by Kathy Lyons
Or now?
Or now?
Laddin gasped as he was jerked left and right. Keep hold! Keep hold! He did, even when Bruce flopped sideways, rolling over him in an effort to dislodge him. Laddin’s head banged painfully on the dirt, and he lost his breath as 180 pounds of wolf muscle crushed his ribs. But he held on.
He felt a finger snap, and he cried out in pain but didn’t let go.
Then Bruce righted himself and started lunging for the barn door, though it wasn’t so easy, given that he had to drag Laddin along. Words and curses flew through Laddin’s mind, but he didn’t have the breath to voice them. All he had was a steady determination to hold on. Hold on!
And then Bruce planted his feet and twisted sideways. He bared his teeth, then bit down hard on Laddin’s leg. Pain shot through Laddin’s nervous system, and he screamed. His hands loosened, but he didn’t let his grip slip until the wolf bucked again.
He couldn’t hold on. Not when he was afraid he was about to lose his leg. Damn, damn, damn. He gathered the energy to shift. It was the only way to make sure he didn’t bleed out.
The change was familiar now, and he dove into the sensations. Heat, then a shocking energy that tipped into pain. Next step, he would dissolve into joy, only to reform on four legs.
But he never made it that far. Just when his body was about to dissolve, Bruce hit him broadside, knocking him over and completely disrupting Laddin’s focus. He lost the change energy and remained completely, vulnerably human. Even more so when Bruce closed in for the kill, putting his mouth to Laddin’s throat.
Panic burned hot and hard. His heart raced, and his mind scrambled to find a solution even as it refused to focus on anything but the teeth at his throat. There was no time to try to shift again, no way to break free, and the blood from where he’d been bitten was soaking his jeans. What to do? What to do?
His wolf mind answered while his human brain was still stewing in panic. He had to submit. It was the only way to soothe the wolf in Bruce. And though neither the wolf part of Laddin nor the human side wanted to do that, he realized it was the only way.
So he lay there, absolutely frozen. His breath was short and tight, and his body rigid with fear. He felt the saliva drip from Bruce’s mouth roll down his neck. Did Bruce understand that Laddin was submitting? He sure hoped so. One good chomp and Laddin was dead.
But the wolf wasn’t biting down. Instead, Laddin lay there, feeling Bruce’s breath hot against his neck, doing his best to remain calm. Why the hell wasn’t the animal doing something? “I’m submitting,” he whispered. “You’re the boss.”
Nothing.
Then a weird sense of déjà vu hit him. This was just like before, when Nero and Wiz had first turned him into a werewolf. It was as if every moment of his life had been leading him to right here, right now. It didn’t make sense. Sure, his becoming a werewolf had been predicted ever since he was born. But this moment hadn’t been foretold by anyone. And yet the inevitability of it settled onto his shoulders and into his very heart.
He relaxed. What would happen would happen. And if this was the end of his very short life, then so be it. His breath eased out, his head fell to the side, and his belly remained open and vulnerable. And though he knew better than to look directly into Bruce’s wolf eyes, he was vividly aware of the wolf’s piercing yellow gaze.
“I submit to you, Bruce. I’ll follow you wherever you lead.”
He didn’t know if the man inside the wolf understood his words. It didn’t matter. The wolf must have felt something, because he slowly released Laddin’s neck. Then he took a step back.
Laddin exhaled and tried to move, but dizziness swamped his awareness. Shit. He’d lost too much blood. He needed to shift now. So with a slow hand, he unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. It was all he could do. Then he threw himself into his change.
He was well practiced at it now. The heat, the tingling excitement, and the joy as his body dissolved in an electric fizzle, then reformed as wolf. He moved his leg and arm—now wolf legs—feeling them healthy and strong. Then he shimmied out of his bloody jeans and shook as he maneuvered onto all fours. It was annoying to still have his shirt on, but it didn’t get in the way.
His vision sharpened, and his world became a kaleidoscope of tastes and smells. But the most important thing he saw was Bruce’s wolf slowly backing away from him.
Now came the difficult part. Bruce hadn’t killed Laddin, but that didn’t mean he’d accepted him either.
