by Dana Archer
“Any lover I took got my body, but I never came inside them, not even in a condom.” She’d know what that meant. Those lovers were bodies to use. Nothing more.
Her shaky exhale washed over him. She fisted a section of his hair and yanked. The bite of pain on his scalp whipped through him. He shuddered, muscles vibrating with the effort it took not to join their bodies.
He peered at her through his lashes.
“Why tell me this, Nic?” Her nostrils flared. “I made myself hate you.”
He laughed. The bitter sound scraped his raw throat. “That was my hope.”
“And now?” She shoved away from him. Her shirt fell, covering the body he knew by heart. “You come back and tell me this now? Weeks before you mate another woman? Love her like you promised to love me?”
“I won’t love her.”
“No, you’ll only give her a piece of your soul. Right?”
Chapter 5
Nic pressed a balled fist to his chest where Riley’s soul had once moved through his. Their last night together, he’d been two seconds away from linking their life forces, ensuring they lived and died together.
Soul-bonding them.
He’d pulled back before completing the ultimate union, but to this day, he swore he felt her there. Impossible, he knew. It was simply a memory, but one he clung to. With it, he didn’t feel so lost.
Or broken.
He dropped his hand and shrugged. “Of course. It’s necessary so she can carry my kids.” His stomach churned at the very thought, but he knew it wouldn’t stop him. He would be alpha. That was his fate. His pack, his father, and the spirit of the very first Kagan were counting on him. A shifter mate and kids were required for that role.
She held his gaze for a long moment before swallowing loud enough for him to hear. “Will you take a piece of hers?”
After experiencing the beauty of Riley’s soul? He snorted. “No. Besides, that’d be suicidal.”
Some emotion flashed in her eyes. Relief? She closed them before he could be sure. “Mates are a weakness. They’re taken for breeding purposes only. That’s what I’ve been told.”
He nodded. Had his father soul-bonded to his mother, he too would’ve died when she did during Hannah’s birth. “Yes. Did Hannah tell you that?”
“Does it matter? Like I’d said earlier, I understand the rules.”
Not all of them, but he wouldn’t volunteer any more secrets about their mating customs. She didn’t need to know all the details. It might give her hope. Truth was, though, they had none.
“Then you forgive me?” He held his breath. He didn’t specify for what. The list of his sins was too long to pick from. Every time he’d let another woman touch him, he’d added to it.
“If it’s my absolution you want for the way you treated me, consider it given and walk away with a free conscience.”
Her word choice wasn’t lost on him. Riley hadn’t forgiven him. She merely offered him a means to let go of his guilt.
He let his gaze roam over her. Despite everything he’d done to her, she still sought to comfort him. To be the woman he needed. To be the lover he dreamt about night after night.
His perfect fantasy.
His heaven on earth.
His angel.
He closed the small distance between them, a mistake, he knew, but he couldn’t help it. Seeing Riley had stirred his possessiveness. Talking to her had reaffirmed his respect. Touching her had reawakened his hunger. And looking into her eyes made the truth real.
He loved her. Always would.
And she would be gone in less than a week.
He couldn’t let her go without experiencing her passion one more time. Maybe Hannah was right. He was a glutton for punishment, but he wanted his last memory of loving Riley to be one he’d treasure, not regret.
She lifted her chin, holding his gaze and treating him as her equal. From the way she challenged him, argued with him, and enflamed him, she was. His shifter mate would never take Riley’s place in his heart, life, or bed. Tonight he’d do his best to show Riley that, even if she never believed him. It was all he had to offer her.
He brushed the backs of his knuckles over her cheek. Her eyelashes fluttered ever so slightly. “Your absolution is not what I want.”
“Then why did you come here if not for forgiveness?”
“I suppose it’s the reason I came, but it’s not what’s keeping me here.”
Her gaze mapped his face, skimming over his features and making his pulse race. “Then what is? I won’t cry over—”
“Riley?”
She raised a brow.
“I don’t want to make you cry.” He slid his fingers up the back of her neck and into her hair to cradle her head. “I want to make you moan my name like you used to when you came apart for me.”
Riley sucked in a rough breath and stared at him wide-eyed. A blink and a slow exhale hid her shock. “You no longer have that right, Nic.”
Tension tightened his shoulders at the reminder. One night. He had one night to make a lifetime of memories.
Tomorrow he’d leave his heaven behind and meet the females vying for the position of his mate. Hannah had texted him earlier, confirming she’d lined up appointments for him to speak with the women she’d thought would birth him strong kids. Like a freaking interview, he was selecting from the cream of the crop. He pushed away the bitterness. Nothing would taint his time with Riley.
“I know that, but you won’t deny me. Will you?”
She slipped under his arms and moved to the other side of the kitchen island. Her gaze strayed to the patio doors opposite it. He followed the direction of her stare but saw nothing unusual, only the natural beauty of their pack lands. Finally, she sighed and glanced over her shoulder. “I think you should leave.”
He walked around the counter, giving her plenty of time to run. Riley tracked him with her gaze. Her breathing quickened, and her body tensed the closer he came to her, but she didn’t flee. The scent of her desire grew thicker, richer, more alluring. He licked his lips, already anticipating her taste, another thing he hadn’t shared with any other woman. Tonight would be the last he indulged his craving too.
