“You want me on standby for backup?” Kendall asked.
“You mean do I want you to hold my hand while I admit to deceiving her? Yeah, no. I think I’ll let you off the hook on that one.”
“Much appreciated.” She shoved her hands in her pockets. “You know where I am when this goes boots up.”
When not if? The confidence she had in him was overwhelming. “Just keep a good thought, yeah?”
“Always do.” But they both knew where Kendall was concerned, good thoughts were as useless as an unloaded gun.
* * *
AFTER A 6:00 A.M. wakeup call and a full day of gardening behind her, Lori should be pining for a long hot shower and curling up on the sofa with a book. Instead she got a second wind and, after she finally got home, showered and changed, she decided to walk to Matt’s house. She probably should have taken more care choosing what to wear, but she didn’t want to look as if she were expecting some big life-changing question or something. So she forwent her trademark maxi dress and chose a pair of crop jeans and loose tee the color of summer strawberries and dotted with tiny golden sparkles.
Water bottle in hand and bag slung over her shoulder, she dashed out of the house and, after she stopped to take a calming breath, headed out on the half-mile walk.
When she was ready to ring the bell, the nerves had returned. She needed to calm down. She needed to stop pinning all her hopes of a future on the next few hours. Whatever he had on his mind, she’d happily work through with him. Together. Her heart did its own little skip. Together had such a wonderful ring to it.
“Slow down,” she mumbled. “You’re still a ways from happily-ever-after.” That thought alone was enough to sober her up. There was a lot they needed to talk about, beginning with expectations and what Matt’s hopes for the future were. Now wasn’t the time to hold back and it certainly wasn’t the time to lie. He needed to know the baggage she’d be bringing with her, and then, once he opened that and sorted through it, she could begin to relax.
Before she scared herself into running away, she hit the doorbell.
When he opened the door, she realized the truth: she was done for.
“Hi.” He gave her that smile that made her toes dance. He cleaned up so well and he’d dressed up. Well, dressed up for Matt. Jeans were a staple for him, but the button-down cobalt shirt he wore made his eyes sparkle like stars in a midnight sky.
“Hi. Sorry I took so long. It was such a nice night, I walked.”
“I was just finishing getting everything prepped. Come on in.” He reached for her hand and escorted her over the threshold. “You know where things are so make yourself at home. I bought a bottle of wine just in case.”
“Wine sounds great.” She followed him into the kitchen and noticed the root beer bottle next to filled bowls and a cutting board. “You aren’t drinking?”
“No.” Matt retrieved the wine and popped it open to pour her a glass. “As we’ve reached that all-cards-on-the-table stage of our relationship, I should probably tell you there are times I need to get it all out of the house.”
“Alcohol?” She swirled the white zin in the glass and took a seat on the stool on the other side of the counter. “Is it a problem for you?”
“It could be.” He shrugged. “You’ve told me about your parents, who sound like lovely people, by the way.”
Lori rolled her eyes. “Don’t they just?”
“Suffice it to say Luke’s father and mine may have been separated at birth. He was a drinker long before I came into the world. Good news, bad news, everything was a reason to imbibe and most times, it had a Jekyll and Hyde effect. I never knew when the monster was going to appear. Could have been worse, I suppose. My mom could have lived through it longer than she did. She died before I could ever witness him abusing her.”
It was a miracle Matt had turned out the way he did. “Made for a rough childhood then.”
“Made me anxious to get out of the house.” He made efficient work of a couple of carrots, then reached for the peppers. “Military saved my life. Gave me a reason and an honorable example of how to live my life. That’s where I learned how important my word is. When you get rid of everything else, a man’s word is all that matters.”
Lori sipped her wine. “So you’re afraid you’re going to start to drink the way he did.”
“I’m pretty sure I won’t, but I’ve come close. It was a crutch while I tried to wean myself off the pain meds. Then Gina left, which was a pretty dark hole to climb out of. I caught it before it got too bad, but it’s as close as I ever want to get. So when I see the edge creeping up on me, I get it out of the house.”
“I can take it or leave it,” Lori said. “If that makes a difference.”
“The last thing I ever feel like doing around you is drinking.” The smile that had faded over the past few minutes reappeared. “It is something I had to think a lot about when it came to taking in Kyle. He learned at an earlier age than me how destructive addiction can be.”
“I would think it’s better for him to be looked after by someone who recognizes the signs and can make a preemptive strike. If you’re looking for a way to spin it to the judge,” she added.
“Yeah, the judge.” Matt sighed. “I need to talk to you about that—”
“Before you do.” She took an extra-large drink of wine. “There’s something you should be aware of. About me. I mean, if things between us are...you know, moving forward.” Oh, wow, here she went again. She’d already had one confessional nightmare scenario. She really didn’t want to have another. “Remember the other evening when I told you about, well, you know, that thing in high school.”
“Uh-huh.” His knuckles whitened as he snapped his knife a little harder against the cutting board.
“Well, you asked me if I was sick.”
She watched the color drain from his face as his chin popped up. “You said you weren’t.”