Laddin walked slowly forward, keeping his head down in submission. He sniffed the air, noting the burned-cherry smell of the other wolf. Odd, but he liked it. And still he crept closer, trying to invite a friendship.
It only took a few seconds, but to Laddin it felt like an eternity. Eventually Bruce lowered his head, his nose twitching as he too sniffed—nose to nose at first, with Laddin’s head sunk below Bruce’s. Then Laddin kept walking, sniffing along Bruce’s flank and around his tail. The first time he’d done this with Josh, he’d been repulsed by the idea of sniffing someone’s ass. But there was so much to learn down there. And he wanted to know everything about Bruce.
Beneath the burned-cherry smell, he scented Bruce’s family connection with Josh. He knew Bruce was healthy, though there was an acrid tang to the air that meant something. He had no idea what, but it was unique to Bruce. And he knew when Bruce finally relaxed enough to rub against him.
Friends.
The word had never felt so sweet. And then Bruce turned, obviously to head out the barn door.
Shit! He couldn’t let that happen, though the scents out there were really tempting. Well, if he couldn’t talk Bruce into staying, he would have to try playing. And there was nothing Laddin’s wolf liked better than play. So when Bruce was almost out the barn door, Laddin leaped in front of him.
He kept his head down low and his tail wagging high. He moved left and right and then even spun around once, just to see if he could get Bruce into the mood.
The larger wolf watched him, his ears cocked with what might have been curiosity. Did he understand what Laddin wanted? Maybe. Bruce’s tail swished back and forth a bit, and his mouth opened in what Laddin hoped was a wolfish smile.
Laddin lunged forward, nipping without intent. Bruce shied backward, but then he bit back. Not hard. A quick clamp of his jaws before he danced forward. He wasn’t as smooth on his feet as Laddin, but then again, he was brand-new to his lupine body. By the looks of things, though, he’d be a quick study, Laddin thought as Bruce leaped sideways and didn’t stumble. It had taken Laddin a week to master that.
Laddin pressed forward again, closer this time, and Bruce played back. Laddin went left and right, trying to get his mouth on Bruce’s neck. He never came close, though, as Bruce adjusted and fought. He was making a rumbling sound, not a growl, and Laddin wondered if that was his play sound. If so, it was pretty angry, but he’d take it. Especially since he was moving Bruce steadily deeper into the barn.
It was a losing game. He knew that. Eventually Bruce would tire of the game and Laddin would have to think of something else. He needed to get those barn doors closed, and he couldn’t do that as a wolf.
He was still scrambling for options when he ran out of time. Bruce jumped past him, tail held high, and headed for the door. It was an invitation to follow him outdoors, and Laddin even considered it. But the more time Bruce spent as a wolf, the less likely he was to ever come back to his human form. In short, playtime was over. Laddin had to get serious about setting down the rules.
But he really, really didn’t want to.
He dashed forward. He might be small for a werewolf, but he made up for it in speed. He got between Bruce and the door, then shifted back to human. He did it quickly, returning to his body on all fours, T-shirt still on but naked ass waving in the wind.
“See how easy it is?” he said to Bruce. “Come back to human.”
He straightened up onto his knees. He’d chosen this location specifically becau
se his discarded pants were in reach. And while Bruce watched him with those burnt-yellow eyes, Laddin was able to grab the shock collar remote where it had fallen to the ground. Then he slowly stood up.
The collar was just in case. His real goal was to get to the barn doors. Unfortunately, the damn things were huge. He would have to slide two heavy doors together, and Bruce could easily slip outside while he was closing them. But he had to give it a try.
“Think about what you want to do, Bruce. Are you hungry? We could grill some burgers. Are you a coffee drinker? You’ve got to be jonesing for a cup. God knows I am. Do you have a girl? You can’t call her if you’re only going to howl through the phone.”
Bruce was listening to him, his head cocked to one side as Laddin talked. Then he saw the solution. Hallelujah! The doors were electric. All he’d have to do was distract Bruce while the things closed on their own.
