After the school incident, my mother had to quit her job at the health clinic. It was the last thing she wanted to do, but no other school wanted to enroll me. They thought I was a potential threat. So my mom ended up homeschooling me for the entire three and a half years I had left of high school.
I was ordered to go to therapy, which lasted a good six months. I quit going after that, telling my dad I wanted to learn to play the guitar, in love with the sound after listening to a lot of heavy metal and both alternative and classic rock. My dad agreed to buy me my first electric guitar, which was stained black and silver.
I learned the guitar rather quickly. I became obsessed with it and started writing my own song lyrics because I got tired of playing songs by other artists. It wasn’t long till I started dreaming of the day that I could start my own band. I already knew what I wanted to call us:
Supposed Posers.
After I finished my high school studies, I had no desire to go to college. I just wanted to start a band. So I made an ad on my laptop: “Eighteen-year-old guitarist is looking for a lead singer and a drummer to start a rock band.” I posted it everywhere on social media. After getting a few guys who didn’t wanted to commit wholeheartedly, I got depressed.
“Don’t give up,” my mom said every time I got down. “You are an excellent guitarist. It’ll happen for you in due time.”
One day, it finally did. I got two responses to my ad, one from a singer named Ezra, who, in his words, wanted to a chance to scream his pain and anger through the many songs he’d written over the years. My kind of guy. The other was from a drummer named Reid, who had been playing the drums since he was eight years old. They both were nineteen years old, and they both wrote they wanted an opportunity to showcase their talents to the world. I quickly emailed them back; I wanted to meet them. It only took one meeting and practice to know we had something special.
eight
Journee
“How long will you be gone for?” I ask Knox as he’s packing his suitcase.
“Three weeks,” he replies. “Will you be okay? I’m going to miss you terribly.”
“I’ll be fine. My dad just texted me now, asking me if he could visit,” I explain.
“Perfect. Ask him if he could stay for a week or two so you won’t have to be alone the entire time I’m away.”
“That’s a good idea. Maybe I can convince him to stay a week.”
Knox continues packing his suitcase, and wishes I were going with him. I’ve been to several of their local shows, but never one in a different state. I know all the shows are somewhat similar, but this is the first time I’ll be away from him for a long period of time.
“Babe, don’t go. I’m going to miss you,” I pout.
Knox stops packing and comes over to the bed. “You know I hate leaving you like this, but my job calls. Three weeks away without your pussy is going to fucking kill me. But I’ll manage somehow.” He gives me a long lingering look.
“Oh, really? How much time do we have before you have to go?” I ask him playfully.
He smirked. “About half an hour.”
“Well, then . . .” I pull him close and kiss him.
He kisses me back like it’ll be the last time we’ll have sex. It technically will be, for three weeks. Besides, he isn’t the only one feeling horny at this moment. But then my phone starts to vibrate, totally killing the mood.
“Shit! I think it’s my dad.” I squirm away from Knox.
“Damn, Journee. Way to kill the vibe,” Knox says after I grab my phone.
“Sorry, babe,” I say, reading the message from my dad. “You have to leave soon anyway.”
Knox looks down at my cell to check the time. “Yeah. I do.”
He gets dressed and packs the last of his things. He comes over and gives me a lingering goodbye kiss. “I love you so much. I’ll text you when we get there.”
As soon as Knox is gone, I text my dad back.
Knox is going out of town for a gig. He’ll be gone for three weeks.
Dad: Oh really! Tell him I said have a great mini tour.
I know you wanted to visit. Maybe you can stay for a week? I’m going to be here alone, and it would be good to have your company. I miss and love you.
Dad: Of course I’d be up to staying with you for a week. I just have to get the okay to take off from my job since it’s so soon. So I’ll get back to you, okay? I miss you too, baby girl.
It’ll be really great to see my dad. I haven’t seen him since he left, though I’d understand if he can’t, since he’s still considered pretty new at his job.
I decide to search for more modeling gigs just in case my dad can’t come to visit. That way I wouldn’t have to sit in the apartment, twiddling my thumbs, waiting for Knox to return. It’s like I really don’t have any friends here. After high school all my friends moved or went away for college. I opted not to go to college. It wasn’t for me. I hated sitting in class in high school, and I knew college wouldn’t be any different. Besides, I was always into the fashion industry, intrigued by the lives of models. One day, it clicked for me that that’s what I wanted to do. I’m still just starting my modeling career, so I have a lot to learn still, but I don’t want to do anything else.
While I was surfing the internet for modeling gigs, my cell vibrates.
Knox: Hey, Jour, we made it here safely. Checking into the hotel now. Is your dad coming to visit?
Glad you guys made it safely. Still waiting on my dad to text me back that his job let him take off.
Knox: Our first show is tomorrow night, so we are just going to explore the city today.
We might go get some drinks later on though. Good luck on your show tomorrow night. I know you guys will rock it! Be safe, and don’t drink too much.
Knox: I’ll miss you and your beautiful face, but I will see you in three weeks and we’ll make up for the time apart!
