Grady: Don’t be sorry. It’s been an awesome experience and maybe you and I will cross paths again one day.
Riya: I’d like that. In the meantime, don’t let other people’s bullshit mess with your head. You’re an amazing person and I believe you’re strong enough to get through all this.
Grady: Thank you, Riya. Take care of yourself.
Another potential Subject was filed away with an ache in her chest and she stood staring at the bios of those remaining.
Arms crossed, she evaluated those she hadn’t reached out to and knew it needed to be done quickly.
There was no more time to delay.
Prospective Subject: Ricardo
Tawny flopped down in the club chair on the other side of her desk the afternoon following their abrupt phone call.
A pronounced bruise glared bright purple along one side of her neck. It looked painful.
“Stop staring at me.”
“Where’d you get that bruise?”
“Clotheslined myself when I was getting dressed.”
Riya blinked. “Bullshit.”
“Prove it.” Her green eyes were wide with innocence and her smug smile kind of made Riya want to smack her. “You can’t. You wish you could…but you can’t.”
“Sometimes, you really piss me off.”
“Totally doing my job then.” She clapped her hands. “Now that’s out of the way, let’s get something to eat.”
“Why are you always hungry?”
“High metabolism. Just feed me.”
“Fine. I want seafood.”
They made their way to their favorite dive place and once they were settled in the booth of the Whale’s Rib, she knew Tawny would keep the topic of conversation away from herself.
“How’s your big project going?” It was the first time she’d asked about it in months.
Riya gave Tawny a rough outline of her project months before but she hadn’t confessed to taking it real world yet. She didn’t want to do that without being able to give her best friend more information. There was no doubt she’d ask.
Since she was going to need Tawny’s expertise to keep her technology safe while she traveled, she didn’t want to scare the life out of her more than she knew she already would.
“It’s going well. I’ll have more details soon. Let’s talk about you. How are you doing? Really?”
There was a long pause as green eyes delved deeply into hers. “I know you don’t think so but I’m doing well. I know you get confused, scared. I need you to know I’m living, Riya. I love my life and what I do.”
She sipped her beer. “I worry far more about you because you’re still not living. When does that start?” Red curls bounced in her bun when Tawny shook her head. “All the classes, the papers, the typing day after day…when does that turn into a life that you love?”
“I don’t know.” That was the truth.
“You’ve lost connection with everything Dalia tried to teach us when she was alive. Remember how we used to dance with her? How much we all laughed together? You and my mom, you’re stuck in some weird bubble.”
“I see it, too. I’m trying to shake things up.”
Lifting her glass, Tawny winked. “Find some hot Latin guy to remind you of your roots, chica. You need to shake your ass again…and like it.”
The words stuck with her and when she returned to her place, she opened Ricardo Gaspar’s file and smiled at his police officer photo for the LAPD.
ESSAY
Subject Name: Ricardo
Subject Age: 31
Subject Career: Police Officer
Marital Status: Divorced
Children (Y/N): N
Annual Income: 75K
Location: Los Angeles, CA
I keep things in my personal life light. My job is filled with heavy shit so when I’m home, I like to dance, laugh, eat, and fuck. I thought my ex-wife was good with it.
Unfortunately, I forgot that just because I’m able to compartmentalize the job I do…didn’t mean my wife was able to do the same.
I broke her a little at a time, demanded she put up with the fear and worry I laughed off as minimal, and I lost her.
Both of us should have fought harder but I ended up losing what I’d always wanted and pissed her off in the process. I figured I’d be on the way to having a couple kids. Retire one day and spend the rest of my life checking out my woman’s tits on the beach.
Now I have to start over. It’s not just an emotional investment when you’re with someone. It’s time. Years of your life you can’t get back no matter how bad you want to do it over, do it right.
I don’t know if I have it in me to go through it all again. I have lots of siblings, cousins, and shit who can do the kid thing. I guess this is my sign to spend my life having a good time when I’m off-duty.
Still. I feel lost sometimes. I laugh with friends, family. I pretend like it’s all good. I don’t think it’s all good.
I guess the thing I’m looking for is a direction. What am I supposed to do now? How do I get there?
Opening her computer, she made a snap decision that didn’t include much thought.
Riya: Are you there, Ricardo?
A few minutes later, he appeared as available and she could see he was typing.
Ricardo: What a surprise! Just about to go on shift. How are you doing?
Riya: I’m good. I have a strange question and it just came to me after a heavy conversation with my best friend and reading your essay again.
Ricardo: Hit me with it.
Riya: I think I’ve gone past merely boring to pathologically dull. We share similar backgrounds, cultures, ideas. Things I miss deeply and don’t know how to get back.
Ricardo: Then come here. I’ll remind you. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s having a good time. Let me jog your memory.
Riya: It’s kind of incredible how good that sounds. I’m adding you to the final list.
Ricardo: I knew you were smart. Buzz me if you need anything, pretty girl. I’ll send all my background info within a couple of days.