He found the button quickly and kept talking as he moved toward it. “I had a girlfriend once in high school. She was sweet, a mathlete, and smoking hot. I did all the things I was supposed to with her. I treated her well, I bought her flowers, and I listened when she talked. Good things. But I didn’t get into kissing her, you know? I’m freaky enough with this hand.” He held up his weird hand while tapping the barn door remote with his elbow. “I didn’t want to be gay too.”
The door rumble was loud—too damn loud. They both jumped at the sound. Laddin had hoped the noise would make Bruce shy backward from the doors, and he’d been right—for about half a second. And then Bruce leaped forward, trying to escape before the frustratingly slow doors closed.
Laddin jumped too, right in front of the wolf. He sure as hell didn’t want to have a repeat of their last human/wolf tumble. He couldn’t shift again so soon, so a bite would definitely kill him. He tried to be extra careful as he caught Bruce around the middle while still trying to grip the shock collar remote in his good hand.
They tumbled sideways. Laddin wrapped both arms around Bruce’s middle as they rolled. This was a “grind your teeth and squeeze as if your life depended on it” moment, and yet part of Laddin still noticed how soft Bruce’s fur was. And that burned-cherry smell was stronger up close. Even his human nose picked it up.
Nice.
Oh shit. Suddenly it wasn’t so nice as Bruce wiggled and twisted, his growl going through his entire body into Laddin’s. Why wouldn’t the guy quit? Laddin squeezed his eyes and his arms as tight as possible and held on.
One more moment. One more moment.
They were almost closed. Almost….
Then Bruce head-butted him. Laddin had no idea if the move had been intentional, but it was damned effective. Stars exploded in his vision as his temple took the brunt of the wolf’s skull. His grip loosened for a split second, but that was all it took. Bruce broke free with a hard jerk. Then he was on his feet and headed toward the door before the last few inches closed.
He was going to escape. Which meant he’d never return to human.
Damn it! Laddin had no choice now. He didn’t want to do it, but there was no other option. Even though he was still reeling, he managed to pull the shock collar trigger. He just prayed it would be enough to slow Bruce down.
It did. But what he saw would haunt his dreams. Bruce—that magnificent wolf—abruptly stiffened. His body jerked awkwardly in different directions, and his legs failed to support him as his back arched. But worst of all was Bruce’s yip, a high note cut off midsound. It was awful, and Laddin had to blink back tears at the sound.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he crawled forward. “I’m so sorry.”
Bruce’s eyes were fixed, his body still arched in apparent agony. He lay on his side, and his legs were curled awkwardly. Horribly.
It took a moment for Laddin to realize the truth. Holy shit. The collar was still frying him!
“No! No!” Laddin fumbled with the remote, looking for an off switch. There wasn’t one. He stabbed it again, but it didn’t seem to have any effect. The electric sound kept going. “Stop!”
It did—finally—though each moment felt like forever to Laddin. And that was nothing compared to what Bruce must have endured. Laddin rushed forward, dropping the horrible remote as he moved.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he kept saying as the last of the sunlight was cut off. The doors had finally closed, but that didn’t make a damn bit of difference if he’d killed Bruce.
The wolf was lying there twitching. His legs were rigid, his spine arched in horrible flexion, and his burnt-yellow eyes were glazed.
“Bruce, no. God, no. I’m so sorry.”
Laddin stroked the fur, his hands tingling painfully wherever he touched Bruce. Holy hell, this was not normal. He wanted to feel for a pulse, but where was the pulse on a wolf? He couldn’t find it, not through his tingling fingers. He couldn’t hear any breath either, not through the pounding of his own heartbeat. And he couldn’t stare into those accusing yellow eyes anymore either.
He tried to close the wolf’s eyes, but that was a lot harder than it looked like on TV. You didn’t just brush your hands over them and bam, the eyes closed. So he attempted to straighten out Bruce’s spine, trying to get the legs to release. The muscles were still twitching at random, in horrible spasms that wouldn’t end.
“I’m sorry,” Laddin breathed. “I’m so sorry.”
