“What’s up?” I say, nervous and possibly feeling like I’m going to pee my pants.
“I’ve decided to move to South Carolina. I already handed in my two weeks’ notice.” So he doesn’t know about last night. A wave of relief washes over me, but that quickly turns into disbelief and worry. “Move? Now? Why?”
“I thought a lot about this while your mom was still in the hospital. When she finally passed away, I realized I couldn’t stay here. It’s too painful. The memories we made here as a family are special to me, but losing her . . .
I don’t want to remember. I want to start fresh, rebuild, and create new memories.”
I can’t believe my dad wants to just up and leave. I sort of understand his reasoning, but he could have discussed this with me before deciding everything.
“What about me? Dad, I’m just starting out, still building my portfolio,” I tell him. “What about Knox? I can’t just move now.”
“You are just starting out with your modeling career. You haven’t booked a lot here.
Maybe when we move, things will pick up for you.”
Now I’m angry. “You don’t know what I have or haven’t booked. And Knox? I’m just supposed to dump him and move to South Carolina just because you can’t deal with things here?
What! Are you going to run every time something is painful or hard?”
“Journee, that’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair is you deciding to move without consulting me first. Like I didn’t matter. It’s all about you.”
“I want us to build a new life, start in a new place, to alleviate our pain.”
“Who said I was still grieving about it, Dad? I choose to move forward.”
“How dare you want to forget your mother’s memory!” my dad says, shocked. “It’s not me who wants to forget! It’s you! You’re so quick to want to up and leave,” I snap back.
My dad turns around and leaves my room. I’m infuriated with his decision, and I refuse to leave—not now. I text Knox to meet me at Books on Books, a local bookstore. I grab my car keys off of my dresser and head out the front door. Once I reach Books on Books, I go inside and claim an empty table toward the back, by the windows. It’s a few minutes before Knox comes walking around the bookstore. I wave him down.
“Hey, babe. What’s up? Your text sounded urgent,” Knox says as he sits across from me.
“I have some bad news.”
“What is it? You’re scaring me.”
“My dad wants to move,” I say bluntly, “but I don’t want to go.”
“Move? Why?”
“Because of my mom. He says it’s too painful to stay here.”
“Oh . . . Well, if you don’t want to go, you could move in with me,” Knox offers.
“Really?”
“We’ve been dating for a few months now anyways. It’s about time, right?”
“Let me think about it. I’ll talk this over with my dad. That’s a huge step.”
“I totally understand. Take as much time as you need. I’ll be here no matter what you decide,” Knox reassures me.
We both leave the bookstore not long after. On the drive home, I try to think things through. Am I ready to take that step? I love him and want to be with him, but is that enough to convince my dad? I really don’t want to pack up and move.
Once I reach the house, I go up to my room to process everything and think about what I’m going to say to my dad. He should have cooled down by now, and I don’t want to wait to talk to him, in case he reveals even more unexpected plans to me.
I enter his bedroom and find him reading a book. “Dad?”
He sets the book down. “Yes, Journee?”
“I’m sorry about earlier,” I tell him. “I didn’t mean to snap at you.”
“It’s okay. And I’m sorry I just sprung this on you without any prior notice.”
“Knox asked me to move in with him,” I say nonchalantly, deciding to get it out in the open.
“Oh, really? And what did you say?”
“I told him I would talk to you first.”
“I can’t force you to move with me if you don’t want to. But you are all I have.”
“Not fair. Guilt tripping me is not going to work.”
“It looks like you’ve already made up your mind.”
“I have. It was more me wanting to tell you my decision.”
“You’re eighteen. You aren’t a little girl anymore. I guess I have to accept that.”
“And you have to also accept the decisions I make.”
“I don’t know what else to say. I will miss you terribly,” my dad says despondently. “But I have to let you go eventually, and I guess that time is now.”
“Dad, I love you, and you know I wouldn’t make this decision if I wasn’t sure about Knox and wanting to be with him,” I reassure him.
“I know.”
“Thank you for understanding.”
My dad doesn’t say anything else after that, so I leave him to his thoughts and go back to my room to update Knox.
s
Knox, Reid, and Ezra all helped me move my things into his apartment. My dad didn’t really want to intrude. Although I think he accepted my decision to live with Knox, deep down, I’m sure he still really wants me to go with him. So it was easier for him to distance himself from the whole moving in process. He also probably didn’t want to say anything he would regret and have to take back later.
It took two weeks to finish moving me into Knox’s apartment. During those two weeks, we also went shopping for house decor to make the apartment look more like a couple lives here instead of like a bachelor pad, starting with the kitchen and living room.
“Is this your first time living with a girl?” I ask Knox while we are getting things organized.
“Yes, it is, but I know I wouldn’t want to take this step with anyone else.”
“Oh . . .”
“Don’t worry about your father. I know you want to please him, but you are eighteen.
You have a right to make your own decisions.”
“I know. And you’re right,” I say. “It is my life, and I can definitely make my own decisions. I just worry about him. This seems so spontaneous of him just to pick up and move.”
“Grief hits everybody differently. You have to respect his decision, just like he has to respect yours.”