I continue looking for modeling gigs, but I hope my dad texts soon. I want to know as soon as possible if I can book something for the week he might come, or if I need to wait till after. Luckily, just as I decide to call it quits for the day, my phone vibrates, flashing my dad’s name.
Dad: Great news Jour, I’m able to take a week off from my job. How about I come next week?
Next week is perfect. I can’t wait to see you.
I’m so happy. I miss him terribly and really want him to visit me. But now I have a lot to do before next week. I want get groceries so we don’t have to spend money eating out. I’ve gotten a little better at cooking. Knox seems to enjoy the dishes I make, and I’m confident that my dad will noticed the improvement in my cooking skills as well.
This apartment is a mess though. So I really have to clean it up. I’m not naive to hope my dad doesn’t know that Knox and I have sex, but Knox keeps his condoms on the nightstand next to our bed. Those definitely need to be put in the drawers before my dad spots them. I plan to give him an apartment tour, and it’s little things like that I have to remember. But I’m super excited to see my dad and find out what’s new with him.
I haul ass and finish wiping down the counters and text Knox to let him know about a photoshoot I booked. I quickly throw on some sweats and head out the door.
According to my GPS, it would only take ten minutes to arrive at Connor’s studio. I didn’t know it was so close to my apartment. While on the short drive there, I think about my last photoshoot with Connor and how I spazzed out on him. I pray that this shoot won’t affect me like the last time. I don’t want to be haunted by the “incident” forever. I don’t want it to ruin my chances of ever getting a modeling contract, and I definitely don’t want it to prevent me from wanting to model at all. But it’s a part of me that I have to deal with, like a sore that won’t heal even after it’s scabbed over.
I walk into Connor’s studio, determined to kick ass. I really want to prove to him that what happened at the last photoshoot won’t happen again. That I’m confident and secure in myse
lf.
“Journee, perfect timing,” Connor says when I walk into his studio. “Let’s get you into hair and makeup and find you an outfit to wear.”
I normally don’t wear a lot of makeup. Knox prefers the natural look on me. He said he was accustomed to his exes wearing a shitload of makeup, and when he wanted to see them bare faced, they weren’t comfortable showing him. He didn’t fault them for that, but he soon realized they always wanted to look perfect and put together because of who he was. When I came along, he said it was refreshing to see a woman who was comfortable in her own skin. So the only times
I wear a lot of makeup are for photoshoots and when Knox and I are going to a special event.
After I’m done with hair and makeup, they give me an outfit to wear for the shoot.
Connor calls me over afterward to meet who I’m doing the photoshoot with.
“This is Jett. He’s been in several magazines, as well as in a few movies.”
Jett is at least six foot five, is muscular, and has hazel eyes and olive skin. He is gorgeous, almost making me forget I have a boyfriend. Oops.
I extend my hand for a handshake. “Hey, I’m Journee. It’s nice to meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet you too,” Jett says in what seems to be a heavy Greek accent as he shakes my hand.
Even his touch is soft and inviting. Jett and I take our positions in front of a white background. First, we act as if we are flirting from afar. Connor snaps a handful of photos and tells us that they will go inside the magazine. They apparently want to interview us to talk about our modeling journeys. This be my first interview ever with a magazine, and I’m super excited and nervous at the same time.
We take a short break before Connor shoots for the cover photo, so I sit and chat with Jett. He tells me he grew up in Greece with his brother and two sisters. Jett moved to the states to live with his aunt after he finished his secondary education. He was discovered while walking through the mall, and the rest was history. It’s fascinating to hear the story of how he became a model. In return, I tell him how I grew up loving fashion, and wanted to be a part of the fashion industry for as long as I can remember.
“You guys ready?” Connor cuts in.
Jett and I get back in our places while Connor gives us our next pose, which is Jett holding me by the waist and looking deep into my eyes.
I tell myself not to lose my shit as I take a few deep breaths. I look Jett in the eyes, trying to hide my pain. They’re so beautiful, so soft and understanding. Connor takes a few pictures of us embracing. Then Jett slips his hands underneath my top slightly, exposing a little of my bare skin and totally freaking me out. Connor seems to like it, maybe thinking it fits the mood of our pose.
“Great. This is good. Perfect,” Connor says, still snapping photos. “You two have amazing chemistry.”
I looked into Jett’s hazel eyes, trying to focus on how warm and stunningly beautiful they are, but I can feel myself trying to hold back my tears. I give Jett a strained smile as his eyes search mine, as if he’s looking for a secret buried underneath the scars on my heart.
I pull away from Jett. “Fuck.”
“Wait. What?” I can hear the confusion in Connor’s voice as I retreat to the bathroom.
I throw water on my face, feeling like shit because I’m basically fucking up my modeling career thanks to what Knox did. Why am I giving him so much power—well not him, more so the “incident.” Maybe I should talk to someone. But I don’t want anyone in my business. I don’t want them saying I should leave my boyfriend when he hasn’t done anything else like that to me.
It was just that one time, that one lapse in judgement.
Someone knocks on the bathroom door. “Journee? Are you okay?” Connor asks, concerned.
Startled, I hesitantly reply back, “Yes, I’m fine.” I finally open the door and walk past
Connor. I go back into the main part of the studio and sit down.