Riya: Thanks for making it easy.
Ricardo: LOL – no problem. I like easy, too. Later!
She moved his paperwork to the other board. The closer she got to the final selection, the more anxious she was to get on with it.
Prospective Subject: Sean
It was the final push. Riya had received and reviewed the private documents of the names she was confident about choosing.
Some such as Lucas and Joshua didn’t have much to tell while Max and Micah sent her three inches of paper each.
After Lance withdrew, the closest Subject to her in proximity was Sean Denning. He was three hours north in Orlando and the man most like her father in his attitude and answers.
Given his responses to the initial questionnaires, she was surprised at the depth of feeling evident in his essay.
ESSAY
Subject Name: Sean
Subject Age: 37
Subject Career: Internet Entrepreneur
Marital Status: Divorced
Children (Y/N): N
Annual Income: $150K
Location: Orlando, FL
Hi, Riya:
I’m not sure where to start, how to start. You asked me to write an essay on the one thing that would fulfill my life. I wish I could.
From the outside, I don’t lack for anything.
I’m not “rich” by society standards but I have what I need, more than most. I didn’t have a shitty childhood, I’m ex-military, white, straight, and male. You can’t get much more “golden boy” these days than that.
I have nothing to complain about any day of the week. I’m not persecuted or considered unequal to another race or gender. I’ve never been the victim of discrimination, profiling, or sexual assault.
I should be happy. I should sit back, shut the fuck up, and count my blessings. Most days, I do just that. I know how lucky my circumstances make me.
> So when I think about how miserable I am, I feel ashamed. I don’t think I have a right to complain. I don’t have any business bitching about not having a cherry on my mega-sundae.
Over the last two years, I’ve buried myself in my business. I’ve eaten when I was hungry and gotten laid when I was horny. My business has grown. I haven’t grown as a human being since I was fifteen.
I’m pushing forty and I wonder if I’ll still be missing this nameless thing when I’m fifty or sixty years old. If I’ll reach the end of my life with an unanswered question about what the fuck I want.
No doubt, I’ve made mistakes. I’ve taken wrong turns and screwed people over that I cared about, without suffering any consequences.
What do I want, Riya?
To have something matter. To have to fucking work for something rather than having it handed to me. To earn trust, loyalty, and love and remain worthy of it.
I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. I have no idea why I’m dissatisfied with my life.
I guess your project is making me confront it and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. People get turned around, you know? Even golden boys like me.
Riya thought it was one of the most honest things she’d ever read. Where she’d initially looked at him as a way to measure her own father’s choices, she saw him differently after he sent her his essay.
She decided to reach out and see what he had to say.
Riya: Are you able to talk for a minute?
Sean: Hi, Riya! Absolutely! I was really trying to restrain myself but I’ve been curious about where you are in the process.
Riya: Actually, that’s one of the reasons I wanted to chat. You’ve been more helpful than you probably realize. How do you really feel about being involved in this phase?
Sean: You mean about having a gorgeous woman come hang out with me for a week and ask me how I see myself, women, and the world at large? Pretty damn good actually. Maybe I’ll learn a few things. It can’t hurt.
Riya: Let me be honest, you’re the closest geographically. I’ll likely be a basket of nerves. None of this is easy for me but I feel strongly about it.
Sean: I don’t blame you for being nervous. Whatever I need to do to put your mind at ease, let me know. I’m just an average guy, Riya. Nothing fancy but I’ll keep you safe while you’re with me.
Riya: That sounds really good. Once everything is set up, I’m looking at getting on the road in August.
Sean: Make your plans. I’ll work around them when you’re ready.
Riya: Thank you. This makes the entire process a little less terrifying. I appreciate it.
Sean: Don’t be afraid. I bet you’re a great judge of character and I know you’ve vetted the participants. I’ll send over all my paperwork for you tomorrow.
Riya: That’s awesome. Have a great night!
Sean: Sleep well, Riya.
He was close enough in case she freaked the fuck out and ran home like a baby but far enough away to give her some distance and security.
Standing, she walked around the desk and moved Sean’s name to the final board. Once she had the eight names there, she’d feel so much stronger.
Prospective Subject: Victor
Without a doubt, the sweetest man in all Riya’s research was a man named Victor Murphy. He was genuine, with small goals and a life he lived cleanly.
In a world where money was everything and power was king, he was a breath of fresh air.
From his first submission, she’d moved him into a favorite pile and kept him there. Then he sent his essay and she knew she had to meet a man who walked the world differently than most.
ESSAY
Subject Name: Victor
Subject Age: 31
Subject Career: Fisherman
Marital Status: Never Married
Children (Y/N): N
Annual Income: $22-68000
Location: Savannah, GA
I hope I know what I’m doing here, Miss Riya. I’ve never been real good at this sort of thing. Okay.
You know I’m a fisherman. Life is real nice on the water. It’s quiet and peaceful out there. Sometimes, it can be isolating more than peaceful but most days, I don’t mind.
