Leaving Lori alone with the one—or two—things she didn’t want to deal with: her thoughts and her feelings for Matt.
* * *
“ARE YOU GOING to leave me anything to play with?” Matt lounged against the door to the garage as Kendall sorted through his toolbox and workbench. When she wrenched open the metal cabinet where he stored his power tools, he surrendered. “What’s going on?”
“Got a job.” Kendall bent down, peered through the shelves and dug out his drill, handsaw and sander. “Over at that big yellow inn on the cliffs.”
“The Flutterby?” Matt asked.
“Yeah. I stopped by to talk to Lori and met Abby. Turns out her contractor flaked on her, demanded additional payment to finish the contract and what he did finish was crap.” She pulled out an old duffel bag. “Can I use this?”
“Take whatever you need. What’s she paying you?”
“Room and board to start. She’s says there’s an apartment over the diner that’s empty. I’d only have to pay utilities. It’s small, but it has everything I need. Besides—” she looked over at him before she continued stuffing tools into the bag “—you don’t need me cramping your style. Especially once Kyle moves in.”
Matt cringed. He’d been wondering if Kendall staying with him was going to be an issue with Kyle’s caseworker. Then again, he hadn’t gotten around to calling Chris with the news that Lori wasn’t part of the equation any longer. He’d really made a mess of things. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you want. As long as you need.”
“Uh-huh. Thanks. Truth is, I hadn’t planned to stay more than a couple of days but—” she stood up, planted her hands on her hips and smiled at him “—this town isn’t so bad.”
“High praise indeed, given your upbringing.”
“You know what they say. You can take the girl off the farm—”
“You ever get farm sick, you can get your fix up at Calliope Jones’s place.” He turned and walked back to the yard that had been the focus of his attention for most of his day off. When he’d bought the property he’d had grand ideas of a big backyard kitchen, maybe a spa, a nice seating area where he could enjoy the stars when the walls closed in.
Instead, he had a couple of wooden deck chairs, a table and ankle-high grass he only cut when he had to.
“You heading over there tonight?” Matt asked.
Kendall strode out of the garage with the duffel over one shoulder, a big red toolbox in her other hand. “Maybe. Depends.” She dropped both by the back gate. “Might want to borrow your truck at some point.”
“You know where the keys are. If you wait until tomorrow, I can leave it with you when I go to work.”
Kendall shrugged. “Nice night, huh? Is it always like this?” She arched her back and tilted her chin to the sky.
An odd charge sparked the air, as if something was going on he didn’t understand. Why should today be any different? There was a lot he didn’t understand lately.
“Pretty close. You want pizza for dinner? I can call and order—”
The doorbell rang.
“That was fast,” Kendall deadpanned.
“Even by Zane’s standards. Be right back.”
“Uh-huh.” She walked over and dropped into one of the chairs.
Matt checked his cell as he went to the front door. No messages from work or from friends. Nothing to indicate why someone might have stopped by unexpectedly. He pulled open the door as he slipped his phone back in his pocket.
“Lori.” There was no stopping the smile that spread across his face. She looked pretty, standing there under the twilight glow, her hair tied up in that messy knot that made his fingers anxious to explore. Her T-shirt was the color of a ripe avocado and drifted snugly over her curves.
Every ounce of tension knotted in his body eased. Just seeing her, being around her, made him feel better. Made him happy. And reminded him how completely stupid he’d been.
“Hi.” Her smile was quick, then she ducked her head, tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “I, um...I was thinking maybe we could talk. Over dinner?” She hefted a paper bag. “Ursula’s fried chicken.”
“And double mashed potatoes?”
“Yeah. Oh, hey, Kendall.” She stepped to the side as Kendall swept out of the house with the tools.
“Lori. Nice to see you again. I’m going to make myself scarce.”
“But I brought enough for three!” Lori called.
“No thanks. I’ll eat at the diner. I’ll have the truck back to you by morning, Matt.” She hiked into the cab and revved the engine.
