Mairi could only nod, still not believing what she had witnessed.
Reynard galloped away from the circle as the sounds of battle died down around them.
“No,” Ramos groaned.
After all he’d gone through, Reynard was escaping.
Having dispatched his second attacker, Ramos leaned heavily on his sword, catching his breath. He had to follow. Had to stop his father. Otherwise Mairi would be stuck here forever and it would be his fault. He would have failed her. And his destiny.
Mairi!
When he’d heard her scream, he’d feared the worst. But then he’d seen her skulking around the edge of the circle, exactly as he’d told her not to do. She was, without a doubt the most obstinate, pigheaded woman he’d ever known.
Now she sat on the ground next to Sallie, who cradled Ran’s head and shoulders in her lap, rocking back and forth.
He would check on them, make sure they were all right, before he went after Reynard. Miraculously Caden was here somewhere, he knew. He’d get the young man’s assurance he would look after Mairi. Then Ramos could be on his way.
But first he was drawn to Mairi’s side, as iron filings are drawn to a magnet. The need to touch her, to see for himself she was unharmed, was too strong to resist.
She looked up as he approached and surged to her feet, throwing her body against his, her arms around his neck, her face buried in his shoulder.
“Thank the Fates. I was terrified,” she breathed into his ear.
He stiffened at her words. He should have realized she would be frightened. He’d left her alone, vulnerable to their enemies, when he’d stepped into that circle. But he’d had no choice. If he didn’t deal with his father, her life would be ruined.
“I did what I had to do. Those men had no idea you were here. You would have been perfectly safe if you had stayed hidden, as I told you to.”
She pulled away from him, her eyes blazing. “If I had…” She blustered to a stop. “It’s no my safety I’m talking about, you great oaf, it’s yers. Yer never, ever to walk into something like that again with no backup, do you hear me?”
Ramos had no idea how to answer her. She constantly surprised him, never saying or doing what he expected.
He pulled her hands from his neck, but couldn’t quite make himself let go, wondering for the briefest moment what it would feel like to be the man Mairi truly fell in love with one day, allowing himself finally to acknowledge that he wished he could be that man.
But it was not to be. Not now that she knew who he was. Who his father was. He’d seen the shock on her face when he’d told her back in that little hut. And to compound matters, his failure to fulfill his destiny would trap Mairi in this time. No, his only hope was to distance himself from her, to pull away before his wounds were too deep.
“You’ve no reason to worry about me. I can take care of myself. For now, you’ll stay with Caden while I go after my…” He couldn’t bring himself to voice it again. “After Reynard.”
“No. I canna allow you to do that.” She stared up at him, remaining very still, her body close to his, her hands clasped within his.
“Pardon?” She wouldn’t allow him to go?
Though she constantly refused to do as she was told, always required rescue, wandering from one disaster to another, she now arrogantly assumed she had the right to tell him what she would allow him to do, as she might some hired hand?
Apparently the lady had more in common with her Faerie ancestors than he’d realized.
“Careful, princess,” he cautioned. “Your royal heritage is showing. You’re so sure of yourself, aren’t you? I know all about your kind.”
Her mouth fell open as she pushed out of his arms, backing away from him. “You know nothing of me. Sure of myself? Hardly. I’ve spent the last nine years of my life doubting my every action, my every word. Doubting everything, right down to the reason I live. Doubting my ability to ever be sure of myself again. You’ve no concept of my life.”
Mairi turned away, pacing, but returned to stand in front of him to jab her index finger into his chest. “I’ve no been sure of myself since the day my cousin’s betrayal taught me I knew nothing about the world. Until now. I am sure about this. You canna destroy that man. You canna put at risk the whole of history and who knows what else.”
“History will thank me for it.”
She poked him again, repeatedly, harder with each sentence. “No they won’t, because you’ll no ever have even been. If you do away with yer father centuries before yer born, you’ll never exist. Destroying him now will destroy you. Have you no thought of that?”
Ramos captured her hand, holding it against his heart. “Of course I have. But it doesn’t matter anymore. I have to do this, Mairi. It’s my destiny to put an end to his evil. If I don’t, you’ll be stuck here in this time, away from your family forever. I won’t be the cause of that happening to you. All that matters is getting you safely home.”
“I dinna want to go home without you. I love you, dinna you realize that yet?”
“You can’t!” he yelled. “You know what I am.”
“I dinna care, Ramos.” She clutched the fabric of his shirt, fisting it in her hands. “I’d rather spend the rest of my life in the thirteenth century with you than one moment in any other time without you. Would it be so awful for you to stay here with me?”
How could she say those things still? After he’d told her everything? There was no way she could possibly mean it.
It would be too easy to delude himself, too easy to believe the words he wanted so desperately to hear. He had to go now, before it was too late.
“I have to fulfill my destiny.” Pulling her hands from his shirt, he backed a few steps away, hoping to break the hold she seemed to have on him. One deep breath to steel himself, then he turned and sprinted to the spot where he’d left his horse.
Directing his mount to the far side of the clearing, he hoped to avoid any further distraction as he picked up the trail his father had left.
