“What’s your name?” Rose asked, looking down at Ahn, who was still fascinated by the rabbit’s foot.
“Her name is Ahn,” Nate told Rose. “And she’s actually my niece. I’ve been taking care of her for my brother.”
That truth was even harder for Nate to face.
He’d been substituting Ahn in place of David. Trying to hold on to that one last connection he had to his brother. But it was time to let David go now. And if the Harrises turned out to be the right parents, he had to let Ahn go, too.
But did he have the courage to go through with it?
NATE HAD BEEN GONE so long that Hallie was getting worried. So worried, in fact, she resorted to calling Roberta, even though Hallie had little desire to broadcast the problems she and Nate were having.
“Why, no, Hallie. Nate and Ahn aren’t here. Are they supposed to be?”
“I don’t know where they are, Roberta. Greg called to say he’d scheduled an interview with that couple Liz told me about for two o’clock tomorrow. I was hoping Nate had gone to ask you to babysit.”
“Of course I’ll babysit. Have you tried Nate’s cell?”
“His phone is sitting right here on the counter. It makes me absolutely crazy when he does that. What’s the purpose of having a damn cell phone if you never have it on and never take it with you?”
“Okay,” Roberta said. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“We had an argument about the interview. I think we should meet the couple. And Nate, of course, doesn’t.” So much for not broadcasting their problems. But Hallie was so frustrated, it felt better letting the whole thing out.
“You had to see this coming, Hallie. I warned you not to give Nate false hopes by letting him think you were keeping Ahn.”
“I wasn’t giving him false hopes, Roberta. We had to discuss what we were going to do if we didn’t find new parents. Never once did I lead him to believe I wouldn’t want to interview anyone else.”
“But in Nate’s mind, Ahn already has parents, Hallie. That’s the problem.”
Hallie groaned. “God, this is such a mess. It’s been a mess from day one.”
“Well, regardless of the argument, you know Nate wouldn’t do anything stupid.”
“Does the name Buster ring a bell?”
“Now, Hallie. You love that dog, too.”
“How long should I wait for them to come back before I panic and go out looking?”
“How long have they been gone?”
“About an hour.”
“Don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll be home soon.”
“You might have to come get me out of jail later,” Hallie said. “I’m angry enough to throttle Nate right now.”
“Focus instead on calming down, and stay calm when they get home. Shouting at each other won’t solve a thing. The Colonel and I will come out first thing in the morning and stay with Ahn.”
They said their goodbyes and hung up. Hallie took the phone outside and sat at the patio table to wait.
She was furious with Nate. Yet, she was worried about him, too.
She’d depended on him too much right from the start. She’d let him bear the burden of all the funeral and legal arrangements, taking her own time to grieve without giving him the same opportunity. And the worst thing she’d done was talk him into helping her take care of Ahn.
Now Nate was paying the consequences.
Hallie wiped away a tear.
It only made sense that Nate would see the readoption as another loss. If he let go of Ahn, he’d have to let go of David, too. Why had it taken her so long to figure that out? How could he ever forgive her because she hadn’t?
When she heard the car pull up in the driveway, Hallie forced herself not to get up. Roberta was right. Starting another shouting match wouldn’t solve anything. Besides, at the moment all Hallie wanted to do was fall on her knees and beg Nate’s forgiveness.
Buster came around the corner first, followed by Nate, who carried Ahn.
When he put her down on the deck she ran straight to Hallie. Hallie picked her up for a hug that lasted only a second before Ahn squirmed out of Hallie’s arms and ran to her sandbox.
“Can we talk now?” Hallie asked.
“If I can go first,” he said and sat beside her. “I should have told you where I was going. I took Ahn to see my mother.”
Hallie reached over to clasp his hand. That had to have been hard for him.
