by P J Mann
It now offered him shade from the hot sun and reminded him of his home in Jerusalem. There, he would have laid down, watching the leaves gently moved by the wind, whispering a lullaby- the same one he kept in his soul to never forget his past, his roots, his life.
He closed his eyes to get it back, and his expression relaxed.
“Whatever image you see behind your closed eyes, it must be a most charming one,” a voice said. Saul turned his gaze to Cassandra.
“I was thinking about my home. Do you still remember yours?” he asked as he stood.
“I do, and I miss it, but I know it doesn't help to think about it.”
“You're right, but sometimes I feel as if it’s the only thing that keeps me alive.”
“I feel so sad when I think about you going away. I remember the day you arrived.” A flush colored her cheeks. “I think I feel…an affection for you.”
Saul exhaled. “There have been many times when I felt confused about everything, particularly at the beginning. The one thing that, for some strange reason, didn’t baffle me was being Marcus Tiberius’ slave. To me, he is not a person who took everything away from my life; on the contrary, he is the father I’d lost and the Master I’ve gained. He has been the only one who understood my feelings and made me accept my new life. Since then, he has been a guide and parting from him will be the most difficult thing I will ever have to adapt to,” he said, trying to explain his feelings. “It is not that I don't feel comfortable with Flavius; he behaved more like a friend than a Master. Perhaps this is why I feel uncomfortable about becoming his slave. He won’t represent to me the same as Marcus Tiberius does. You might think I am crazy, but I don’t need friendship from my Master. I need him to guide me steadily, and as far as I know, Flavius is not ready for that role yet.”
Cassandra had never thought of her life as a slave in those terms and considered odd to hear him speaking like that. Maybe he had a point.
What made her sad was that he didn’t mention her. He was fond of his Master more than he was of anyone else.
“Maybe you’re right. Will you miss me?” Cassandra dared to ask.
He turned his eyes to her, raising his eyebrows “Of course, I will miss you. I think I will miss everything and everybody in this house.”
She averted her gaze from him and glanced at one of the doors of the house. “I’ve got to go now. Mistress Flaminia will need me.” She kissed his cheek before running away.
Her heart raced in her chest. It was a lie. Flaminia didn’t need her, but she ran to her anyway, hoping to soon be busy, forgetting about the kiss she dared to give to Saul.
Saul found himself surprised by that kiss, but the feeling it left was pleasant. Until now, he hadn't thought about girls.
He never looked out for them the way Caleb and the other slaves did when they went to the tavern.
His hand touched his cheek. The kiss had awakened new feelings that brought a smile to his face. It was as if he could touch her lips.
He lay back in the grass and closed his eyes.
***
The seasons followed one another, and as the fair Summer led into fall, so the Winter let Spring take its place. As the years passed, Saul settled into his life. For him, slavery meant loyalty, and in time, he got used to it, underestimating the strength and the duality of the feelings that bound him to his Master, Marcus Tiberius.
At the same time, Flavius grew into manhood with a strong body and personality. The spoiled boy had given way to a man able to reach whatever goal he set, a man self-confident in his public life, strict but fair with his slaves, and charming with any woman.
Marcus Tiberius watched the progress of the two young men from a due distance. His worries for the futures of both faded away. Saul would find in his son a Master like he had always been, or possibly even better.
He thought Flavius would be able to soften her character, and hoped she would become the virtuous wife he had found in Flaminia.
On a fair spring day, a young man walked in into Marcus Tiberius’ house. His face bore a well-cured, dark beard, and his erect strong body had the bearing of a warrior, but he wore civilian clothes.
Marcus Tiberius looked at him and recognized his son’s crooked smile. With tears of pride in his eyes, he went to hug his son.
“Welcome home, Flavius. This house and everyone in it perceived your absence. Why didn't you let me know in advance about your return? I would have ordered the best banquet in your honor. You left a boy of fifteen and return a man of nineteen, ready to take charge of your life. You have no idea how proud I am.”
“I missed you too. It has not been easy to admit I knew nothing about life, but now I know how wrong I have been. I apologize to you for my childish behavior.”
“No need to apologize for anything. You behaved as what you were, a child. Come greet your mother. She will be beside herself with joy; she has longed for you. Meanwhile, I will order Nana to set up a special dinner for you.”
“How about Saul?” Flavius asked.
Marcus Tiberius looked at him, puzzled. “What about him?”
“Later, I need to see him, too. I owe him explanations. He needs to know that he will have a Master who can act as such. I have behaved unfairly on many occasions toward him as well. In one way or another, I have to make it up to him, but never mind… now I am going to see my mother. Is she in the garden?”
“Yes, you will find her there.” He watched his son, a grown man, stride through the house.
Flaminia sat on her usual bench, working on her embroidery as she talked to her slaves. At the sound of the vigorous steps of the sandals on the stone floor as he neared the garden, she dropped the needlework to the ground and ran to him.
She hugged him and reached up to kiss his face. “Flavius, you are a grown-up man now. So handsome. You resemble your father when I married him. She tightened her hold. “For all the gods, I have missed you so much.”