One last look back was all he wanted, he told himself, before he spurred his horse to action.
She stood as he’d left her, arms limply at her sides. It appeared as if she hadn’t moved at all.
His imagination was surely playing tricks on him, though, because if he didn’t know better, he’d swear she was crying when she yelled something after him.
Something about his destiny.
“That’s no yer destiny!” Mairi called, watching as Ramos rode away. “I’m yer destiny,” she added in a whisper, turning to lean her forehead against one of the massive ancient stones, her legs no longer willing to hold her body up.
Her eyes had begun to blur so it took her a moment to realize what she saw on the stone. It was etched with an intricate archway, and in the center of the archway there was a carving of a snake with a slash through it.
She’d seen that symbol before, glistening in the firelight on Ramos’s shoulder.
What was it he’d told her? He was a Guardian. Apparently this was part of what he was intended to guard. This stupid stone doorway.
And now he was gone. Forever.
Tears rolled down her cheeks, faster and faster.
Damn, damn, damn.
He’d made her cry. In front of everyone. She hadn’t allowed anyone that power over her in nine years.
If he came back, she’d make him pay for that.
When, not if! When!
She couldn’t bear the thought he wouldn’t return. The silent tears running down her cheeks morphed into all-out sobs, bringing Caden to her side, holding her up when she would have collapsed.
“There, there, Mairi. Yer going to be all right.” Caden held her, petting her as he might an inconsolable child.
That’s exactly how she felt. She shook her head in response to him, unable to stop crying long enough to form words. It seemed as though the dam that had held for almost a decade was splintered, and the tears would not stop.
; “Come now, Cousin. Yer a strong one. You’ve been through much worse at the hands of a man you care for. At least this one is trying to do what he thinks is best for you, is he no?”
Caden knew who she really was?
She took a shaky breath. “You know?” she managed through the tears.
He continued to stroke her hair. “Aye. Mother had a bit of explaining to do after yer fancy medications. For now, let Ramos do as he needs to. Each man must follow his own path. Dinna fash yerself lass—we’re yer family, too. You’ve always a home here with us.”
A home with them—but without Ramos? Her breath caught and the weeping overtook her again. She didn’t want to be anywhere, in any time, without Ramos.
“You dinna understand,” she wailed, gulping for air between sobs. “I won’t even know what happens to him.” She buried her face in her cousin’s big shoulder.
“Come along, lass. Pull yerself together. Let’s go home.” Caden wiped the tears from her cheeks clumsily with his big hands before placing a brotherly kiss on her forehead. “Mother’s waiting impatiently for all of us to get back to Dun Ard where we belong.”
Mairi nodded weakly and allowed her cousin to pull her along after him, but she knew Caden was wrong. She didn’t belong at Dun Ard. She belonged with Ramos. And without him, it was exactly as she had feared for the last nine years: she didn’t belong anywhere.
Twenty-six
He had to be very close now.
When Ramos had found the campsite early this morning, the ashes from the fire pit had still been warm. He had known then that the time to confront his father was at hand.
After a full day of riding hard, following his father’s tracks, Ramos became aware of the sounds and smells from the seaport town ahead of him.
Cromarty would be the site where he would avenge himself.
Redeem, not avenge.
Redeem himself. That was what he’d meant. Wasn’t it?
Ramos shook his head in a physical attempt to throw off the doubt left behind by Mairi’s earlier accusation. Her words had followed him on his journey, eating away at the back of his mind whenever he dropped his mental guard.
It wasn’t revenge he sought. She was wrong. She had to be. It was guilt that plagued his soul, not simple, selfish hatred of the man who had betrayed him.
He couldn’t afford to second-guess himself at this point. He was too near his goal.
Ramos slowed his mount, his Fae senses on full alert. He would need to be cautious, planning every move carefully. His father was close by.
He would begin his search for Reynard near the docks. Every instinct told him his father would be headed home to Switzerland and the comfort of Adira. Home to lick the wounds of his failure.
Reynard hated failing at anything. He would be angry and at his most dangerous now, requiring all the more patience and caution on Ramos’s part. He was a full-blooded Fae living on the Mortal Plain. According to everything Ramos had ever been taught, there was nothing in this world that could bring harm to his father. He could only be destroyed in the Realm of Faerie. The one place he was forbidden to go.
It wasn’t difficult to locate the little hole in the wall where passage on various ships departing the port could be booked. After slipping a single gold coin to the grizzled old man behind the counter, Ramos found it equally easy to verify that Reynard had indeed booked passage. Another coin and the clerk eagerly divulged the location of the inn where Reynard lodged, waiting for his ship’s sailing date.
Ramos’s steps slowed as he neared the entrance to the Dolphin’s Head Inn. The stench of unwashed bodies and old ale assaulted his nose as he pushed open the door.
Slipping inside, he gratefully blended into the shadows, the crowd in the tavern making his entry all the more difficult to detect.
He spotted Reynard almost immediately, across the room at a table in the corner, his face a mask of unconcerned disdain as he surveyed his surroundings.