“I took her because Greg told me he was certain that these people are the right parents.” He swallowed. “I started a fight with you because that’s the last thing I wanted to hear. I know we owe it to Ahn to see if Greg’s right. And if they are the best parents for her, Hallie, I give you my word—you won’t have any problem from me.”
Hallie planted a kiss on his fingers. “All I’ve ever wanted for Ahn was the best parents, Nate. I don’t want to give her away. I want to give her the brightest future possible.”
“I know that,” he said. “And I want that, too. I won’t let my own selfish reasons stand in the way again.”
Hallie squeezed his hand. “I was just thinking how selfish I’ve been, too. Pushing you into helping me take care of Ahn. Pushing you into my bed. Pushing you to continue with the readoption even when I knew you were having serious doubts. Can you forgive me for not understanding how hard all of this has been on you?”
“I made my own choices, Hallie. There’s nothing to forgive. I love you. And I’ve never had any doubts about that.”
It was the first time he’d said those words out loud.
Nate had shown her in a thousand different ways that he loved her, but he’d never said it. Hallie had held back, too. He’d told her from the beginning that he couldn’t promise her forever. She hadn’t wanted him to think she’d forgotten that.
“I love you, too, Nate” Hallie said. “I always have.”
Regardless of what the future held, for this moment what they had was enough.
HALLIE ROLLED OVER and snuggled against him. Nate pulled the sheet up around her shoulders and waited until the sound of her even breathing told him she had fallen asleep. He’d been lying awake for hours, his stomach in knots over the interview tomorrow.
But he’d given Hallie his word, and he wouldn’t go back on it.
She’d told him she’d been selfish. But so had he. He’d selfishly pushed Hallie into a role she didn’t want. She wanted to be Ahn’s aunt. It had never been her choice to be Ahn’s mother.
They’d talked a long time after they’d made love. She shared her visions for their future if the Harris couple turned out okay. How involved she and Nate could be in Ahn’s life. How they could move back to the city and buy a brownstone where Ahn could have her own bedroom and stay over on a regular basis.
She’d assumed he would eventually pick up overseas assignments after he finished the documentary. She’d even talked about flying to meet him and bringing Ahn when she got older. Nate wasn’t sure why he’d let her assume that, other than the fact that she was only speculating, rather than them committing to any concrete plans.
His assignment days were over. He had too much to lose now.
Before Hallie and Ahn became a part of his life, he’d had nothing to lose. No attachments. No reason to avoid putting himself in harm’s way. His mother hadn’t even known he was alive, and David hadn’t counted. Not because Nate didn’t love his brother, but because David had his own family that always came first.
Family first.
Nate squeezed his eyes shut against an instant flashback: him standing rigid over his father’s casket, holding David’s hand, his arm around his mother’s waist to help keep her standing. He’d hated his father that day. Hated that everyone called him a hero. Hated the fire chief giving the eulogy, saying, “William Brock was an honorable captain who always put his squadron first.”
“What about family first?” Nate had wanted to yell.
He opened his eyes, shaking off that memory.
> Regardless of what happened after tomorrow’s interview, Ahn and Hallie would always be his family. As for what the future held…
He loved Hallie. And he loved Ahn. That much he knew.
But he still had a lot of things to figure out about himself.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
HALLIE COULD TELL Nate was as nervous as she was waiting in Greg’s office. Greg finally walked through the door with a folder in his hand.
He propped a hip on the corner of his desk. “When the Harrises contacted me directly I decided to bypass the adoption agency and interview them personally due to the time crunch we’re in. If you like them and decide to move forward, I’ll have a complete background and criminal check run on them.”
He held up the folder. “I made a few notes during my interview if you want me to go over them.”
Nate stood. “That won’t be necessary. Let’s just get this over with.”
Hallie didn’t disagree.
She headed for the door with Nate. They both knew the personal interview would tell the real story. Hallie just prayed Nate would give them a chance. He’d been stoic all day, but Hallie still suspected underneath his calm exterior there was a bubbling volcano ready to erupt at any minute.