“She’s different,” Lori stated. “I like her.”
“So do I,” Matt agreed. “Come on in. I made iced tea. You want some?”
“Please.”
Matt couldn’t remember ever having a more polite conversation in his life. He took the bag from her hands and led her through the great room into the kitchen.
“This is nice. Big. It suits you.” Lori set her bag on the floor by the glass door. “And I can see what Kendall was talking about.” She pointed to the backyard. “What’s going on with this?”
“I got inspired,” Matt confessed. After seeing all her plans for the cul-de-sacs and the detail she’d gone into, he looked at his own property now with more than a bit of shame. “Gotta get it cleaned out first, as I learned this weekend.” He poured two glasses, so many questions poised behind his lips, but he kept them to himself. She’d come to him. Best to let her take the lead. “Outside?”
“Sure.” She accepted the glass as he opened the door for her. “You’ve got your work cut out for you.” But nowhere in her eyes did he see disapproval as she took in the wannabe jungle. What he did see warmed him from the inside.
“Might be looking for some advice down the road. If you know anyone.”
She smiled as they sat, her glass cupped between hands he noticed were trembling. “I guess you’re wondering why I’m here. Especially after the other day at Paige’s.”
Matt sat back. “I know why I hope you’re here.” That somehow he was going to be given another chance. But before he let that happen, he had to tell her the truth.
“Kendall came to see me today at the inn. She wanted to explain a few things.”
Matt nodded. “She mentioned she’d seen you.” He’d been dying to ask what they’d talked about but he knew from experience Kendall was as close-lipped as a Cold War spy.
“I know there’s nothing going on with the two of you. Romantically.”
“Never has been.” Matt sipped his tea and wished he’d added more sugar. Sweet tea this was not.
“I didn’t think there was. She’s a lot like you. Tough. Straightforward. Honorable.”
Yeah. Really honorable. He’d been surreptitiously using Lori to solidify his custody case. “I sense we’re building to something here, Lori. You don’t have to play with me. Whatever it is—”
“Yeah, building up to it. There’s this thing...” She waved her hand, as if compelling herself to confess. “I’ve never talked about it before. A couple of people know, like Fletch and Abby and maybe Holly, but I’ve never...” She took a deep breath. “Whooo. Okay.” She fanned her face. “This was a lot easier when I was rehearsing it on the walk over.”
Dread pooled heavy in his gut. “You’re not sick, are you?” He sat forward and gripped her hand.
“Sick?” She looked surprised. “No, no, it’s nothing like that. Well, that’s not true, I’ve got some things...but that’s not why I’m, oh man.” She pressed her lips into a hard line. “I’m just going to dive into this. It’s completely humiliating. Even after all these years. Back when I was in high school, I don’t know if you can believe this or not, but I was a little on the shy side.”
“You don’t say?”
“Don’t tease me,” Lori said with a la
ugh. “Not now. I was also, well...heavy. Heavier than I am now, proportion wise. Once I grew taller some of this distributed a bit better.”
His eyes and temper sharpened. “I hope this has something to do with the story.”
“It has everything to do with it. Fletcher and I moved here to live with our grandfather when we were teens. After our brother drowned, things got difficult for my parents. They, well, they lost interest in just about everything but their own grief. And they blamed Fletch for Caleb’s death.”
Matt absorbed the reality of that statement. “He was just a kid, wasn’t he?”
“Hmmm. Almost thirteen.” Lori nodded. “I was eleven. Anyway, cut to a few years later and Fletch is doing great in high school while I struggled. I didn’t have a lot of friends. Abby was a couple of years ahead of me and was getting ready to graduate. We hadn’t really connected yet. As you can imagine, there was a boy. I had a huge crush on him. He was in a band. He was super smart. He also played football.”
“That is the trifecta for teenage crushes, I believe.”