“Not sick, technically, but I have had some health issues for most of my life. Partly tied to my weight. My endocrine system is out of whack. Between my thyroid and something called PCOS...”
“I’ve heard of that.” He set the knife down, leaned his hands on the counter and looked at her. “It causes infertility, doesn’t it?”
“It can. And it might. With me.” She flinched, but instead of shrinking away and changing the subject, she pressed on. He needed to know, whatever direction they might be headed. “I haven’t looked into it that much because I never really gave it a lot of thought, other than assume I’d never be in a position to have to worry about it.”
“About what?”
She gulped. She was in too deep to stop now. “About having kids.” She took another drink of wine and, after hearing what he’d said earlier, wondered if she was using it as a crutch. She set the glass aside, but instead of folding her hands like she’d planned, he leaned over and grabbed hold of them. “There’s no guarantee I can have them. Naturally, I mean. There could be issues. And even if I could, there’s a risk of complications. I just thought you should know. In case that, you know, changes anything.” Why didn’t she just throw herself on the ground and profess her undying love for the man? She was inching back toward pathetic.
There were times silence was a good thing. This wasn’t one of them. It felt as if half her life ticked by before he finally responded.
“Do you have any aversion to adopting?”
Her muscles went weak. “No. In fact, I thought maybe down the line at some point I might look into that. For myself.” She looked for any indication he was leading her on. “It doesn’t matter to you?”
“Of course it matters but not in the way you’re probably thinking. It doesn’t change how I feel about you. I’ve always been a whatever-happens-happens kind of guy. Given my genetic makeup, I wouldn’t have a problem not passing that on to some innocent kid. Oh man.” He
stood up. “Oh man, I just got why Luke’s so freaked out over Holly being pregnant. It wasn’t just about his dad.”
“Luke’s freaked out?” Lori gripped his hands harder. “He looked about ready to pop ten champagne corks when they announced it at the party.”
“Holly talked him off the ledge. He’s getting used to it now. But he might need another therapy session. Or a round of poker. Come here.” He tugged her hand and she slid off the stool as he drew her around the counter and into his arms. “Stop worrying that you’re getting ahead of yourself by talking about kids.”
“How did you—” She gasped as he pressed his lips against hers. All too light. All too brief.
“Because in the last few weeks, I’ve gotten to know you pretty well. Also, I’d be lying if I said I haven’t imagined a bunch of little rug rats running around my house or yours. Or ours. However we might come by them is fine with me. Which is my way of saying I love you no matter what the future might hold for us.” He kissed her again, and this time, Lori reached up and grabbed the back of his neck with both hands and returned the kiss.
“You love me?” She whispered against his mouth. “You really do?”
“I really do. By any chance, is there something you’d like to say to me? Not that there’s any rush or—”
“I think I loved you the first time I saw you.” How long she’d been waiting to say those words—to anyone, but especially to Matt. Everything she’d ever wanted—all the things she’d tried not to let herself believe might be possible, suddenly all of them were within her grasp. And all because of Matt. “You’re the kindest, strongest, most honorable man I’ve ever met. I’m so glad my heart chose you.”
The timer on the stove beeped. They turned as the steam billowing out of the boiling water arced toward the smoke detector. “Turn it off before you pull an Abby,” Lori demanded, and shoved him toward the stove. And then she stood there, watching him. Loving him.
And thanked whatever forces had brought her to him.
* * *
“SO THIS THING you wanted to talk to me about.” Lori carried her plate to the sink while Matt cleared the table. “Was it something we still need to discuss?”
Matt crushed the sponge in his hand and squeezed his eyes shut. She had a memory like a steel trap. Of course she’d remember he’d had her over specifically because he needed to tell her the truth. “It can wait.”
“You sure?” That she was making such a lighthearted joke out of it only added to the weight of his guilt. “It can’t be more uncomfortable than telling someone you might not be able to have children.”
Oh, but it could. Which was why he was looking for a way—any way—to find a means around it. “It has to do with Kyle,” Matt managed.
“Okay. How about over coffee?” she urged as she pulled out the filter and popped open the can. “That reminds me, I stopped by the bookstore the other day and picked up some comics for him. There’s this new series...”
Matt turned and saw her continue to talk, but the words didn’t reach his ears. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe, given the conclusions they’d both come to this evening, this was the perfect time to come clean.
“You’re not listening to me, are you?” She tossed a dish towel onto the counter and planted her hands on her hips.
“Sorry.” He shook his head and added a forced smile he suspected might distract her. “It’s like you’re speaking a different language.”
“Just wait until Kyle and I gang up on you.” She walked over and took the plates out of his hands. “Stop worrying so much, Matt. Things will work out fine where Kyle’s concerned.”
If only he could be so certain. “Do you know something I don’t?”
“Certainly I do. Is that my cell phone or yours?” She jerked her head toward the living room.
“Mine.” While grateful for the reprieve, he sighed. “I should probably get it. It could be work.” After Ozzy, he was the station’s first call tonight.
