“Yeah. Let’s go,” I finally answer.
“Great. Let’s finish up here. Then we’ll head over,” Dorian states.
Everyone heads to their respective cars after cleanup. Inside Knox’s car, I put my seatbelt on and sit in silence, staring out the window. I don’t have anything to say to Knox, and I have to refrain from letting my tears drop. He knows what to do to break me every fucking time. And every time, like an idiot, I forgive him. Maybe I secretly like being tortured by him. Maybe he really does own me and can do whatever the fuck he wants.
“Journee, I’m sorry,” Knox says finally, breaking the silent tension between us.
“Fuck you,” I say angrily.
“I deserved that.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know why.”
“You don’t know why you always force me . . .” My words falter as I choke up. Knox doesn’t respond. He just keeps his eyes on the road. I don’t get him sometimes. I know he loves me, and I just want to understand. It’s not like we don’t have sex almost on a regular basis. We do. So I don’t know what his problem is.
Once we arrive at Drinks On Me Restaurant & Bar, I get out of the car and start walking to the entrance, but Knox grabs my arm and pulls me in for an embrace.
“Babe, please. I fucked up. I’m an asshole. I’m begging you. Please forgive me.”
“I . . . I . . .” I start to say, but my words don’t come out.
“Shh,” Knox whispers before kissing my forehead.
Fucking A. There’s that hold Knox has on me. Maybe if I knew more people… But really, who am I kidding? I always end up convincing myself he’s not that bad.
We enter the restaurant hand in hand. Knox grabs a table for us, and I immediately start looking though the menu. I’m starving. Buffalo chicken wings with ranch and a Shirley Temple sound real good, but I don’t want to order before everyone else gets here. Knox leaves, and comes back with the others a few minutes later.
“I’m so hungry,” Willow tells Ezra.
“I’ll ask for more menus,” Ezra replies.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Willow whispers to me.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I’m really not fine. I need an escape, a way to leave before Willow starts asking me more questions. The bathroom. I can hide away there for a few minutes to collect my thoughts.
“I’m going to use the restroom,” I abruptly say to Willow.
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“No.”
I enter the restroom, lock myself in one of the stalls, and start to cry. How stupid am I? Knox is using me for his own pleasure, and he feels no remorse about it. This is the second time he’s done this to me. When is enough enough? I wipe my eyes with the toilet tissue and wash my hands. Sarai is at the sink and notices me next to her.
“Journee, what’s wrong? Why are your eyes so puffy?” she asks curiously. “Were you crying?”
I stutter an incoherent response.
“Did something happen today?” she continues. “After you came out of that room, you weren’t the same.” My tears spill over and flow down my face like a river escaping a dam.
Sarai hugs me and whispers in my ear.“I’m here for you if you want to talk about it.”
I slowly pull away from her. Does she know? But Sarai just lets go of me and says nothing else as she finishes washing her hands.
She leaves the bathroom before me. I decide to linger back a little. As soon as I felt I could leave the bathroom, I return to the group and sit next to Knox. Reid hands Sarai a menu, which she thumbs through. Knox puts his hand on my thigh and rubs it. My body tenses, and I look around to see if anyone notices. Sarai glances up from her menu and gives me a reassuring look. I give her a half-smile in return.
“We were just discussing the timeline for when the video will be ready to upload to the band’s YouTube channel,” Dorian says.
“When will that be?” Knox says, curious.
“It should be good to go in two weeks, ready to upload in about a month,” Seth answers.
“Oh, that’s not too long.”
“No, it’s not, and I should have the behind-the-scenes photos ready in about that time as well,” Phoenix adds. “I’ll give the photos to Seth to put on the website to coincide with the release of the music video.”
“That’s perfect,” Ezra says, excited. “That’ll definitely create some buzz for the music video.”
“Let’s toast.” Dorian raises his beer glass. Everyone else follows suit. “To millions of YouTube views and the band’s success!”
“Here, here.” Seth clanks his glass against Dorian’s.