“For the purpose of this conversation, let’s call him Dick.”
Matt covered his laugh with a cough.
Lori didn’t seem to notice. “I made such a fool of myself over him. It was hardly a secret, which is kind of where this story takes a turn.” She rolled the icy glass of tea across her forehead. “He was a senior. I was a sophomore. At that age, all we want is to be accepted, especially by the people we really like. The people we wish we could be. One day Dick and his girlfriend had this huge blowup, right there in the hall where everyone, myself included, could see. After which, he came right over and asked me out. Boom. Just like that. Dream come true.” She cleared her throat.
Anger circled inside him like a typhoon. “I’m really not liking where this is headed,”
“That’s because you’re a decent guy.” Lori shook her head. “The details don’t matter, only that I spent the next couple of weeks living every unpopular girl’s dream. He took me to the movies, out for burgers. He bought me little gifts. There were car rides. We hung out with his friends...we held hands.” Her breath caught in her chest as she blinked angry tears free. “He gave me my first real kiss. I hate that he gave me my first kiss.”
She wasn’t the only one. He wanted to reach out and take her hand, wanted to hold her. To kiss her and make her forget about this stupid boy who had clearly hurt her.
“I spent all my money on new clothes. Fletcher even drove me to the city so I could shop at one of those expensive stores that have larger sizes. Bless his heart, Fletch sat in the store while I tried on dress after dress. What eighteen-year-old boy wants to wait while his sister tries on clothes?
“And then it happened. Dick asked me to the school dance. I was so excited. Some girls didn’t even get asked at all and here I was, going with one of the most popular boys in school. I even managed to lose some weight before the big day. Not a lot, but enough so that I was proud of myself. I had my hair done and my makeup. I was so nervous I made Grandpa and Fletch leave. I didn’t want a big fuss when he picked me up, so they went out and I waited. By the living room window. For over two hours.”
Her words were like a brick to the face. She’d waited. Just as she’d waited for Matt on Sunday.
“He finally texted, said he had car trouble and for me to meet him at the high school. He’d be waiting for me inside. So I got on my bike, fancy billowing dress and all, and I went.” She blew out a long breath. “He and his friends were already there. And so was his girlfriend, who was standing there with her phone, videotaping me as I climbed off my bike, got rearranged and raced to the door. I was a fright by that point of course. It had started raining—”
“Stop.” Matt set his glass down and moved to the edge of his chair. “Please don’t tell me any more because if you do I’m going to find whoever did this to you and break their face.”
“Always everyone’s white knight.” Lori smiled at him, a sad, regretful expression that broke his heart. She lifted a hand to his face. “Where were you that night?”
Where was he? Married to a girl he didn’t love. Trying to get out from under his abusive father’s fist. Dreaming of a life that would be anything other than the one he’d been living.
In her own way, Lori had been dealing with the same thing.
“Long story short, turns out I was an experiment. The subject for their AP psychology term papers. They’d never broken up. It was all a setup. Everything I told him about myself, everything I confessed, he’d recorded. And then the two of them turned in a paper entitled: ‘The Weight Effect on Self-Esteem and Social Anxiety.’ He’d lied to me, from the start. He’d used me, used my faults, my flaws, my dreams, not only to promote his own scholarly agenda, but because he and his girlfriend, they thought it would be funny to humiliate me in front of the entire school. Because who cares when the fat girl is made fun of. They didn’t get that chance by the way.”
“Because Fletcher hid the body?”
“No.” Her laugh actually sounded genuine. “Because the psychology teacher was horrified. All the teachers were. But it was Mrs. Hastings who brought down the hammer.” Lori smiled through the drying tears. “She expelled them. Then she and the other faculty members wrote letters to all the colleges Dick and his girlfriend had applied to explaining exactly what they’d done. Scholarships were rescinded. Admissions, too. In another year, my junior year, both families moved out of town. I’ve told myself I was lucky. None of it made it onto the internet so, yay. I guess I won.” She sniffed. “And in answer to your question about Fletcher? He didn’t kill Dick. But Dick’s prized classic automobile somehow found its way to the bottom of Milkweed Lake.”