“Journee, did I do something wrong?” Jett says, walking over.
“No. You were nothing but patient and a wonderful delight to work with. It’s me.” “You were really tense as I was holding you, and then you ran into the bathroom. I thought—”
I cut him off and look into his eyes with sincerity. “You did nothing wrong.”
Connor comes back into the studio. “Great news, guys. Despite that little mishap earlier, I got the perfect photos for the magazine.”
My eyes light up as Connor shows us the pictures he took. They are beyond perfect. Even the pictures of Jett and me right before I ran into the bathroom.
“These photos are perfect, Connor,” I gush.
“Thank you for letting me work with this beautiful woman,” Jett says to Connor before smiling at me. Connor then smiles at me.
“I won’t be surprised if this issue sells like hotcakes,” Connor says. “You two are magic together.”
“Thank you,” I say to Connor. “And thank you, Jett, for making me feel at ease even if I didn’t realize at first that’s what you were trying to do.”
We all hang around and chat together a little more before I say I have to leave, thanking them for the opportunity.
“Take care of yourself,” Jett says as I’m heading out the door
I stop and wave to both of them. “I will.”
nine
Journee
My dad said he’ll be here around noon, and I’m so thankful I got everything out of the way. I finished all my shopping, stocking up on the essentials. I also cleaned the mess out of our apartment, so there really is nothing left for me to do but wait for him to arrive. I already did my daily search for modeling gigs earlier this morning, and I found a few that I booked for next week. I’m building my portfolio one gig at a time, so grateful to the photographers who keep my name on their lists. A few of them have called me back for other photoshoots.
I get dressed around ten and do a last-minute survey of the apartment before I decide to text Knox to see what he’s doing. I miss him and can’t wait until he gets home. I’m going to jump his bones as soon as he walks through our door.
Hey, babe. I miss you. How’s it going? How have the concerts been? The crowds? I’m so proud of you and the band. You’ve come a long way. I can’t wait to see you.
I go into the living room to watch some TV. I figure that will entertain me while I wait for my dad to come. I flip through the channels, but see nothing that sparks my interest, so I just turn to the music channel. I get a couple of texts from Knox a few minutes later.
Knox: Hey, beautiful! The concerts are going well. The crowds have been huge and very welcoming.
Knox: Is your father there yet? Tell him I said hi. I’m counting down the days until I’m in your arms again. I fucking miss your body on mine. I love you.
I quickly respond back, and as soon as I’m about to close out the text app, one from my dad pops up. He’s stuck in traffic, but only about twenty minutes away. Lunch-time traffic is the worst. At least he’s not too far away. I hope my dad sees the effort Knox and I put into decorating the apartment.
The doorbell rings after a while, sooner than I thought it would. The traffic must have eased up a lot. I make my way to the door and take a deep breath before opening it. There stands my dad, all six feet of him. He’s dressed in sweats and sneakers, his short beard tapered and shaped up. He looks good. I guess he really needed the move. At one point I regretted not going with him, apprehensive about living on my own, but I’m glad I stayed.
“Hey, Dad. Looking good,” I say, reaching for him to give him a hug.
“You’re not looking too bad yourself,” he says, embracing me. “I missed you.”
“Is your suitcase still in the car?”
“Yes. I’ll get it later. I want to see this apartment of yours.”
“Okay. Well, come on in,” I say, leading the way into the apartment.
My dad wipes his feet on our welcome mat before stepping inside. “Nice apartment,” he says, loo
king around. “You and Knox decorated it together, right?”
“Yes. We did,” I say as I show him wall paintings Knox and I picked out. “Are you thirsty? I just went shopping for food. I wanted to make sure we had enough food in the apartment so we don’t have to eat out.”
“Water is fine,” he says, taking a seat on our couch.
I grab two bottles of water from the kitchen, and I’m surprisingly nervous. My hands are sweaty, so much so I almost drop one of the bottles on the way back into the living room. I hand one to my dad and sit down next to him.
“So what’s up? How have you been?” I ask as I unscrew the cap of my bottle and take a swig.
“Good. I’ve been good. Working a lot. How have you been?”
“I’ve been good. Also working a lot. I actually booked a few gigs for next week,” I say proudly. I don’t want him worrying about me. I’m old enough to take care of myself, and Knox has been nothing but supportive of me. I don’t want my dad to have any reason to think I can’t fend for myself.
“That’s great, Journee,” he says, smiling. “How’s everything going with you and Knox?”
“It’s going great,” I answer, hoping he doesn’t ask any more questions about Knox.
“I’m glad to hear that. He made a good first impression on me when you invited him over for dinner that one time.”
I don’t respond. I just smile back, knowing if I told him about the “incident,” he’d be more than pissed at Knox. He’d probably kill him. Maybe I’m making light of what happened, but Knox was high and drunk. And he did give me time to trust him again, which is why I decided to give him another chance. But no need to tell my dad about that. Knox and I worked it out privately.
Illicit Dose Of Scars: A Dark Rockstar Romance (Love Sick #1) Page 7
