“To a psychiatrist, because I’d be out of my mind.”
“Ouch.”
“Where does this odd concern come from. I know I shouldn’t ask and that I’ll regret doing so for all eternity, but where?”
“I’m glad my teachers in school were more supportive of my inquisitive mind.”
“They simply wanted you to graduate so they would be done with you. I’m stuck with you forever.”
I whirled my hands in the air. “The excavating thing?”
He rested a hand on his chin. “Large scale excavating? Hmm. I suppose I’d ask the Department of Reconstruction and Recovery.”
“The DR&R? They built the worldships, but now they just make little expansions and additions.”
“You asked. I answered. Now come, where does this lead?”
“I did some thinking, last night. To try and ignore the screams, I noodled with the idea of digging great pits and caves on a planet.”
“Why would you want to do such a wasteful thing? What had the planet ever done to you?”
“The planet itself, nothing. The inhabitants? Well, they annoyed me.”
“Annoy Jon Ryan and he excavates your world? The punishment seems to exceed the crime.”
“They really annoyed me then.”
“And why would you want to pit the surface of this offensive race?”
“I don’t. Remember? I was just thinking.”
He scowled and picked up his tools again. “The four most worrisome words to come from Jon Ryan’s mouth.”
TWENTY-TWO
I made it a point to be on the agenda of the next Defense Council meeting. They took place weekly and on an as-needed basis. I’d been to my share over the years in various capacities, but this was my first meeting in a long time. I spoke as an officer in TCY.
“The secretary recognizes General Ryan,” said Bin Li officially. “To what do we owe this honor, General?”
“Decide if it’s an honor after I’m done. You can hardly tell with me sometimes.”
Those in the room laughed politely.
“I would like to ask the council to consider a strategic option.”
A quiet murmur went up.
“For you, anything is possible. However, this is not the usual forum for brainstorming. Usually we approve finalized plans.”
“I realize that. Nowadays, I’m not associated with a group that does such preparatory work.”
“What do you propose, Jon?” Asked Alexis. As US president, she was naturally on the council.
“A surprise for some old friends who are not actually friends—and for some new ones, who aren’t really friends either.”
“I doubt the council will welcome riddles, General Ryan.” That was Gabriel Newman, a senior strategist to the council. He was also not counted among my many fans or admirers.
“Then I shall avoid them, Gabe. Just for you. I’ll use little words when possible too, if you’d like.”
“I’m certain the Council would welcome sarcasm as much as it welcomes riddles,” he said with a very sour face.
“Well, if it welcomes you, it is clearly tolerant.” Sorry. I had to bust his chops a little.
“What, specifically, are you envisioning?” Bin asked quickly.
“I would like to lead a diplomatic mission to LH 16a. There, I would like to discuss military options with Gortantor.”
“The Jinicgus leader?” asked Gabriel incredulously. “We don’t have a military pact with them.”
“Still,” I said holding up my arms, “they are threatened by the Berrillians. If not formal members of the Alliance, they are kindred spirits.”
“Kindred spirits who tried to kill you after you fired on them,” scoffed Gabriel.
“It was a failure to communicate. Nothing more. I wish to build bridges, not topple them.”
“A new Jon Ryan, three centuries into the old one?” asked Gabriel sarcastically.
“Jon,” asked Alexis, “why you? Surely, they hate you as much as any race does. What good could come of your visit?”
“Yes, if you truly wish their cooperation, why not send diplomats?” asked Bin.
“Because as well as diplomats lie, they aren’t necessarily good poker players.”
“You wish to play cards with your enemies?” asked Gabriel.
“Metaphorically, yes. Yes, I do.” I smiled real big. “Oh, and I’d like authorization to begin the rapid and expansive excavation of Rigel 12.”
“What?” burst from Gabriel’s mouth. “Again, we have no formal ties with the Luminarians. And why would they want their planet excavated?”
“I doubt they would,” I replied. “But I also doubt they’d bother to object.”
