by Bella Lamour
She fought against tears all class. She had always prided herself on her dedication to pursuing her education. Even the death of her parents hadn't been able to halt her. She was an unstoppable force of learning that had been halted by a greedy, violent man.
Why couldn't he just turn himself in? Did he really think he was undeserving of punishment? Did he really feel like he deserved to walk free in the daylight? He was taking everything from her, and it was taking all of her strength to just survive each day.
She was a young woman in the prime of her life. She should be flourishing. Instead she was wilting like a flower cut off from all nourishment.
She waited in her seat until all the other students left. “Professor Smith, may I talk to you?”
“I don't do retests.”
Yuki was startled that he didn't even look at her before shooting her down. “I'm sorry, I just thought, given the situation and me being in the hospital-”
“Your personal life is not my issue. The grade is fair.”
It was like she had been kicked in the stomach. “My personal life? I was assaulted. My ribs were broken. I was in the hospital for over a week. I can’t sleep, most of the time I can’t eat. Are you kidding me?”
“Perhaps you should have thought of the possible repercussions of your lifestyle before you had to suffer the consequences.”
“C-Consequences. Are you serious? Do you hear yourself when you speak? Are you trying to insinuate that I somehow deserved to be violently attacked and beaten? Because I'm sure the local news would love to hear all about the male college professor who's flunking a female student for being raped.”
With that he finally looked at her, and the disgusted expression on his face startled her. Like he actually believed the vitriol he was espousing. “The grade sticks, Miss Kobayashi. If you have a problem with it, you can drop my class.”
And then he was gone.
Yuki stood there, stunned. Had that really happened? Was she just stuck in a nightmare?
No. She was not going to stand for this.
She stormed to her counselor’s office and barged right in. Luckily the woman wasn’t seeing anyone else, just quietly eating a late breakfast at her desk.
“Miss Kobayashi, may I help you?”
“I need to file a complaint against a professor. Immediately.”
“What happened?”
Yuki paced across her small office. “I’ve only been back for three days, and I’m still trying to find my footing again. We had a test in Professor Smith’s class from all the material he covered when I was gone. I got a seventy two.”
“Oh wonderful!”
“What? No. Not wonderful. I can’t get below an eighty five on a test at this point! It’ll bomb my GPA!”
“I see. And did you talk to your teacher.”
“Of course I did. And you know what he said to me? He said that my rape was a consequence of my profession and I would have to deal with it. He said that. To my face! Looked me right in the eye and said ‘what did I expect?”
“Oh dear, I am so sorry, Yuki. Please, have a seat.”
Yuki complied, but her foot was still bouncing up and down with anxiety and rage.
“I will absolutely walk you through this process, but I will be one hundred percent up front with you, most likely nothing will happen besides a note on his record.”
“What? How is that possible?”
“Was anyone else there?”
“No.”
“Did he threaten your life or use any slurs?”
“No.”
“As far as you know do any other students have issues with him?”
“…no.”
The woman sighed. “I believe you, Yuki. And what he did was wrong. But this is just going to turn into a he-said-she-said. This administration is still very much a boys’ club.”
“So you’re saying I should just do nothing and let him get away with it?”
Her eyes went wide. “No! Not at all. I’m just trying to warn you. Most likely, you will not get any sort of justice out of this. But it’ll put a note in his file so if he does it again, the next girl will have much more of a case.
It’s not fair, it’s not right, and I will go to bat for you. I just don’t want to delude you.”
“Thanks, I guess.” Yuki was almost shaking now. It just wasn’t right. A faculty member verbally abused her and there was going to be no recourse. The next girl might have a bit more luck, but Yuki was SOL. “I think I should go home now.”
“That’s a good idea. I’m sure you could use some rest.”
“Yeah.”
“Have you been sleeping?”
“Not really.”
“Maybe a nap would do you good then. Promise you’ll at least try?”
“Yeah, sure.” And with that, she was out the door.
Tears were forcing their way up in earnest now, and before she realized it, she was bee lining for her home. It was hopeless. She was never going to be anything other than the whore who got what was coming for her. She was never going to be a doctor or neurosurgeon. Her life was over.
She kept her head down as she rushed to her apartment. She just wanted to curl in a ball and cuddle with her kitty. At least Buster wouldn't judge her. Unless she forgot to feed him that morning.
The pleasant thought spurred her forward faster and she made it home in record speed. She practically ran up the stairs and rushed to her door. But when she went to put her key in the lock, it swung open by itself.
Her blood ran cold. Someone had been here.
She pulled out her cellphone and hit her emergency contact.
“Yuki?”
“My door's open.”
“What?”
“I...I just got home from school. And my door's open.”
“Don't go inside, Yuki. Get away from there, fast.”
“But Buster is in there. What if he got out?”
“Buster?”
“My cat. He always greets me by the door.”
“Yuki, do not go in there for a cat. I'll be right there! Don't go in there.”
She hung up and stared at the open entrance. She knew she should listen to the Detective. Anyone could be waiting to hurt or kill her. But her mind was consumed with concern for Buster. She just wanted her kitty.