She said a silent prayer that wouldn’t happen.
Hallie could already see the couple through the glass walls of the boardroom as Greg escorted them down the hallway, but their backs were to her. She glanced at Nate one last time before they reached the boardroom. He still had the same impassive look on his face.
Hallie would take impassive.
Jen turned around when they entered.
“From the shocked looks on your faces I assume no one told you I was Vietnamese,” Jen said.
“No,” Hallie finally said. “We had no idea.”
Jen smiled. “What a shame. I was hoping to use that to my advantage.”
Hallie liked her immediately.
“Thank you, honey,” Ben said, putting his arm around her, “for showing these nice people how incredibly tactful you aren’t.”
Everyone laughed, including Nate. Hallie began to relax a little.
Even Nate couldn’t deny that Ben and Jen were a striking couple. Ben was as handsome as Jen was pretty, both dressed stylishly. Everything about them said successful, polished and educated.
Greg made the formal introductions then left them alone to get acquainted. Nate and Ben did the obligatory handshake, but Jen had Hallie in a hug before Hallie saw it coming.
“I’m so sorry about your sister and your brother-in law,” Jen said when she stepped back.
“I’m sorry for your loss, as well,” Hallie told her.
“Thank you,” Jen said and nodded toward the guys. “I just heard Ben say something about the Red Sox. That’ll be a thirty-minute conversation.”
“Maybe longer,” Hallie said. “Nate’s a big Red Sox fan, too.”
“Let’s go over there,” Jen said.
They sat at the far end of the table. Jen took both of Hallie’s hands in her own.
“Now,” she said, “tell me all about Ahn.”
Hallie hadn’t felt this close to a woman since Janet.
“She’s amazing,” Hallie said. “She’s had some developmental issues due to the time she spent in the orphan age, but she’s extremely bright and the extra time Nate and I have been able to spend with her has helped her overcome most of those problems. Our goal right now is potty training. She’s doing better than I expected, and she wears pull-ups during the day, but we’re not quite there yet. Her speech is improving every day and she’s walking—no, running well. She already knows her colors and she’s learning the alphabet and her numbers. When Janet and David first adopted her she didn’t engage with people. She’s doing much better with the adults she sees regularly. With other children Ahn is up and down. Sometimes she plays with them, sometimes not. But at least she acknowledges their presence, even if she doesn’t share or join them.
“She’ll be three in February, and, according to the psychologist we’ve been working with, she’s finally catching up with children her age.”
Hallie pulled a picture from her purse. Ahn in her sandbox grinning for the camera. “Nate took this yesterday.”
Hallie watched Jen’s expression as she studied the picture. Janet’s a sudden rush of joy came to mind.
“She’s gorgeous,” Jen said, looking at Hallie as she handed her the picture.
“Believe me, she knows it,” Hallie said. “She’s quite the little diva. And she’s a shameless flirt.”
“My kind of woman,” Jen said.
They both laughed.
Jen’s expression turned serious. “I can tell you’re crazy about Ahn, Hallie. So I’m going to ask the obvious. Why the adoption?”
“I want Ahn to have the type of mother she had in Janet. A mother who puts being a mother above anything or anyone else. Who is one hundred percent certain she wants to be a parent. And who is happy with herself for making that decision.”
“And you aren’t a Janet,” Jen said.
“No,” Hallie said. “I’m not a Janet.”
Jen smiled. “Good news. I am.”
“What else should I know about you?”
“Well, I’m originally from New York and my parents came to the U.S. after the fall of Saigon at the end of the Vietnam War. They scrimped and saved and opened the restaurant they still run in Brooklyn. All five of us kids were born here. I’m the middle child. I have two older brothers and two younger sisters and my parents made sure we all had college educations.” She paused before she said, “I guess the point I’m trying to make is that I have a large, loving family to share with Ahn, Hallie, and they would welcome her with open arms the same way they would welcome you and Nate.”