His steps faltered with the reminder of his bleak future. He shoved it back. No regrets. He stepped in front of her. With a single finger, he tipped up her chin. “Answer me.”
One corner of her mouth rose, and her eyes glinted with humor. “What was your question again?”
With a growl rumbling his chest at her sassiness, he fisted her hair and tugged. Her back arched, pushing her breasts into his chest, and her lips parted on a sigh. He leaned over her and yanked her strands more. A low moan escaped her.
Yeah, he liked that sound too.
He bent closer until his lips touched hers, and their air mixed. “You still like to tempt me, don’t you?”
She chuckled, and the sound reverberated along the line of their bodies. “It never took much.” She tipped her head back in order to capture his gaze. “The challenge came from breaking through your control.”
He groaned with the rush of memories—Riley on her knees, worshipping him, loving him, controlling him only the way a treasured lover could.
“That’s not an option tonight. I won’t be giving you any control.” He’d never survive leaving her. She knew how to stretch out his ecstasy, taking him to the brink multiple times with only her mouth on his body.
She pushed her full lips out in a fake pout. “Aww, you’re no fun.”
Nic caught her lower lip between his teeth and nibbled on it. Riley clutched his forearms, her nails digging in. No push accompanied the bite of pain. She offered the opposite reaction, pulling him closer, inviting him to kiss her. He licked the tender flesh he’d teased, and then eased back.
The desire to possess her mouth nearly overpowered him. Once he kissed her, however, they’d end up tangled together. After the way he’d treated her, she had to agree to be with him, not get caught up in the lus
t they both still felt.
He released the firm hold he had on her hair but didn’t let her escape. He slid his hands to her back: one between her shoulder blades, the other at the base of her spine. “I want to love you. Say that you want that.” He lowered his voice. “That you want me. Nothing between us.”
Riley stared into his eyes for a long moment, then linked her arms around his neck. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”
“I think it’s a wonderful idea. I’ve missed you.”
Silence stretched. The tension between them built. Passion or anger—he wasn’t sure how it’d end. He only knew it’d be explosive.
Life-altering.
She skimmed her fingertips along his jaw and finally to his lips. He parted them, inviting her inside. She didn’t take his offer. With her index finger, she traced the curve of his mouth. The soft caress affected him the same way her hand wrapped around him had moments before. He turned his head slightly, captured her wandering finger, and sucked. Her breath escaped in a rush. He allowed her to drag her finger partially from his mouth before biting down, stopping her from retreating.
“Nic.” His name came out on her soft exhale.
He grinned, pleased with her response to him, and drew her finger back into the warmth of his mouth for another swirling lick until she arched into him, her lashes fluttering. He released her and flashed her a smile. “Yeah, angel?”
“I’ve missed you too.”
His heart pounded. His muscles tensed. “Is that a yes?”
Another long moment passed. The look in her eyes held love and passion. It was the same expression she’d always worn for him when they were together.
Finally, she dropped her gaze to his lips. “I should say no.”
He wrapped his fingertips around her throat. Her rapid pulse beat against his palm. “But you don’t want to.”
She flicked her gaze to his. Her steady stare entrapped him. He held his breath and waited on her answer. She gave it with a small shake of her head.
“Riley, I can only give you toni—”
She grabbed a section of his hair and tugged him close. His words morphed into a groan. She covered his mouth with hers, swallowing the sound, and feeding him her low moan. With a passion he remembered well, she thrust her tongue into his mouth and kissed him hard. Their tongues dueled, and teeth banged.
Wickedness laced the wild melding of their mouths. She acted as if she was starved for him. Or maybe her wildness came from her need to punish him. Either way, he didn’t care. This was what he needed—Riley crazed with need.
He tore his mouth from hers, panting hard. The sight of her dilated eyes and swollen lips tempted him to continue kissing her. He would, but there were other needs riding him, including her acceptance of what tonight meant.
He refused to hurt Riley, no matter how much he hungered for her.
Hands on her hips, he lifted her and dropped her bottom on the counter. A small gasp escaped her lips, not in shock. Excitement fueled the sound. The look in her eyes held the same carnal hunger he felt.
He gripped the front of her shirt. The material under his fingertips felt thinner than it had the last time he’d worn it. He couldn’t help but wonder how often she had worn it. Yeah, he had to make sure she knew what they did was only a one-time thing, not the renewal of their relationship.
Gaze on her face, he popped the buttons of her shirt. At the last one, he paused. “Tonight I’m going to love you, Riley. Exactly like I used to. Give you all the things my mate will never get.” He parted the material and spread the faded fabric but didn’t cup her lush mounds or even glance at them, for that matter. He couldn’t or else the precarious hold he had on his control would snap. “Do you understand what I’m saying? My plans haven’t changed.”
She linked her ankles behind his rear and drew him closer. Her softness pressed against him. He closed his eyes to enjoy the sensation. With strokes of her small hands over his back, she pulled their bodies flush. He glanced into her face. Her desire-ridden eyes filled his vision. “I don’t want to think. Not about the past or the future. I’ve missed you. What you can do to me. How you can make me wild. That’s all I want to think about. Do you understand?”