Flavius parted from her. “So have I, but it was for the best. To grow up, I needed a person who would behave severely and firmly toward me. Uncle Titus trained me for the military service, so I didn’t go there totally clueless like the majority of the others. I hope that my absence didn’t offend you.”
“Of course not; that was precisely the reason I suggested you leave in the first place. Sending you away was the right thing to do, and now I can see we were right.”
Being apart was difficult on all of them, but it was time to look to the future, within one year, Flavius’ real journey would start with the marriage to Claudia and responsibility for his family.
“If I think about my stupid behavior with Claudia and with everyone else in this family, I feel so ashamed. I should have been grateful that you bothered to find me a good wife. No matter how difficult Claudia’s character might be, she is beautiful, and I should have thanked the gods rather than yelled and put conditions on my wedding with her. Moreover, I showed myself unfit for the role of Master, for Saul, and anyone else. Now I see it clearly.”
“Flavius, you were only a child. I am proud of the man you have become. She drew a deep breath observing him from head to feet. Are you going to see Saul?”
“Yes. Next year, he will come to serve in my house, and I want him to know that I will be able to fulfill my duties as his Master.”
She smiled and ordered a slave to bring Saul. The young girl ran happily to get him, but she could not find him. She thought that maybe he was out running some errands or off on his free time when she heard noises coming from the kitchen.
She peeked through the door and found Saul, but he was not alone. He and Cassandra were tenderly kissing each other. Unsure of what to do, she waited for some time, watching. She hadn’t known they liked each other in that way.
Out of the corner of his eye, Saul noticed the girl. “What are you looking at?” he asked, almost laughing.
“Sorry, Mistress Flaminia asked for you, Saul. I didn’t want to disturb you,” she replied blushing.
“Of course, I won’t.” She took Saul by the hand, pulling him to her mistress.
Saul’s heart bumped in his chest as he approached Flavius. His head felt light, and his legs trembled. “Master, it is really you?”
“You look as if you saw a ghost.”
“I was just taken aback. I wasn’t expecting to see you. It’s been… four years?”
Flavius hugged him. “You have become a man, and still as beautiful as I remembered.”
Saul felt good in that embrace, but he sensed that something didn’t fit. His young master’s hold became too tight, not like an embrace to greet a friend, but as if to hold an enemy.
“I can see the boy I used to know has become a strong man,” Saul said, parting from him.
“I had time to understand my mistakes. You were right in many ways. I needed your help to see the facts.” Flavius knew he should apologize to Saul for having been unfair to him, but he had learned that a Master should never openly apologize to a slave.
Saul understood that. Marcus Tiberius never apologized. He only admitted when Saul was right.
“So, you have finished your education? How has school been without me?”
“Mostly boring, but I got better acquainted with Caius. He is a person who prefers to keep a distance from the slaves, but I appreciated his honesty and the time we spent together. He had his engagement party, but different than yours; he was satisfied with the choice. Do you still feel bitter about being engaged to Claudia?”
“I feel better, and I don't think there is a plot against me anymore. So, Caius has become a sort of friend to you?” Flavius tilted his head on a side, surprised.
“I wouldn’t call it a friendship as he rarely called me by name. It all started with a teasing comment by him, but you were right, he is not a bad person once you get to know him,” Saul admitted.
Flavius chuckled, thinking about such a strange couple walking the streets of Rome.
He caressed Saul’s long hair, falling gently on his shoulders. “Aren’t you gathering your hair anymore?”
“I do, but today I hadn’t much time for it, and then it slipped my mind.” He lowered his gaze.
Flavius’ hand slipped down Saul’s neck to his collar, and felt his good mood darkening. “I’ll have to change this.”
Saul noticed the change of tone in his voice but didn’t say anything. The man before him was no more the Master who once asked to be his friend. He was a man determined to get back his properties, of which Saul was one.
They remained silent until Flavius gently put his hand on Saul’s shoulder as the features in his face relaxed.
“I’ll order another one when you serve in my house. Don’t be so serious Saul, I’m not upset with you.”
“Yes, Master. Sorry,” Saul tried to smile.
“Are you busy today?” Flavius asked.
“Not that I know of, but you should ask your father to be sure.”
“Come with me,” he said, taking his hand. As they entered his father’s room, Flavius asked, “Father, may I disturb you?”
Marcus Tiberius raised his head to look at his son. “You never disturb me. What’s the matter?”
“I am taking Saul for a ride if you don’t need him.” His voice carried a hint of challenge.
“Sure. You may go, Saul,” he replied with a strange tone in his voice.
Saul kept his eyes down, wondering if they realized the subtleties of how they were talking to each other. Flavius was obviously challenging his father on Saul’s ownership. It seemed like he didn’t just come back from a journey, but he came back to claim what was his own. He wasn’t the child asking his father for a favor to be granted; he came to conquer, to win over something he could not define.
It was easy to recognize the influence of Titus on Flavius’ behavior. In him, Saul saw a leader, a guide, a Master - his Master.
Marcus Tiberius wasn’t very impressed, and by his tone of voice, it was obvious he expected something like that to happen. He felt confident Saul would be his property for another year, and he had a weapon against Flavius—the clause in the wedding contract.
