by Candis Terry
“So what’s your biggest fear?”
“That I’ll lose her.”
“You’re afraid she’d quit being your assistant?”
“Sure, that. But I’m more afraid that she’ll walk out of my life for good.”
“And yet here you sit on a stupid rock feeling sorry for yourself.” Ethan grinned to take the sting off the truth.
“What about you? When was the last time you talked to Emily?”
“The day she told me she wouldn’t marry me because I wanted to be a firefighter.”
“That was a long fucking time ago. And maybe you should have thought of a different occupation since her firefighter dad was killed in a fire.”
“How long have you known me?”
“Since Mom and Dad brought you home after you were born and stuck your squalling ass in my room.”
“Have you ever known me to want to be anything other than a firefighter?”
“Discounting the time you wanted to be a Ninja Turtle, I guess not.”
“Well, there you go.” Ethan stuck the empty bottle of ale in his hoodie pocket. “I just figured Emily loved me and everything would work out okay.”
“I’m sorry it didn’t.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
“So what would you change if you could go back to that time?”
“Honestly?” Ethan tossed a pebble in the creek. “I’d change everything. I wouldn’t just accept no and walk away. I’d figure it out and make it happen. I’ve been with a lot of women since then, but the only woman I still dream of is her.” He tossed another pebble. “What about you? If you could go back to whenever you first kissed Brooke, would you still kiss her?”
Declan shook his head even though his heart felt something very different.
Brooke had taken a cold shower and washed her hair, hoping to take the steam out of her temper. The fact that she was sitting at her computer—fuming—at close to midnight validated that the shower hadn’t worked. Neither had the two glasses of wine she’d drunk, nor the cup of chocolate chip ice cream she’d devoured. At the moment she was riding high on aggravation, alcohol, and sugar.
Bad combination.
She’d packed her clothes and gathered Moochie’s belongings while she debated finding a nearby motel or catching the next flight back to Southern California. But she didn’t have a ride to either a motel or the airport, and it was too late at night to ask anyone in the Kincade household. That’s when she got the idea to call a taxi, only to discover that Sunshine didn’t have a taxi company. They didn’t have Uber either. Which left her stuck unless she wanted to steal Dec’s car, which was parked outside. But he had the keys and she’d never learned to hotwire a car. And the airport was probably closed by now anyway.
Frustration crawled up the back of her neck as she navigated through the airlines’ websites to find the next flight out of Portland. Trying to focus on business was impossible when all she really wanted to do was cry.
She’d thought she could change him. Or at least change the way he saw things between them. But he’d made it clear that all the thinking she’d done along those lines had been her own twisted version of what could happen. She’d thought she could handle his business side as well as his romantic side. Unfortunately she hadn’t taken into consideration his aloof side. The one that kept making her feel like she needed to be the one doing all the work to bring them together. He either wanted it or he didn’t.
She saw that now.
She knew he was confused about the events that had sprung up with Lili MacKay, and what hurt the most was that he’d confided in her yet he didn’t trust her enough to stick around so she could actually be there for him. A woman in love could forgive many things. But the one thing she could never forgive was being made to feel insignificant.
An hour later when the front door finally opened, she took a deep breath for courage and met him in the living room. Arms folded she prepared for battle. She hated the fact that he looked so miserable. Judging by the tension around his eyes, he was tortured by what had transpired this afternoon with Lili MacKay.
But that wasn’t her problem.
Not because she didn’t care. Not because she wouldn’t help. Simply because he’d never ask her. He’d always made it clear that he could handle anything. Alone. She had to believe that he would. Even though it broke her heart.
She needed more from a man she loved. She needed him to trust her. She needed him to need her for more than the temporary solace he found in her body. She needed the care and respect to be mutual. She needed him to love her back as much as she loved him. Once the good feelings backed off, she had to admit that no matter what rosy picture she painted around him, she doubted Dec could ever let go enough to reciprocate those feelings.
He looked up as she came into the room. “Hey.”
“Hey?” She clenched her jaw. “That’s it?”
“I should apologize.” He stuck his hands in the pocket of his hoodie.
“Ya think?”
“I’m sorry,” he said without looking at her.
“And I’m sorry that I can’t accept your I’m sorry.”
“What?” He looked at her then, frown lines deepening in his forehead and creases breaking out from the outer corners of his eyes. “Why not?”
“Because I don’t even know what you’re apologizing for and neither do you. You’re only saying it because you think you should and you think I think you should.”
“I’m confused.”
“Well, that makes both of us.” She tightened her folded arms.
For an uncomfortably silent moment they stood there staring at each other.
She waited for him to say something, to explain why he kept making love to her then running like a fire-breathing dragon was after him. She’d never asked him for a commitment, never asked him for anything. But he stood there, saying nothing, and her heart shattered.
“I need a ride to the airport,” she said curtly.
“The airport? Why?”
“Because I’m leaving. And you’d better not ask me why or I’ll be tempted to come over there and punch you.”
“I don’t need to ask why. I know you’re mad.”