“You can’t just go drill the face off someone else’s planet for no reason and without consent,” protested Gabriel.
“Consent, maybe I’ll give you. But I have an excellent reason.”
“And who would be doing this large-scale digging, Jon?” asked Alexis.
“I have a proposal in front of you authored by DR&R. Turns out they’d love to rip up a lot of rocks again. It’s in their DNA, I guess.”
Two months later, I was off to LH 16a. The UN had made a request for a formal audience with Gortantor. After negotiations bordering on squabbling and concessions edging on blackmail, a limited visit was granted. He didn’t, to his discredit, ask who was coming to dinner. My oh my, was he in for a shock. I toyed with the idea of taking Molly along. I needed a foil if my plan was to work. But she was too sweet, innocent, and Gortantor probably hated her more than he did me. I wanted to play those suckers, not tempt fate.
There was a TV show from the mid twentieth century I watched on my Ark 1 voyage. It was called Mission Impossible. At the start of the show, this super spy went through his files by throwing them on a table to find the right personnel for that episode’s caper. I did the same in my head, searching for the right accomplice. Kendra would do it, but she’d probably kill Gortantor first, then try and set him up. Amanda would do it, but I preferred not to use a woman again. I didn’t want to seem too obvious.
What dude? Toño and Carlos would go, but they were too honest to fool most living creatures. One of my Deavoriath posse was an option, but they were scary to a lot of races. Heath? He was getting old, and I intimidated him. Might show through in his performance. JJ. Of course. He’d do anything, say anything, or be anything if it was fun, irreverent, and led to someone somewhere having egg on their face. He would be my aide. No, my handler. Perfect.
We landed Shearwater close to Gortantor’s palace. As we were expected, a guard was waiting. I hesitate to refer to them as an honor guard. I think they were more under orders to be a shoot first and ask questions later kind of guard. The Jinicgus were highly suspicious on one of their rare good days. After I exited, it took a second, then squeals rose from the soldiers. Some of them must have recognized me. The good news was none of them fired on me at that juncture.
JJ followed me out. I had dressed him in the most preposterous, pompous, overblown getup I could fashion. He had a huge golden crown with way too many jewels pasted on. They were the best fake stones money could buy. He had a massive, flowing red cape with white piping, black leather boots to mid-thigh, and a monocle. Yeah, that touch was the pièce de résistance. JJ looked like a guy who’d lost a bet and was forced to dress like a dandy with poor taste. Brilliant. I wanted him to be distracting.
“You will follow us,” said the leader of the squad.
Half the guard went in front of us and the other half split off and came in behind. The ones in back kept tripping over JJ’s cape, mostly because he walked at an irregular pace in order to have them do just that. They kept dropping farther and farther behind to avoid the sweep of the fabric, but JJ continued to knock them down with regularity.
We entered the same assembly hall we met Gortantor in before.
“Wait here until his lordship finds the time to accept your presence,” said the same guy.
&
nbsp; “No worries,” I replied. “My schedule is clear for the whole morning.”
“What? Are you mocking me?” snapped the little bozo.
“No. Whatever gave you that impression? You’re kind of touchy, aren’t you?”
“I am not touchy, whatever that is. I will not be toyed with. To insult me is to insult my great lord. That will not be permitted.”
“He means to insult us both, Kaperghee.”
All eye swung to see Gortantor stepping through the curtains that partitioned the room. Everyone but the guards dropped prostrate to the floor. JJ and I remained standing.
“I must say, Ryan, it is both revolting and a pleasure to see you again. The obvious pleasure is that I will be able to witness your dismemberment and hear your cries for mercy personally. Otherwise, to see you again is profoundly distressing.”
“Yeah,” I responded, “I kind of have that effect on people. But, before we get all sentimental and speak of good times past, I need to remind you we are on a diplomatic mission with significant implications for your subjects.”