It’s when I feel that same thing on land that makes my heart hurt.
Now don’t get me wrong. I have good family I’d move mountains for, for sure. My little sister is smart as a whip and deserves to find a man who ain’t some loser to love her. Maybe get out of this town. That might help. I got my Aunt Cyndi. She’s the black sheep of the Murphy clan. Did some downright scandalous stuff back in her day. I think that’s why I love her so much.
Me, I’m pretty easy, I guess. I don’t have so many expectations about my life. It would be nice to settle down one day, maybe get a chance to be a daddy. I could really do that up right, I think.
Here I am rambling on and not answering your question. I would like more kindness. For myself and the world in general because there sure isn’t enough of it.
I’m a big guy. I don’t need to huff and bang my chest to feel like a man. I don’t see much point in arguing. I try not to raise my voice unless I’m happy.
I know some people think I’m simple. My size and that I don’t say much out of turn give them that impression. I don’t see a reason to talk for the sake of it but it might make me seem like I have a bad attitude or something.
What I’m saying is people can be mean to people who are different. I never much thought I was different but as I get older, seems I had that wrong.
It would be nice to meet you, Miss Riya. Even if only to see your pretty smile and have a nice person to talk to. I can tell you’re nice. Maybe you’ll pick me but there won’t be no hard feelings if you don’t.
I’m going to stop here since I need to be up at four to get out on the water. Thank you for including me.
Contacting Victor through social media was difficult – some days impossible – so at first she stuck to email. Nothing surprised her as much as the day he messaged her on Skype for the first time.
Victor: Hi Riya I hope I have this right. Smart phones are new for me and not really friendly.
Riya: How nice to hear from you! You figured out Skype (it took me a while, too because I didn’t really want to know it).
Victor: I don’t mean to be a pest. World’s got enough of those. I was wondering if you do this thing if I get picked – and no pressure – what month you were thinking of being around. I want to make sure I have plenty of time to get my cousin to cover my boat.
Riya: Actually, it’s amazing you contacted me. You’ve been selected as a Subject for the final phase. I’ll be to you in late August (close to that).
Victor: You picked me?
Riya: I sure did. You’re an ideal participant.
Victor: I can’t believe you picked me. No one ever picks me.
Riya: I did. I know other people will as well. It will take me another month or so to finalize travel plans but that’s a close ballpark.
Victor: I think this is probably the greatest thing anyone has ever told me before!
Riya: That makes me happy.
Victor: Well you go on back to your studies and plans. I’m excited and now I have a close date in my head. You’re amazing, Miss Riya.
Riya: You’re a good man, Victor. Have a great night!
When they disconnected, Riya couldn’t stop smiling. He was such a sweetheart. In her mind, she started working out the Subjects on the map.
First, she had to eliminate Bobby. Faced with a choice between him or Hudson, she had to choose Hudson.
Pulling up a message window, she reached out to him. Strangely, several days went by without an answer through Skype or email.
She made a final attempt but the man seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth. His website and Facebook page were both down as well.
It seemed fate helped her cull her list to the final eight men. With a sense of relief, she wrote them an email.
Good eve
ning, ___!
This is a quick note but there will be more details to follow. I wanted to inform you that you’ve been selected as a Subject for the third phase of my research.
I hope you’re still willing to participate but know that you can withdraw at any time.
I appreciate your patience as I went through the process of selection. I will be traveling between August and October of this year so please let me know if there are specific dates you need me to keep in mind that won’t work for you.
Other than that, I’m looking forward to meeting you.
Regards,
Riya
Last Minute Changes
After Tawny had a complete meltdown over Riya’s plans for phase three, she calmed down enough to demand more information. Riya provided it to prevent a war.
For three months, she investigated Riya’s Subjects in ways that would likely completely freak her out if she knew too much.
Therefore, she didn’t ask.
Her best friend finally announced them clean, decent, and entirely fuckable.
Riya worked to get her travel plans in place. She needed to coordinate schedules, itineraries, and ensure her Subjects didn’t meet as they dropped her off and picked her up.
Awkward.
She also worked with Tawny to develop a secure system for all the data she’d be uploading.
By the beginning of August, she was basically ready and devoted her time to organizing and securing her duplex for her extended absence.
In her office, she was carefully labeling files when she received a Skype notification. It was from Hudson Winters.
Riya: Hello, Hudson. Always good to hear from you.
Hudson: Riya, I must withdraw.
Riya: Did something happen?
Hudson: Two things actually. I’ll focus on the first. I’m too dark, too brutal for you.
Riya: I don’t understand…?
Hudson: The person I am won’t be good for you. I ask that you take me at my word, accept that I wouldn’t withdraw without reason, and forgive me for leaving at such a late date.
Riya: It’s alright, Hudson. I admit, I looked forward to meeting you.
Choice of Subjects: The Barter System Series Page 5