He continued to stroke through the fur, wondering if his hands were becoming numb to the tingles or if the electricity was fading. Time ceased to have meaning. Life narrowed down to the brush of his hand through fur and the desperate search for breath. He couldn’t feel if Bruce’s chest rose and lowered, not through the general twitching. And he couldn’t hear anything above his own pounding heart.
Was that a blink? Had Bruce’s eye closed and opened on its own?
Maybe? He didn’t dare hope. Except he did hope, and plead, and pray, all while staring into angry yellow eyes.
Blink! It was a blink. Bruce was alive!
“Thank God,” he breathed as his head collapsed down to rest against Bruce’s wolf chest. “Thank God.”
And now, with his head right there, he could hear the rapid beat of Bruce’s heart. It mixed with the steady pounding of his own, and he was grateful, so damned grateful, that he pressed kisses to the fur.
He felt the tingles under his ear and thought they were due to more electricity. But then the air turned cold, and sweat dried on his skin enough to make him lift his head and stare. His mouth dropped open as he saw the golden tingles expand across the wolf’s body. Bruce wasn’t dying, as he at first thought, but shifting.
He was coming back to human!
Laddin rocked back on his heels, relief making his entire body weak. And he watched with awe as the wolf body dissolved into a light that burst through his retinas. And then it drew back together, coalescing into flesh and blood. The skin was flushed with health, the bones strong, and the muscles lean with a ropy strength. Bruce was alive and strong.
And gorgeous.
Laddin was used to looking at sexy actors with sculpted bodies and pretty-boy manscaping. But there was something different about Bruce. His body wasn’t built for show. He’d earned his heavily muscled torso with hard work. His chest hair was thick, his dick was hard, and his thighs were corded powerhouses. That was when he remembered that Bruce was a firefighter. That involved heavy, sweaty, daily work. And wow, did that ring Laddin’s bell.
While Laddin was caught up in his very inappropriate moment of lust, Bruce straightened out his body. He rolled fully onto his back, stretched out his legs, and used his hands to easily release the catch on his collar. And when he pulled it off, he stared at it and slowly, carefully crushed the thing into crumpled electronic parts.
Okay, that was impressive.
Laddin didn’t want to look into Bruce’s eyes, but he couldn’t avoid it either. He had to say how sorry he was, but Bruce found his voice first.
“I am going to fucking kill you.”
Chapter 4
BRUCE LEARNS EUPHEMISMS
RAGE.
It burned through Bruce’s body—not in a physical way, but the memory of agony was there. As was the certainty that he’d been betrayed. Pain and betrayal were inextricably linked in his mind, and he had no room in his rage to analyze it. All he had was a target—a man with slender shoulders, bright brown eyes, and dark hair that kept flopping into them.
“You did it! You turned back into yourself!” the guy crowed.
Bruce sat up, his lips curling. “I was always me,” he said, and his voice sounded weird to him. Deeper, hoarser, and with a rumble that moved like a wave through his cells, as if making a roll call. And every part responded, I’m here, awake, and pissed off.
“Okay, yeah, but you’re not a wolf anymore.” The guy’s mouth curved into a bright smile, and he threw up his hands in happiness. “Yay!”
Bruce narrowed his eyes. The man seemed to be stretching here, putting on a false cheer in the hope that Bruce would play along.
He didn’t. He rolled over to his knees, feeling his body settle into smooth motion. Arms, legs, torso—all seemed to vibrate with power despite the vivid memory of a fiery electric pain and the desperate minutes where he lay powerless in a twitching lump.
The guy moved with him, then hopped up onto his feet. Bouncy much? And though Bruce was feeling out his own body, he was still watching his environment, which was why he jolted in surprise. The man wore a T-shirt and nothing else. And since Bruce was still on the ground, he got an eyeful of the guy’s junk. It was thick, ruddy, and bobbed way too close to his face. Bruce had the urge to grab it and squeeze, but that wasn’t his style, so he surged to his feet instead.
Bruce towered over the smaller man as a way to establish control of the situation. Much easier to intimidate someone from a higher position. Only this guy didn’t freeze, and he sure as hell didn’t act intimidated.
