SEAL My Destiny (SEAL Brotherhood)

by Sharon Hamilton

  “Who would? But tell me what’s going on with you right now.”

  “From where I sit today—I mean, I feel good, really good. Solid. I don’t want to think those dreams might come back. But I know you’re right.”

  “Think of all the things you’ll be dealing with, like the things that came up before, except now you’ll have a wife, someday a family. Suppose one day something happened to them?”

  Luke thought about Camilla. He tried to visualize her dying in his arms, but he couldn’t. He wondered if it would change. He wondered if this ghost, this vision would ever come between him and Julie.

  “You’re talking about other stress, picking at a scab.”

  “You’re about to merge your life with another person, someone you barely know. I’m not saying your decision is a bad one, just that it’s very quick. But then, I know you guys, and this is what you do, don’t you?”

  “Yessir.”

  “You feel the pain of what you’ve endured, the loss of life, both here and abroad, and it means you’re human, Luke. You’d be a psychopath if you enjoyed the killing or the danger—”

  “Honestly, doc? I love the fuckin’ danger.”

  Brownlee chuckled. “I get it.”

  “I mean I hate it when we go over there and just hang around doing nothing, waiting for something. I’d rather be in the middle of—”

  There it was again, the niggling doubt. Did it make him good husband material, because he actually liked putting his life on the line? Like it was something he was chosen, called to do? It wasn’t the killing he loved. That would make him a monster. It was providing protection he loved, and the brotherhood of the Teams. He knew some day he’d have to get by without it. Was he weak for thinking—no, knowing—he still needed his buds around him? Did it make him weak?

  He asked the doctor. He could see Brownlee felt emotional about Luke’s explanation of what he felt.

  “This is what an elite warrior must face every day. Not sure the world understands this. I didn’t realize it about my brother until years after he was gone. One of the biggest regrets of my life is I didn’t understand him.”

  “I’m sorry, sir.”

  “No, this is about you, not Will. This is what makes you human, questioning all these things. We need to keep talking about all of it. It’s healthy for you to question yourself. Examine everything. It’s what we work on. When we put a label on it and say, ‘I’m good,’ then I start to be concerned. You understand what I’m saying?”

  “Yes.”

  “Huge congrats for reaching out to me today. Huge, Luke. An excellent indication you are fully participating in your own self-care and recovery. Facing your demons. But they won’t go away. They don’t go away. They fade a bit. And you learn tools to deal with them when they come up, because they will.”

  “I got you. So you think marrying Julie is one of those tools?”

  Brownlee chuckled again. “Fucking no.”

  Luke was surprised when he swore. But then he saw the wide grin on the face of a man he trusted, truly trusted with these intense, personal issues of his soul.

  “Marrying Julie is your prize. You get to have your prize if you continue the work, Luke. You get to have a life in living color if you handle the paperwork, so to speak. If you do the advance planning, you reach the goal, right?”

  “Right.”

  “So you haven’t answered my question, Luke.”

  Luke knew what he was referring to. It wasn’t an easy thing to answer, but he knew he had to.

  “Yes, doc, if I need to, I’ll go on the meds. Just not today.”

  Chapter 35

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  LUKE SAT ON the hospital bed with Julie, his huge arm draped over her shoulder. He asked questions about everything the staff did. What her blood pressure was, her temperature. He wanted to see when they added lab work orders to the electronic chart. They finally gave up withholding information and showed him everything without him needing to ask first.

  When he left to call Kyle, the large nurse who took her blood pressure, Adele, gave her a wink.

  “That’s some kind of fiancé you got yourself there.”

  “Fiancé?”

  The nurse took a step away from the bedrail and put her hands on her hips, the stethoscope draped around her neck. “Girl, you mean, you’re just finding out about it? He’s been telling everyone around here you guys are engaged.”

  She peered down at Julie’s hand. “No ring,” she said, and sighed.

  Julie linked her hands together, rubbing over the spot on her left hand where a ring would have gone. Would go some day. And smiled. It was lovely to know Luke was telling everyone. But she would rather have heard it from him first.