Staying to the dark edges of the room, Ramos found a small, dirty table against the wall and ordered ale. The old man who delivered the metal cup to him grinned a toothless smile before snatching up the coin Ramos tossed to the table.
Taking his first sip, he studied his father and considered how to deal with the situation. Although Mairi would be trapped in this time if he didn’t fulfill his destiny, the seeds of doubt she had planted continued to grow. If he couldn’t reassure himself of the purity of his motivation, he didn’t think he could challenge his father. And if he did challenge him, he had no idea how he would defeat the man.
Even if he could find some way to destroy Reynard, Mairi’s warning against violating the Faerie edict about altering history rang in his ears. Was killing Reynard worth such a risk to the future of all mankind?
Ramos finished his drink, lost in his dark dilemma, all the while watching the lone figure across the room.
It suddenly struck him that his father was always alone. From the first moment Ramos had been brought to Reynard’s villa to live, he had never known the Fae to trust or confide in anyone. For so many years, he had hoped to become that confidant to Reynard. He had longed to be the one person his father would turn to for aid in his fight against the evil enemy.
Of course, that was before he found out Reynard and his people were the evil enemy.
Before he learned his father had lied to him, betrayed him, used him his entire life. Before he accepted that Reynard had no more care for him—his own son—than someone he considered an adversary.
Before he had been forced to admit that his father had never loved him.
Ramos looked down at his clenched, trembling hand, the empty cup he held crushed under the force of his emotion.
What had he expected? In fairness, Reynard had never feigned fatherly affection. He had never claimed to love his son.
Only one person had ever claimed to love him.
Mairi.
The one person for whom he would gladly sacrifice his life. The one person he loved in return.
Perhaps she had been closer to the truth than he realized when she accused him of wanting revenge in seeking his father. Was it also the truth when she declared her love for him? Had she meant it when she’d said she would rather spend forever in this time with him than go home without him?
He could think of only one way to find out.
Twenty-seven
You need to eat. You’ll have no strength left to work the fool garden if you continue on this way.” Sallie stood at the entrance to the partially walled area, impatiently tapping her foot.
“I’ll eat after a bit. I’m no hungry just yet. Go on without me.” Mairi hadn’t been hungry for the last week. Food didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Ramos was gone.
“I’m telling Mother. We’ll see what you have to say then.” Sallie turned with a swish of fabric, almost running back to the castle.
Mairi shrugged and continued digging in the soft, wet soil, knowing her aunt would be out soon.
With Alycie gone from Dun Ard, the men had stopped work on the small chapel they’d been building for her. Rock walls had been started, but all that had been finished was a large archway at the front, with the walls on each side no more than a two-foot-high outline of the rectangle the building had been intended to be.
Mairi’s first morning back at Dun Ard, Rosalyn had held her through a round of tears and then pulled her from her room and brought her out to this spot.
“You need something to occupy yer time while you wait for yer man to return,” she’d said, dragging Mairi by the hand into the walled area. “I should know. I’ve had some experience in waiting for a man in my day.”
“It’s no the same. He isna returning. He willna be able to.” The tears had started again, as if they’d never dry up.
Rosalyn shook her head, and lifted a hand to stop all protests. “We’re no going to be thinking like that now. With the first snow melted, it’s a good time to turn the earth here to prepare this patch. You can use the ston
es they gathered for the walls to build yer plant beds. In the spring, you can take plants from my herb garden and begin one of yer own. It’ll give you focus for yer mind while you wait.”
It had been easier to do as her aunt asked than to argue. And after the third day, Mairi had found that being alone out here with her hands busy did relieve her mind somewhat. She was too tired at night to do more than bathe and fall into bed.
Meals were the hardest, when everyone attempted to keep the conversation light and avoid any mention of Ramos. It had come as a shock to her at last evening’s meal to notice Caden join them for the first time in a week. It was with guilt she realized her cousin must have been suffering his own loss through all of this. She hadn’t given a thought to Alycie since she’d been back.
Caden had thrown himself into a new project just as she had. Apparently Rosalyn felt physical labor was a cure for all ailments of the heart.
Caden was building a new bathhouse, saying that he had no choice; either build it or run the risk of losing all their servants to broken backs caused by carrying water for Mairi’s nightly baths.
She’d almost smiled at that.
She did smile now, thinking about it as she placed rocks around the last of the individual beds she planned.
The grin faded as her mind continued to race. Losing Ramos was the single most horrible thing she’d ever experienced, and the pain of that loss was compounded by her overriding burden of guilt. Guilt about what future damage she was responsible for causing by having changed history. She knew if she had it to do over again she wouldn’t hesitate to save Sallie’s life, but she worried constantly about the ultimate cost for what she had done.
Not knowing what that price would be, or who would have to pay it, filled her heart with dread. But that was nothing compared to her grief at having no way of knowing Ramos’s fate.
When she heard the crunch of steps on the gravel behind her, she didn’t bother to turn from her task. Instead she steeled herself for the lecture she would receive from her aunt for not eating again.
Soul of a Highlander Page 26