“Mad?” Affront barked from her throat. “I’m not mad. I just don’t like being used. And the fact that I let it happen twice says more about me than it does you.”
“And what is that?” Hope sparked from his eyes, which she quickly extinguished.
“It means that . . . I can’t work for you anymore.”
“What?” He flashed the panicked look she’d expected.
“Look, Dec, it’s not news that I care for you. That you mean something to me. It’s just as obvious that you don’t return those feelings. You made it perfectly clear that you didn’t want to mix business with pleasure and I didn’t listen. But then you kept blurring the lines and I got confused.”
He started to speak and she held up her hand.
“Let me finish. It’s not that I’ve been with a lot of men, but I’ve never had such an amazing time making love with someone only to have them run out on me, not once, but twice. I’m convenient for you, and that’s not okay with me. I need to be more.” She turned to get her belongings.
“I care about you, Brooke.” He’d taken several steps toward her. “I don’t want you to quit. I need you. You’re a huge part of what makes my business a success.”
“You don’t need me. Anyone with half a brain and decent organizational skills can do my job.” Brooke imagined pulling the dagger from her heart and dropping it to the floor dripping with blood. Because all she wanted to hear him say was that he truly needed her, not her stupid executive skills.
“I’m sorry about all the troubles you’re going through with your family. I really am. And I’d have loved to help you through the situation. But I don’t want to just be a part of making your business a success.”
“What do you want then, Brooke? Because right now, I’m so fucked up in the head and
heart I have no clue.”
“I want you to quit hiding behind the whole boss/employee thing because that’s just an excuse. The truth is you won’t let me in. I need you to let me in, Dec.”
Her admission led only to his silence, so she gave it one last try.
“I want to be a part of your life that makes you happy to come home. I want to be there to help you through troubled times. I want to make you smile. I want to love you. I do love you. But that’s my problem, not yours. I’m perfect for you, but you’ll never see that. And so . . . I have to go.”
Because she couldn’t stand to look at him anymore without breaking down in tears, she went into the bedroom, grabbed her things, and hooked Moochie’s leash onto her collar. When she returned to the living room, Dec stood there with his hand clasped to the back of his neck, looking at the floor as if it held some kind of miraculous answer.
His head came up with a frown. “You really are leaving?”
“Have you ever known me to lie?”
“No.”
“Then why would I start now?” She resettled Moochie’s leash in her hand. “If you don’t want to take me to the airport, I can drive myself. I’ll leave your car in the parking lot, and drop off the key with security.”
“Brooke . . .” He pulled the keys out of his pocket and held out his hand. “Fuck. Just take the damn car.”
“I’ll have my office cleared out before you get back.” She grabbed the keys from his hand and strode toward the door. Her little dog trotted by her side with a sad puppy face.
“Brooke?”
Her heart gave a hard, painful thump as she stopped but didn’t turn.
“I really am sorry,” he said.
“You should be.”
She closed the door behind her and kept her head held high until she put all the bags and her little wide-eyed dog into the car. She slid into the driver’s seat and fastened the seat belt as if it was any other day. She made it all the way to the driveway of the main house before she hit the brakes and let the tears fall.
A tap-tap-tap on the driver’s side window forced Brooke to look up from crying into Moochie’s fur. But it wasn’t Dec who stood there. She wiped her fingers beneath her eyes and rolled down the window. “Hi, Ethan.”
“I was looking for a lady in distress.” He gave her a smile. “Have you happened to see one around here?”
She gave a sad chuckle. “Look no further.”
“Mind if I get in?” He rubbed his arms up and down the sleeves of his hoodie. “It keeps getting colder out here.”
“Actually I was . . . heading to the airport.”
“At this time of night? I don’t even think it’s open.”
“I don’t know.”
“Come on. I promise I won’t kidnap you or anything. And I haven’t renewed my serial killer license so I think you’re safe.”
“It’s not that.”
He went around to the passenger side and climbed in anyway. Moochie excitedly leaped to the newcomer’s lap.
“My brother’s an asshole,” he said without hesitation. “Believe me, no one knows that better than me. So how about you drive us up to the house and we have a talk?”
“It’s late and I—”
“Tell me about it. So let’s not waste any more time, okay?”
“I really don’t think your brother’s an asshole.”
“Well, then you have to at least give me the chance to prove to you that he is.”
With nearly black hair and bright blue eyes, Ethan was as gorgeous as the rest of the Kincades. She knew that no matter what he said, he loved his family tremendously. And if a wave of exhaustion hadn’t poured over her head she would have tried harder to convince him to get out of the car and let her escape.
“I’ll go to the main house with you,” she said. “But only if you promise to make some coffee. Or at least hot tea.”
“Deal.”
She put the car in drive and headed toward the big house. Within a minute after Moochie did her business on the lawn, they were walking into the dark, silent house. As good as his word, Ethan filled the coffee carafe with water and poured fresh grounds into the filter. While they waited for it to brew, she sat down at the long family size kitchen table.
It was nearly one o’clock in the morning and Ethan looked tired, which only made Brooke feel even guiltier.