  “I have a question, Adele.” “Can you re-run a pregnancy test, you know, to make sure everything’s okay? I’d just found out, and it’s very early. You know. I don’t want to tell him if something happened.”

  “Glad you mentioned it. Wasn’t ordered on the routine panel when you were admitted.” She leaned into her and whispered, “I’ll get it added right now so they don’t have to redraw.”

  “Thank you. Will I get the results quickly? Or do I have to wait for all the other lab work to come in?”

  The nurse winked at her, “Let me see what I can do, hon. Are we going to be happy about this?”

  “Are you kidding?”

  “That’s what I thought. I’ll go make the call right now.”

  She nearly collided with Luke at the doorway.

  Luke pulled up the leather lounge chair and grabbed Julie’s hands, giving them a kiss. “How’re you feeling?”

  “I’m fine. A little tired. Hungry. Starving, actually.”

  “All you had was the bar I gave you in the truck. As soon as they say it’s okay, you’ll be eating wonderful hospital food.”

  “I don’t want to stay here. I want to go back to my place tonight.”

  “I think they just want to finish checking you out. The school’s liability carrier might require it. We’ll just let them do their job. Besides, we have to talk.”

  A little electric jolt sizzled through her.

  He stood, then sat on the corner of the bed, and cupped her hands between his. “Jules, I want to make this a permanent arrangement. I want you to marry me.”

  She was about to throw herself on him when the nurse poked her head around the doorway and gave Julie a double thumbs up.

  I am pregnant!

  “Let me tell you something first, just in case it makes a difference, Luke.” She stuffed down the emotion bubbling to the surface. His warrior face, peering down at her, the blue gaze which had mesmerized her the first time she saw him in daylight, his gentleness, the restraint and control, and the powerful arms and shoulders that had held her, could carry the world with, was what she loved about him. But his heart, the tender spot inside this elite warrior he had shared so intimately and privately with her…that was what she loved best. She hoped he’d be good with the news. Maybe even more than good. But she’d be okay with just good.

  He’d wrinkled his brow, and he squinted. “Is there something wrong, Julie? You don’t want to—”

  “I’m pregnant, Luke. Very early pregnant, so, you know how these things go, you’re a medic, and—” she was going to babble on, but his kiss interrupted her.

  “Then we get married right away,” he whispered to her lips afterward. “Think your folks could handle another back yard wedding, but on a much smaller scale? Or we could go to Vegas—”

  “No. I’d love to get married in the Airstream if we could, but I’ll call Mom. But no Vegas wedding, please.”

  His palm stroked her cheek, his thumb lightly skimming across her lower lip. “I love you so much, Julie. I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past few weeks. The deployment only made me realize I’m doing what I love to do. Are you sure you’re okay with it? Because I’d give it up if that’s what you want.”

  “No. It’s who you are, Luke. It’s n
ot what you are that I love, it’s who you are. You are the man who does those dangerous things others can’t. Or won’t. I understand. And I already know it comes with a whole other set of challenges. I’m in for the long haul.”

  She knew there would be rough patches in the road ahead, but she would be vigilant. She wasn’t going to turn her back on him, even at his worst.

  Chapter 36

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  THE GARDEN FLOWERS were just as beautiful—he’d have to say even more beautiful. Luke walked in his tux through the rock-walled patio area. The collection of white chairs, arranged in rows, was much smaller. Everything about this wedding was on a much smaller scale. No DJ, no dance floor. It was what Julie wanted. He’d have been okay with whatever she wanted.

  Kyle, Cooper, Fredo and Tyler walked out into the yard to join him. Kyle handed Luke a beer. Julie’s brother, Colin, was his best man, but remained inside.

  “You nervous?” his LPO asked.

  “Fuckin’ no, Kyle. I’m petrified.” It was the truth. He hadn’t slept a wink last night, and he wasn’t sure if it was nerves about the wedding or something from his dark side creeping in. He didn’t like that Julie had chosen to spend her last night as a single woman with her girlfriends. He’d needed her something fierce.