“Yes, I was told a representative would present military information of critical importance. Had I dreamed it would be you, I would have refused this audience.”
“That would have been a serious mistake.”
Again, squeals shot up from the crowd. Apparently one did not use the word mistake when discussing anything Gortantor did.
He glared at me for a moment, then his expression eased. “And who is this individual foolish enough to come here in your company?”
“You do not know this luminary on sight? Wait, is it you who mocks us now?”
“Ryan, I am never in the mood to play games, and I am especially not so when you are involved. Why should I know this person?”
JJ rested two fingers on my arm to stop me from responding. He cleared his throat softly, then spoke. “Perhaps it is possible this fine gentleman does not know me. Please. It is no insult to be unrecognized by a race so removed from the general flow of culture in the galaxy. Really, General Ryan, it is not their fault they live in aboriginal bliss.”
“I suppose it is conceivable,” I agreed. I straightened up and held a hand on JJ’s shoulder. “This, Lord Gortantor, is Jayjissimus, the Grand Poobah of Kaljax and all its colonial holdings. He is the seven-times blessed master of Beerism, the sacred religion of his people. He is also the intellectual leader of the cult of Gridiron, an ancient ceremony that is used to separate the men from the boys on his world.”
“Jayjissimus?” Gortantor said dubiously. “I sense another mocking, another joke in the worst of taste. I sense also that the appointed hour when you meet death, Ryan, draws near.”
JJ grabbed at my shoulder, demonstrating he was having trouble remaining erect. He shook like a thin leaf in a major storm. “I told you I did not wish to accompany you, you traitorous rodent. You forced me to depart from the adulation of my adoring subjects to be belittled and threatened by this…this…” JJ could no longer speak, he was so upset.
“Need I remind you why your monumental presence was necessary? It certainly wasn’t my idea to drag you along.”
JJ demonstrated considerable effort trying to calm himself. He took many deep breaths. “Yes,” he finally said, “you’re right. It probably is for the best … even though these people do fail to appreciate who I am and the honor I do them in coming.”
“Are you two fools about done with your performance? I was weary of it at its start and am now positively bored,” said Gortantor.
“Look, we’re getting off task here,” I responded. “I think I should present you with the information you need to know. Then we can decide if our staying longer will be beneficial or not.”
“There is,” Gortantor said slowly, “so much wrong with your last remark, I do not know where to begin. Let me start with the observation that no sovereign government would send you to inform me of anything. They would know beforehand that I hate and distrust you, so it’s inconceivable that I believe a word you say.”
“No, don’t you see? That’s exactly the point. Thank you for honestly admitting the inherent wisdom of our design.”
He waved a guard over and took his weapon. Pointing it at me, he said, “I’m about ready to shoot you. What don’t I see? I admit to nothing. I observe absolutely no wisdom exiting your mouth.” He clicked the gun's safety switch.
There was so much at stake, I had to force myself not to disintegrate the little insect then and there. But he was no good to me dead. Not yet.
“If my government sent any typical diplomat, you would be uncertain whether to trust them or not. By sending me, they wish to express that the message I must deliver is so obviously true and in the Jinicgus’s best interest that you had to accept it from someone you couldn’t trust.”
“That is illogical, insane, and mind-bogglingly stupid, all at once.”
I think he was disinclined to buy it just yet.
“To make certain you hear and accept my message, my government went to the extreme cost and trouble of convincing the Grand Poobah Jayjissimus to accompany me. They were certain you knew of him and that his presence would indicate the validity of their motives.”
I looked at JJ in disbelief. “I guess they really don’t know who you are.”
JJ’s shoulders dropped. He shook his head. “It is hard to imagine, but I suppose we must take him at his word that they know me not.” He sighed. “My life’s work is apparently not done.”
“Wait. Hold on,” said Gortantor. “I, of course, know of the Grand Poobah. I am no backwater rube. My people know of him. Also, I assure you. I simply mean to say two things. First, I do not know him personally. Second, though I know he is a man of great distinction, that alone is not a guarantee I’ll accept the word of Ryan in any matter.”