Saul was not sure if they were fighting over his ownership, or if there was something else behind that veiled hostility. Maybe Marcus Tiberius was fighting vicariously against his brother, rather than his son.
“Come, Saul, if we hesitate too long, we will be late,” Flavius said, pushing him out of the room.
“You are very quiet. Is something worrying you?” Flavius asked as they walked to the farm.
“No, not at all. Maybe I am still surprised about seeing you back; you have changed so much,” Saul confessed.
“Yes, indeed. Is this bothering you?” he asked, and in that question, Saul recognized the old Flavius.
“You have changed for the better, Master. Forgive me for daring to ask, but what happened between you and your father? I couldn’t help noticing that the tone between you two is not the same as it used to be.”
Flavius smiled at him. “Nothing in particular. I suppose we both began to see each other from a different perspective. Yes, everything has changed.”
Saul remained silent.
“Do I really scare you so much now?” Flavius asked suddenly.
“No, you just…After four years, I don’t know who you are. The only sure thing is that you are my Master,” he replied, turning his eyes to him.
“Then you know everything you need to, Saul. Next year, on that plate on your neck, there will be my name.”
“So, this is all about my ownership…”
“You are only an excuse. Don’t think you are so important,” he raged annoyed.
“Sorry, Master.”
Yes, Flavius had changed; actually, he didn’t exist anymore. In his place stood a strong leader, a person who would have been wiser to fear, rather than to think of as a friend.
They started the ride until Flavius stopped to rest.
As they both sat on the grass, Flavius glanced at Saul and beamed. “Have you ever been with a woman?”
Saul didn’t know what to say.
He exchanged kisses with Cassandra, but he wasn’t certain this would have counted the way Flavius meant. “Sorry?” he replied as if taken by surprise.
“I asked you if you have been with a woman, surely you know what I mean by that,” he chuckled.
“I…no, Master,” he admitted.
Flavius remained silent for a moment, then burst into a loud laugh. “You’re telling me you are still virgin? Don’t you like girls? I know that at least Caleb is going to a particular tavern, whenever he has the chance to do so. I thought you were going with them.”
“Yes, sometimes. Though, well sure, I like girls, I just…” He hesitated. Of course, he could have access to some of the girls in the tavern, but he felt too attached to Cassandra to do that.
“Look at you. You are blushing. Are you in love with someone? Is there some girl in your heart?” he chuckled, hitting Saul with his elbow.
“Master? No, I’m not…I just…well…” he tried to say.
“Well? Just what?”
“I’ve never thought about it,” Saul said, turning crimson.
Flavius came nearer to him and kissed his cheek. “I love it when you blush. I think you should have frequented the girls of that tavern.”
“You mean prostitutes?”
“Who else?” Flavius replied, laughing. “Or maybe not. I love your innocence, your purity, your sincerity.”
“Have you been with many women, Master?” he asked.
“Definitely more than you have, but not as many as most of the people I know. I just needed to get experience for my future bride.”
“What is it like?” Saul asked shyly.
“Being with a woman?”
“Yes, he almost whispered. Saul felt embarrassed about his question, but since Flavius had brought up the topic, he would like to un
derstand what he had missed. In his heart, Cassandra’s kisses were all he desired. Having her body against his already felt as good as he thought having sex with her would. He was possibly in love with Cassandra, even though he knew he shouldn’t be since, in one year, he wouldn’t see her anymore.
“You should experience it for yourself. I can’t tell you what I feel; it would be different from what you might feel,” Flavius said.
Saul thought Flavius was probably right; perhaps he should find out with Cassandra before he would have to leave the house before it would be too late.
Chapter 12.
As time passed, the relationship between Saul and Flavius stabilized. As the wedding day drew near, Saul felt more comfortable about leaving Marcus Tiberius’ house and going to serve Flavius and Claudia.
“It breaks my heart to know you won't be here anymore, Saul,” Cassandra said as she laid her head on his chest.
“I will miss you, too, but we don’t have any choice I am glad I could share my life with you, even if it were for such a short period.” He caressed her hair.
“Are you still afraid about Claudia?”
“I am not sure, but I know Flavius won’t allow anything wrong happen to me, and I can still count on Marcus Tiberius taking me back if I am mistreated as part of the clause of the wedding contract; it is a consolation.”
“He is really fond of you, but I hope this won’t be the reason for you to come back,”
“I am affectionate to him as well, and I feel sorry to go away. He has been more than the man who owned me. I can’t explain it, but there is a deeper bond that makes me feel attached to him,” he said.
“I don’t understand how you can feel a bond with a person who treated you like a property, giving you away as a wedding gift.” She searched his eyes.
“I know it is difficult to understand. Perhaps I am crazy, but since he took me as his own, I felt more than owned; I felt protected. In the way he looked at me, talked to me, or punished me, there was a deep understanding between us. It was like he could read my heart, and I could read his own.” He placed his hand on his chest. “With Flavius, the relationship is different, and I am afraid it will never be the same as I share with Marcus Tiberius. Flavius will be a good Master, but he is not Marcus Tiberius.”
