Julie’s throat constricted. She did as she was told.
“I’m not making much headway with the Millers—Mr. Miller more than the Mrs.”
“They need to get that child into counseling.”
“Yes, I understand. They are willing to give her extra tutoring, but they do not want her staying back a year. You recommended she pass?”
“As a matter of fact, no, I didn’t,” Julie answered. “My reasoning is noted in the girl’s report card, which I turned in with the rest just now.”
“I’m going to have to ask you to alter them. The classroom incident aside, I don’t need angry parents complaining to the school board. It would mean consequences for all of us.”
Julie was feeling uncomfortable that her union representative wasn’t present to hear this and to give her advice. She wasn’t sure whether the principal was on her side, or on the side of the parents. Julie thought she was the only one on the side of the student. Her parched tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. Taking a deep breath, she finally asked the question she’d been dreading for the past five minutes. “Dr. Connor. Am I going to be fired?”
“No. Of course not. Not today, anyway.”
It was just like him to wiggle out of saying something he didn’t want to, which should have made her feel more comfortable, since apparently there wasn’t a planned trajectory to remove her from her job. But that didn’t make her feel very secure, either.
“So they’re still talking about suing the school.”
“And me personally, and you personally.”
“Me?”
“You are the one who they allege said things to their daughter in front of the whole class.”
“Which is completely untrue, and I have student witnesses who are happy to dispute it. I would never say those vicious things. Those words aren’t even in my vocabulary, Dr. Connor.”
“Their attorney claims you are holding a grade or expulsion notice over their heads,” he said solemnly.
“Their attorney? So now they have an attorney?” Julie could not believe how a lie the student had told her parents had managed to escalate to such a degree. And she partly blamed her principal for not acting more quickly. He’d elected to wait until the family had sent their third letter to his office.
“I’m sorry but we’ll be dealing with this all summer. I’ll be in touch.”
“You want me to get the paperwork on the year-end evaluation?”
“No, I’ll find it. I’ll call you if I need anything else.”
“Dr. Connor, I’m going up north today for my brother’s wedding. I won’t be around for another week at least. Probably ten days.”
“Fine. No worries.” He rose and extended his hand, which Julie shook, hoping he couldn’t feel her nervousness. “Have a good wedding!” His cheery smile, plastered quickly onto his face, made her stomach churn.
Shaken, she found it a struggle to stay focused and drive safely during the trip to her parent’s home in Sonoma County.
She solved the problem by listening to the seductive voice of her favorite narrator reading the latest novel from a romance series she loved. It was the perfect way to spend the hours on the road. It put her in the middle of an intense relationship with a strong guy who loved hot sex and wanted to protect her. She became the heroine. It was a pleasant fiction, feeling loved so intensely. She knew her fantasy life was good for her. And it certainly went a long way toward diminishing the uneasiness about her job, and helping her set aside her heartache over Luke.
She wished her real life was more like this audiobook love story. And it had seemed so possible during the magical night with Luke. There was something about him, and she couldn’t figure out what, exactly, that was so damned close to the hero in this audio romance. A hero who struggled with something from a past, which had damaged him.
Julie wondered about the damage. She wondered what it was that haunted Luke. They’d barely spoken that urgent night…a night that still left her breathless every time she dreamed or thought about it.
And yet, something had been so right about being with Luke.
And at the same time, there was something so wrong about him.
The long driveway winding to her family home through clusters of oak and madrone trees was a welcoming sight. As she climbed the hill, she could see the valley floor below. Up north, the geysers were spewing steam, and the horizon was turning pink, indicating there would be a nice salmon glow at sunset.
Her mom came out to greet her before she could get to the front door.
“Julie, so glad you’re safe. The guest room is all ready for you.”
“No, Mom. Remember, I told you? I’m staying at a friend’s house while they’re in Europe. Besides, you’ve got tons of relatives coming from the east coast who arrive this week, right?”
“Next week. I just thought you could stay here. One night? Just one night?”
She always had a hard time saying no to her mother.
“Fine. But just one night. I need a little time to relax and clear my head. Yesterday was the last day of classes, you know.”
“Not to worry. Your dad will be so happy to see you.” Her mother picked up her duffel bag and hitched it over her shoulder. “Colin and Stephanie will be here to go over some details after your dad gets home.”
“Great.” Which meant another late night, Julie thought. Not exactly what she wanted, but she’d just have to get caught up on her rest tomorrow night.
THE REHEARSAL DINNER was a catered affair. The warm, early June evening was perfect for eating on the patio under the stars. Julie’s parents’ home was built in the middle of vineyards, overlooking a small lake. They had sent small boats holding votive candles sailing out from its grassy banks just before the sunset. Crickets had begun to chirp. An occasional frog mouthed off, telling her it would be a full-chorus night.
Stephanie looked radiant, as she always did. Colin was working to keep a couple of his five groomsmen away from her, and Julie enjoyed seeing him so possessive, but happy. She hoped someday this would be her fate…having friends and family share in a glorious celebration of love, here in her gorgeous childhood home.
One of the groomsmen was running late, so they sat around the patio sipping wine until they heard the doorbell ring.