“Go on. I’ve got this. Then we can have coffee. And talk.”
“Yeah, okay.” Grateful for the reprieve, he bolted for his phone, which turned out to be a telemarketer who for once got a response other than “don’t call this number again.” As he listened to the spiel on carpet cleaning—he didn’t have any carpets—he tried to come up with the appropriate words to explain...
The noise in the kitchen faded. Dishes no longer banged. The water didn’t rush. He didn’t hear the clatter of silverware or drawers opening and closing. “Lori?”
He hung up on the telemarketer, tossed his phone on the coffee table and headed back. She was sitting at the table, his uniform jacket under her arm.
The letter from the judge was clutched in her hand. “This fell out of your pocket.”
Matt swore and thought about diving for it, but he could tell it was already too late. “Lori—”
“Let me guess. This is what you wanted to talk to me about.”
Every ounce of blood drained from his face. “Let me explain.” The second the words left his mouth, he knew what he’d done. And how it sounded. “Lori, please, it’s not what you think.”
“What do I think?” she asked in a voice devoid of any emotion. “What could I possibly think, given my name is referred to in this letter by a judge I’ve never even heard of?”
“You’re thinking...” His mind raced so fast his head spun. “You’re thinking that I only started dating you again because I needed your testimony in court.” As bad as it had sounded in his head, it sounded even worse out loud. “As a character witness.”
“Mmmmm.” She pressed her lips together so tightly they disappeared. She winced, but when she lifted her gaze to his, he didn’t see any hint of tears. No pain. He didn’t see anything. It was as if the Lori he’d spent the last couple of hours with had disappeared and left a stranger in her place. “You are definitely perceptive. Must be those police skills of yours.” She set the letter on the table and smoothed out the wrinkles. “I have skills, too, for instance—”
“Lori—”
“For instance.” The words shot out of her mouth like bullets. “You’ve had this letter awhile. You’ve read it quite a few times. Almost as if you’ve been trying to figure out what to do about it.”
“I—yes.” The worst thing he could do was compound his secret with lies. With more lies. “I should have discussed it with you before. I was hoping Chris was wrong and that we wouldn’t need you to testify, and then when I got this, I realized I had to tell you—”
“Chris. The caseworker. Okay, now I’m getting a clearer picture.” Her cheeks went from pale to fire hot in the blink of an eye. “That puts my meeting him at the detention center in an entirely different context, doesn’t it? All those questions about us, whether we were dating. If I planned to come to court with you. It all makes so much more sense now.”
“I know how bad this looks, Lori, and I swear, when he told me my gaining custody of Kyle could hinge on whether I was in a stable relationship, that didn’t have anything to do with me asking you out again.”
“So aside from being gullible and naive, now you think I’m stupid, too.”
“I do not!” How had things gone this wrong that she actually believed that? “You know what I think of you. You know how I feel.”
“I know how you’ve said you feel, and now I know why, don’t I? Because you needed a mother figure for Kyle. Because you need me to win your case. Tell me, Matt, did you choose me because you figured I’d be an easy mark or because I look good on paper?”
This could not be happening. This could not be exceeding every nightmarish scenario he’d imagined when it came to this conversation. He felt like he was on a runaway train and the brakes had just blown out. No matter what he said, he couldn’t stop it. No matter what he said, he couldn’t erase the betrayal he saw shining in her eyes. “May I start at the beginning?
”
“Can’t see what damage that could do at this point.”
“I made a promise, Lori. To Kyle. Months ago. I promised to give him a place when he got out, to give him a home and someone he could rely on. And then the judge assigned to the case retired and this new judge turns out to be a stickler on placement. Chris insisted if he could give her assurances that I was in a stable relationship that it could only work in my favor. None of that changes how I feel about you, Lori. I love you.”
A part of him died when she flinched at his admission.
“When?” she asked.
“When what?”
“When did you have this conversation with Chris the caseworker? You and I went weeks without speaking. You’d cut yourself off, didn’t answer my texts or calls. For all intents and purposes we were done. Because you needed to figure things out about your marriage. So. How. Long?”
Matt didn’t want to say, not when he knew the truth could very well be the final nail in their relationship coffin. “I spoke to Chris a few hours before the town council meeting.”
“And there it is.” Tears filled her eyes. “A couple of hours later you started talking to me again. All of a sudden, you want to pick up where we left off, make me a part of your life. Was the plan to make me fall in love with you so I wouldn’t care when I found out you’d been lying to me the entire time? Did you think I was that pathetic?”
“Stop using that word,” he snapped. “And no, that wasn’t part of the plan.” He swallowed the bile rising in his throat. “Because there was no plan. I wanted to be with you, Lori. I wanted to be a part of your life. That you could end up helping me with Kyle was just a...bonus.”
“You used me.”
“No,” he said again.
“Sure you did. This is all about getting what you need, what you want, about keeping the promise you made to Kyle. Now, if I don’t testify, it’ll be my fault if you don’t win. Thanks for that.”
Always the Hero Page 19