“I’ve always liked your brother.” None of this eased the angry ache inside of him. “I am so sorry you had to go through that.”
“I didn’t tell you all this so you’d feel sorry for me.” Lori shook her head in defiance. “That is the absolute last thing I want. If anything, the entire event helped make me who I am, and aside from a few character quirks, I think I’m doing pretty well. I just needed you to understand why I find it so hard to trust that anyone, especially a good man like you, would have any interest in me. All my life I’ve never believed I was worth anything. My parents barely spoke to me unless it was to criticize. They thought of me as a failure because the only thing that ever gave me any comfort was whatever I could find in the kitchen. But that night of the dance, I gave in and let myself believe I was special. That I was worth someone’s attention. Someone’s love. So when you didn’t even call to say you’d be late?” She pulled her hand back, but he caught it, entwined his fingers with hers. “It brought all that up again. And I was afraid all of this, between us, was nothing more than some big joke at my expense. And then you showed up with Kendall and—” she shrugged “—my heart broke.”
Guilt choked him. As bad as he thought things had gone, they were even worse. “I’m so, so sorry.” He needed to tell her the truth about Kyle, about how he needed her to testify that he was part of his life, but doing so meant admitting he’d been lying to her again.
“Please stop saying that. It wasn’t your fault, Matt. It isn’t your fault. It’s me. I’m like Kendall. Something’s broken. In here.” She pressed her glass against her chest. “Part of me wants to believe so badly that what’s between us is real, but the other part... I’m so tired of being hurt. Of being rejected. Of being lied to and used. I don’t know if I have it in me to trust you, to trust anyone the way I need to in order to have something genuine and lasting.”
“You do,” Matt said. “And if you don’t yet, we’ll just find a way to build it up again. I l—” No. He couldn’t say it. Not now. She wouldn’t believe him, not after she’d told him all this. “I care about you, Lori. More than I ever thought I could care about anyone. You’re beautiful and kind and generous and you still try to help people even when
they’re nasty and negative. You’re more worthy of love than anyone I’ve ever met. Certainly more worthy than I am.” He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against hers, silently willing her to accept his words as fact, even as he silenced the voice inside of him urging him to admit the truth—that he needed her help with Kyle. But even he knew what he’d done was no less cruel than what had been done to her in the past. He had been using her, despite caring for her. Somehow he had to find a way to fix it. To fix everything. “I wish you could believe in yourself as much as I believe in you.”
“I do, too.” She blinked and a tear trickled down her cheek. He caught it with his thumb. “I’m trying, Matt. I really am trying, but this might take more than you’re able to give and I don’t want you to—”
He kissed her. Because he knew what she was going to say. That she was afraid he was wasting his life on her. Wasting his heart. He wasn’t. He knew that with absolute certainty. Because he’d already spent thirty-two years wasting his life.
A life that hadn’t started until the day he’d met her.
She sobbed. Her fingers stroked the side of his face as he moved his mouth over her trembling lips, until he was certain she’d stopped dwelling on all the things that could and might go wrong.
“We’re going to take this a day at a time,” he whispered against her mouth. “I’m going to find a way, every day, to prove to you that you’re worth every minute of my attention. And someday soon, you’re going to be confident enough in who you are to fight for yourself in every way possible.” He smiled at her gasp of shock. “I have faith in you, Lori. Now you just need faith in yourself.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
IT WAS ODD, Lori thought as the freeway bumped under the cab of Matt’s truck on the way to visit Kyle, how easily their lives had fallen into a pattern. Who would have guessed that splaying her heart open the way she had would settle her? It was as if the barriers between them had disappeared; she didn’t worry about saying the wrong thing so much now. She didn’t brace herself for the worst.
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