“You look like you could use some sleep,” she said.
“I’ll admit it’s been a long, weird day.” He stood at the counter by the coffeemaker with two mugs in front of him. “But that doesn’t explain my brother’s problem.”
“I’m not sure we should be talking about him.”
“Are you kidding? We all talk about each other and give each other crap. That’s what families do.”
She wouldn’t know. All she’d ever received from her birth family were orders. There had never been laughter in the home except between her and her siblings. Come to think of it, even a smile on her mother’s face had been rare. She’d learned about familial love from the Hastingses, but they didn’t have a loud and boisterous house either.
“I saw Dec down at the creek earlier,” Ethan said. “We had a talk. I’m guessing when he went back to Grandpa’s cabin it didn’t go well between the two of you.”
“I quit my job.”
“Seriously?”
She nodded and accepted the steaming cup of joe he’d just poured.
“What did he say to make you quit?” He brought his own cup to the table and sat down next to her.
“It wasn’t what he said. More like it was what he didn’t say.”
“Dec can be a man of few words, that’s for sure. He’s a lot like Ryan in that sense. Jordy, Parker, and I are more alike.”
“The rowdy and flirty type?”
“Rowdy for sure.” A smile appeared from within a five o’clock shadow that dusted the lower half of his face. “I’ll let you be the judge of the flirty part.”
“What’s going on?” Nicole scuffed into the kitchen wearing cat print pajamas, a frog print robe, and duck slippers.
“I’m so sorry.” Looking at the teen’s bleary eyes, Brooke felt horrible. “Did we wake you?”
“No. Fezzik decided my nose was his new favorite plaything and woke me up. Then I heard some murmuring down here and thought I’d check it out.”
“What if it had been a burglar?” Ethan wanted to know.
“Then I’d either use all those self-defense moves you guys have always taught me, or I’d grab a knife, or I’d run like a cheetah.”
Ethan shook his head. “I need to leave you with a babysitter when I go out.”
Nicole speared her brother with a glare that informed him of the ridiculousness of his idea.
“Or I can always ask Aunt Pippy to come back and live in the house.” He grinned like he knew the comment would push her buttons.
“Please don’t. All she wants to do is watch reruns of Magnum, P.I. and drool over Tom Selleck.”
“It could be worse. She could have you dancing go-go moves to the Beach Boys.”
“I like the Beach Boys.”
“See? It will work perfectly if she’s here.” Before Nicole could argue Ethan asked her, “Coffee?”
Nicole gave Brooke a look of concern that made her want to cry all over again.
“Somehow I think a drink might be more appropriate right now,” Nicole said.
“Yeah, well, you’re not legal yet.” Ethan ruffled her messy hair. “So it’ll have to be coffee or milk.”
“You’re not the boss of me, Ethan Kincade.” She gave Brooke another sympathetic look. “Mind if I join you?”
“Please do.” Brooke pulled out the chair on her other side. “I’m actually just having a cup of coffee and then I’m off to the airport.”
“Oh God.” Nicole put her head in her hands. “What did Dec do now?”
“Brooke quit her job,” Ethan said much more casually than Brooke felt.
“Seriously?�
� Nicole high-fived Ethan. “That’ll teach him a lesson. But you shouldn’t go back to Cali,” she said to Brooke. “You need to stick around so he knows what he’s missing.”
“Why would I stay?” There was only one reason she’d want to stay, but that six-foot-three, tall, dark, and handsome reason didn’t want her around. At least not for anything more than as someone to keep his work organized and be conveniently available for a quickie when he felt the need. Disgust for putting herself in this position dug at Brooke like dragon claws. She reached down and lifted Moochie onto her lap for comfort.
“Why would you stay?” Nicole tilted her head at Brooke like a puzzled kitten. “Where do I start?”
“At the beginning’s always a good place,” Ethan said. “Unless you’d rather commence slicing and dicing our dear brother first.”
“You know what she should totally do?” Nicole asked Ethan, then answered her own question without hesitation. “She should stay here in the house with you and me. And then to make Dec jealous maybe Parker can ask her out and—”
“Why can’t I ask her out?” Ethan wanted to know.
Brooke didn’t find it entertaining that they were talking about her like she wasn’t there. “You guys, I’m not—”
“You can take her out too.” Nicole’s eyes widened at her brother and a smile burst onto her face. “In fact, you both should. Oh my God. You could like totally fight over her and—”
“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.” Brooke raised her hands. “I don’t approve of lies and deception. Especially when it would be forcing someone to take me out just to make someone else jealous. And making your brother jealous is impossible because he doesn’t care.”
“Who said I’d be forced into taking you out? And just for reference, this is my flirty side.” Ethan winked. “You’re gorgeous, sweet, and fun. Sounds like a perfect date to me. And if you think Dec doesn’t care, let us prove to you that he does.”
“That’s really not necessary.”
“Yes it is. And I am totally writing a song about this.” Nicole raised her hand and high-fived Ethan again. “Go Team Brooke.”
