she knew that he had. And he’d been surprised when Deb’s assessment had been that maybe Hallie was trying too hard to win Ahn’s trust, and Ahn could sense that.
But her explanation certainly fit the situation.
There wasn’t anyone who could have been more patient, more caring or more loving toward Ahn than Hallie had been over these past months. And for Hallie’s sake, Nate prayed Ahn would one day reward her for all her efforts.
He brought the camera up again when Hallie looked in his direction. The look she was giving him was sultry—a promise of what he could expect later. She leaned back, balancing her weight on her hands, knowing exactly what she was doing to him as her full breasts strained against the soft fabric of the top she was wearing.
The little tease.
Snap. Snap. Snap.
Nate would save those pictures for himself.
But Nate almost laughed when Roberta turned to say something to Hallie and she sat up straight. He snapped a few pictures of that, too—her cheeks flushed and guilty-looking.
But at least, Roberta had rewarded Hallie earlier. She’d told Nate on the ride to the park that Roberta had actually said she was proud of Hallie. It made Nate glad he’d encouraged Hallie when she’d mentioned inviting Roberta and The Colonel today.
His mother’s illness didn’t make it possible for him to turn bad memories into good memories now—other than his satisfaction at being there for his mother instead of running from his responsibility. But Hallie and Roberta still had a chance. And Nate hoped the good memories like the one they were making right now would eventually end some of the tension that existed between them.
“Nate,” Roberta suddenly called out. “Put the camera down and come sit with us. It’s time for the fireworks.”
Nate did as he was told.
He sat down in a cross-legged position on the opposite side of the blanket from Hallie right beside The Colonel. Ahn wasted no time climbing out of Roberta’s lap and heading straight for him. Ahn had just settled against him, her head resting back against Nate’s chest, when the first of the fireworks exploded across the sky in a burst of brilliant colors.
Oohs and ahhs skipped across the large crowd gathered in the park and everyone applauded in approval. Ahn surprised Nate by putting her little hands together and clapping along with everyone else.
He automatically looked over at Hallie.
She was smiling over Ahn’s latest achievement, pushing her own disappointment aside to celebrate Ahn doing one more thing that proved Ahn was slowly making progress.
Nate smiled back at her.
Never had he loved Hallie more.
EVERY NIGHT THAT NATE made love to Hallie was as intense as the first night. But after their lovemaking came their pillow-talk time—time to reflect back over their day or to discuss what they each had planned for tomorrow.
Cuddled in their favorite position—her head on his chest, his arm around her, holding her close—they’d already discussed Ahn’s excitement over the fireworks earlier that evening. How Roberta obviously didn’t suspect they were living together—it wasn’t something she would have kept quiet about. Nate had just finished telling Hallie about the meeting he had scheduled in Boston tomorrow with his associate Dirk Gentry.
Their documentary was already garnering attention even though the film wasn’t completed.
“I never expected to get this kind of reaction to the idea,” Nate said. “And I don’t think Dirk did, either.”
“But now that you have received so much attention, you’re ready to run with it, right?”
“Absolutely,” he said. “I’ve been thinking about all the doors this film could open up for me. Of course, if someone had told me six months ago I would give up photojournalism for documentary film, I would have laughed in their face.”
The huge red flag went up so fast Hallie was almost blinded.
Hallie untangled herself from Nate’s embrace and reached over to turn on the bedside light. She brought her knees to her chest as she pulled the sheet up around her.
“That’s what you’re considering? Giving up photojournalism altogether?”
Nate sat up to face her, resting his back against the headboard. “Does that concern you?”
“Yes,” Hallie said. “If you’re thinking about changing careers for all the wrong reasons.”
He frowned. “Okay, Hallie. I can already see where you’re going with this.”
“Good,” Hallie said. “We aren’t living our own lives right now, Nate. We’re living Janet and David’s. And it worries me when I think you’ve forgotten that. Can you really see yourself never going on another international assignment? Because I do not see me continuing this stay-at-home saga and never going back to work.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Truthfully, I don’t know. But I’m not going to lie and say it hasn’t crossed my mind that since we’re together it might be better to call off the readoption.”