JJ developed the most hopeful look in his eyes, all four of them.
“I feel it is best if you deliver your message, Ryan. Then we can discuss it and your credibility.”
“That would be peachy,” replied JJ.
“Fine. My message is one of friendship and hope for the future, Gortantor. As you know only too well, the Berrillian threat is real, and it is ever-present. Though there is no formal alliance between our cultures, we feel we are brothers in this fight. All of us.
“Here is the information I am sent to convey. One, we will re-extend an offer of formal alliance between our worlds. Two, in case you are openly attacked by our common enemy, we shall be glad to assist you in your defense, if requested. Three, should the unthinkable happen and the Berrillians come to dominate your world, we offer you sanctuary. That is the essence of our proposal. Detailed written summaries are contained on this disk.” I held up an info-disk and set it on the table.
I could almost hear the gears spinning in his tiny head. He was trying to figure out if I meant a word of what I’d said. Also, he was trying to glean what my angle was because I had to be trying to trick him.
I crossed my fingers that he wasn’t nearly smart enough to pull any of this off.
Finally, he spoke. “Your offer for a formal relationship has been addressed before. I will, however, reconsider it in light of your current remarks. As to accepting aid if attacked, though your offer is magnanimous, I must decline it. We will be the single guarantors of our future. Finally, as to a sanctuary, I am certain we won’t require one.”
Hmm. He didn’t even nibble at the bait.
“The idea,” he went on, “of abandoning our planet is repugnant. We will never be content as a species living under the rules and conventions of an alien power.”
However. Please, can I get a however? I thought.
“However, I am curious where this sanctuary might be, so I can contemplate if we will demean ourselves by voyaging there should the unthinkable occur.”
Excuse me while I set this hook.
“Ah, I’m not at liberty to discuss the specifics of Sanctuary. I’m only at liberty to discuss specifics only if evacuation is needed. I’
m certain you understand?”
“Ah,” Gortantor responded triumphantly, “then you have failed. You have told me that it is a single place named Sanctuary. So, if I can determine which Alliance planet bears that name, I shall know where it is.”
JJ looked at me like I’d just farted, loud and juicy.
“Thank you, Jayjissimus, for confirming my observation. You see, gentlemen, you are children playing an adults game with me. Pray I only pick your brains like exotic desserts and do you no worse harm.”
“I said specifics of the sanctuary, meaning the word in its general implications,” I protested.
“You most certainly did not. You referred to a specific planet. Come, tell me where it is, and we shall part as friends.” He put on a neutral expression. “If there is no trust, there can be no trust. If I do not know where you would have my people would go, how can I determine if it is in their best interest to go there?”
“I… well, for security purposes my government felt it was best to keep certain matters nebulous.”
“Fine, fine. We shall discuss nebulous things in more detail at dinner. You and the Grand Poobah will join me here at dusk. In the meantime, as my guests, you are free to explore my city or do as you please. Until this evening, I bid you goodbye.”
Hook planted. Time to reel him in. Too bad he was too small to be a keeper.
A few hours later we returned to the palace. JJ had on a variant of his former ridiculous costume, this one designed to look more formal, more conservative. Well, it did have a big feather sticking out of his crown and vividly colored sequins dangling from his arms, but it said conservative to me. I’d done some quick checking that afternoon. The food would clearly not bother me, but since it killed Berrillians, I didn’t want to poison my son. It turned out there was no real threat, but I told him to nibble, just in case.
It turned out it didn’t matter. He found what they offered revolting, both visually and on his palate. I saw his point. Their cuisine was bitter, slimy, and extremely salty. LH 16a would never be on a foodie’s bucket list.
“So, Ryan,” asked Gortantor, “what do you think of our offerings? Have you eaten our food before?”
The Forever Peace (The Forever Series Book 6) Page 17