Julie decided she’d play hostess and ran to answer, leaving her parents to mingle with the guests and deal with the caterer.
She threw the door open, caroling “It’s about time you got here, Mr. Sixth Groomsman, we’ve been waiting for you so long, everybody’s had a bit too much wine, and…”
Luke Paulsen stood on their doorstep.
He was dressed in baggy jeans and a light blue shirt. Though he was dressed casually, there was no mistaking the muscles beneath the cotton fabric, muscles that bulked out his magnificent chest, making the shirt spread deliciously over his breastbone. A trail of light brown hair lingered there, daring her to be inappropriate. It had been at least a month since she’d run her fingers up that chest, up the side of his massive neck, and pulled his lips to hers with consuming need, but she remembered so vividly, it was if she’d just left his bed.
Her need was no less right now, standing in front of this irresistible man without touching him.
His hair was slicked back a bit from a recent shower, emanating the faint scent of soap and just a little aftershave. But his blue eyes bored into her, making her knees wobble. She felt so light-headed she could almost float up into the night sky.
He was obviously surprised, too, but a wild, kind of feral look crossed his face, an involuntary lifting one corner of his lips. His chest expanded as he inhaled hard enough to suck her right into his arms, which she refused to do.
She’d steeled herself for the possibility of running into him in San Diego, but she never thought she’d find him standing at her front door. For an instant she thought perhaps he had found her, was coming to the house to apologize for his behavior in San Diego, but then it dawned on her.
Luke was the sixth groomsman.
Chapter 7
‡
“JULIE,” HE SAID hoarsely. “What are you doing here?”
She exhaled, trying to shake off the dark circles beginning to gather, narrowing her vision, because she’d been holding her breath. “I live—lived here. This is my parents’ home.”
She could see he was troubled. “Then Colin is your brother?”
“Yes.”
“Stephanie is my sister.”
Knowing this marriage meant Luke would soon become part of her family sent panic from the base of her skull down to her toes. This man, who had at first brought her unspeakable passion, who had awakened something deep within her, and then rejected her, was here to participate in the union of their two families.
It was wrong on every imaginable level. And so totally unfair.
“Luke!” Colin called out as he walked towards them. “Hey, bro, I see you’ve met my lovely sister.”
How could this be happening?
“Yes,” Luke said, avoiding eye contact. “We just met.”
“What did I tell you? Huh? She’s single, and I think she’d be just your type.”
I’m not hearing this. This isn’t real. “Julie, Luke, here, is a Navy SEAL.”
Check that one off my list. Figures.
Her anger at how completely fucked up this all was gave her strength. “Oh, is that so?” She lowered her eyelids and spoke while tilting her head back, viewing his face through the tiniest slits her eyes could make. “Looks more like a UPS driver to me.”
“Ha. You’re funny, sis,” Colin said. He leaned into Luke and whispered just loudly enough so she could hear him. “I think she likes you,” following it up with a waggle of his eyebrows. Colin threw his arm around Luke’s shoulders, which looked ridiculous since Luke was nearly three inches taller and probably outweighed him by forty pounds. He dragged Luke to the kitchen.
Julie slammed the front door so hard it sounded like a sonic boom. Voices in the other room immediately stopped. Her mother poked her head around the corner, her eyebrows knitted.
“Sorry. The wind caught it.”
Her mother smiled and disappeared again.
Luke stood by his sister and was shaking hands with several of the other groomsmen and being introduced to family members. He shook hands with Julie’s parents, which was one of the strangest scenes Julie had witnessed in a long time.
Julie decided she’d just ignore him. Whenever he moved into her line of sight, she’d turn her back. She’d stare to the side to avoid having to see him out of the corner of her eye. She’d look down, or check her fingernails—she’d look anywhere and everywhere but in his direction. There was no way she was going to tolerate his scrutiny before she’d had a good and thorough talk with herself and perhaps a nice, long, private cry.
Very quickly, Julie ran out of places she could look without appearing to be a social deviant. She began to feel like one. Her mother had come over to her several times, asking if she was feeling well. That meant her efforts to look casual and unaffected were definitely not working.
The minister arrived, and the rehearsal began in earnest. She was put into position behind Stephanie’s friends. And—of course!—Luke was placed in the corresponding position on Colin’s side.
Great. She wondered what else could go wrong. And she didn’t have to wait long to find out.
The minister wanted the bridesmaids and groomsmen to walk in together, all the pairs from the wedding party, arm in arm. She tried her very best not to touch him, which was naturally impossible. She tried not to have their legs brush against each other, which was also impossible. She tried not to think about the electric sizzle of his arm as he hugged hers to his side. And while she got more and more tense, he relaxed.
And he threaded the fingers of his right hand through the ones on her left, holding them tight against his chest. He rubbed the length of her forefinger as she tried not to move hers, but the warmth of his fingertips on the back of her hand, along the sides, and between her fingers in an intimate linking was making her ears buzz. She even had to tolerate a knowing smile from her brother, and his wiggling eyebrows. She gladly parted company with Luke and took her position at the end of the line of bridesmaids.
Thank goodness they didn’t have to do that again. The rehearsal was declared a success and everyone retired to the kitchen to get their food.