The rest of us toast and take a drink at the same time. I’m so proud of Knox and his band. I may not have been there since the beginning, but just seeing them grow their fanbase . . . and now a music video? Such a great accomplishment!
Our food arrives after a while. As I’m eating, I feel someone’s eyes on me. I glance up to find the photographer staring straight at me. It’s a little creepy. This is the second time today I’ve caught him staring. What’s his problem? I don’t want to be rude, since he’s the band’s photographer, but what the fuck? Knox is eating when he gets wind of Phoenix staring at me.
That’s when Phoenix looks away.
eleven
Knox
As soon as Journee and I reach the apartment, I go straight to the living room to turn the TV on. Journee decides to take a shower and get more comfortable before we watch a movie. Flipping through the channels, I try to find something decent to watch. Journee isn’t picky; she’s pretty much down to watch anything. I settled on The Avengers. It’s set to start in ten minutes, so I head into the bedroom to change into something more comfortable myself.
Journee is already out of the shower by the time I enter. She’s putting on what she typically likes to lounge around in. This usually consists of one of my oversized hoodies, and yoga pants. Journee puts her hair up in a high, messy bun. She turns around from the mirror when she sees my reflection.
“You look sexy as hell,” I compliment her.
She blushes and continue fixing her hair in the mirror. I go through the closet and change into sweats and a T-shirt, Journee slyly watching.
“Like what you see?” I tease her.
“Oh, yeah,” she teases back.
We head back into the living room. Journee sits on the couch, and I tell her that she can start the movie as I head to the kitchen.
“Do you want any popcorn?”
“That’s fine,” she replies. “Did you have fun at our music video shoot?” I ask her when I come back with the popcorn.
“Yeah. It was nice to experience what goes on behind the scenes. It was also awesome to catch up with Willow and Sarai.”
“I’m sorry that you girls weren’t in the video itself, like we planned. It was a last-minute change.”
“It was no problem. Just being there to witness the shoot was fine by me.”
I’m taken aback by her nonchalant answer. I love having Journee there by my side, but I didn’t expect jealousy would fuel my rage, causing me to hurt her yet again. I know there’s no need to be jealous of Phoenix, but I can’t help it. The way he’s looked at her a few times in the past, it made my blood boil. It was a matter of time before it came to a head. The first time I snapped, I was high and intoxicated. It was partly Journee’s fault for not being there, and partly Laney’s fault for seducing me. But it was also the demons of my past haunting me.
The movie starts, and I pull Journee close to me. She lays her head on my shoulder and closes her eyes. I start playing with her hair. She’s so naive and innocent, always putting up with my constant bullshit. It’s really not fair to her. But as sick and twisted as it sounds, I don’t want her with anyone else. So if I have to keep her broken enough to stay with me, I will. Because as soon as she realizes she’s better off without me, I’m screwed. She can’t escape. I won’t let her.
Seeing her broken hurt
s the shit out of me, but it’s the only way she won’t run.
Acknowledgements
Kimberly See
Your comments and suggestions during the editing process of “Illicit Dose Of Scars,” helped a great deal to make my book better than it originally was. So thank you.
Diana TC
Thank you so much for making me another EPIC cover design for “Illicit Dose Of Scars.”
Samantha La Mar (TalkNerdy2Me)
Thank you so much for the amazing chapter designs that you did for “Illicit Dose Of Scars.”
Mackenzie (NiceGirlNaughtyEdits)
Thank you so much for making the teasers for “Illicit Dose Of Scars.” I loved them so much!
Family and Friends
Thank you so much for the continued support of me and my books. I love you all.
Regina Ann Faith is a Lyricist, Poet, Writer, Composer and Author. She graduated with a B.A in Communications/Film. This is her first dark romance series titled The Love Sick Series. The first book in this series titled Illicit Dose Of Scars follows the toxic relationship between Journee, an aspiring model and Knox, a guitarist who is abusive and controlling. She also has another two book series titled “The Artistic Series.”
She can be found on her social media pages on:
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Illicit Dose Of Scars: A Dark Rockstar Romance (Love Sick #1) Page 9