After the kitchen and living room, we move to work on the bedroom. We both decide on a black-and-silver comforter set, and we put some solo pictures of Knox from his concerts and some of my modeling pictures in frames. We hang them around our bedroom. To put above our bed, we found a beautiful mosaic painting that had a hidden “K” and “J” woven into the design.
Once we saw it, we knew we had to get it.
Standing on the bed, trying to hang up the painting, I turn to Knox next to me. “It’s coming along.”
“It certainly is,” Knox says as we step back to admire the painting.
We stand there, on the bed, staring at the painting, for a few more minutes. Then all of a sudden, I’m laid flat on the bed, with Knox on top of me.
“What the—”
“We have to break the bed in,” Knox says as he kisses my neck.
“Oh, really?”
Ezra and Reid left a while ago, so it’s just Knox and me. Maybe breaking the bed in isn’t such a bad idea.
s
On my dad’s last day of work, his job throws him a going-away party. He wants me to accompany him, so I went shopping for a new outfit to wear to the party, even though I didn’t really need to buy new outfit.
“I’m glad you decided to come,” my dad says while driving us. “It means a lot to me.” “No problem. It’s the least I can do. After all, it will be one of the last times I’ll be seeing you before you leave.”
“You sure you don’t want to come with me?” He glances at me, but I just give him a puzzled look, wondering why he’s still trying to change my mind. “I didn’t
think so.” He’s silent after that.
s
The party is a bunch of his coworkers. The room is decorated with multi-colored streamers and balloons that have the company logo on them. Two male workers are chatting it up with my father about his plans, and a few of his female coworkers had given him a few gifts. They also brought a celebratory cake to commemorate all the years he has been with the company. Some of his coworkers ask me a few questions as well. I try to answer as honestly as I can while trying to keep them from digging deeper into my personal life. I don’t want them to try to convince my dad that I’m not able to make the decisions I made because I’m only eighteen.
s
The morning before my dad is set to leave, he decides to visit Mom’s grave. He wants me to come with him, of course, which I understand. I haven’t been to the gravesite since the funeral, so I’m curious see how it looks now that they have the inscription on her tombstone.
“It’s so weird visiting after all these months,” my dad says as we stand in front of it.
I look down at the plaque. “The inscription is beautiful.”
Gravesites usually freak me out. There’s just something about a large grassy field full of tombstones, though I do notice several arrangements of beautiful flowers on various graves, which calm my nerves a bit. I stand next to my dad, holding on tightly to his arm.
“I really miss you, Violet,” my dad says, talking to Mom. “You were everything to me and our family. I had to make a few hard decisions that I didn’t want to have to make, but I did.
I’ll be moving, and I know it comes as a shock, but I can’t live here, in this town, without you.
It’s lonely—a constant reminder of your passing. I hope you understand.”
A gust of wind blows through the cemetery. My dad and I look at each other. That was a sign. Mom is okay with it. She understands.
“Oh, and don’t worry about Journee,” he continues. “She’s found a good guy named
Knox, and she’s decided to move in with. Truth be told, I was hesitant at first, but I have to trust her judgment. She’s growing up right before my eyes. It’s scary, but I know we instilled values in her so she would know how to make sound decisions for herself.”
I stand there, listening to his speech, and tears start to fall from my eyes. What will life be like without him? Even though we have our differences, I still will miss him. I’ll miss his advice and guidance.
My dad and I embrace as we stand in front of my mother’s grave, knowing that our lives will never be the same.
five
Knox
It’s been a month since Journee and I moved in together. She was very emotional the first few weeks. She couldn’t stop crying. I think it was a mixture of missing both her parents and not knowing what to expect living on her own, let alone with a guy. Plus, my apartment is also where the band writes our lyrics, and Journee isn’t used to our pre-session routine or what we do to wind down after.
“Sing the verse again, Ezra,” I say during one of our meetings. “I think I have a riff to go with it.”
Ezra does, and it’s pure perfection. I write down the notes for what I have in mind, but I’m not going to reveal anything until we can get back to the Pavilion for practice. Meanwhile, Ezra adds to his own sheet, writing more lyrics or changing up the ones he already has.
“Hey, guys,” Journee says as she comes out of the bedroom, “I hate to be a bitch, but I’m trying to sleep.”
“Sorry, babe. We’re almost finished.” I glance up at her. “Come here for a second.”
Journee has lacy black boy shorts on and a black-and-white polka dot tank top. Her red hair is pulled up in a high ponytail, while her curls cascade down her forehead. This is her usual bed attire for like the first five minutes, before I get her in her birthday suit. She turns me on each and every time she wears them. So it is always a non-stop rendezvous.
She comes over and sits on my lap. My cock starts throbbing against her ass cheeks. I can’t wait until Reid and Ezra leave. I’m definitely going to tap this sexy piece of ass as soon as they are gone, and I think they know it. Reid and Ezra take one look at us, then at each other. “Hey, we’ll finish up another time,” Ezra says, standing up.
Reid does the same. “Yeah, we’ll leave you two alone.”