She scrutinized Stephanie carefully, maybe subconsciously looking for some evidence she wasn’t really Luke’s sister, which she already knew was ridiculous. Julie could see the family resemblance. Stephanie’s blue eyes were the same shade as Luke’s, her lips were full. She was pretty, and appeared to be having a good time.
Glancing around the room, she couldn’t find Luke and began to relax, thinking perhaps he had decided to leave early. He couldn’t have misunderstood her coldness. Perhaps he’d gotten the message, finally.
But no such luck. Her back stiffened when she heard him call out to her from behind. Though it wasn’t very smart, she turned around. No helpful distractions were within earshot, unless she yelled.
“I’ve thought hundreds of times about what I’d say to you if we met someplace. All the things I rehearsed have just gone out of my mind. Completely vanished.” He pressed his fingers against his forehead.
She didn’t want to drink in the cool blue liquid of his gaze, but she couldn’t help it, finishing it off with a quick glance to his lips that grabbed his attention. His nostrils flared and his breathing deepened. Within seconds, their breathing was in tandem…the magical chemistry enveloping them both.
She saw movement at her waist and saw one hand begin to rise.
She immediately took a step back.
“Don’t,” she said.
“I’m sorry, Julie. I truly am.”
“Good.” She whirled away and marched back into the kitchen to join other partygoers.
JULIE DIDN’T HAVE any trouble avoiding his gaze the rest of the evening. Luke seemed to disappear. And then she was told he had left.
Thank God.
She poured herself a big glass of red wine and sank into the family room couch. She listened to the happy banter of the bride and her girlfriends. She watched her brother joke with a couple of his groomsmen. Her parents danced to something on the radio. The caterers were busy clearing the kitchen.
And Julie wasn’t here at all. She was back in San Diego on the beach, replaying everything that had happened with Luke.
How could something, which felt so right, have been so wrong?
Chapter 8
‡
LUKE WENT STRAIGHT to the motel and crashed. Up until tonight, he’d been sleeping well without the medication. Tonight, he wasn’t so sure he could.
He knew it would be a mistake to watch TV. Something would snag him, and then he’d be off on that loop in his brain, like a hamster in its wheel. Of all the messed-up situations. He was now going to be family with the woman he’d had a truly momentous one-night stand with. It had been a beautiful evening and morning after, until his past had overwhelmed him. He knew he was damaged goods. It would have been better for her if they’d never met again.
But it was impossible now. The marriage of his sister and her brother made meeting Julie unavoidable. It was selfish on his part, but he was angry with his sister and her brother. Angry about their love. Angry about their normal future.
Not that he blamed them, actually. He’d made different choices with his life, and because of his choices, he was forever altered in a totally fucked-up and negative way.
He could never have what Stephanie and Colin had. He knew how much work it would be for a woman to create some kind of normal life with him, and it was dangerous. In trying to save him, it could well cost another woman her life.
Julie was such a sweet thing. Which was why it felt so bad, knowing he had hurt her. She’d lovingly kissed his scars and tats, given herself to him with a full and open heart, unafraid.
I don’t do uncomplicated.
No, she wouldn’t understand the complicated jumble that was his brain, otherwise she wouldn’t say such a thing. If she only knew.
I want to be sorely missed when I’m gone.
That was the thing, though, wasn’t it? Falling in love meant losing someone when they didn’t come back. That was no way to treat another human being. Much better to keep them from waiting at all, from ever knowing him. It would be kinder.
Except it was too late now. He knew her, all right. He knew her little mewling sounds, the way her body yearned for him, her pure heart. Though he’d known it was wrong, he hadn’t been able to help giving her hope in a happily ever after. He’d wanted, for just one night, to live the fantasy of being someone’s hero—to be her hero. The guy who could rock that sweet woman’s world and give more than he would take. It was almost like a little piece of bright crystal had broken off her and had lodged in him somewhere. Some little piece of the good that was her spirit.
Though emotionally injured, he wanted to be the warrior who was worthy of the medals he wore, still worthy of the Trident he’d earned. Be the man who could feel emotions without having to cover them up under a hundred pounds of equipment. Who didn’t have to dive from a plane at midnight just to feel fully alive, to be present without the risk of death to define his boundaries.
He fell into a deep sleep.
The woman in red came to him, finding her way under the covers, stretching out against him, her face hovering just above his. He was aware she was a dream, because he didn’t feel her so much as sense her, see her. She gave him the look that said she wanted to be taken. But when he lifted his mouth to hers in his dream, her lips were not there. Her iridescent body called to him, just as her lips had, but he could not touch her. He could hear her, but couldn’t hear the sound of his own voice. He heard the steady pulsing of her heartbeat and her breath pushing in and out of her lungs as if she was inside him. Their hearts beat in unison.
Luke, the lady whispered. I’m waiting for you, Luke. Her voice faded while he watched the ambulance take her beautiful, warm body to some eternal resting spot. Where she wouldn’t laugh or cry, or hear the sound of her own child being born. He’d done that. He’d taken it all away from her. He’d taken it from himself, too.
SEAL My Destiny (SEAL Brotherhood) Page 4