She took a step in, then another. “I know you're here.” She yelled. “I called the police, they're on their way. So you might as well run now. I won't try to stop you!”
There was no answer.
Heart racing, she tread further into the apartment. “Buster? Buster! Where are you?”
She spotted the first splash of blood in the kitchen. Her stomach dropped, and the followed the trail out onto her small balcony. When she pulled aside the curtain, all she could do was scream.
And scream.
And scream.
“Yuki! Yuki, what's going on?”
Strong hand gripped her and whirled her around. What was that noise? It was awful. So high pitched and broken sounding.
Oh...it was her. She was still screaming. She should stop now.
“D-d-detective White!” She screeched, falling against his strong chest.
“Dammit Yuki! I told you not to come in!”
“B-b-b-uster! They...they...”
“They what?”
All she could manage was frantic pointing towards her porch. Xavier parted from her a moment and pulled aside the curtain, only to let out a long stream of swears. She knew exactly what he was seeing.
Someone had taken Buster. Adorable, fat, loving Buster, and slit him open from throat to tail, dragging out all his innards and stretching them across the balcony. His empty body cavity was filled with condoms and condom wrappers with a single dollar bill on top.
Just thinking about it sent her into hysterics again, and she found herself sobbing. “He's never going to let me go! He wants to ruin me. He can do whatever he wants and there's no punishment. I'm...I'm never going to get away. I just w
anna live!”
Suddenly Detective White was embracing me again, his grip strong and comforting. “Yuki, I need you to breathe.
Okay? I'm going to call the Sergeant and get him to send good guys down here. But you have to breathe or this is all for nothing.”
“But it is all for nothing! Why bother fighting him? He's going to win. He did this to prove he could do anything.”
Yuki had always thought she was strong. That she could overcome anything. But how did a mosquito fight a tornado? He was destroying everything she held dear. There was no haven, no respite from the storm.
“No, Yuki. I promise I'm fighting for you. But I can't do that if you don't steady your breathing. Just do that for me? That's it. Just breathe. In and out. Nice and slow.”
Breathe. She could breathe. That couldn't be too hard.
Her whole mind coalesced on her inhale, then her exhale. The detective made a short call, then started taking pictures and searching through the other parts of her small apartment as they both waited for a couple of officers to show up. Before too long, her place was full of strangers, flashes of light and hushed chatter. Yuki just sat silently, staring into nothingness and focusing on her breath.
Inhale. Exhale. Survive.
She didn't know how much time passed, but the sun was beginning to set in the sky when Detective White crouched in front of her.
“Yuki, can you hear me?”
She nodded dully, unable to focus. She kept seeing flashes of her precious baby Buster, strung out like some sort of trophy kill on the hunt.
“I need you to pack your things, it's not safe for you here. Try to do it quickly, a few changes of clothes, lots of socks, your deodorant, toothbrush, a blanket. Can you do that?”
Another nod and she was floating through her apartment like a ghost. The other police officers were beginning to stream out. She wondered which one of them believed her, which ones were in Buck's pocket, and which ones believed she deserved it just because she was a host at a club.
She hauled her suitcase out of her closet, filling it with random things. She wasn't even paying attention. What did it matter? She could run and run but it was clear that Julian was going to stop at nothing until she was nothing and he got off to destroy another woman's life.
“You ready?”
She blinked, and looked to the door to see Detective White standing there, studying her with that same professionally concerned look he tended to wear all the time around her.
“Sure.”
“I'll carry the suitcase for you.”
“Okay.”
He helped her down to his car, and she practically collapsed into the passenger's side. Tears started flowing again that she would never come home to Buster's purrs of affection or surly demands for food. It just wasn't fair!
But Xavier was already pulling out and taken away from her destroyed getaway.
“Where are we going?” She managed to murmur finally.
“I know a place. It's safe. Not even these guys would try to touch you there -if they can even find where I'm squirreling you away.”
“So what am I supposed to do? Hide away like some rabbit being hunted like foxes until you somehow figure out how to make them be good boys after all?”
“I'm sorry. You're going to have to lay low. It's not right, but it's clear these men want to destroy you.”
“Yeah, no kidding.” But then what he said sunk in. “But I can still go to school, right? I have tests. And I'm starting up rotations again. I can't just-”
“Look, I'm sorry, but I don't think you should be throwing yourself into your studies anyways. It's clear you're suffering from PTSD, and their continued torment isn't helping you. Did you ever go to that support group I recommended?”
“...No. I was busy doing homework.”
“Right.”
“But I have to go to school and fill out the paperwork for academic withdrawal. Otherwise they'll put me down as a drop and I'll never get into a good hospital!”
“Relax. I'll go to your college tomorrow and arrange everything. I'll make sure to get the paperwork, bring it to you, and when I turn it in, I'll make sure it gets filed. The last thing we need is for this bastard to have bought off someone at your school.”
“I...I think he has already.”
“What?”