  “Well, just like over there, we got your back. You pass out, you’re all Cooper’s. You run, you’re fuckin’ mine.

  Tyler punched his arm. “Go ahead, run, you prick. I’ll console the bride.”

  “You’re not even allowed a peck on the cheek, you asshole.”

  “I say leave it up to Julie, my man. She want to plant something on me, I’m definitely all in.”

  The group groaned. “Watch it, Tyler. That mouth is going to get you into trouble,” Cooper said.

  Reverend Dobson joined them on the patio, accompanied by Colin. “I’d like a private moment with the groom, if you gents don’t mind?”

  The group retreated to the house, and Dobson motioned for Luke to walk over near Mrs. Christensen’s garden.

  “I’ve known Julie her whole life, son. Not sure if you knew this.”

  “Yessir, she told me.”

  “I was present at her dedication when she was a baby. She attended my new members’ class when she was a teen. I wrote a recommendation letter for her college application. Julie always has been one of my favorites, I don’t mind telling you.”

  “I can see that, sir.”

  “She had concerns about jumping into this marriage too soon. And she’s told me she is with child.”

  “Yessir.”

  “You will not have months or years to get to know one another, like a lot of couples do. You are going to have to work on it, kind of speed up the process.”

  “We already tend to work at that speed, Reverend. We’ve sort of established it as our pace. Not that it will continue, but we both make our minds up rather quickly, sir. I’ve thought a lot about it. I asked her to marry me before I knew she was pregnant. Wanted you to know.”

  “Yes, son, I am aware of it. I’m sure your intentions are pure.”

  Luke wasn’t so sure. He’d been sporting the biggest hard-on in creation, all night and this morning. It was hard not to let it distract him, but he tried to listen to the Reverend.

  “Love heals all things, son. It isn’t forced. I’ll be talking about it just for a little today, if you don’t mind.”

  “Do your thing.”

  “No, Luke, this is your thing. This is the day you step through the doorway and join another brotherhood. You become a husband and father. You become protector and guardian of a new family. It will be your most important mission in life.”

  THE LUTE PLAYER began while Julie’s mother and father began their procession down the row between chairs. Dr. Brownlee, and his wife and Libby, Coop’s wife, were escorted to the front row on Luke’s side. Libby was looking radiant and extremely pregnant.

  Luke took up his spot next to Reverend Dobson, and his groomsmen entered, each with one of Julie’s girlfriends on their arm. Stephanie, Luke’s sister, was the last to come down the aisle, walking with Fredo.

  Luke saw his future father-in-law at the entrance to the Christensen kitchen waiting for Julie to make her way to his side. The audience rose and, for a few seconds, she was cut off to him. But when she rounded the corner onto the patio pathway, his eyes burned and he could scarcely breathe.

  She had never looked so beautiful, so pink and lovely, all covered in white crinkly fabric which made quite a noise, even from this distance. Bowing to tradition, he hadn’t seen the dress, but he knew would have made sure whatever she wore underneath created that sexy chiffon on chiffon sound when she walked toward him. And he’d never needed to tell her what the sound of that fabric did to his libido.

  But there were so many things he wanted to tell her, whisper to her. He just wanted to spend as much time with her as humanly possible. She’d be with him every waking minute of the day. She’d be his reason for coming home, his reason for leaving, too. She’d be his anchor, his lighthouse. His rock.

  His love.

  REVEREND DOBSON WAS concluding his short sermon with a chapter from Corinthians:

  “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

  IT WAS TRUE, Luke thought. At the pronouncement of their joining, Luke lifted Julie’s veil and spoke to her just before their lips met. “For ever and ever, Julie. I’m here forever.”

  As their lips parted she whispered back, “And when you come back to me, I’ll always be here, waiting for you. Always. I love you, Luke.”