Both of them pack up their stuff and hurry out the front door.
Journee faces me and looks in my eyes. “I didn’t mean to ruin your practice time.”
“It’s all right.” I slide my hands underneath her tank and caress her breasts. “We were almost finished anyway.”
She lets out a sensual moan as I take her tank top off, exposing them. I take her nipple into my mouth and began to suck on it. My hands move downward from her breasts, until they reach the top of her shorts. Then I slide inside and start massaging her clit. Her moans get louder.
“Oh god, Knox,” she pants as I begin finger-fucking her.
I take my hand from inside her, pick her up, and bring her back to our bedroom. I lay her on our bed. I slide her boy shorts to the floor and continue torturing her with my fingers. After a while, she’s good and ready for my cock. I kiss her, sucking on her tongue. She’s nearly breathless now, just waiting for me to take her.
“Please, baby,” she says in between kisses.
I grab a condom off of my night stand, but Journee snatches it from me. She rips it open, takes my cock in her hand, and slips the condom on.
“Impatient, are we?” I say, laughing.
“Damn it. Just come on already.”
I position myself on top of her and slide into her. She lets out a sigh of relief as I start to fuck her like she’s been waiting for me to.
After we finish, I ask her if she wants to try a different kind of high.
“What do you mean?”
I get up off the bed and look through my dresser drawer to pull out a bag of weed. I show it to her as she sits up. “We usually smoke this before and after practice. It really helps us get into zone and calm down after we practice,”
“I don’t know. I’ve never smoked weed before,” she says honestly.
“Babe, I wouldn’t make you do anything that would hurt you. Try it just once.”
“I don’t know, Knox.”
“Please? For me,” I plead with her.
“Oh, okay. But only this once.”
I roll a joint and start smoking it. I take a few puffs, then pass it to her. Journee’s hesitant at first, but then she takes the joint between her lips and inhales. She coughs as she passes it back.
“Are you okay?” I say, chuckling.
“I’m okay,” she manages to get out. “You guys smoke this every time during your practices?”
“Without fail.”
We—mainly me—sit there, smoking that one joint until it’s finished. After that, we lie down side by side, my hands massaging her breasts. Luckily, she doesn’t mind. At one point, she reaches underneath the covers, grabs my cock, and starts massaging it. We lazily caress each other until we drift off to sleep.
s
The sun is barely up when I wake up to Journee’s curly hair in my face smelling like one of those fruity drinks you get at a bar. I start to play with a stray strand while she’s nestled close to me. This girl is so fucking amazing. Sex with her is always mind-blowing, and I can’t believe I got her to try weed for the first time last night.
Journee starts to stir. “Hey, handsome,” she whispers, not quite awake but getting there.
“Babe, you’re such a badass,” I tell her.
“Badass? Why?”
“You smoked your first joint last night, remember?”
“Yeah, I don’t know if that qualifies me being badass though,” she says.
“In my eyes, it does.”
“Well, okay . . . Hey, listen. I have a photoshoot that I booked a few weeks ago. And I have to start getting ready for it.”
“Oh, that’s awesome. I’m so proud of you.”
&nb
sp; “Thank you. I need to keep building my portfolio so I can get signed with an agency.”
“It’ll happen. I have faith in you,” I tell her. “You are extremely sexy. I don’t know why a photographer wouldn’t want you as one of their models.”
She raises her eyebrows. “You’re just saying that because you’re fucking me.”
“You’re sexy even when I’m not fucking you. So, no, that’s not why.”
Journee rolls her eyes and moves to sit on the edge of the bed for a minute. “Can I wear your band hoodie?”
“Why even ask? You know you can. What’s yours is mine . . . what’s mine is mine, and you belong to me.”
“Oh, really?” She laughs at what I said, though I can tell by the look on her face she thinks I’m joking. I’m not.
I just watch her. Journee’s even more beautiful when she’s smiling. But she doesn’t have a clue that I’m dead serious.
Journee finally gets up off the bed and goes into our bathroom to take a shower. While she’s in the shower, I text Reid and Ezra to see if they want to have a little get-together at my place tonight. They both ask if Journee is going to be there, and I tell them she is going to a photoshoot. They both text something along the lines of “Hell yeah!” It’s been a while since we actually had “guy time” outside of band practice. I can’t wait for our little get-together.
“I heard your phone buzzing while I was drying off,” Journee says, coming out of the bathroom.
“Oh, yeah. Just planning a little get-together with the guys,” I tell her vaguely.
“You deserve some guy time. I know, with me living here, it’s kind of cramping your style. You’re used to having the apartment all to yourself.”
“Thanks for understanding, but I wouldn’t say you cramp my style.” I smirk at her. “You give my cock a cramp every once in a while though.”
“Shut the fuck up.” Journee playfully smacks my arm.
“Well, it’s true.”
She’s about to hit me again, but I block her swing and kiss her. Journee pulls back after a while because she knows where this is going to lead. “I have to go. It’s a two-hour drive to the photoshoot.”
Illicit Dose Of Scars: A Dark Rockstar Romance (Love Sick #1) Page 4