“Better for whom, Nate?”
He refused to answer.
“That’s the problem,” Hallie said. “Ahn deserves better. She deserves parents who have chosen to have children and who don’t have any doubts about it.”
He sighed. “I know that. But I love that little girl, Hallie.”
Hallie leaned over and kissed him. “I love her, too, Nate. I want the best for her, which is why we need to love her enough to be who we’re supposed to be to her—her aunt and uncle. We’ll always be there for her. Always. But we can’t cheat Ahn out of the type of parents she deserves.”
Hallie switched off the light.
Nate put both arms around her when she snuggled against him. They stayed that way for a long time. Both awake but neither saying a word.
As she drifted off to sleep, Hallie felt a little better about the situation. She’d told Nate exactly where she stood when it came to the readoption. She’d never let him think because they were together now, she might feel any other way. If she lost Nate in the end, it would break her heart.
But she’d never let Ahn pay the price to keep him.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
IT WAS THE MIDDLE of August—three and a half months since the accident—and Hallie’s hope was fading fast. Ahn still wasn’t talking. The adoption agency had yet to find any couple willing to take a child Ahn’s age with a learning disability. And Hallie’s longing for a life free of domestic obligations seemed too stark a contrast to her day-to-day routine to spend much time contemplating it.
Hallie had been in a blue funk all day. But Sunday always put her in a blue funk.
It was a reminder that another long week would begin tomorrow with nothing for her to look forward to but the same mundane routine that was slowly driving her insane.
She walked out onto the deck to call Nate and Ahn in for lunch. Hallie paused for a moment, leaning against the banister as she watched them on the dock.
They were feeding the wild ducks that were abundant on the pond. Nate had squatted down, keeping Ahn safely between his legs while he handed her pieces of bread to throw. The scene should have warmed Hallie’s heart.
It didn’t.
Out of necessity, they’d become a temporary family. Out of necessity, she and Nate had stopped being who they were and handed their lives over to a two-year-old. And out of necessity, they would keep doing exactly what they were doing until the situation changed.
There were days when Hallie was proud of them for taking responsibility for the niece they both loved. Then there were days like today when she felt as if she were suffocating.
Living in limbo was miserable.
; The only thing that kept her going was the temporary part. Hallie constantly reminded herself that the way they were living wouldn’t last forever. Once Ahn was settled, all three of them would be able to move on with their lives.
What the future held for her and Nate after Ahn, however, Hallie wasn’t sure. He hadn’t said another word about calling off the readoption. But Hallie couldn’t be sure if that was because Nate had realized she was right, or if it was because Nate was holding on to the hope that she would eventually change her mind. Frankly, a part of her didn’t want to know because she simply hadn’t had the energy to fight about it.
Her current ambitions had been reduced to making it through another day having not pulled out her hair. And finding what solace she could in Nate’s arms when night finally rolled around. A far cry from the woman who’d climbed the ladder at the TV station.
There had been some caveats during the past few weeks. Ahn had finally started to pay attention to the other kids in play group—not outright joining in to play with them, but acknowledging their presence. She was also running as well as walking, and the pediatrician had been amazed at how much progress they were making with her physical therapy. Ahn had even started using a spoon to feed herself. Even better, she was eating her vegetables without having to be coaxed.
That thought reminded Hallie why she’d walked outside in the first place. She called out to Nate, telling them to come in for lunch.
Nate looked over his shoulder and waved, so Hallie walked back inside the house.
She’d already set two places at the kitchen bar for her and Nate. By the time she prepared Ahn’s peas and carrots and took Ahn’s dish out of the microwave, Nate was coming out of the bathroom off the kitchen with Ahn. He placed Ahn into her high chair and snapped the tray into place.
“Show Hallie your hands,” he said. “All clean now.”
Ahn, of course, didn’t show her hands to Hallie.
She showed them to Nate instead.
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