What a blessing that would be to have a large family.
“How did you meet Ben?”
Jen glanced across the room at Ben and smiled. The love she felt was evident.
“Ben’s father introduced us, actually. I was in New Jersey working on Senator Harris’s fundraising committee and he dropped by our campaign headquarters for a visit. He was immediately impressed with me, of course.” She laughed at that. “And he told me I was the most delightful young woman he’d met in a long time and that he would like to introduce me to his son. I didn’t realize he meant right then. But the next thing I knew, he was motioning Ben over. I fell in love instantly.” Jen looked up. “And here Ben is walking in our direction now.”
“Time to switch,” Ben said, smiling at Hallie. “Nate and I have already solved all of the Red Sox lineup problems.”
He sat beside Hallie.
“May I?” he asked, pointing to the picture Hallie was still holding.
Hallie studied Ben’s expression. Wistful maybe?
He handed the picture back to Hallie. “Our first daughter would have been five next month. And our second daughter would have been the age Ahn is now. Nate asked me if I was ready to become a father, so I’ll tell you what I told him. I’m already a father. I already know what it’s like to have a father’s hopes and dreams for his little girls. And I know the type of love only a parent can feel for a child. All I’m hoping for right now is a chance for Jen and me to meet Ahn. But you have my promise that if we do bond with Ahn and we are lucky enough to have her as our daughter, she will be loved, and cared for, and treasured the same way our own precious daughters would have been.”
Hallie reached out and touched Ben’s arm, but the words were stuck in her throat.
He patted Hallie’s hand, as if to say he understood.
NATE HADN’T EXPECTED to like Ben. But he did. Ben was a straight-up guy who didn’t dodge questions and looked him straight in the eye. He’d sized Ben up in a matter of seconds. But Jen was a different story.
Nate could tell she was sizing him up, yet nothing about her put him on the defensive. She didn’t seem pretentious. Nor did she appear to be judgmental.
Genuine.
&
nbsp; Yeah, that was the word he would use to describe her.
“Hallie explained why she feels adoption is the right choice for Ahn,” she said. “Would you mind telling me how you feel about it?”
Nate refused to lie about it. “Truthfully, I’m not convinced adoption is the best choice for Ahn. I’m still struggling with that. But I want whatever situation is going to help her live up to her potential. That’s why I’m here. I owe it to Ahn to meet you.”
He couldn’t tell if she liked his answer.
“I appreciate your honesty. And I’ll be honest with you. Ben and I have our concerns about Ahn’s age. When we decided to adopt, we had an infant in mind.”
“I can understand that,” Nate said. “Ahn’s age is a big factor for us, too. Uprooting her again could have serious consequences if we wait much longer. That’s a large part of my concern.”
“I agree. This is an important decision for all of us. There’s no room for mistakes where a child’s future is concerned.”
No room for mistakes. Nate couldn’t have said it better.
Jen smiled at him. “Ahn is extremely fortunate to have you and Hallie, Nate. It takes exceptional people to assume responsibility for children. Regardless of whether we move forward after today, I want you to know I admire you both.”
“Thank you” seemed inadequate but it was all Nate could think to say.
As Ben and Hallie approached, Nate didn’t have to wonder if Hallie thought Jen and Ben were also exceptional people. He could see it on her face.
Hallie had asked him to keep an open mind. To do the right thing for Ahn.
Ben and Jen could very well be the right thing.
“THAT WAS THE SHOCK of a lifetime,” Hallie told Nate as soon as they left Greg’s office. “I still can’t believe Liz or Greg didn’t mention Jen was Vietnamese.”
“There was no reason for them to mention it,” he said. “It shouldn’t matter.”
“But it really does matter when you think about it, Nate. Don’t you realize how important it would be to Ahn to have the opportunity to be exposed to her own culture? To actually have Vietnamese family of her own?”
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