  The intimate moment had most the audience in tears. Unlike Colin and Stephanie’s wedding, Luke could hear sniffling and saw people wipe their eyes.

  He grabbed Julie’s hand, just the way they’d done at his sister’s wedding, and walked down the aisle, stopping at Dr. Brownlee and his wife. Brownlee gave him a hug and pat on the back. “Good luck, son,” he whispered in his ear. “Pulling for you.”

  He and Julie continued their exit, shaking hands and hugging people they knew along the way. He noted Christy, Kyle’s wife, holding a fidgeting Brandon in her arms.

  The simple party was elegant…and way too long, Luke decided. He was impatient to start his new life with Julie, and the party was almost an imposition. But the Christensens had been gracious, and if they felt an ounce of regret they hadn’t gotten to give a lavish party for their own daughter, it didn’t show. He attributed it to Julie’s handling, especially of her mother.

  He caught her arm when she walked past him to deliver a glass of champagne to a guest.

  “You’ve been swishing around, making that dress tease me something fierce, Miss Julie. I’m in desperate need, here.”

  “It’s only fair. Soon, Luke. Remember the ‘all good things come to those who wait’ part?” She leaned in and gave him a long, languid kiss. He didn’t want to let her go, but she held up the champagne flutes. “Let me do my job, and then later I’ll let you do yours.”

  He was thinking about it long and hard when Tyler came up behind him. “Totally, completely happy for you, man. You fuckin’ hit the jackpot, Luke.”

  He examined Tyler’s face. He’d die for this man, for all of them, if he had to. But he still was going to give Tyler hell for that comment.

  “And don’t you forget it. Hands off. No kissing my lady. Don’t even think about it.”

  “Can’t you take a fuckin’ joke at your fuckin’ wedding, you asshole?”

  “There you are, Tyler,” said the dark-haired bridesmaid who’d walked down the aisle with him. She slipped an arm under his and pressed her body against him.

  “Careful, Tyler,” Luke said as he winked and went to retrieve Julie.

  He’d left instructions for her to
keep on her wedding dress when it was time to go. Mrs. Christensen had intervened, suggesting she’d be more comfortable for the trip in her street clothes, but Luke overruled firmly, but with a smile.

  With fond farewells and a shower of birdseed, the two of them jumped into Luke’s Hummer, which was towing the Christensen’s Airstream.

  Chapter 37

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  THEY HAD RESERVATIONS at Yosemite for tomorrow, but Luke had refused to tell her where they were going tonight. Julie was sure it wouldn’t be far, knowing Luke. He drove West, toward Highway 1 and the coast.

  “Where are we going?” she shouted over the rumbe of the Hummer’s powerful engine.

  “The beach.”

  “Thought we had reservations at Yosemite.”

  “Not until tomorrow. Tonight it’s all about us, and the beach, okay?”

  “Not a problem here,” she smiled. One of the things she didn’t like about the Hummer were the bucket seats in front. But somehow, rather than going off in a chauffeured limo, like Colin and Stephanie did, this seemed more fitting. The Hummer bounced, and she jounced along with it. Her bulging bodice, which she couldn’t wait to get out of, was getting so much attention from Luke she was halfway worried it was too much of a distraction for him.

  “Eyes on the road, Mr. Paulsen.”

  “Yes, Mrs. Paulsen.”

  They pulled into the campground at Bodega Dunes about a half hour later. He’d secured a private campsite tucked away by itself, with easy access to the beach.

  After setting the trailer in place, he escorted Julie inside, flounces and petticoats flying everywhere. He locked the door behind them.

  She threw herself in his arms and reveled in the way he lifted her up and carried her back to the bed at the rear of the trailer. Sun was setting outside, and a bright orange glow permeated the sky. They could hear seabirds and the muffled boom and hiss of waves crashing on the beach on the other side of the dunes.

  Amid the orange light she watched his face while he lay her down and peeled her petticoats back, one by one, until he found her white stockings and garter belt. He snapped one and then smoothed over the back of her thigh with his palm.