“Professor Christopher Smith. He made it pretty clear to me that I shouldn't be in his class. He's either Buck's lacky or a professional misogynist. And they expelled a student who complained to administration about how I was being treated. It’s all a mess.”
“I'll keep my eye out.”
“Uh-huh...”
She let the conversation die off and rested her head against the window. She was tired. So tired.
It took at least a half hour before Detective White finally pulled into a pothole filled driveway of a very old house in the heart of the working class part of the city. They got out, and Yuki looked around listlessly. It wasn't a bad block, per se, but there was an old kind of tiredness to the air. Like the block had been around for a long time and had seen enough history to physically weight down the bricks and mortar of the buildings.
“Where are we?”
“Someplace safe.”
She rolled her eyes at the vague answer, but still followed the Detective once he grabbed her suitcase from the back. They tromped up the porch, and Xavier gave the door a very specific knock. After several long minutes, there was a chorus of clicking sounds as locks on the other side of the door were released, and eventually it swung open to reveal a thin, older man.
“Xavier.”
“McAnany.”
“Well get in here before someone sees you and it ruins the whole point.”
“Yes sir.”
Sir? Interesting.
They shuffled in, and the older man lead them through to a living room with sparse, practical furniture.
Unlike most older people that Yuki knew, this man -whoever he was-kept a nearly empty house. There were no Knick knacks. No trophies.
No pictures of grandchildren, or the tacky sort of gifts that young ones tended to give older relatives.
Only the mantle had any sort of decoration to it. Several medals and news articles hung along it, and the wall above it. They were a bit too far away for Yuki to read, but she was beginning to think that this man was some sort of retired police officer.
“This is Yuki Kobayashi.” Detective White said as soon as they all sat down.
“Nice to meet you, Yuki. Although I'm guessing this situation isn't exactly nice for you.”
“No. Not really.”
“Yuki, this is Detective McAnany.”
“Retired Detective McAnany. But somehow you keep finding a way to pull me back in.”
Surprisingly, Xavier half smiled. Yuki tried to remember if she had ever seen the officer crack a grin before. She was pretty sure she hadn't. “McAnany was my mentor back when I was first promoted to Detective.”
“When you were a wet behind the ears idiot, you mean.”
“Exactly. Yuki, Detective McAnany is one of the most respected officers that ever passed through my division. There is no way anyone can touch you here. He'll keep you safe while I'm working your case, and I'll spend the nights either on this very couch, or holding surveillance outside.”
“Thank you,” Yuki murmured, a bit overwhelmed by the whole situation, and the length Detective White was going through to make sure that Buck didn't win. If he was willing to fight so hard, maybe there was some sort of hope that she might survive?
He nodded. “I have to go back to the station and file a report on...what happened. You get cleaned up, if you can, then try to catch some sleep. It would do you a lot of good.”
“Okay...”
He gave her one more studious look before standing, and heading out. The older man walked him to the door, before returning to where Yuki was huddled on the couch.
“You alive, girl?”
“Woman.” Yuki
hissed out of habit. She hated being infantilized, and if she wasn't being paid for it, she wasn't going to tolerate it.
“Heh, good. No point in trying to save you if you're going to try to kill yourself or something. Your room's right upstairs. I used to rent out the upper floor, but eventually the tenant left. I've got a bad hip and can't get up there myself very easily.”
His bluntness surprised her for a moment, but she recovered enough to get up off the couch and head towards the stairs.
“Thank you for letting me stay here.”
“Nothing to thank. It's just the smart thing to do. You pissed off some men with the very long shadows.”
“I pissed off?”
“Of course. Big men like them get angry when you don't bow to their very whim. They expect to rule the world and never have to follow the rules the rest of us lowly mortals have to. You're forcing their hands. Making them realize that maybe they're not so different from the common man they think are so far below their shoe. I imagine they're might pissed off right about now.”
For some reason, his brusqueness made her feel the smallest bit better. If she could make them angry, she could make them stupid. Eventually the trio would slip up and do something stupid.
….right?
*
80% of rape victims in the United States are under the age of thirty.
Yuki's dreams were dark and twisted, swamped in shadows and drenched in fear. She was running, running all night long, but no matter what she couldn't get out of the darkness. It was all consuming and voracious. It wouldn't rest until there was nothing left, not even her bones.
Buck’s voice hissed in her ear the entire time, telling her just how worthless she was and exactly what he would do to her next. He promised pain, and suffering beyond anything she could imagine.
She woke up with a start, covered in sweat and smelling...bacon?
Confused, she slipped out of a bed that was not her own. For a breath, panic swamped her, before she remembered that she was hiding out at the house of Xavier's mentor.
It took a few moments to calm down, but when she did, she pulled on her bathroom and headed downstairs. The room she was staying in was...odd. It was surprisingly furnished for a place where the tenant was supposed to have moved out with all their things. There was a dresser with a few books stacked on top, a nice queen bed with a fancy comforter set on it, and a bathroom that was still fully stocked with toiletries. They were all expired, sure, but they were there.