Sex. She wanted sex, nothing more. Some emotion built a growl in his chest. Anger, maybe? He didn’t understand his reaction to her words. She gave him the answer he wanted.
The wet swipe of her tongue over his chest redirected his growing unease back to the woman in his arms. She nipped at his muscles and licked the sting away. He held still for her teasing bites, savoring every one. She worked her way up to his neck. At the base, she swirled her tongue before dragging the tip up the length of his pounding vein.
“No more talking, Nic. I want more of your kisses.” Her lips brushed against his wet skin with each word.
With his hand in her hair, he tipped her head back and took her mouth, pushing the confusing feelings aside and giving her what she needed. She relaxed in his embrace, letting him control the kiss and lead her. The small sign of her submission appeased the last of his irrational response. She wanted his touch. She wanted him. He focused on that and let the rest go.
He slipped his hands under her shirt and ran them over her back, her sides, her bottom, everywhere he could touch. She arched into him on a low whimper. The sound whipped through him and took the last of his control with it. He gave himself over to the lust and kissed her.
From slow strokes to biting nips, he commanded her. Loved her.
She linked her hands around his neck and accepted the wild melding of their mouths, but it wasn’t enough. He needed something more. He just didn’t know what.
He turned his head, breaking their kiss. Her guttural groan added to their rough breaths. He flashed her a crooked smile. “Was that kiss good? Like you remembered?”
She perused him with hooded eyes, the hunger displayed in them clear. “Yes, but that’s not all you’re going to give me, is it? I remember you doing a whole lot more with that mouth of yours.”
He snorted. So did he. “No, baby. I’m not done with you.”
He dragged his fingers down her sides, over her hips, and lower to the rough edge of her panties. Not fancy, the black cotton thong was her idea of everyday undies. He remembered that from their time together. Only on planned dates where they’d sneaked away to be together had she worn anything different. Most of their encounters had been spur of the moment, him coming to her or dragging her into some secluded spot. Not once had she ever denied him, even when he didn’t have time to give her any foreplay. She opened her arms and welcomed him.
Guilt stabbed him. He’d often reached out to her when he was horny, taking what he needed from her, and then walking away.
“Nic.” She breathed his name on a long sigh. “Don’t stop.”
The realization of his past sins had frozen him with his fingertips under the waistband of her underwear. He had to let the guilt go. The past was over, and he already knew he was a bastard. So did she.
He turned his attention to pleasuring her. Memories assaulted him. All of them involved Riley spread out and open for him, moaning his name.
He wanted to hear it again.
She would too. His female would give him everything once he got his mouth on her.
No. Riley wasn’t his female. Not anymore. Anger rushed up. He pushed it aside. He had a lifetime to curse his life, only tonight to enjoy heaven.
“Tonight you’re mine, Riley.”
She glanced from his face, lower. She licked her lips and dragged her heated stare back to his eyes, capturing his gaze with hers. “And you’re mine, Nic.”
Forever. He was hers forever. He nodded, the only response he could safely give her, but the truth echoed within him.
How was he supposed to do this—mate another woman? The beautiful female before him was the only one he’d ever love, the one he wanted to spend his eternity with.
“Nic…please.” Stark lust gave her voice a husky
quality. “Take me.”
Her plea drew him back to this moment in time. He didn’t want to lose it.
He held her gaze and loved her, giving her the passion he’d held back from every other lover. And she watched him, letting him see what being with him meant to her. The emotion in her blue depths wasn’t one he quite understood, though.
Love? Regret? Both would fit his mood too.
She rested just the tips of his fingers against his cheek. “Nic, you’re perfect.”
“Am I?” He brought her fingers to his mouth and kissed them. “And you fit me like…” His words trailed off. The compliment he’d been about to offer seemed shallow in the light of everything he’d done.
“Like I was made for you.” She finished it for him anyway.
In a way, she was. He’d made sure of it. Another sin. He buried his face against the crook of her neck and nodded, unable to admit what he’d done.
She massaged his scalp. Tension he hadn’t realized had seized his muscles drained from his body. She pressed her lips to his ear, her breath heating him and adding to the fire smoldering within. “And you feel like you were made for me, Nic.”
Her words fed into the frenzy consuming him. Possessiveness rushed up.
A low growl rumbled deep inside his chest. Sharper nails punched from his fingers. His canines lengthened, and his mouth watered. The changes rushed over him along with the need to claim his mate, exactly as it had the last time he was with Riley.
Unable to stop himself, he glanced at her shoulder. His bite stood out starkly against her unmarred skin. The scar was real. His claim was not, but at first glance, another shifter would assume she was mated. Only the lack of her mate’s scent twined into the spot told the truth and the depth of his sin. Instead of a sign of his eternal claim, the beautiful mate bite she wore damned her.
The sight drew him anyway. He clamped his mouth over the mark. His teeth lined up perfectly. All he had to do was bite down. Their souls would rush to each other, having touched each other before. If his wolf was willing, a thought would join them. He could right his sin, making Riley his and healing his broken soul.
